I stood outside and hugged myself. Across the street, I watched a dark-haired woman wrestle Keith into the back seat. He tipped over and disappeared out of sight. It was like watching myself from years prior. She shut the door and looked right at me. Her eyes were amber colored. She was taller than me, skinnier than me, fewer curves in places I wish I could lose some.

She walked around the back of the car, looked left then right, and crossed the street toward me.

There were several times in my life when I wondered what it would be like to meet the woman Keith would fall in love with. I did not ever think it would be as I convinced Keith to drink a bottle of water as he sat in the corner of my porch, ready to pass out, leaving me to dig in his pocket to find his phone and call Marcy to come get him.

“Wasn’t sure if you’d actually show up,” I said to her.

She stopped and sighed. “Yeah. Neither was I.”

“I’m sorry we have to meet like this,” I said.

“Me too. I told him a long time ago to talk to you about me. About us. I didn’t understand why he was so hesitant about it. It sort of caused problems. I didn’t mind leaving when Sam came around, but it felt… weird. You know?”

I nodded. “It’s a tough situation.”

“This? Or Keith?”

“Both,” I said.

“I’m sorry he did this,” she said. “And whatever happens with Sam, it would be nice to know. Just so I can prepare him.”

“You’re going to stick it out?”

“I know I have a choice here, but in a way, I feel like I don’t. He’s hurting. I owe it to him to at least try.”

“Be careful with that road,” I said. “It’s really easy to get lost on it.”

Marcy nodded. “Any advice for me?”

“None that you want to hear,” I said.

“Well, it was nice to meet you,” she said. “Finally.”

“You too. Drive safe. When he sobers up, tell him to call me.”

“I hope you don’t keep Sam from him,” she said. “That guy in the back seat of the car is a fucking idiot. But he does love his son.”

I nodded. I wasn’t going to respond to such a heavy statement from a stranger.

Marcy walked to the car, got into the driver’s seat, and drove away.

I really had no idea if I would see Keith ever again. Which meant there was a chance Sam would never see him again. That reality sunk hard into my chest. I touched my chest, where my heart resided, and I let out a long breath, trying my best not to cry.

As I walked down the sidewalk, the cold air whipped against my skin, making it tight and prickly. It was the exact moment I needed Ramsey there with me. To wrap his strong arms around me and hold me.

But did I even really know him?

He had been engaged… and he left her on their wedding day?

The thoughts and questions swam through my mind all afternoon and into the night as I dealt with Keith.

When I stepped inside my house, I saw Sam on the couch, his eyes shut. His head on a green pillow, his colorful blanket on him. Norah sat on the floor, right in front of him, never putting too much distance between each other.

“I’m going to carry him upstairs,” I said. “He needs a good night of sleep. Today was a disaster.”

As I bent over to scoop up Sam, Norah touched my arm. “Hey. It’s okay, Jordyn. Some days really suck. There’s nothing you can do about it. Please know that.”

I blinked fast and lifted Sam into my arms.

I took a slow walk upstairs and into his room. After placing him down on the bed, he rolled to his side, and I sat there for a few minutes in case he woke up. When he didn’t, I exited the room, and went back downstairs.

Norah finished folding Sam’s blanket and gently patted it.

“You’re a great friend,” I said to her.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” she said.

We hugged each other.

And I finally got the chance to cry.

I broke away from Norah and fell to the couch and just sat there, shaking my head.

“How did this all happen?” I asked.

“One thing at a time, Jordyn,” she said. “You know how Keith is. Something triggered him to lose his edge.”

I looked at her. “What if he had Sam? Right? And something happened…”

“But it didn’t.”

“It could have.”

“Jordyn…”

“It happened to Ramsey,” I said. “His little brother. His father was choking on his own puke and Ramsey’s little brother ran to get help and was hit by a car.”

“Oh, shit,” Norah said. She slowly sat down on the coffee table. “I didn’t know that.”

“Keith is using again,” I whispered. “And Sam saw Ramsey punch Keith. And Ramsey didn’t tell me everything about his past. And this all happens like this? In one day?”

