“YOU HAVE TO work out your quads more. Chicken legs aren’t gonna cut it. I want twenty wall squats an hour, every hour you’re home for the next eternity.” Drew popped a plum tomato into his mouth and chewed, gripping a fork upside down in his fist. With all the grease in this pizzeria, I don’t know how he had the willpower to stick to salad.
“Shut up.” My eyebrows pulled in. “I do not have chicken legs. And, if I remember correctly, there was a time you coveted those chicken legs.” I stabbed a green olive off his plate and darted it into my mouth.
A smirk slid across Drew’s face, remembrance alight in his eyes. “That was never the part I wanted.”
I threw a piece of bread at him, and he ducked as he laughed.
“Besides.” He waved me off with a twirl of his fork. “That's a horse of a different color. This is coach-talk. I need you more fit.”
“Let me enjoy my lunch, you drill sergeant,” I quipped.
“Amateur.” Drew rolled his eyes and stuck a bite of salad into his mouth.
“Topic change. Can we hit the bag later? Since my breakthrough the other day, I’ve been dying to kick ass.” I began to sway from side to side. “I just wanna punch and bob and weave. I want to see veins in my teeth.” Life was beginning to spiral through me ever since I had broken apart while running with Drew. Between that and my time with Blake, I was feeling energized and new, determined to fix myself completely so we could finally be together. And I wanted to harness it every chance I got. Between classes, work, my doctor appointments, and my training sessions, I hadn’t gotten to see Blake again, but I felt a small piece of him inside in the spots that were usually empty.
“Easy, killer.” Drew laughed.
I chuckled, not remembering when I’d felt this alive. It was like I’d been walking around, covered in sandbags for years, and they’d all just melted off and dropped away. All I could focus on was striking back. And, in the end, I was going to get that fucker if it was the last thing I did.
The chair scraped beside me, and I jutted to the left just as a familiar, heavy arm coated my shoulders. Though I usually loved the feel of that arm, something about it was off as it wrapped me in tension rather than security. I gulped, heat slamming into my cheeks as my line of sight slid from Blake back to Drew. The same tension immediately wrapped around our small table like a rubber band, constricting. Although I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, my body couldn’t help its nervous reaction. Drew straightened, his eyes hardening as his hand, which was poised to place food into his mouth, fell to rest on the edge of the table.
I looked at Blake, surprised to see him here, but then I shrunk under the hard set of his jaw and the flare to his nostrils that he was trying to keep contained. In all the catching up we did the other day, we never did get around to talking about Drew. I instantly regretted it, not wanting him to get the wrong impression. Drew and I were only friends, and it would have made this situation a lot more comfortable if it wasn’t coming as a shock to him.
My line of sight swung back to Drew who dropped his fork and stood, his chest broadening before my eyes. “There’re only three people who are allowed to get that close to her. One is me, the other is gay, and you better pray I find out you’re the third.”
I rose to my feet quickly, as did Blake. Pushing one palm into his chest, I held the other out across the table in Drew’s direction, calming the over-protective beast. He had never met Blake, and for all he knew, this could have been Damon, so I didn’t blame him, but he didn’t need to come on so strong.
“Drew,” I warned. “This is Blake. Blake, this is Drew, and he’s a friend.” I tried to accentuate the word friend, even though I was sure the vein protruding from Blake’s neck wasn’t paying attention.
Drew’s shoulders relaxed marginally, although the rigidity in them still sat around the edges, tensing his jaw with a tight-lipped smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Drew wasn’t used to trusting people and it was obvious from the moment he first met someone that he was sizing them up and deciding whether or not he deemed them trustworthy. “Ah, the infamous. Hat’s off to you, bro.” I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or sarcastic.
“Eva, is there a reason why this clown is giving me permission to be near you?” Blake scowled at Drew, seeming as though he were standing on a bed of needles.
