Chapter 30
Ella
That next morning, I woke up with Taryn already there for me. She had known I was going to tell Will the night before, and she had seen me come back enraged and shut myself in my room. When I walked into the kitchen, a pot of decaf and a plate of bacon and eggs for the two of us was waiting for me.
“You are, like, the world’s greatest sister,” I said, sitting down at the table. “Really, I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Be hungry and crabby,” she joked. “So, tell me what happened.”
I took a deep breath and launched into the story, telling her about me opening up to him, how everything was going so great, and then how I told him. I shook my head as I continued into the worse half of the story and ended it with me stomping away and slamming the door. I picked up my cup of coffee and took a sip, feeling like I was right back there in the living room with him.
“I just can’t believe it,” I said. “I mean, I can’t believe he would ask me if the child was his or someone else’s.”
“Maybe he didn’t actually think that,” she said, trying to calm me down. “Maybe he was in so much shock that he just word vomited all over himself. From what you’ve told me, he doesn’t seem to be very good with words.”
“Or maybe he really thinks I’m some young whore,” I said. “I mean, when you care about someone, you don’t usually have those thoughts.”
“Look, I know I haven’t had any really serious relationships, so that makes me a novice in the area of dating advice, and I don’t know a lot about love, but I do know you,” she said. “I can tell you that I’ve seen how you are with Will, and every time you were with him, especially at the beginning of all this, you were happier than any other time in recent memory.”
“Ugh,” I said, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. “Why does this have to be so confusing? This was not what I had planned out in my mind. I had planned to be happily married, successful, well-traveled, and living in my dream house before I got pregnant. I imagined being excited to tell my husband that we were pregnant and having him smile with pride and joy, not ask me if it was another man’s. I mean, I really do want to be with Will. The man isn’t the issue. he way this man has been for the last year is the issue. He is hot and then cold, and then hot and then cold, and then somewhere way off the charts where he is in macholand, thinking he can just have me whenever he wants. I mean, there is a serious part of me that wonders if he acted that way and asked that question because he’s really just looking for a reason to run. The look on his face was one of absolute terror and mortiifcation, not of support and care like it should have been.”
“Right, but remember, you just told him he was going to be a father again,” Taryn pointed out.
“I know,” I said, looking down at my plate. “I’m trying to remember that, but it’s hard when he has never given me much hope at all that he ever planned on being there for me, much less for a baby. I guess I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up or even thought that the response would be anything other than what it was. I did this to myself really.”
“Well, I don’t know if I would say that.” Taryn giggled. “That would be kind of difficult, unless there is something I don’t know about you.”
“Very funny,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You know what I meant.”
“I really think you should take a deep breath and just give it some time,” she said. “A lot has happened in the last twenty-four hours. And remember, you’ve had two months to process all of this. He had five minutes. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of time to really work things out in your head, to process and see it from all angles. I’m almost positive that when he really thinks about the fact that he is going to have another child, he will come around.”
“I hope so.” I sighed. “I just know that for the last year, he and I have been going around and round, stuck in the same loop of anger and passion with no end or escape in sight.”
“True,” Taryn said. “But you and Dad have been stuck in the same loop of father-daughter angst for the last five years. You had gotten to the point where you were barely speaking, and you were headed for possibly not even talking. Everything got better, though, in the blink of an eye. Dad is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met, kind of like you but worse. Still, he was the one who came to you and mended that broken bridge.”
“True,” I said, shaking my head and thinking about Dad.
“Life is always changing,” she said. “I mean, think about how differently everything always turns out than you plan. Sometimes things change drastically from one hour to the next. I mean, just two days ago we were sitting here talking about you being pregnant and how stressful life was, and then bam, with one phone call all of that fell away and we were racing for the hospital. I’m just saying, be patient. Give him time. He may come around just like Dad did.”
“That could be true,” I said, smirking. “Though I’m pretty sure Will isn’t going to have a heart attack and then magically recognize the error of his ways.”