“Sometimes it does,” Norah said. “Look at it this way, Jordyn. Keith is gone. Marcy is taking care of him now. Nothing happened to your house. Or Sam. He’s tucked in bed, sleeping.”

“And Ramsey?” I asked.

Norah pursed her lips. “That’s up to you. What do you want to do with that?”

I turned my head. “I don’t know.”

“We all have pasts. And stories. And they’re not always good.”

I stood up. “He and I were just together on the weekends I was free. That’s how it should have stayed. But I stupidly opened up about Sam and Keith. And he told me about his brother. He took me to his family’s house. And I let him meet Sam…”

“Jordyn, stop.”

“No,” I said with a growl. “This is my fear. That Sam will be alone.”

“Alone how?” Norah asked.

“His father can’t stay clean,” I said. My words were already starting to choke in my throat. “And if Keith can’t stay clean, how can I ever trust him with Sam? That would end with me trusting in Marcy, if she sticks around and puts up with it. Then what? Sam grows up never knowing his father? And I never wanted to bring another guy into Sam’s life unless I was sure of it…”

“You love Ramsey. Right?”

“Yes.”

“Then you can’t let today define who you two are,” she said. “I don’t know much about this kind of life. But I can’t stand to see you feeling alone. And hurt. And thinking about what the rest of Sam’s life will be like.”

“It’s called being a mother,” I said.

Norah touched my back. “And I’m being your friend and telling you it can’t just end like this.”

I moved out of Norah’s grasp.

The first thing I looked at after entering the kitchen was the counter. Where a secret was invisible to everyone but myself and Ramsey. The strength of his hands as he lifted me up and sat me on that counter. As he touched me, brought me to life with his fingertips and his mouth, reminding me that there was more to my life than I remembered.

Maybe that was his purpose.

And that purpose was now fulfilled.

I was capable of feeling love and being loved, even as a single mother. And I was also capable of feeling heartache and let down. So was Sam.

“Jordyn?”

I turned, and Norah had her keys in her hand.

“Are you leaving?” I asked.

“I could leave. Or I could stay. That’s up to you.”

“This was a giant mess,” I said. “The entire day and night.”

“It happens.”

“I have to talk to him,” I said. “But not tonight.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m definitely sure,” I said.

“I’m sorry you’re going through this, Jordyn. I wish there was something else I could say or do.”

“Spend the night?” I asked.

“Here?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to talk about it. Or anything, really. I just don’t want to be alone.”

“Anything you need,” Norah said. She dropped her keys to the table. “Popcorn? Wine? Crappy movie?”

“That’s fine by me,” I said. “I just need to sit and think about everything that happened today. This isn’t easy. Not with Sam. He deserves better than this. I should be better than this.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said. “That’s one thing I won’t let you do to yourself.”

I walked from the kitchen to the turkeys still hanging on the wall in the dining room. I put my hand to Sam’s. My hand was obviously much bigger. I put my hand against my own cutout, fitting perfectly. And then Ramsey’s. So much bigger than mine.

“Norah?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t pour any wine for me.”

“Why not?”

I stared at Ramsey’s cutout handprint taped to my wall. “I have to do something.”

* * *

I told myself it was simple.

If he was home, we’d talk. It he wasn’t home, I’d leave.

The moment I saw his truck parked near the house, I felt my heart leap into my throat. I wasn’t going to just walk away from Ramsey. That wasn’t fair to him or myself. In the front of my mind all I thought about was Sam. But he was home, tucked in, sleeping, no idea what was happening.

At the front door, I waited with a thousand words in my head. Even more in my heart. But not too many on the tip of my tongue.

And it was even worse when Ramsey answered the door.

Standing there looking messy as hell, a frown on his face, holding a bottle of beer with one hand, the door with the other hand.

“Jordyn?”

“We should talk,” I said.

“Yeah. We should.”

“You didn’t call me or anything, Rams.”

“You asked me to leave, so I did. I wasn’t sure what you were doing. If you were taking care of Keith or whatever.”

“Are you jealous, Rams?” I asked, the words tasting bitter.

He laughed. “I don’t have time for that.”

“Were you going to call me?”

