I stared down at the screen of my phone.

“Everything okay?” Ramsey asked, gently bumping into me.

The sound of Shammy’s felt four times what it was the last time I was in here. It was packed.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Yeah. Everything is okay.”

“You don’t have to apologize for checking on your kid,” he said to me.

I knew I was looking at him with a sense of disbelief. He didn’t know how many times I had tried to go on a date or two only to have things fall apart when the kid thing was brought up. Yet, he played it off so cool and made me feel okay about it. Which was a terrible way to think and feel because Sam was my son and the most important person in my life.

Then again, it wasn’t like Ramsey and I were getting married.

We were just hanging out.

Some of his friends from work were there.

Some of my friends were there.

Just a bunch of people hanging out.

Even though he stood in a way where a part of him was always touching me. I wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or not, but each time I realized it, it sent a tingling feeling through my body.

“I told him there was no fucking way I was going back to that house to touch a thing,” a guy named Lance said.

He had been drinking vodka like it was water and it showed.

“So, what did you do?” Ramsey asked.

“I went back to the fucking house,” Lance said.

Everyone started to laugh.

There was a guy named Little Billy who was as tall as Ramsey, but really fat. He was named after his father, which was where the little came from.

He grabbed Lance by the shoulder and shook him. “You were always a punk like that. Talking a big game and never following through.”

“Yeah right,” Lance said. “I’ll fight anyone here tonight.”

“Oh, the vodka muscles showed up,” Ramsey said.

“Fuck you, Rams,” he said.

“How about the language around the ladies?” a rough voice said.

Another person was at the small table now. Tall and skinny, gray hair and gray scruff on his face. A beaten up flannel and even more beaten up jeans.

“Hey, Doc, have a drink with us,” Ramsey called out. “My treat.”

“You’re buying drinks?” Little Billy asked.

“Just for Doc. And Jordyn.”

Ramsey looked at me and winked.

“How do you get free drinks out of this guy?” Little Billy asked.

“You know how,” Lance said with a smirk.

I narrowed my eyes. “Do you drink with your right on purpose?”

“What?” Lance asked.

“So when you go home and jerk off, it’s like you bought your date drinks, right?”

“Oh, shit,” Ramsey said. He made a fist and hit the table.

“He’s speechless,” Little Billy said.

Lance curled his lip at me.

“Doc, how about that drink?” Ramsey asked.

“I’m good,” Doc said. “Heading my way home now.”

“I hope I didn’t insult your friend too much,” I said to Ramsey.

“Nah, don’t worry about him. He’s always like that.”

I felt someone bump into me from my right and I turned my head to see Norah standing there. Holding a glass with some orange looking drink with a skinny red straw.

“Having fun?” she asked.

“Actually, I am,” I said.

“It’s good to see. Plus, all these construction workers are making me hot.”

Norah had no filter and no control over the volume of her voice.

Now she had everyone looking at her.

She smiled without a care.

“Everyone, this is Norah,” I announced. “Her bite is bigger than her bark.”

“Hey,” Norah said, slapping my arm.

“I don’t mind getting bit,” Little Billy said with a wink.

“That’s because of all that skin you have,” Lance said.

“What the hell does that mean?” Little Billy growled.

“I don’t mind,” Norah said. “Nights are cold now, so it’s nice to have something to cuddle with.”

“Oh, Christ,” Ramsey said. “Are you kidding me right now?”

Everyone started to laugh.

Norah raised an eyebrow, confidently.

“Shut up over there,” Little Billy said. “You’re the one who punched a stranger to get your girl’s attention.”

Your girl…

Ramsey looked at me. “I guess he has a point.”

“So, who are you going to punch for me?” Norah asked Little Billy.

“Pick someone,” Little Billy said. He made a fat fist and showed it off.

“That guy,” Norah said, pointing to Lance.

“Me?” Lance asked. “I’m his fri-”

Little Billy threw a punch and hit Lance in the arm. Lance was built with toned muscle, the opposite of Little Billy. He didn’t move much when he was hit, but his reaction was explosive.

Lance hit Little Billy in the cheek.

Next thing I knew, glasses were breaking as everyone jumped to stop the fight.

I grabbed for Ramsey’s shirt. “What the hell…”

“Don’t mind them,” he said to me. “They’ll work it out.”

