Monday came too quickly.

Friday night started with a pizza and a movie with Sam. Next thing I knew, I was tucking him in on Sunday night. He was always jittery on Sunday night, his wonderful young mind trying to think too far into the following week. That meant me taking extra time to sit with him and talk about everything on his mind. Which honestly was a good thing for me. Because I got the same way.

After putting Sam to bed, I would do anything to keep myself distracted. I would do anything to avoid Monday coming. But it was inevitable and couldn’t be avoided.

When Monday came, it was busy. And its evil teeth sank hard into me all day.

I dropped Sam off at daycare. He was normally fine with it, but he gave me a backwards look that was so sad, I was tempted to call off work and spend the day with him. Of course, that wasn’t a real option.

It crushed me when the reality of my life touched on Sam’s life. It wasn’t his fault he was born. It wasn’t his fault what happened between myself and Keith. That was something I always wanted Keith to understand.

When I got to work, it was like a bomb went off inside the office. A couple of deals fell through for both Bill and Mike. Mike was brash to begin with, fiercely competitive, demanding his company be the one and only real estate company in town. And rarely did things not work out for him.

So, when you added that to Bill being in a bad mood too, it was hell all day.

The paper wasn’t the right color white. The printer didn’t print fast enough. The coffee tasted like shit. I took it upon myself to sneak out and go get them both coffees, only to have Mike tell me he wasn’t paying me to deliver coffee to him.

It was one of those days where no matter what corner I turned, there was something messy waiting. After lunch, I got a call from Miss Beth at the daycare to let me know that one of the kids had gotten sick. And that was sick as in throwing up unexpectedly and everywhere. She wanted to give all the parents a courtesy call, just in case it turned out to be something contagious. Which meant I was then officially on stomach bug watch.

My only saving graces for the day were the view out of the window and Jane.

And strangely the two were tied together.

Jane came through the front door in a nice looking, blue women’s suit with a sleek black bag hanging off her left forearm. In her other hand was a holder with two coffees. Her head was tucked to the left as she talked on the phone.

“Well, we can counteroffer,” Jane said.

She came to the desk and held her hand out for me to take the coffees. When I did, she mouthed thank you.

“I don’t care what he said,” she said. “This is what we do. We have the right to make another offer. I know they’re in a hurry to sell, but I’m not going to take a hit like that. Hell, I’ll personally put them in a monthly rental myself. Well, you call me back when you’re ready to talk.”

Jane ended the call and threw her phone into her bag.

“Rough day for you too?” I asked.

“Is it me or is today like the Monday of all Mondays?”

I had to laugh. “Yes. It’s been crazy. Between Mike and Bill…”

“Oh, I heard they were on the warpath,” she said. “Hey. Grab a coffee and come outside for a smoke.”

“I don’t smoke,” I said. “I used to, but not anymore.”

“Good for you. You quitter.” she winked. “Come have a coffee, some fresh autumn air, and a little free secondhand smoke.”

“I can’t pass that up,” I said.

“Let’s go,” Jane said.

We walked out front.

With my coffee in hand, I took a deep breath and smiled. It was definitely fall. Leaves were starting to change. The days still got a little warm, but it was comfortable. Plus, it was fun to watch everyone start to decorate. From now until the end of December everything in town would be decorated. The fall colors would give way to Halloween and then go back to fall colors, to then suddenly change to everything Christmas. But as the new year would sweep in, the decorations would be gone, and it would be cold, snowy, and quiet until spring came.

That was just how the years went now. Faster than the one before. It always left me uneasy, wondering if things were ever going to smooth out for Sam.

I smelled the bitterness of the smoke and remembered that I was standing with Jane.

“Thanks for the coffee,” I said.

“You could use it,” she said. “They’re assholes in there. Bunch of macho guys that get pissed when they can’t get what they want.”

“Oh, I know,” I said.

“Hey, how’s your little boy doing?”

“Sam? He’s good. Great. Got a call from the daycare that a kid threw up.”

“That’s gross.”

“Yeah. So now I have to cross my fingers and hope Sam doesn’t get sick.”

“Good luck with that.”

“The joys of motherhood.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Jane said. “That world waved bye to me a long time ago.”

I kept a grin on my face. “You have a great job though. Nice car. Big house.”

