BLAKE
I APPROACHED BERTHA slowly. She seemed to bristle when she saw me, most likely feeding off my energy. This whole encounter had me pretty uptight, not knowing what the end of the line would mean for us.
Though I had come here with Angel that one day, I hadn’t visited Bertha regularly in a while. It was too painful. I had tried once, but all I kept picturing was Eva crumpled under the tree, broken and weeping, and I couldn’t bear it.
I didn’t know what had made me bring her here that other day. Hope that things would turn around, maybe? That we would both find comfort? Whatever my reason, it had worked momentarily. But our wounds were so deep, the cuts spreading venom like a bacteria. A part of me did pray we would find the antidote. That we would be able to somehow bury all the hurt and pain.
From the corner of my periphery, I spotted a large envelope at Bertha’s feet, but I chose to ignore it for now. First, I needed to make amends with another special lady.
I stood beneath her and shoved my hands in my pockets, rocking back on my heels. A gust of wind blew one of her long branches in from the side to swish across my face. I chuckled and cocked my head to the side, staring up at her. I deserved that.
“Hi, Bertha.”
No response.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been here, but it was just too painful. I lost my heart here and, in a way, a piece of me died along with it. You know I love you, though, right?”
Just then, her energy seemed to burst outward in a ring, the breeze seeming to pass through her branches in a soft trickle, and a sense of calm washed over me.
I was forgiven.
“Thank you.”
We stared at each other in a comfortable silence, and I finally felt peace. Like I had returned home. It had been bothering me that I hadn’t been able to be here. As painful as it was, I was thankful Angel had brought me back. No matter what happened with us, I’d have to thank her for that.
I nodded toward the envelope. “That for me?” I bit down on my jaw with a tick in her silence. “Right.” Then I bent to one knee. I paused and squinted up at Bertha with a playful smirk, trying to lighten the mood. “Hold me?”
I picked up the envelope, which had another forget-me-not taped to the corner, and moved to sit with my back against Bertha. There was some kind of hard object in this one, which piqued my curiosity. I shook it, trying to decipher what was waiting for me like a kid who’d found his present the night before Christmas.
Unable to wait any longer, I tore it open and let the contents fall into my palm. As before, I held two puzzle pieces. The front had another indecipherable picture and the back, a few words. Confusion found me at the last item though—an iPod.
When I’d found out about Angel’s night terrors, I’d given her an iPod, downloaded with a bunch of songs to help her think of me, hoping it would make her feel better when I wasn’t there to do it. I wondered briefly if this was the same one.
I closed my fist around the mechanism and reached inside the envelope to find my note. The picture I’d taken of us watching the sunrise from the roof of the hotel of our first date was clipped to the top. I’d forgotten how beautiful she’d looked that day with the soft light of the breaking of dawn playing on her flushed, recently sexed features. I’d been so nervous, I hadn’t slept a wink, scared I would wake up to find she’d changed her mind. When I couldn’t find one trace of doubt on her face, my heart had swelled even more, knowing she really was mine. That she’d finally given herself to me.
I rubbed my thumb along that image of the beginning of us, remembering how I’d felt, the completeness. I had been certain we’d never be apart again. My soul had felt fulfilled. I’d finally found my purpose. Found my girl. The one I’d take care of forever.
Her longest note yet was attached.
Blake–
As this adventure winds down, I hope I’ve done for you what you would’ve done for me had I “forgotten” us. Words can’t express how sorry I am that I let you down. When I should have let you in and leaned on you for support, I allowed my own doubts and insecurities to get the better of me, and I made the biggest mistake of my life. I locked you out. At least, I tried to. But I soon found out it wasn’t possible. Because you live inside of me. With every beat of my heart and pump of blood through my veins, I live and breathe you. This is not an easy admission. Where I was used to isolating myself from everyone, imagine my surprise to find you were rooted so deep inside of me that I could no longer survive on my own. But I wasn’t ready to be who I needed to be yet both for you and for me. I needed to be stronger. To know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would never, ever hurt you again. I’ve spent the last few months working myself over both inside and out, and I can finally say I’m ready.
I’m strong, and my mind is clear. And I want you, Blake. For good. So I’m asking—no, I’m begging—for you to be with me.
Be my forever.
You asked me once to live you, not realizing that I already was—so much that I couldn’t live without you. None of my pieces make sense without you, and I’m asking you to put me back together. Make me whole. I know how hard it’ll be for you to trust me with your heart again, but I promise I’m in this to stay. I’m waiting for you where we took this picture, thinking we were starting our forever. If you’ll have me, come and get me so we can get our second chance.
All my love,
Angel
P.S. This is the iPod you gave me. I’ve loaded it with songs letting you know how I feel about you. The ones you originally downloaded are at the end of it to remind you of how you feel about me.
Sucking in a breath, I rested my head against Bertha and looked up at her. “What do I do?” I banged my head once, twice, three times. “Give. Me. A. Sign.” I banged one last time before my head came to rest on her trunk. A gust of wind rustled her leaves before a long strand fell like a beautifully decorated rope, landing beside the puzzle pieces Angel had left me.
I looked up to Bertha just as another long lock fell, this one landing softly on the iPod.
“Show off,” I mumbled.