The scuffle lasted all of five seconds.

Lance shook off two other guys whose names I didn’t get. They walked away with Lance as Little Billy touched his cheek.

“Damn near a bitch slap, huh?” he asked.

“Take it easy,” Ramsey said. “We’re supposed to be here having some fun.”

“Well, that wasn’t the first time two guys fought over me,” Norah said.

“Won’t be the last, I’m sure,” I said.

“Don’t be jealous that you jumped into bed with the first guy who punched someone for you.”

“Oh, we didn’t…” the words were there, but I stammered on them.

I looked back at Ramsey for some reassurance but he just grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, playing into Norah’s comment.

“Wait a second,” I said. “He only…”

“Only what?” Norah asked.

Before I could answer, my phone lit up on the table.

It was a text message from Keith.

That stole all my attention.

Your son wants to talk to you… and come home right now.

* * *

“Hey, are you okay?” Ramsey asked as he chased after me.

I completely forgot about him for a few seconds. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry, Rams. Keith texted me. About Sam.”

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I need to call him.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll go back inside. Give you some privacy.”

“Thank you,” I said.

I looked down at my phone and Ramsey touched my arm.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“What?” I asked.

“Don’t leave when you’re done. Or if you have to, let me know.”

The look in his eyes was sincere. Raw and sincere.

Did he actually like me or something?

I nodded. “I won’t take off. I promise.”

Ramsey slipped away and opened the door to the bar. The music and voices poured out for a few seconds.

There were two guys smoking so I walked across the alley to a little café that had long since been closed for the day. There I sat on an old park bench and called Keith.

“Here, talk to him,” Keith’s voice said without so much as a quick hello.

I sighed and swallowed all the explosive things I wanted to say to him.

“Mom?” Sam’s little voice said over the phone.

“Hey, Sammy,” I said. “How’s it going?”

“I don’t feel good. I want to come home.”

I gritted my teeth and readied myself. “You are home, Sammy. You have two homes. One with me. One with Dad. You’re coming home tomorrow.”

“I want to come home now.”

“You know, saying that hurts Dad’s feelings. He works hard and waits to see you, Sammy.”

Sam didn’t reply.

“Sammy, is Marcy there?”

“No,” he said.

“Okay. Did you watch a scary movie?”

“No.”

“What did you do with Dad today?”

“He took me to the store. We got this airplane that you fly.”

“That sounds fun. Was it fun?”

“Yeah,” Sam said.

“What did you have for dinner?”

I mouthed the word pizza as Sam’s worried voice said, “Pizza.”

I rolled my eyes.

Would it kill Keith to switch things up?

“I wish I had pizza,” I said. “Can you bring me leftovers?”

Sam laughed. “You can ask Dad.”

“Sammy, listen to me. You can’t come home tonight. It’s already really late. I bet if you go to sleep and think good thoughts, you’re going to have good dreams. Then you’ll get a nice breakfast with Dad and you’ll be home before you know it. I promise. You can call me if you need, but I know you’re okay there. Dad will take care of you. Can you do that for me, Sammy? Just get some sleep?”

“Yes,” he said.

“I love you, Sammy.”

“Love you too. I miss you.”

My heart swelled. There was nothing quite like knowing your child loved you and needed you. Even if I couldn’t be there for him in that moment. Which turned that heart-swelling feeling into terrible guilt.

“Put Dad back on the phone.”

I waited a few seconds, staring across the street at a dark building that was split up as one half being a lawyer’s office and the other half being an accountant’s office.

“Hey,” Keith said.

“Hey,” I said. “Sorry that he-”

“Did you ask him what we did tonight?”

“Yes,” I said. “Why?”

“That’s none of your damn business, Jordyn. What I do with my son is my business.”

“I was asking him to remind him of how much fun you two had,” I said. I stood up, feeling my heart pumping faster. “I wasn’t asking to spy on you, Keith.”

“Bullshit. He doesn’t want to be here with me because of you.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“Whatever you tell him about me. You have two weeks to mush his mind and then he comes here and acts like he’s never been here before.”

“Are you serious?” I asked. “You can see him anytime you want. Come visit. Make plans. Call me.”

“Don’t play that card. You got what you wanted from me.”

