Chapter Two

Caroline

 

I spent the whole night curled up on the couch, crying and beating my fists against the material. It wasn’t fair; why was this happening to me? I tried to go through my apartment and make a list of everything I could sell. But I didn’t have a lot left, except for some DVDs and furniture that no one would pay for. I’d sold my TV last month to pay for concert tickets, and now I was kicking myself. The concert had been fun, but there was no way I was going to be able to scrape by now.

 

With tears in my eyes, I glanced around. Sure the apartment was a shithole, it was drafty in the winter and hot in the summer, but I loved it. This was my place. It was a place where I could be alone and be safe, and bring people home if I wanted to. It wasn’t like having a roommate and fighting about missing clothes. Or worse, drugs. Before I’d moved in here, I’d lived with my best friend, Elizabeth. She’d had a kid a couple of years ago, and that had been pretty awful. The second time her daughter, Amy, had skipped into my room with a silk thong, Elizabeth had kicked me out.

 

“It’s not that we can’t be friends anymore,” Elizabeth had said as she looked at the floor, “it’s just that we’re both in really different places right now, Caroline.”

 

Just hearing her words stung, and that had been over a year ago. It had taken months for our friendship to feel normal again. With a heavy heart, I realized that even if I went to her for help now, she probably wouldn’t say yes. She couldn’t say yes; there was likely nothing that she could do. I sighed and tried not to resent her. Elizabeth, my perfect friend, who somehow managed to come out on top, despite getting pregnant with no man. It was unbelievable how much our luck had shifted in the past couple of years. I thought back to my twenties, when I was convinced that turning thirty was the magic number.

 

News flash: It wasn’t.

 

The sun was starting to come up, and I was still on the futon, in my tight outfit from the night before. All of the nights tending bar blurred together after a while, but that blond guy from the night before was too cute to forget about it. Even if he totally overstepped his boundaries with Lucas. Shit, if I’d have known that I was going to get fired, I might have given him my number. Typical Caroline luck, I thought to myself. No wonder you’re falling head over tits right now.

 

Looking down, I adjusted my breasts in the uncomfortable corset. Suddenly, an idea sprang to mind. It probably wouldn’t work, but I had to give it a shot. With renewed enthusiasm, I chugged a cold mug of coffee and hopped in the shower. My stomach was turning from anxiety and the caffeine, and as I plunged my head under the water I tried to think about what I’d say. I had to beg for my job back. I hated begging, but it was the only thing I could possibly do. The wheels in my head started turning as I imagined myself in front of Eddie, looking desperate. It made me feel horrible inside, but I knew I had to look as hot as possible. After the shower, I toweled off and slid into a pair of jean shorts and a black fringe crop-top. The jeans were so tight that I could feel my labia being squeezed whenever I moved my legs. In the crop top, my breasts looked perky and large. It had a keyhole neckline, and as I inspected myself in the mirror, I tugged the shirt down so more of my cleavage would be visible. After an application of dark liner and red lipstick, I was ready to go.

 

I knew the bar wouldn’t be open yet; it wasn’t even seven in the morning. Taking a deep breath, I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out to my car. In the early sunlight in that slutty outfit, I felt like I was screaming for attention. Some of the blinds in the apartment building opened and closed when I looked over. Normally, on any other day, I’d feel self-conscious. But now I just felt desperate.

 

I’d never gone to The Silk Aria during the day, and I wasn’t surprised to see how dingy it looked from the outside. The dark green paint was starting to fleck off the windows, and it was eerily silent. Cars drove past and honked at me; I ducked my face down so no one would see me. When I was standing in front of the employee entrance, I steeled my nerves and knocked on the door.

 

At first, no one came. Then I heard a patter of footsteps. When the door swung open, I saw a skinny little girl with frizzy red hair. I frowned. “I’m looking for Eddie Blanco,” I said. “Do you know him?”

 

The little girl blushed and giggled. “That’s my daddy,” she said proudly. “He’s inside!”

 

“Can I talk to him?” I squatted down and felt the jean shorts practically crawl inside my ass. “I really need to speak with him, if that’s possible.”

 

The little girl bit her lip and washed her muddy-hazel eyes all over me. “Okay!” she cried cheerfully, stepping back and allowing me access into the dark hallway. As she led me towards the back, I frowned. I didn’t know that Eddie’d had a daughter.

 

“Daddy!” she cried. “This lady is here to talk to you. She looks important!”

 

I rolled my eyes. The kid couldn’t have been further from the truth. I heard Eddie say something under his breath and tell her to wait in his office. Soon, his footsteps pounded on the floor and he came over to me. He was wearing a plain t-shirt and a stained pair of chinos, and it smelled like paint; guiltily I wondered if there was something important I was taking him away from.

 

Eddie’s face darkened when he saw me. “Caroline,” he said in a chastising voice. “What’re you doing here?”

 

I felt a desperation in my belly as I stared at him and pleaded with my eyes. “Eddie, please, I need my job back,” I begged. “When I got home last night, there was an eviction notice on my door.”

 

Eddie frowned. “That’s a shitty deal, darlin’, but I told you, I can’t help you out. Times are tight around here. I’m doing my own contracting work this morning because I can’t even hire anyone else.”

