Chapter 23
Bastian
By Saturday morning, the clouds had cleared out again. I gazed out along the back field while Marcie and Joanna talked amicably over their cups of coffee. The sunlight felt warm streaming in through the kitchen windows despite the fact that it was the middle of winter. It was a small glimmer of hope that spring would come quickly.
I had to return to the office on Monday morning. There were meetings I needed to attend in person, not through a conference call like I had done for the past few week. I loathed the idea of going back to Salt Lake, to reality. I wanted to stay nuzzled back in Park City with Joanna to keep me company inside my bed at night.
I glanced over my shoulder to look at Joanna as she talked to Marcie about an apple pie recipe her grandmother used to bake on cold winter days. Her pretty blond hair was pulled back in a loose braid. She wore little makeup today, too, something I greatly liked about her. It didn’t take a thick layer of makeup for Joanna to look pretty. I barely saw her with makeup anyway. Natural beauty. Something drastically different from Sierra, who would spend hours putting on various layers of makeup to cover up her age spots and whatever else she saw in the mirror.
Everything about Joanna was authentic when it came to that sort of confidence. She didn’t need expensive clothes and makeup to feel good about herself.
Her eyes glanced up to meet mine. A smile tugged at her lips before she focused on her conversation with Marcie again. I took a sip of my coffee before redirecting my attention out the window.
I had to figure out how to handle our relationship now when it came to going back to the office. Everyone would see the change between the two of us. I didn’t have any intention of hiding the fact that Joanna now stayed with me. It would only complicate things a bit more around the office.
Business and pleasure intermingled now. I was a walking cliché, breaking my own office rule about keeping sex and love outside my business. I didn’t want the drama to distract anyone from their jobs, but I had let it distract me. I had packed up without even a moment’s notice to give Joanna shelter away from everything. A small part of me, I admitted with a small laugh, had hoped to take advantage of the time alone. Getting away from everyone’s prying eyes had given me the excuse to let myself enjoy Joanna’s company in and out of the bedroom.
Shoving those thoughts away, I downed the last bit of my coffee before setting the cup in the sink. I rested a hand on Joanna’s lower back as I gazed down at the recipe book she and Marcie were flipping through. She looked up at me with a wordless question in her eyes.
“It’s a nice day out,” I said. “Fifty-five degrees. Care to join me for a snowmobile ride through the woods?”
“I thought you said there were wolves out there,” Joanna said. She looked over at Marcie, who shrugged her shoulders.
“There are wolves out there,” I said in agreement. “They’ll get scared off when they hear the snowmobile coming in their direction. Let’s get out to enjoy some fresh air. I can show you around the property.”
Joanna shrugged her shoulders. “Sure. Let me get suited up a bit then.”
“I’ll fix you both some coffee to take,” Marcie said, her eyes sparkling. “Make sure to take her fully around the property, Mr. Burke. It’s truly beautiful out there.”
I nodded as Joanna left the kitchen to get ready. After bundling up myself, I accepted a large thermos of coffee from Marcie, who leaned in to whisper, “Please treat her good, Mr. Burke. I really do like her better than your ex-wife.”
“No shit,” I replied with a laugh. “I happen to like Joanna better than Sierra, too.”
Marcie patted me on the shoulder fondly. “Good. Now, enjoy yourself. The both of you.”
I waited for Joanna at the bottom of the stairs. She emerged from her room a moment later in a thick flannel sweater, along with what appeared to be fleece-lined leggings. I helped her slip into her heavy coat before I shrugged into mine with a smile. Taking ahold of her hand, we walked outside together to greet the sunny day.
Water trickled down from the rain gutters from the snow melting off the roof. It was still a bit cold while we walked into the barn. I strapped down the thermos, along with my gun, before hopping onto the snowmobile with a grin.
“Come on,” I said, patting the cold seat behind me. “Would you like a proper tour of my entire property this time?”
Joanna rolled her eyes as she swung a leg over to settle down on the seat behind me. She wrapped her arms around me while I switched over the key to start the engine. The barn doors swung open with a gentle nudge of the snowmobile before I revved up the engine to start down the small slope. Joanna’s arms tightened around my waist while she let out a breathless giggle as we flew down the backside of the property, the cold winter air nipping at our cheeks.