“What I wanted?” I asked. I laughed out of disgust. “You think this is what I wanted from you? This fucking mess, Keith?”

“You created this mess,” he said. “Remember that.”

“He’s nervous around you because he doesn’t know you. You pick him up and spend two days with him and then hurry to drop him off. I’m sorry he’s having a rough night tonight. This happens sometimes…”

“Did you take him to a doctor about it?”

“A doctor…”

“Maybe there’s something wrong with his head.”

I wanted to scream. “There’s nothing wrong with his head, Keith. He’s a kid. He gets nervous sometimes. It happens here too.”

“And I bet you let him sleep in your bed, right? That’s what does this, Jordyn. Turning him into a wimp.”

“Can he hear you right now?” I growled into the phone.

“Why? Afraid his feelings will get hurt?”

“You’re an asshole, Keith. A fucking asshole. How’s that sound?”

“Good for you, Jordyn. You found a piece of your spine. If he keeps this up for another hour, I’m driving him home.”

The call went dead before I could reply.

I squeezed the phone, wishing I could make it explode on Keith’s end.

I hated when things went like this. I did nothing wrong to him. I was trying to calm Sam down. I wasn’t trying to pry into what they did or what they were planning on doing.

Maybe there’s something wrong with his head…

That hurt.

I sucked in a broken breath of cold air.

A hand touched my shoulder and I screamed.

“Jordyn…”

I turned and looked up at Ramsey standing there.

“Rams…”

“You okay?”

I shook my head. “Not really.”

Without saying another word, he slipped an arm around me and pulled me close.

I wasn’t sure if this was technically our first date or maybe our third.

But there I was, crying again.

* * *

“It’s getting cold out,” I whispered as Ramsey pulled me closer to him.

We sat on the bench outside the closed café.

Just him and I near a mostly quiet street, the only light coming from the streetlights down the main street in the small town.

“We can go back inside if you want,” he said.

I looked up at him. “I fucked up another night of yours.”

“Nah. I wasn’t having much fun anyway.”

“Seriously?”

“Well, if I was going out to pick up a woman, I already did that. So, what’s the point?”

I smiled. “You don’t need to pick me up, Rams. You need to stop thinking about it.”

“My arm’s around you, darling. I’m wasting away another night just to be near you and hear you talk.”

“That’s romantic. But my life is a mess.”

“Everyone’s is.”

“Not like this. You don’t need this. You don’t want this.”

“What happened? Get it off your chest.”

“The usual. Sam wants to come home and Keith takes it personally. I tried to help, and he accused me of making it worse.”

I saw the way Ramsey’s nostrils flared when I mentioned Keith’s name. The way his eyes lit up with anger. Or maybe jealousy. I had never been close enough to someone to have them actually be jealous of me and my life.

“It’s not a big deal,” I said.

“It is. You’re upset.”

“Of course I’m upset. My son is having a hard time sleeping and I can’t be there for him.”

“It’s more than that.”

“So, you know everything about me now?” I asked. I cringed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. But it is more than that. You want the perfect family and it didn’t work out. That really sucks, Jordyn. That’s a hard burden to carry around.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Can I give you some advice?”

“Sure.”

He moved closer toward me. His lips ever so close to mine. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” I asked.

I could taste his breath. I wanted to taste his lips.

“Don’t carry that burden anymore. Easier said than done. But it’s what you need to do. You love your son. You take care of him. Maybe it’s not ideal that every second weekend he’s gone. But it’s better than nothing. Maybe the day will come and things will get worked out. Or they won’t. You can’t think about that. You can’t… you just can’t…”

He was going to make me cry again.

We both sat there frozen. He didn’t finish his sentence and I didn’t finish my breath.

“I think I’m done for tonight,” I whispered. “I had fun though. I swear I did. I’m not good with this stuff, Rams. I don’t date. I don’t go out. I…”

“So, this was a date, huh?” Ramsey asked with a smile.

“There you go, labeling things again. And here I thought you were the type to just have fun and not worry about what it meant.”

“I’m full of surprises, darling. Can I at least take you home?”

“You did drive me here, Rams.”

“Let’s get out of here.”

He stood up and offered his hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet.