 

Tears came to my eyes and I blinked them away. “Please,” I begged. “I’ll do anything. I’ll wash dishes! I’ll clean your house when you’re at work! I can help you paint today!”

 

Eddie eyed my costume up and down. Suddenly, I felt ridiculous for wearing something skimpy instead of something practical. “I can’t,” he said softly. “I’m real sorry, Caroline.”

 

I fell to my knees as the sobs started. “Please,” I begged. “Please, Eddie.”

 

He shook his head and turned away. “Caroline, you gotta get out of here,” he said in a deep voice. “I can’t help you, alright? Now scram, darlin’.”

 

Sobs washed over me as I kneeled on the floor. When I wiped my hand across my face, it came away black with mascara. Eddie’s footsteps retreated in the distance, and when I opened my eyes, I saw his daughter crouching in front of me.

 

“Here,” she whispered. “Does this help?” She held out a small fist clutching a couple of sweaty one-dollar bills. I shook my head and pushed her hand back towards her body.

 

“No,” I said. “You keep that. I can’t take it from you.”

 

“Okay,” she said more cheerfully than I would have expected. Getting to my feet, I rubbed my knees; after kneeling for only a few minutes, they were killing me. The pain I felt, just like everything else that day, seemed like I reminder that I was getting older and failing at life.

 

Taking a deep breath, I hauled myself off the floor. Sniffling, I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. My skin felt red and blotchy, and I shook my head. Well, I’d tried. Now there was nothing else to do but go home and figure out how to live in my car until I could get back on my feet. I’d made my car payment for the month, foolishly, before I’d paid rent, and I knew that I was good on it for at least thirty days. So that gave me some time, even if it wasn’t much.

 

As I was leaving, a familiar figure stepped in front of me. I thought it was Eddie, but when I looked up, I saw Lucas’s face peering down at me. My stomach fell; I was in no mood to deal with his shit today.

 

“Hi, Caroline,” he said with a grin. “Are you okay?”

 

I bit my lip and glared up at him. “Just fucking peachy,” I told him. “What do you want?”

 

Lucas looked down at me with a smug grin on his face. “I heard everything,” he said in a sing-song voice. “I heard you begging, Caroline,” he repeated. I watched as he reached forward and stuck in a finger in the keyhole of my top. My first instinct was to jerk back, but something told me not to.

 

“What do you want?” I repeated.

 

“Now, now, that’s no way to talk to someone who just wants to help,” Lucas said. “What if I told you that I have an idea? A way for you to make money, fast.”

 

My head spun as I imagined walking out onto a stage full of strippers. “What?”

 

Lucas’s look softened. “Caroline, I only want to help you,” he said. “Can’t you trust that?”

 

I shook my head. In past experiences, Lucas had always been a creep. The first night I worked there, I’d caught him spying on me in the bathroom when I was peeing. Ever since then, I shuddered whenever I passed him in the hallways. Diane told me that he’d gone to prison for rape in the past; when I looked it up, I couldn’t find anything, but her words never quite left my mind when he was around. “Sorry,” I said. “I don’t trust easily.”

 

Lucas’s smile warmed into a big grin, and I felt my stomach turn. He leaned back on his heels and licked his lips. I noticed that his chin was completely broken out in pimples and pustules and I shuddered, imagining it scraping against mine in a horrible kiss. “You should trust me, though,” he said. “I can help you. Don’t you want that, baby?” He stroked his fingers down my bare arm. “You must want it bad enough to dress like a Grade A hooker when begging for your job back.” He trailed his eyes down my body and let them linger on my breasts. “Your tits are lookin’ fine, too, baby.”

 

I rolled my eyes and swiped his hand away from my arm. “Fine,” I said. “Why? How can you help? What do I have to do?”

 

“I have a job for you,” Lucas informed me. “And it’s nothing sexual, I promise. Meet me tomorrow morning, and I’ll tell you all about it.” Before I could say anything, he pressed a slip of paper into my hand and walked away.

 

I stood there feeling numb. Under literally any other circumstance, I would have loved to tell him to go to hell. He was creepy, slimy, and seemed completely untrustworthy. But desperate times called for desperate measures, and I was feeling more desperate than ever before.

 

I unfolded the piece of paper. It had a phone number, address, and a date. Monday morning, ten thirty. So I’d have the weekend to myself to come up with something else. I resolved to do my best to find another job in the timespan that I’d been given. If that didn’t work, I’d meet Lucas. The address was on the other side of town, in an area that I barely knew anything about. It could be horrible. I could even be killed, for fuck’s sake.

 

Heading back to my car, I folded the paper and stuck it in my purse. I was a little more aware of my surroundings that I had been when I’d first left the house; being rejected by Eddie jilted me into reality. Shaking my head, I looked down at the paper again. I had no idea what Lucas could want, especially if he said it was nothing sexual. But knowing Lucas, it could be “strip off your clothes and let me lick your pussy” and he’d still try to defend himself and say that it wasn’t sexual. Thinking about Lucas made me shudder.

 

I could only hope that what he had in store for me wasn’t completely repulsive.