I FELT AN internal shift.
Like the prickling of a new fire, the tiny sparks crackling along the dried out earth, looking for each other amongst the wild so they could join and expand into a full-blown flame. Those baby moments where something is born. I wasn’t sure what it was yet, but it felt good. It was like a jolt of life trickling in. The feel of Blake’s warm palm against mine, our fingers interlocked, the security in his grasp, only added their own set of new sparks, drifting from the tracks of his lifelines directly into mine.
He led me through the house, the music becoming louder, thicker, more intense with every step—his smile widening with each movement forward. When we rounded the corner, the crowd of people was still dense, though slightly less than before. It had to be well past midnight by now, but the party showed no signs of stopping.
Jessie, Sandra, and Jeremy were dancing in the center of the room, drinks in hand. As soon as we reached them, Jessie threw her arms around my neck. “Where have you been?” she slurred. “This is the best. Party. Eveeeer!”
I laughed, jostling from her clumsiness while peeking into her cup. “Whatcha drinking there?”
“Cream soda,” she stated blandly, contradicting the sparkle in her eye.
“What kind of cream soda?” I pushed.
Jessie shrugged, poking the straw between her teeth. “An adult kind.”
“Ingredients?” I added.
“Ginger ale.” She sucked.
I watched the beige liquid travel up the clear center until it was in her mouth. “And . . .”
“There might be a Remy in there.” She winked. “Or a Jack. Or a Jameson. I forgot his name.” She giggled.
“Just don’t get sick, okay?” I chuckled at her cuteness. “I’ve got my hands full tonight.”
“Aye-Aye, Captain.” Jessie saluted. “Hey, that’s his name. I remember!” She giggled again and sucked in another sip.
I scanned the crowd. “Have you seen Eric around? Abby?”
“Eric split a while ago looking pissed.” She widened her eyes and made a grand gesture with her hands, exaggerating her story. “He popped the tab of a fresh beer and left, and I haven’t seen him since.” She craned her neck, searching the room. “I thought I saw Abby not that long ago. She’s . . . yeah, there she is.” She nudged her chin toward the far edge of the room. Damon had his back to the wall, sucking down a drink in one hand while the other rested at the base of Abby’s spine, bordering her ass as she swayed against him.
“Dance with us!” Sandra exclaimed, her hand still laced behind Jeremy’s neck as she leaned over to grab my arm. I looked at Abby and Damon once again just as she placed a kiss on the side of his neck. I turned with a cringe, not wanting to witness any more of their make-up session.
I started to slow bop with my head, easing into it as Blake leaned into my ear. “Be right back. I’m gonna grab us some drinks.”
Jessie scooped up one of my hands, commencing the familiar ‘girl-dance’—arms locked and raised above our heads, bodies swaying, hands rocking side to side. Both of us wore similar euphoric smiles as I allowed the music in. It always electrified and calmed me, even the deepest of beats, parading happy endorphins through me and spicing up any bland that I had with its immediate high. A beast inside stirred, awakening—a fierceness dancing on each beat—and I closed my eyes, absorbing the rhythm.
Smiling so wide my cheeks ached, I swayed, not caring about anything but enjoying this. Letting all my worries of Damon, Abby, anything melt into the next verse, smashing it away with each rock of my hips.
A school bell rang, then a clapping beat took over the sound system, and I immediately recognized Zara Larrson’s Ain’t My Fault. I jumped up and down. “I love this song!”
And when Zara’s cute little giggle rang out, excitement rushed through me. In a bopping, rocking swagger, my hips started moving, my shoulders ticking in time to the beat.
Familiar fingertips ran the length of my back, a firm abdomen riding a path until it was pressed flush against me. Blake’s cologne coiled around me as his hand traveled the column of my throat, his heated touch taking my jaw to tip my head back to his shoulder. He rocked with me, a prickling heat set loose throughout my body at the possessive yet adoring way he always held me. His thumb landed on my parted lips, resting his taste there, then dragged down to hook my chin, opening my mouth before trickling a warm liquid into it.
