“SO, WHERE THE hell have you been?” Jace popped his gum across the table from me. I had a quick break, so I’d decided to meet him in the cafeteria. I hadn’t seen him in about a week—it was a new record.
“With Drew, fricken killing myself.” I scowled, but really, I was beginning to look forward to our training sessions. I could feel my body getting stronger, and it wasn’t such a struggle to pull myself out of bed in the morning these days, despite all of the random text messages from Damon. They always managed to knock the wind out of me until I could push away the anxiety and remind myself he was far away. But still, he seemed to be becoming more and more obsessive lately.
“You’re like a hottie magnet.” Jace fanned himself, bringing me back to the present. “Remind me to thank you for tying your ass to me eternally.”
“You’re welcome.” I smirked at my best friend. “Speaking of—you’ve been quiet on the boy-toy talk lately. What gives?”
Jace stiffened, his jovial behavior melting from his expression. “Nothing. Just haven’t been doing much. I’m in a slump.” Jace tipped so far back in his seat, the two front legs lifted from the floor. I followed his line of sight to a jock in a tight-ish pair of jeans meandering tables, books dangling from his side in his upturned hand.
“You don’t slump, you slant,” I stated in disbelief. I couldn’t believe those words were leaving my best friend’s mouth. “Exhibit A.” I motioned in a grand gesture.
“Huh?” Jace answered without truly acknowledging me.
I cleared my throat with a loud, “Ahem.”
He turned his head to me, still perpendicular, and then glanced the expanse of his tilted body before bouncing the legs back forward, laughing wholeheartedly.
“See? Slant.” I joined him in a belly laugh.
“God, I needed that.” Jace’s expression was one of pure relief, and I wondered what my best friend was keeping from me.
“You’re welcome.” I appraised him another moment. “Wanna talk about it?” I tiptoed around what was sure to be a heavy topic if it had him this troubled. Chewing his lip, he stared at me, unsure. I covered his hand. “Come on, love. It’s me.”
“There is somebody. A real somebody, I think.” Jace never lost his sullen expression, and I wondered why, when this was such fantastic news.
“Jace, that’s great. I’m so happy for you. Who is he? I want to know every—”
“He’s in the closet, Eva,” he replied quickly. “A big, fucking metal closet with locks and bolts and chains.”
“Oh.” I rested against my chair as it all sank in. “Oh, Jace, I’m so sorry.” His first chance at something real and it probably wouldn’t bear fruit. And even if he did stay with him, he would need to skulk around in quiet as if their love for each other was wrong. I squeezed his hand. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He looked at me matter-of-factly and stated, “Closet,” as if that explained it all.
I stroked the back of his hand, trying to soothe his ache and get him to open up. “Come on, Jace, when did secrets ever matter between us?”
“You’re right,” he sighed. “But this one hurts. I’m scared, love. And I don’t scare easy. I don’t even like admitting it. I’m trying not to think about it.” He shrugged. “But if he leaves . . . If he gives up on this . . .” His voice was replaced by a shudder that I was sure rocked him deeper than I could see. As flamboyant and full of himself as Jace might have appeared, I knew he had always had some deep-rooted acceptance issues.
“You’ll be just fine,” I assured him. “You’re Jace-fucking-Dayco, bitch. You bow to nothing and hold no prisoners. You know this.” He looked into my eyes, a film of hope seeming to wash away a fraction of the gloom I saw there.
“Besides,” I patted his hand and straightened, brightening my tone, “we’re not going to think that way. If you’re this serious about him, then I’m sure he loves you, too. He’ll see the light, and you’ll get your happily ever after.” The irony of those words were not lost on me. Regret of what might have been crashed into my chest like a wrecking ball. I swallowed a long, hard gulp and tried to seem unaffected and be strong for my best friend. I was sure everyone was sick of the constant pity-party that was my life.
Always in my head, Jace noticed. It was both a blessing and a curse. “Still stings, huh?”
I joined the tips of my fingers and picked at the skin surrounding my nails, dropping my gaze to their undone state. At one time they had always been manicured. And pink. Blake loved when they were pink.
I sucked in a breath and tossed the thought aside. “I’m sure it always will.” I stood. “Come on, walk me to class.”
Jace hooked an arm around my waist, and I rested my head on his chest as we walked. “Why don’t you go talk to him? There’s no sense in being alone, Eva.”
“He’s moved on, Jace.” The words were bitter and disgusting leaving my mouth, like day old coffee.
“I don’t think that’s true, love.” He softened. “I don’t think he’ll ever be over you.”
“I wish that were the case, but I saw it with my own eyes. I have to let him go. I need to give him a fighting chance at a normal life.”
He stopped walking and turned to me. “I just don’t buy it. I don’t care whose eyes saw it. You need to try.”
“Doesn’t matter. I won’t go back to him unless I’m sure I can completely fix myself. Be what he needs. He deserves that. And I know him. He won’t settle for less.”
“Yeah, but—”
“Topic change.” I flicked my wrist in the air, making it obvious this discussion was off the table.
Jace exhaled and snaked his arm around my waist again, moving me along. “So, you and Drew, huh?”
“Yeah, he’s been so helpful. I’m really glad I took him up on his offer. He’s an outsider but still feels like an insider. I can tell him this stuff without having to worry that anything will come of it. It’s been refreshing.”
“You sure he’s not looking for more than you’re giving him?”
I stopped walking.
Except for in the very beginning, before we really knew each other, Drew had never given me the impression he wanted anything more than friendship from me. Once he knew my past, it had been strictly business—training, and a regular friendship off the mats. It’s why I was so comfortable being around him. “I don’t think so. Drew and I are just friends.”
Jace raised a perfectly sculpted brow that I’d been jealous of since middle school. “All I’m saying is you guys have been spending an awful lot of time together. I’d make sure he doesn’t see a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow you’re shitting.”
My forehead tightened with the pull of my eyebrows. I never considered he might still be looking for more than I was willing to give him.