Their eyes never unlocked, the testosterone-infused air zapping between them like a live wire. They were both so important to me, but I’d never thought this part through. I wanted to talk to Blake privately, break him in softly to the idea that I had become so close to another guy in his absence. Reassure him that Drew could never take his place. My eyes skirted around, discerning if anyone was watching although the guys didn’t seem to be fazed by our audience. I was met by the wide eyes of a couple of teenagers at the table next to us whose eyes skirted away from mine as heat swelled in my cheeks.
Drew shook his head with a sarcastic laugh, his eyes downcast. “As much as I’d love to jump all over that statement, I care too much about her to do it.” His line of sight locked with Blake’s once again. “I’ll accept your apology for the name calling when you’re ready to offer it.” Drew rounded the table and held his arms open for a hug from me. “I’m gonna bounce. I’ll see you tonight.”
“See ya.” I stepped into him, and he wrapped his arms around me, lingering a few seconds longer than comfortable as he, no doubt, stared over my shoulder at Blake thanks to his jab. A pit solidified in my stomach, weighing it down with a hefty twist.
“Find your happy,” Drew whispered in my ear. When he finally pulled back, he placed a kiss on my cheek and cupped my face in his hands. “Take care of her,” he commanded Blake, still looking at me. I took a step back, and Blake's hands covered my shoulders once again.
“I always do,” Blake responded, but Drew was already walking away.
With a deep breath, I turned to face Blake. He was staring in the direction Drew had walked off in with a hard set to his jaw, although the boyish uncertainty swimming in the blue pools of his eyes gave away how nervous this all made him. “Wanna tell me who that was and what that was all about, Angel? Because I’m freaking the fuck out right now and praying there's a good explanation.”
I sighed. “He’s just a friend, Blake. I was only having lunch.”
“Why didn’t you mention him?” His eyes finally met mine, and the unspoken accusation I saw there stiffened my spine.
“I didn’t get to.” What is this? I understood that a lot happened between us, but the look on his face—the one telling me that he didn’t trust my word, my actions—it cut deep. I searched his eyes, looking for my easy-going mate to return, but he didn’t. After our time at Bertha the other day, I thought we were finally at a good starting point, but now I wasn’t so sure as Blake looked at me, harsh and unforgiving. I got that he was scared, unsure, upset even, but I had no intention of hiding my friendship with Drew and I hadn’t done anything wrong. “What is all this?”
“I don’t know, babe.” His sarcastic tone overrode the term of endearment. “You tell me. You cut me out of your life for months, and here I am thinking you’re having a hard time when you’re actually hanging out with some dude. You guys looked quite cozy if you ask me. That doesn’t happen overnight.”
Whoa. “Blake, it’s not like that.” I tried to make him see. “He’s a friend. I’m sorry I didn’t get to warn you, but there’s nothing going on between us.” I covered his forearm with my hand, trying to make him see my side of things.
Blake dropped his arm, and mine fell to my side. I gulped, recouping for a second before crossing my arms in front of my chest, anger beginning to take the place of the sympathy I was feeling. “What’s with the caveman attitude? Am I some piece of property now?” Frustration at the feeling of being controlled when I was finally starting to gain my independence angered me. “Why every male in my life thinks he owns me is beyond my comprehension.”
His edges softened, but a pained expression twisted his eyes, a defense mechanism kicking in. He held up his palms. “Hey, listen. Trust me, I’m quite aware of the fact that I don’t hold a claim over you,” he half-growled. “You’ve made that painfully obvious. But I was just wondering, for as much as you say that you love—” He cleared his throat. “Loved me,” he corrected, squaring his eyes, “why it is that I needed to promise you my first born to get the time of day out of you, and yet here you are, all giddy with some stranger not long after we’ve broken up? Kinda cheapens what we had, no?” His voice cracked on that last word, a small fracture in its sound as he fisted his hips, his eyebrows pulled so far into the center they created a ripple as he waited with hollow breath for my response.
I didn’t want him under the impression I could be controlled, but my intention wasn’t to push him away or make him feel insecure either.