“What does it matter? You’re here now.”

“You don’t really understand what happened today,” I said. “And I shouldn’t be the one talking.”

“I didn’t mean to hit him,” Ramsey said.

“You wanted to do that.”

“Of course I did.”

“You waited for your chance.”

He turned his head. “Fine. That’s what I did. And I messed up by doing it, Jordyn. I had no idea Sam was standing there.” He looked at me. “And I understand what that meant for him. Some guy punching his dad. I have to live with that now. I regretted it the second I hit Keith. I’m sorry I did that.”

“Keep going, Rams,” I said. “You have a lot more to get off your chest.”

“Darling, at least come inside,” he said. “It’s cold out there.”

“I’ll stand here and freeze, I don’t care.”

Ramsey backed up and waited for me to come inside.

I shook my head as I stepped into the warm house. There was an old fireplace in the front room with a fire burning bright and hot.

“Want a drink?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said.

“You can go warm up in there,” he said and nodded to the fire. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

I wandered into the room and took my coat off and tossed it over the arm of a chair. The fireplace mantel was bare. Most of the walls in the house were bare too. It was the holiday season and there wasn’t a hint of it in the house. Which meant Ramsey literally just slept and ate here. It wasn’t a home at all.

“Here you go, darling,” he said as he entered the room and handed me a drink.

“Feels ironic and stupid,” I said, looking at the beer bottle.

“What?”

“That Keith showed up all messed up and I’m drinking a beer with you.”

“That’s his problem, not yours.”

“His problem is my problem,” I said. “You need to know that.”

“Fair enough. How is he?”

“His girlfriend or whatever she is came to get him. So, I guess he’s her problem now. But I’ll have to figure out how to handle this going forward. Whether I want him around Sam or not.”

“Trust your gut, Jordyn.”

“Yeah, look where that got me. Standing here with you.”

“Is that the worst thing in the world?” Ramsey asked.

“Possibly. Are you going to tell me everything now?”

Ramsey approached the fireplace and put his beer bottle on the mantel. “I know I didn’t tell you the entire story. It’s not exactly the easiest thing to talk about.”

“You left a woman at the altar, Rams.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I did to her,” he said. He looked at me. “I let things go to a level that I should never have done. It was all moving so fast. And I didn’t stop it. But that’s not the entire truth.”

“What is?”

“I loved her,” he said. “What we had was real and it was good. But the night before the wedding, I found the vows she planned on reading. That’s what did it.”

“And what was so wrong with her vows?” I asked.

My body didn’t know whether to feel anger or jealousy. I was mad at Ramsey for never telling me this story, and I was jealous that he had been that close to someone else.

“She wanted different things than me,” he said.

“And you found that out in her vows?” I asked.

Ramsey took a step toward me. “Jordyn, she wanted to have kids. And I didn’t.”

“What?”

“She knew that. It was one thing we always disagreed on. I never wanted a family. Not after what happened to mine. I didn’t want to have a kid who didn’t have grandparents… or who had a father that wasn’t sure of what it meant to be a father. She knew that as things progressed with our relationship. And that was one thing she really wanted. She thought getting married to me would change my mind. Would change everything for us. But that’s not how it worked. That’s not what I wanted. And I didn’t stop things when I should have. It was the first time in my life that Aunt Millie seemed happy with me. Proud of me. I didn’t want to mess that up. I didn’t want to hurt Uncle Tom either. That sounds like a cheap excuse, darling, but it’s the truth. The night before the wedding, I went to talk to her. Bad luck or not, I wanted to ask Sarah if this was what she really wanted. I found her vows and took them with me to read over and over. Then I did the worst thing possible. I stayed up all night, drank, thought, and before I knew it, Matt and the other guys were there, and I was in a tux. Ready to get married. I told them I would meet them there and I left.”

“You left?” I asked.

“I left. I drove out of town and went to get a drink. I sat there, and some guy tried to give me advice on life and love. I left. I went to another bar. Then another. And that was it. I was gone. I left her stranded. I hurt my aunt and uncle. I made a fool of myself to everyone.”

Ramsey turned and walked back to the fire.

