PFFT.
The sound of my padded fist meeting muscled flesh thumped the air, the whoosh of my breath pushing in and out of my mouth, coiling around it in an intricate rhythm.
“Harder,” Drew prompted, dancing around me.
One—Two
I jabbed, my knuckles connecting with his ribs.
“Faster.” On the balls of his feet, his movements were light as air. He was like the Fred Astaire of the ring.
One—Two—Three
I increased the frequency with each punch, which used to kill my wrists, but even they seemed to be getting stronger.
“Harder, Sunshine. Make me feel it!” Drew shoved my shoulders, and I stumbled back. He banged his gloves together and came back at me with a determined stalk.
I sized up each of his steps, trying to foresee his next line of action, but he wasn’t showing any tells.
Pfft.
He landed a quick jab to my side, and I collapsed inward to protect it.
“You’re off your game. Pay attention to every move I make.” He shoved my shoulders again, and I stumbled back a few more feet as he advanced, not waiting for me to find my bearings. My encounter with Blake must have been distracting me. I hadn’t been this clouded in the ring since Drew and I began working together. But ever since Blake had walked away from me, he was all I could think about even when I didn’t realize I was. I pulled myself back into the now, trying my best to calculate Drew’s steps—right, left, right, hitch to the left with a crouch.
Duck—Block
I knew the right fist would be coming that time.
One. Block left.
Two. Slide right.
Breathe.
Uppercut. My fist connected with his jaw, sending his head flying back.
He recovered quickly. “Again.”
Masochist.
One—Two. Block. Block.
His flow was gaining speed.
One—Two—Three. Duck, swerve, sidestep.
Punch back.
I hopped from foot to foot, dancing on the balls of my feet as my ponytail swayed behind me. My entire body was slick with moisture as sweat dripped between my shoulder blades and breasts.
Unlike in the beginning, my stamina nearly mirrored Drew’s now. He was turning me into a machine.
He flurried his shots. I bobbed and weaved, managing to escape most, coiling in from the few that I’d miscalculated. I’d been trained to keep going, despite the burn, numb to the ache. There was a way of turning off your brain to the pain. Convincing your body it hadn’t felt anything when everything inside of you felt as though it were fighting a fire.
I retaliated.
One—Two—Three—Four.
Drew had a hard time blocking, and I lunged, seizing my opportunity. I moved on to my next blow, immediately after landing my last, barely giving him a second to recover. He recoiled, and I advanced, driving him backward, and I saw his eyes spark. He loved it when I came into myself and went into attack mode.
My top lip curled back over my teeth, exposing my grit. Breathe.
In quick succession, I landed blow after blow. Drew’s gloves were raised high, protecting his face as his elbows stayed tucked tight to his body. He jostled left to right, taking each blow before barreling at me and wrapping his gigantic arms around me, locking my hands at my sides. I squealed and rocked, trying with everything in me to get him to loosen his hold, but his strength was incredible. He squeezed like an anaconda, and I felt my head becoming dizzy with the lack of oxygen. A black and white static crawled into my field of vision from outside points, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I collapsed.
Knowing Drew’s first rule was “there are no rules,” survival instinct kicked in, and I brought my knee up, connecting with his precious jewels. He expelled a pained sound, but never loosened his grip. The man had the most insane willpower I’d ever seen. We tumbled to the ground, bouncing off the mat in a heap, winded and sweating, gasping and swallowing hard. I lay on my back, Drew still wrapped securely around me, neither one of us able to catch a breath.
Air pulled and pushed through the wide part of his lips as his chest pressed into mine with each exhale. Something in him shifted suddenly. The hard pull of his eyebrows slackened through each of his pants as his eyes concentrated, like he was trying to look into me, showing me so much of his unspoken troubles.
“You okay?” I immediately felt bad for not being the friend that he had been to me.
Drew’s face sobered, but he didn’t answer.
“Want to talk about it?” Our breaths were settling, slowing.
He rolled off of me. And rested his forearm on his bent knee, talking down toward his leg. “You never did give us a chance. Why?”
His question knocked into me, startling my anxiety. I sat up. “Drew—”
He peeked over at me. “Before you go getting all ‘we’re just friends’ it’s not like that. We are just friends now, and I love you like a sister, that’s all. It’s just . . .” he sighed and I could tell whatever was troubling him was something he was ashamed of. Something he didn’t want to say out loud. “Is there something wrong with me?” The pinch between his eyebrows, the insecurity behind his eyes, broke my heart. How could he ever think that?
“Wrong with you? No. Why would you even say that?”
“I’ve never had a real girlfriend, Eva. Never had a steady anything and it’s not for lack of trying. What am I doing wrong? Am I that tainted? Do I scream psycho-problem-child or something?” He tripped over that last statement and looked away, his cheeks reddening.
“Stop that right now. You are so amazing, do you hear me? Any girl would be more than lucky to have you.” I slid my hand onto his arm and tugged, forcing him to look back to me. “Pay attention to me. I’m serious. This is not a speech.”
“So what is it then? Why does everyone just brush me off?”
As I grazed my thumb along his forearm trying to soothe him, my finger glided over a rough patch of skin, calling my eyes to the discolored circle that I had noticed when we’d first had coffee. It reminded me that his concerns were even more deep-rooted than he was saying. “Maybe because they’re not the right someone.”
Drew rolled his eyes. “You couldn’t come up with something a little less generic?”
He finally relaxed a bit, so I decided to lighten the mood. “Well, maybe they’re intimidated by all this.” I wagged my finger around the expanse of his body, finally coaxing a smile from him. When I could see the tension leave his shoulders, I continued. “You’ll find your happily ever after. Your girl is out there waiting for you somewhere, trust me. There’s someone for everyone.” I tried to remain positive, but my mind drifted to Blake, and my heart broke open in my chest.
“And you?”
My eyes locked with his as my heart stilled. “I’m a bit of a tougher scenario.” I gulped, laying my cards out there. “I found mine. And then I let him go.” The corner of my mouth puckered.
“Tell me about it?”
I dragged in some courage. “When Damon attacked me that last time, I couldn’t live with myself. I broke in every sense and didn't want to take him along for the ride, so I walked away. But my heart . . .” My breathing skidded to a stop. “My heart will always be his. It’s not mine to give away any more,” I whispered, lowering my gaze. It was so painful to think of Blake . . . I tried to do it as little as possible. And after the way we had left things the other day, I couldn’t stomach the thought.
Drew placed a finger beneath my chin and lifted, forcing me to focus on him. He smirked, the sadness showing through the mask of his smile. “Maybe after all this, there’ll be a second chance for you two.”
Remember in life there are second chances. Blake’s forget me not.
“I . . .” My voice cracked as emotion bubbled up my throat at the prospect of the truth in what I was about to say. “I think it’s too late, Drew.” The dam finally burst, and I put my head in my hands and wept. Wept for a lost time, for futures that weren’t possible, and for the loss of the love of a lifetime. Drew held me, masking his own pain as I crumbled yet again. As much as I knew that I needed to get strong, to be the woman that Blake needed if he ever took me back, to face my nightmares head-on, it didn’t help the fact that this was so fucking hard. No matter how strong I became, this was breaking me.
Another chisel to my façade.
Another Band-Aid to one more gaping wound.