We had another moment of pausing. Like the entire world just stopped to let us stare at each other. It made no sense why he had any interest in me. Whether we were having fun, flirting, him hugging me, holding me, tempting my mind and body with kisses (and maybe more), the truth was, after tonight, I wouldn’t see him again for almost two weeks. There was no way any guy would let that happen for very long.

When he stepped back, I touched his shirt.

Hard muscle hid under the shirt. A man who worked hard for that muscle.

It made my toes curl in my socks and shoes.

“Just thanks for being here, Rams. Whatever happens.”

He winked.

And then he took me home.

There was this allure of him. A sense of wild innocence that I kind of liked. It took me back to a different time and place in life, but one I could only escape to for a short period of time.

When we arrived at my house, Ramsey didn’t turn off his truck, but he did get out to walk me to the door.

“I assume you’re going to go crazy in there,” he said.

“What?”

“You know, throwing back shots, pounding beers. Getting crazy on your own. Right?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m a total closet drunk.”

“See, that’s why I don’t like closets. I’m going to take them all out of my house as I finish it up.”

“Finish it up?”

“My house. I bought this really old property to fix up.”

My heart melted a little bit more near him. “Really?”

“Yeah. Why?”

We started walking up the porch steps. “I’ve always wanted to do that. I probably watch too many of those home renovation shows. They make it look so easy.”

“Well, it’s not easy,” he said. “And I haven’t done much. I bought the house on a whim and kind of regret it now.”

“Don’t regret it,” I said. “You have a house to live in. That’s yours. And you can do anything you want to it.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“I mean, you have to have the money to do it. And the skill. I don’t have either. But it’s fun to think about.”

“Maybe you can come by and tell me what you think.”

“Tonight?” I asked.

“That’s an option,” he said.

“Rams…”

“I know,” he said. “Next time. Two weekends from now.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” he asked.

“Throw out that crappy romantic stuff at me. Nobody sane is going to keep waiting week after week.”

I reached for the door and Ramsey grabbed my wrist and turned me to face him. His other hand touched my cheek.

“I’m not sane at all, darling,” he whispered. “I’m far from it. You have my attention right now and it’s not going anywhere. Think anything you want. But at least tell me we can talk from now until the next time I see you.”

“Of course we can talk,” I said. “And it’s not… I just don’t want Sam to get confused, you know? I mean, we can try to see each other I guess. I just don’t know…”

“Don’t change your heart, Jordyn. Follow it instead.”

“And what does your heart say right now?” I asked.

“A lot of people say I don’t have a heart.”

“Then what keeps you alive?”

Ramsey moved down fast and with purpose. I was expecting a little more flirty banter, but his lips touching mine was just fine too.

And he didn't just kiss me either, he kissed me. The way his lips knew how to move, gently opening my mouth - not that I was even slightly tempted to resist him - bringing me to my toes, my hands clutching at his shirt, as I wanted more. My body decided that before my mind did.

His hand touching my face, head slightly tilted to one side, the kiss getting hotter by the second. The way he closed his lips and pulled away masterfully to make an echoing kissing sound, only to come right back at me again. Meaning this wasn’t just one kiss goodnight. I counted three before my brain decided to forget all about math.

When he pulled away with what would be our last kiss for the night, his thumb eased across my face and he made a line at my bottom lip. His lip slightly curled, like he wanted more.

“Don’t ever sell yourself short, darling,” he whispered. “Everything you’re doing is pretty fucking amazing to me. And you’re doing it on your own. I respect that. I’ll see you in two Fridays.”

I let him walk away, still standing on my toes, probably looking stupid as I balanced myself, my mind and body still trying to comprehend the kiss.

When I finally managed to exhale the breath I had been holding, Ramsey was already driving away. I reached for a pillar to lean against and stood there in the cold air to cool down.

I should have invited him inside. I should have invited him upstairs. I should have told him to take me upstairs.

This was a whole new kind of regret I felt as I walked into my dark and empty house. The stupid filter from Jack still rested against the wall and I ignored it one more time.

I didn’t want to wait to see Ramsey again, but I had to protect Sam. I promised myself I wouldn’t let men walk in and out of his life the way Keith did with women. And for that matter, I wasn’t even sure if Ramsey and I had yet to have a proper date. Every time we made plans, things got screwed up.

What wasn’t screwed up?

That kiss.

That I was going to taste for a long time.

I hoped it would last until the next time I got to see him… and have it again.