I wasn’t exactly sure what to think or say at that moment.

All I could do was stand there, swallow hard, and let it sink in.

“I couldn’t imagine a right time to tell you that, darling,” he said. “We were just hanging together, you and me. I saw you, Jordyn. I saw the real you. Lonely. Worried. Slightly broken. And I understood it. And if I could make you feel whole and you make me feel whole… even if it was every other weekend, that was perfect. Then it got to be more. I needed more of you. But I didn’t want to lose you.”

“What about Sam?” I asked.

“What about him?”

“You don’t want kids. I have a son. He’s the most important person in my life.”

He faced me again, closing in on me. “That’s the whole point of this, Jordyn. What you’ve done to me. What Sam has done. I know your life isn’t perfect. I know your family isn’t perfect. Yet the love you have is so intense. It’s so real. You showed me that you don’t need to have a perfect family to be a family. And what I did before was terrible. I should have never let it happen the way it did. But standing here telling you that… I don’t know what it means. At least to you. How you look at me.”

“Rams, do you love me?”

“More than I’ve ever loved anyone else in my life.”

“What about Sam?”

“I love that kid, Jordyn. When I saw what was happening today… I saw my father. I saw my brother. And it just made me snap. What I did was wrong and unforgivable.”

“That’s my life, Rams. What I deal with. Being with me means dealing with Sam. Dealing with Keith. Dealing with the unknown.”

“The unknown,” he said. “Look at this house. I bought this house to punish myself. This was the kind of house you’d buy to have a family, right? But I bought it and was going to fix it up, but never did.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning… after I met you, I started to care about this place again. To fix it up. But not to sell it. For you to live in it. Sam, too. But telling you that and telling you what I did and why… it doesn’t make sense.”

“Nothing about you makes sense, Rams,” I said. I inched closer to him and slowly reached up and touched his face. My heart hurt. My stomach hurt. “So why the hell do I love you so much?”

“I don’t know, darling,” he whispered. “I will never hurt you. I will never say words to you that don’t matter. I’ve never felt this way before. I’m sorry for not telling you everything.”

“It’s hard to talk about,” I said.

“It is. My life has been a whirlwind. After Brian died and my father was gone, I was suddenly thrown into this house. With my aunt and uncle. Who loved me. I didn’t know how to take that. No matter how much I hurt them, they loved me. And I almost ruined their marriage. I almost married someone I wasn’t completely sure I wanted forever with. So, I stepped away from everything. Having a relationship twice a month was perfect.”

“What about now?”

“I’m greedy,” he said. “I want every second with you.”

I slowly moved to my toes and kissed him.

His hands slipped around my back and he pulled me close.

We melted into each other.

I kissed him harder and he kissed me back with the same passion.

But then Ramsey broke the kiss. His hands moved from my back to my sides. Then they climbed up my body, leaving me shivering at the places he touched, until he was the one cupping my face. His thumbs stroking my cheeks.

“I love you, Jordyn. And whatever happens next, I’m with you. Slow. Fast. We each live in our own place. We see each other every other weekend when Sam is gone. Whatever you want. Whatever you need.”

“I’m sort of hooked on you, Ramsey. And you bringing me coffee at work is kind of nice too.”

I smiled.

He smiled.

“I’m sorry for what you went through too,” I whispered. “Your family. Your brother. Every decision you had to make.”

“The way I felt back then doesn’t mean I feel the same now,” he said. “I mean it. You and Sam have shown me what a real family looks like. And I don’t care if it’s a single mother with two jobs, renting a house, just getting by. That’s love. That’s strength. It drives me crazy to think about… it makes me fall in love with you even more.”

“That’s just crazy to me,” I whispered. “You love my messy life.”

“I love everything about you.”

“Then I guess we’re just meant to be together,” I said.

“I guess so,” Ramsey said.

This time, he kissed me.

“Is it always going to be this crazy with us?” I asked in between kisses.

“Yeah it is,” he said, his lips brushing against mine. “But I don’t think I want it any other way.”

He pressed his lips to mine before I could respond.

Neither do I, Rams… neither do I.