“Well, that’s true, but sometimes it doesn’t take something that drastic to jolt somebody back into reality. Unfortunately, our father is so stubborn and stuck in his ways that it took something completely terrible and life-altering to make him see the light. You are so wonderful that, hopefully, just the thought of losing you and that baby is enough to shake some sense into Will. I mean, he isn’t a stupid man. He just needs to get out of that haze he has been living in for the last however many years.”
“You know, I really do hope that this is enough to shake him out of it,” I said. “If it is, then I know his feelings for me run much deeper than I suspect. If not, then I’ll know the whole truth about the matter.”
“Well, the good thing about telling him everything is that you have now put the ball in his court,” she said. “It’s no longer a game of cat and mouse. You know where you are going. It’s now up to him to decide whether he will follow you or get left behind in the dust. You’ve done everything you can do to try to get him to be in this baby’s life. You should have no regrets when it comes to that. You can’t control what will happen in the end.”
I really did wonder what he would do with all of this information. Will’s mind worked in such a different and strange way, and I was curious to know how he would sort through everything, find his emotions, find his love, and make the decision that needed to be made. Would it be easy for him to walk away? Or would it be an easy choice for him to stay and be part of my life and the baby’s? Ultimately, this was going to tell me once and for all how he really felt about me.
“What have you thought about when you plan on telling our parents? I mean, maybe not Dad right now—you don’t want to give him another heart attack—but definitely Mom. She deserves to know about what is going on in your life. I know that your first thought is how to protect Mom and Dad, but this is going to affect everyone, and you are going to need them for support.”
“I don’t know,” I said, taking a deep breath.
“I know things have been crazy, and I know that as teens our parents often fell short in the supportive category, but Mom has always been there for the big things,” Taryn said. “This is definitely one of the big things. You know she will be supportive, caring, and do anything she can to help you out in this situation. No, this isn’t ideal for you, but it is what it is and the best thing to do from here is to greet that baby with as much love as you possibly can, and you know Mom will be there, front row, to give love to a baby.”
“Yes, I know she will,” I said. “She has always been there when it really mattered.”
“I guess what I’m really trying to say is that, regardless of what Will decides, you are not alone, and you never will be,” she said, taking my hands. “This is exciting in a way. A new member of our family, and I couldn’t imagine anyone being a better mother than you. I’m pretty sure you were born to be a mom, just like you were born to be a teacher and an amazing big sister.”
“Thank you,” I said, smiling and squeezing her hand. “As far as telling Mom, I think I want to get my own emotional situation stable before I add any more confusion to the mix. No matter how happy and supportive Mom is, this is going to be a huge surprise for her, and I want to be emotionally prepared for any reaction she has. I did not make sure I had that in check when I went to Will, and I can’t go through that again.”
“I understand,” Taryn said. “Just know that no matter what, I will always be there to support you and spoil the hell out of my little niece or nephew. I am going to be the aunt of the century, just watch.”
“And I thought you didn’t like kids,” I said, grinning.
“Yeah, well, when they share my DNA, it’s a little different.”
“Thank you, Taryn,” I said. Tears pulled at my eyes. “Thank you for always being so amazing to me and for always sticking by me, even when I am in crazy, hormonal pregnancy mode. You are the definition of a best friend, and on top of that, I can call you my sister. I hope that as we go through life, I can be there for you just like you have been for me. Though I hope you don’t have to face some of the challenges I have inflicted on myself.”
“Oh, no.” She laughed. “I learn from your mistakes. At this point, I’m pretty much golden.”
We sat there talking about everything for the next couple hours. I was feeling a little better after talking with Taryn. I was starting to think about the future instead of just the here and now. I wondered what it was going to be like to be a single mom, knowing that with my degree and education, I wouldn’t have a problem supporting us at all. Still, there was more to it than just money, and the fact that Will most likely wouldn’t be there made me a bit scared for the first time since I had found out.