BLAKE
SHE LOOKED TERRIBLE.
Seeing her walk through those doors sent a wave crashing through me. I used to ride that wave on a high, but now I was being drowned by it. I couldn’t breathe as I continued the endless spirals beneath the water, trying with everything to swim to the surface. My lungs were heavy, collapsing, useless.
I tried to will her to look at me the whole class. I stared at every strand on her head, burning a hole in them, hoping she’d turn around even just once. See me. Want me. But she didn’t. And the need to be near her clawed at my skin.
Even with her head low and her hair hanging in her face, I could see how bad she looked. Pale and like she hadn’t eaten in days, maybe weeks. And through her thick coat, I could feel the boniness beneath my fingers. My broken angel. I didn’t know what she didn’t understand. Why she couldn’t trust me enough to let me in, to let me fix her.
I’d kept quiet tabs on her through Jace in the hopes she’d return to me one day . . .
If there was anything left of me when she did.
“Tell me,” I demand.
“I already told you, sugar. I won’t betray Eva’s secrets. She’ll tell you on her own. When she’s ready,” Jace whips back at me.
I shove a hand through my hair, ripping at the ends. “Listen, I did what she asked. I haven’t contacted her. But, how do you expect me to help her if I don’t know all the facts?” My tone is escalating, my patience dwindling.
Jace doesn’t flinch. “I’m helping her. The same way I always have.”
The cool assuredness in his voice boils my blood. How can he act so aloof when I’m dying over here? After everything Angel and I have been through, I’m being shunned. Thrown to a back burner like I’m not an important part of her life. From the moment I met her, everything in me told me to protect her. I don’t know how to sit idly by while she’s falling apart.
That’s it.
I straighten my spine. “Fine then. If you won’t tell me . . .” I dig deep, finding the words I’m sure will set off my girl’s best friend, “then I’m sure Abby will.”
Red splotches race up Jace’s throat, his eyes widening before narrowing at me. “Stay away from Abby.”
Good, I struck a nerve. I slowly turn to leave. “I’m sorry, I would love to. But I think it’s in Eva’s best interest if—”
“Don’t you dare!”
Jace grabs my wrist, yanking me back and on instinct, I swing, my fist landing on his tightened jaw. Thankfully, as unhinged as I am, something in me holds back so the blow to his face is only enough to stun him, but it still feels crappy. We’re on the same side. I shouldn’t be fighting with the one person who knows what I’m going through—what she is going through. He’s my only gateway to her, and I can’t afford to burn that bridge.
“Jace. I’m sorry, man.” I take one step forward, and he takes one step back. That makes me stop. His back straightens as he drops his hand, the glow of my mark becoming darker and darker.
Jace jabs me in the chest. “I’m going to let that slide . . . once,” he annunciates the last word. “I know this isn’t you and that’s the only reason you’re still standing. But even though I like it rough, if you hit me anywhere above my belt from this moment on, you will have no hand left. We on the same page?”
“Yes,” I concede. “I’m just—”
“I know what you are. And I told you I sympathize. But don’t push my buttons.” Jace steps in closer, crowding me. “And if you ever—ever—mention any of this to Eva’s family, I will hunt you down. Got me? That’s for her to do.”
I swallow hard, knowing I have to agree, but not happy about it. Without responding, I pull a card from my back pocket. I stare down at it and glide my thumb along the raised print. “Listen, I found a doctor. I did a lot of research, and she’s the best at what she does. I think Eva should talk to her. Do you think you can get her to go?”
Jace flicks his fingers at me, motioning for me to pass it to him. He examines it, before asking in a low voice. “You did this? After how she treated you?”
“I love her, man. And she needs help.”
Jace’s eyes mist as he stares at me, seeming to see more inside of me now that the anger is dissipating. He clears his throat. “I’ll make sure she goes.”
I relax with relief. “Thank you.” If I couldn’t help her, I hoped someone else could. “Please, keep me updated at least. Let me know how she’s doing.”
“I will.”
It was fucking killing me to stand along the sidelines and not know firsthand what was happening. To not hear her voice or feel her skin, comfort her when I knew she was falling apart. It was gutting me to not know what had happened to her, though inside I was sure I already did. How could I not? If I ever found out who the bastard was that took my angel, I’d end his life. Extinguish him, so help me God.
I’d give anything for her. Any-fucking-thing. But I couldn’t do this. I wouldn’t survive it. I loved her, and as much as it was killing me, it was driving me. She lived in me—still. And it fucking hurt. Her life in me felt like death. And maybe it would be the death of me.
Because I felt like I couldn’t fucking breathe.