I sucked it down, loving the tingles it added, feeling its zing of playfulness. His heat engulfed me, his thin, warm shirt pressed against my partially bare back, exciting me. I whirled around, wanting to enjoy this moment like two regular young people in love. Wanting him to know he was it for me and how fucking hot he was. My hands landed on his pecs, the hardness beneath them fueling me as my eyes found his. The intensity they held was stronger than I’d ever seen and I knew he was feeling it, too. The finality of the bullshit. The pull of us and the ‘fuck-the-world’ attitude that was crawling up me so fast I could barely contain it.
Though our bodies kept their calculated movement, our eyes were locked on one another’s. We moved in tandem—fun, playful, seductive. Bodies crouched, I sang in his face, and he sang back in mine, his dimple in full bloom—up and down, back and forth, together.
When the chorus began, I sang straight at him, telling him how irresistible he was, that I couldn’t be responsible for what I did to him. With the clap of the beat of the chorus, I began jumping up and down. Arms in the air, I had fun with it until I came down off the beat. He slid his leg between mine, bucking his hips. He read me, rocking with me, dancing across each exciting note.
The show kept on, people gathering to watch, but we were immune to the stares and screams around us. My hands roamed his body, riding his dips and sways. Singing to him about how good he looked, I flicked his collar, my touch dragging over his broad shoulders, his dimple broadening in response. Blake shivered as my hands roamed lower, grazing every bump of his abdomen before hooking into the top of his jeans and yanking his pelvis toward me so that his body was flush with mine. I danced my fingers back up until the smooth skin of his face was beneath them. I combed them through his hair, then moved them to clasp his hands within my own just as the next chorus began.
In a bold move, I directed his hands along the curves of my body, bordering indecent as I hung my head back and swayed my hips. I dragged his hands along every bend in my body, past the round mounds of my breasts to the hourglass of my torso. Blake’s eyes followed his hands, wide and hungry, fueling me further until I laid them to rest on my ass while she sang about them going where my eyes couldn’t see. His head dropped to the crook of my neck, his teeth digging in to place a love bite there, and I wrapped my arms around his head, swaying as one body.
When I opened my eyes, they locked on Damon’s disturbed stare. Abby still swayed in front of him, playfully trying to dance, but he was looking past her, over her head, straight at me. Instead of the fright that usually came, though, I merely laughed mockingly and mouthed in time to the music, shrugging my shoulder. “It ain’t my fault.” And a heated blaze seemed to shoot from his flared nostrils. Not far from where he stood, I excited at the smirk on Drew’s face as he watched me. I sent him a wink, hoping to keep him calm and reassured I would be okay.
As the song drew out in slower time, I lost myself in Blake again, in the moment, in the sway, the rhythm, the love, the strength. A knowing glitter danced in Blake’s eyes, and he intentionally scrunched up his nose, a movement he had mastered that was so incredibly hot, I had told him as much on our first date. Excitement rushed through my veins not having seen it in such a long time, knowing without a doubt that we were back. Before I knew it, I was off my feet, and Blake had me in the air, his hands under my arms as he held me suspended above him. I looked down into the most adoring, most loving set of eyes I’d ever seen, and I had never felt so cherished, so truly loved as he circled, holding me. In a quicker spin, my legs swung out, and I threw my head back with a laugh, love swirling through me as he lowered me back to the floor.
As if he couldn’t wait any longer to taste me, his tongue pushed between my lips, the vibrations of me singing into his mouth as we picked the pace back up. We ended the song playfully—breaking apart to brush our shoulders, bopping circling each other. I ignored the heat searing into the side of my head from across the room. I knew what I just did. It was all done on purpose.
Blake grabbed me tightly around my waist, pulling me in to kiss me deeply, claiming me, loving how open and free we were with each other now. I returned his kiss, letting the rest of the world melt away. This was how I would live my life now. Free from fear. Free to love and be loved. Free of him.
When Blake rested his head back in the crook of my neck to suckle the warm skin there, I allowed my eyes to drift to Damon in a final farewell. A final send off.
Though my mouth didn’t move, my eyes spoke volumes.
Fuck. You.