“Yeah. It’s a good life, Jordyn. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if things were different.”

“Everyone does that though,” I said. “It’s called being a human.”

“And you… you’re tough.”

“Tough?”

“Yeah,” she said. “You work at this place. You take care of your son all by yourself.”

“Well, he goes with his father every other weekend,” I said.

“Bullshit on that,” she said. “That’s not being a father. That’s being a glorified babysitter.” Jane touched her lips. “Sorry for saying that. I don’t know the personal situation.”

“No, it’s fine,” I said. “You’re about right with everything.”

Jane finished her cigarette and drank her coffee like it was a glass of water.

“Okay, I need to go figure out this offer,” she said. “Enjoy your coffee. Don’t worry so much about Mike. He’s rude as hell but he knows he can’t survive without you. You’re the best thing that’s happened to this office. Honestly. Remember that when he gets mad. Also, he loves candy bars. No joke. He preaches health and fitness, but if he gets like this, just leave a candy bar on his desk.”

“That’s something you could have told me a long time ago, Jane.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Wasn’t sure if I liked you or not.”

“Oh? Thanks.”

She smiled. “Enjoy all the pumpkin colored stuff.”

Jane went back inside.

I took a much-needed minute to myself. But only a minute.

I had to finish up my day and get Sam from daycare.

Then do everything a single mother needed to do to survive the day.

* * *

I was on day three of stomach bug watch. Sam was smart enough to use it to his advantage to argue about eating dinner, telling me he had an upset stomach. I let him off the hook because dinner wasn’t the best tasting thing in the world.

We went upstairs, and I ran the bath water for Sam while he collected his bucket of toys. The bucket was a small, clear tote that he found in my closet and asked if he could have for his bath toys. That was better than dealing with toys in the shower or on the floor. There was nothing graceful about stepping on a toy in the dark and having that shooting pain go through your entire body.

Sam came into the bathroom with his tote of toys and goggles on his forehead.

“Goggles?” I asked.

“Found them,” he said. “I can do shark diving.”

I laughed and reached for the goggles. “I’ll make you a deal. No goggles tonight, okay?”

“Why not?” he asked.

“I need you to play with your toys while I get your PJs out.” The doorbell rang. Sam and I both looked out of the bathroom door and then at each other. “And I need to answer the door really quick.”

“Fine,” Sam said.

I stood up and waited for him to climb into the water. I turned it off, being the overly cautious mother to make sure the water wasn’t too high for him. Mind you, Sam could swim in a pool without floaties. He reached for his tote of toys as the doorbell rang again.

“I’ll be right back,” I said.

Downstairs, I opened the door to find Jack standing there. He owned the house and loved to drop by at the most random, and usually worse, times possible.

“Evening, Jordyn,” he said, smiling at me.

His beard was bushy and gray. And he wore big glasses with thin frames and lenses that looked half tinted all the time. He wore the same ugly green baseball hat with nothing written on it.

“Brought you a filter for your system,” he said. “Have to change it twice a year.”

“Of course,” I said. “Six months already, huh?”

“Yup,” he said. “Just think, six months ago we were making small talk about nice weather. Now we can do the same about snow.”

“Well, no small talk for me, Jack. Sam is upstairs in the bath. I have to keep an eye on him.”

“I’ll be in and out in a minute,” Jack said.

“I can do that myself, Jack. You know that. I did it the last time.”

“Right,” he said. “I forgot that you’re a resourceful woman.”

I forced a smile even though I wanted to slap him. He always said stuff like that to me. As though I couldn’t take care of myself because I lived here alone with Sam. Even getting him to rent the place to me was a hassle. He walked me through every scenario and made me promise to keep his phone number on the fridge, just in case of an emergency. For the record, I only had to call him once when the outside outlet wasn’t working.

Jack slowly handed me the filter. I felt like I had my left ear stretched out a mile wide to make sure that I could hear every little splash that Sam made in the bathtub.

I grabbed the filter from Jack with a little force. “I’ll take care of it.”

I put the filter down and he pointed to it. “Please, don’t wait. It’s important to keep the system cleaned out.”

“Jack, I know. My son is in the bath right now. I’ll do it when he falls asleep.”

“I’ll check on it,” he said with a smile, but he was being serious.

“That’s fine,” I said.

