Chapter 19
Madison
It had been an extremely long week here at the gallery, and it was only Thursday. I took in a deep breath and ran my hands over my face. I had managed to get the fliers back from the printers, mailed out, and circulated in just a couple of days. I had also managed to get the phone and email invitations completely done. Just as I suspected, the rich people were more than happy to come to the gallery owner’s showing, making them feel important for knowing a “talented” artist and owner of a gallery.
When I showed Lee the initial definite head count, along with the possible max headcount, I could see that I had finally done something right, though, of course, he never actually said that. As far as Zach was concerned, I had been texting him but had been too busy to actually see him, and that made me sad. Leave it to fate that I would finally give up my virginity, fall for a man, and then, poof, not get to actually spend any time with him because my psycho boss had me working twelve-hour days. I didn’t want to complain since I was making hourly and could use the extra money, but damn, I was tired.
I sat up in my chair as I heard Lee’s door swing open. I pulled up the charts for the event and pretended to work on them, even though they were already done. Lee looked around the studio checking for dust which he wouldn’t find because I cleaned the hell out of the place earlier that day. He walked up behind me, standing uncomfortably close, and peered over my shoulder. I wanted to rear back and elbow him in the gut, acting like it was an accident, but we were both tired, and when we were in that stage together, a fight was bound to happen.
“You’ve done enough for today,” he said, sounding exhausted. “Go ahead and go, and I’ll see you tomorrow”
“Thanks, Lee,” I said, smiling as I stood up and walked toward the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I stepped out into the street and started walking toward home. I could sense a car behind me, but I didn’t turn around, feeling slightly spooked. I had gotten used to Brooklyn a long time ago, but still, walking home in the dark was never my favorite thing to do. As I picked up the pace, the car drove up next to me, and I looked over, hearing the window roll down. I stopped and took a deep breath, realizing it was Zach. He smiled out of the window and held out a single yellow lily.
“Need a ride, beautiful?”
“Sure,” I said, happy to get into the car, even though it wasn’t far to the apartment.
I climbed in and let out a sigh as Zach closed the door and looked over at me. I had missed his face, and within seconds, we were all over each other. I pressed my lips hard against his, feeling the passion erupting between the two of us. It was no longer just lust, and my emotions were running wild as I let his hands run up my shirt and grab at my breasts. His warm hands felt so good against my skin, and immediately, I found myself lost in his embrace. He nibbled at my bottom lip as he swished his tongue across my lips. I groaned, looking out the window at my apartment, not even realizing that we had stopped. I turned to Zach and kissed him again.
“I would invite you in, but it’s up to you,” I said. “I think Charlotte is home.”
“It’s okay,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I just wanted to see you for a second.”
“Oh,” I said, trying not to look disappointed. I opened the limo door and stepped out into the street, carrying the lily close to me. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Please do,” he said, resting his chin on the window. “Get some sleep.”
I watched as the limo pulled off and disappeared around the corner. Immediately, something didn’t sit in my stomach quite right, and I found myself wondering why he wouldn’t come in for just a few minutes anyway. Was it really that he was headed back home and I needed sleep? Or was it the fact that with Charlotte in the house, there was no way I was going to have sex with him? I shook my head, not knowing what to think.
I really wanted him to come in and relax with me, but now I was feeling like he was only using me for sex. Dread filled my stomach as I climbed the stairs and walked into the house. I tossed my keys on the side table by the door and walked into my curtained area. I sat down on the edge of the bed and started to undress, ready to get into some more comfortable clothing.
As I removed my shoes and dress, I couldn’t help replaying the last few moments over in my head. With the way that everything had been going lately, I didn’t think for one second that sex was the only thing on Zach’s mind, but now, I had questions. For someone like me, someone who struggled with anxiety, having unanswered questions was not healthy. I would continue to think, rethink, feel better, feel worse. All over something that probably wasn’t even true.
I sat on the edge of my bed in knit shorts and a t-shirt, listening as Charlotte walked into the kitchen and popped open a beer. Maybe if I got these fears off my shoulders, I would feel better. It was worth a try, either way. I stood up and walked out into the kitchen. I pulled the stool out from the counter and sat down, watching Charlotte fix herself a snack. She wasn’t really paying attention to me, so I sighed, trying to give her a signal.