I drove along the fence line to avoid the patch of trees at the center of my property. Acres stretched out in front of us while I cruised at a nice speed along the snowy ground with Joanna’s arms wrapped around my waist. She rested her chin on my shoulder while she enjoyed the peaceful views that passed by us. I kept going forward until I reached the frozen pond at the very edge of my property line. Turning the engine off, I hopped down into the snow to help Joanna off the snowmobile, too. My thighs burned from the ride while I led Joanna through the knee-high snow in the direction of the pond. Clear blue skies plunged down past the horizon. It was utterly motionless and peaceful without a sound of traffic or another human being anywhere nearby.
“This is beautiful,” Joanna said. “I can see why you never gave up this property to anyone who was interested in buying it.”
“Who told you about that?” I asked while I poured us both some coffee to warm our hands up. I frowned as I tried to remember if I had discussed selling this property in front of Joanna.
“Marcie told me,” Joanna said. “She told me that you refused to let Sierra sell pieces of it off to people who were interested in building lots on it.”
She accepted the mug of coffee with a grateful smile. I set the thermos down on a small rock before we both gingerly took a seat on a larger rock to look over the pond. Just thinking about that fight years ago still made my blood boil. Sierra never saw the need for owning so much property. She wanted more money to buy a bigger house or another fancy car. She didn’t care about the sights my property had.
“Sierra treated everything like a walking ATM machine,” I said, sipping my coffee. “I really wasn’t any different to her. She wanted more of everything, so when I refused to give her anything more, she shacked up with some guy who gave her what she wanted.”
“I know that feeling very well.” Joanna sighed heavily as she gazed across the frozen pond. “Before Sid, I dumped my ex-boyfriend for cheating on me with another woman. That’s when I started to first believe there was something wrong with me.”
“There is nothing wrong with you,” I said firmly. “You were being taken advantage of is all.”
She smiled sadly at me. “I know you’re right. I got stuck in this cycle of being used all the time. It was just easy to think that they actually cared, or that Sid would change over time. Stupid, I know.”
“It isn’t stupid to hope that the person you love will see the pain they are causing. I know that one from personal experience.”
“Stings worse than a million bee stings,” Joanna said. She turned to look at me with a soft smile as she leaned her head on my shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here, though. I don’t think about that sting as much anymore.”
Emotions thickened my throat when I leaned down to press a kiss against the side of her head. I didn’t either. I didn’t think about any of that fucked-up shit Sierra had pulled over the years to get what she wanted. More money. More clothes. More of something. Nothing ever felt good enough to satisfy her.
It occurred to me then that Joanna was used to a vicious cycle of men taking advantage of her. It was a fine balance between being dominant in the bedroom but also trusting in the outside world when it came to carrying on a relationship. I gathered the sense that Joanna responded to the part of me that liked dominance in the bedroom. She liked the balance in me even though I was afraid.
I had taken advantage of situations in the past numerous times because it had been easier to do that than sympathize with whoever I had been with. I had just followed the blind need for pleasure to numb the rest of me. Sex had become my drug of choice over the years since my divorce with Sierra.
It had turned into something completely different with Joanna. My drug of choice had become her because she soothed every ache inside me in the best way possible. She saw the parts of me that I hid away from the rest of the world because I had to keep them hidden. Wearing my emotions on my sleeve had never been an option since day one when it came to dealing with people. Particularly in my office.
We returned to the mansion to find a freshly baked apple pie waiting on the counter, along with a finished roast in the crock pot. We ate together while we talked about whatever came to our minds. I didn’t hesitate to pull Joanna into my arms once we had settled into bed for the night to enjoy the sensation of her thighs clenching around my hips. I relished in that feeling of watching her head roll to the side while her eyebrows pulled together as I made love to her. I treasured those soft murmurs of pleasure in my ear while I threaded our fingers together to let myself fall into the sensation of our bodies wrapped around each other. I enjoyed the feeling of her fingertips grazing along my back before grasping my shoulders to anchor herself to me while we both rode out our orgasms.
Afterward, I cradled Joanna close to me while she turned to her side to drift off peacefully into slumber. I listened to her breathe softly next to me while I stared up at the dark ceiling with the sound of the fire smoldering slowly in the fireplace. I was falling in love with her. I had been falling in love with Joanna for a very long time.
It was only now prominent because I had her in my arms, like I’d wanted for a while. I pressed a kiss to the back of her head before settling down next to her. I refused to let my apprehension speak up again. I didn’t dare to push her away again, even though there was a good chance I could fuck it up.