“Don’t go there, Blake. Nothing will ever cheapen what we have, and you know it.” I softened my voice, sympathy creeping back in to cover the bits of anger I was feeling. “Drew and I have never been anything more than friends. He’s had a rough life, too, so we’ve been able to connect. He teaches self-defense, and he’s been training me. That’s why we’ve gotten close. But he would never take your place. No one could.” I waited, letting that sink in. “I’ll talk to him and tell him to lighten up with you, too, but you can't go getting all territorial with me. I don’t want to feel controlled anymore.”
I didn’t know where that had come from, but as the words passed my lips, they tasted good. I’d never realized how free I was beginning to feel and I didn’t want to lose that. If Blake was going to be with me, he was going to be with me as an individual. I didn’t want to be dependent on anything anymore. Not even him.
Blake’s shoulders sagged. “I wasn’t trying to control you, Angel. You know me better than that. At least I thought you did.” He paused, his face squishing in to mirror pain.
“I know that. But the way you just got all possessive and stuff, I didn’t like how it felt. I want to be my own person, stand on my own two feet. You can understand that, can’t you?” I implored, needing him to see me as an individual as well as a half to our whole.
Blake rushed a hand through his hair. “Yes. No. I just . . .” His breath left him on a defeated puff as he shook his head. “I feel like I don’t even know you anymore. You’re so distant, and you’ve pushed me so far out of your life. It makes me wonder if what we had was just a figment of my imagination.” A light dawned in his eyes then, his features smoothing in recognition as the interrogation fled his face. He put his hands in his pockets, and his eyes drifted away to a far off place while a sarcastic little laugh fell from his mouth. I faintly registered him whispering the word “unicorn” before he looked back to me, his voice sturdier. “I always knew that was fitting.” His blue eyes met mine, and the coolness I saw there soaked with regret terrified me. A gate was coming down in front of him, I knew it all too well. Don’t lose him.
“Blake—”
He straightened, strength bulking up his stature as an emotionless expression sat on his face. “Don’t. I’ll get out of your hair. You’re right, it was stupid of me to barge back into your life when I don’t belong there anymore.” When he went to turn away, I put my hand on his forearm.
“Blake, stop . . .”
He paused and glanced down at my hand, hurt crackling amidst the icy blue of his eyes showing how his air was strangled as his tongue slipped over his teeth behind his lip. His face pinched in pain. “Does he know?” The words floated on a broken whisper.
Another crack to my heart.
His gaze lifted to meet mine, a twinkling of moisture speaking for itself behind the question lying there. “Does he know everything?”
I swallowed hard. I knew I had my reasons for telling Drew the whole story, and I knew my reasons for withholding it from Blake were just as valid. But when faced with the hurt in that one tiny question, I was second-guessing the whole thing, scared of what the prospect of him knowing would do to him. To us. But I didn’t want any lies between us. I deflated, my insides already feeling what was coming, the disconnect, the hurt. “Yeah. He does.”
“Humph.” The weight of his breath left through another sarcastic smile. He shook his head, glancing down.
“Blake . . .” I wanted to coax him into seeing reason but my hand dropped to my side as he began to walk away. No.
He stopped, only partially facing me. “Did it ever cross your mind that I could’ve been that for you?” His eyes cut to mine. Betrayal and disappointment were all I could find there. “I could’ve been whatever you needed me to be. Your help. Your trainer. Your anything. You never even considered it, did you? Never had the faith that I would find a way.”
I sagged. “You know I couldn’t do that. It’s complicated.” Although I wanted him to understand my reasoning, I could understand why he didn’t. He didn’t know the reasons why we had to stay apart all that time. Why I couldn’t share with him the name of the person who had hurt me. He didn’t know that it was all for him.
“You’re right, it is. And I don’t have the head for it anymore.” He placed a soft, lingering kiss on my cheek, the warmth of his lips contradicting the chill that ran through me. An overwhelming sense of finality rested there in their wake. He pulled back to look at me one final time. “Thanks, Angel.” He swallowed, collecting himself before his eyes slid back to mine. “You just made this a lot easier.” He turned his back and left me here, staring into his vacated air.