“What’s wrong,” she said in a monotone voice. “You’ve been dragging your baggage behind you ever since you came home. “
“Nothing,” I said, sighing.
“Bullshit,” she said, turning around and leaning toward my face. “I don’t like games, so spill it.”
“Okay, fine,” I said, grabbing the beer from Charlotte and taking a deep swig. She waved the beer back to me and opened a new one, bracing herself for our conversation. “Zach met me at work tonight in his limo and offered me a ride home.”
“That’s sweet,” she said, dipping a carrot into the hummus.
“Yeah, except we talked about him coming up, and you being up here. He decided to just drop me off and go. I was really kind of bummed, and it made me feel like he was now only in it for the sex.”
“Well,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I think you are overthinking things again. I think he is a guy who cares about you, and that is the part that is making you question everything.”
“Maybe,” I moped. “But if he really wanted to spend time with me, it would be fine if you were here.”
“Maybe he secretly loves me and wants me to have our love child,” Charlotte said, slightly mocking me.
I rolled my eyes and took a big swig of my beer, feeling it calm my system as it flowed down my throat. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was over reacting. But if that were the case, why would he even go to this extent? I mean he rented out the damn Statue of Liberty for me. That’s not normally what a guy just wanting to use you for sex does. At least, I didn’t think it was. In reality, he could have been trying to make it happen with no real regard for money, since he was pretty much made of it.
“Look,” Charlotte said. “You are going to make yourself nuts. I know that Zach and Hudson were playboys before you, but you can’t judge this guy by his past. You need to let go of this fear and enjoy life. You just lost your virginity this week, for God’s sake. You should be still basking in the glorious, heathenous light of it all, not worried whether leather shoes is going to be there tomorrow. “
“I know,” I responded, suddenly realizing that getting a pep talk from Charlotte, no matter how good her intentions were, was just making me feel worse about the entire situation. “I need to get some sleep. I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning.”
“I’m sure you will,” she said, rounding the counter and kissing me on top of the head. “Everything is going to be just fine.”
I finished my beer, tossed the bottle in the recycling bin, and headed back to my room. I pulled the curtains on one side of my space to the side so I could look out the window. It was dark out, and I felt like I hadn’t actually seen the sun in weeks. In reality, I had been soaking up the artificial light of the gallery for so long, I didn’t even know what day it was anymore. I climbed into my bed and laid my head down on the pillow, wondering if Charlotte even believed anything she was saying. It was her job as my best friend to calm my nerves, but one thing I learned from my last relationship was to never ignore your gut instincts. But in this case, I couldn’t tell the difference between my gut instincts and my anxiety.
I had the worst issue with whittling everything down to the most minute detail and then analyzing that until I was so stressed out, I couldn’t see straight. I was exhausted, confused, and bitter that I was once again setting up a show for someone else at the gallery. To make things worse, the show was for my boss, an idiot who thought his artwork was worth ten grand a piece and walked around with a holier than thou attitude.
I pulled the pillow up under my head and thought about texting Zach, but I didn’t want to go to bed freaked out if he didn’t return my message. I knew what I was getting myself into when I went on that first date, but instead of treating this like any other relationship, I dove head first into it, gave up my virginity, and let my emotions get the best of me. The last thing I wanted right now was to be clouded with heartache.
I knew on Saturday, I had to be on my A game and really sell some of Lee’s artwork, whether I liked it or not. I hated selling crap art to people. It always made me feel like I was betraying my own craft. But if he didn’t sell at least half his collection, the blame would come down on my head, and hard. The least I could do was make his show successful in the hopes that he would see how stellar I was at the job and let me have my own show. I mean, what did he have to lose anyway? He would get a portion of the profits.
I turned over on my back and listened to the television on the other side of the apartment. Why couldn’t I be more like Charlotte? Care free and unencumbered. I could meet a guy, do what I wanted with him, and never have him crawl into my head and set up camp. I needed to focus my attention back on my job, at least until I got through this weekend. If that meant keeping my distance from Zach, then so be it. Right then and there, I made a resolution to not call or text him until the weekend was over. Now, whether I could do it or not was a totally different story.