“Okay, I’ll leave you be then,” he said, showing his hands. “Don’t want you mad at me.”

“Jack, it doesn’t matter if I’m mad at you. I pay the rent and you let me live here. Right?”

He laughed. “You’re quick. I like that.”

I curled my eyebrows down.

Is he being nice or trying to flirt?

I didn’t have time to debate – or get sick over the thought of it.

“Make sure you change that filter,” he added one last time for good measure.

“Goodnight Jack,” I said, and shut the door.

Through the foggy glass pattern on the front door, I watched as he stood there for a few seconds, making me cringe. He finally walked off the porch and I went upstairs.

Sam finished his bath a few minutes later and I wrapped him up in a towel and picked him up, groaning as I did so.

“You know, I remember when you were so tiny, and I used to give you a bath. Now you’re almost as big as me.”

Sam giggled and put his wet head on my shoulder.

I carried him to his room, got him dressed and tucked him in.

“I love you, Sammy,” I said.

He rolled his eyes when I said that. “Love you too.”

“Don’t get mad at me. I won’t see you all weekend, so I need to get all my Sammy’s in now. Right?”

“I don’t like it, Mom,” Sam said.

“Don’t like what?”

“The weekend thing.”

“You don’t like seeing Dad?”

“I do. We have fun. I just wish it was every weekend.”

“With Dad?” I asked, my heart slightly breaking.

“You and Dad,” he said. “Why can’t we all be together?”

The pain in my chest was real. But I had to keep cool. And collected. I could cry later when Sam was sleeping.

I reached down and ran my fingers through his semi-damp hair. “Oh, Sammy, I’m sorry about that. You know Mom and Dad live apart. I know that’s hard for you. But you get two places to call home. And two bedrooms. Two sets of toys. I think that’s kind of neat, when you think about it. Plus, I work on the weekends when you’re not here. So how fun would that be if you were here and had to be with a babysitter?”

Sam nodded. He heard me, but I wasn’t sure if he understood me. I hated this part of it. This was where I questioned what had happened. It made me wonder if I should have just stuck it out with Keith. Even if he and I didn’t get along, at least Sam would see us as a normal family. But the way Keith had been spiraling, there was no stopping it. I needed to get away and he needed to get help. We were better apart. Even if it hurt and confused Sam.

“Sammy, you need to get some sleep,” I whispered. I kissed his forehead. “You’re an amazing kid. I don’t want you worrying about anything like that. You’re so loved, Sammy. I know that might not mean much now, but you’ll get it eventually. When you’re older, you’ll look back and…”

His eyes were shut.

I smiled.

I let out a sigh as the emotion crept up from my chest.

“Sammy, you’re so loved,” I whispered again. “Your life is amazing. You have big plans. No matter what happens. You have such big plans. Goodnight.”

The first thing I did when I went downstairs was give the middle finger to the filter Jack brought me. I’d get to it, eventually.

I cleaned up from dinner, and as I stood at the sink washing a plate, I caught my reflection in the window. It was mostly distorted, but I could see the messy strands of my hair sticking out wherever they wanted. I was sore from running around all day. My head didn’t hurt with the pain of a headache, but just a sense of being overwhelmed. I reminded myself that the weekend was here, and Sam would go have fun with Keith. And I’d…

“Do what?” I asked my reflection.

I wasn’t on the schedule for any catering work either. That was usually hit or miss. Or Alison would call me at the last second, desperate for my help. Which I would always be available for.

I looked down at my hands. Soapy and sort of wrinkly. Chunks of carrots and corn splattered in the sink. The drain started to clog up from the overcooked pieces of meatloaf Sam refused to eat. Again, I didn’t blame him for that. I left the meatloaf cooking for too long.

I turned the water off and stepped back. I shook my hands and reached for a towel. Between the week I’d had, and the conversation I’d just had with Sam at bedtime, my nerves were shot. All week I had been drinking coffee all day and into the night, so I was completely jumpy and sleeping like crap. The office had been extra busy all week with Mike demanding that he made up for whatever deal went bad.

My eyes moved left to right around the kitchen.

I tried to envision the weekend. Being alone. Trying to kill time. Trying to relax. Worrying about Sam. Texting Keith, knowing he would purposely wait to text me back. Working all week to get to the weekend and then never fully embracing it.

I left the remaining dirty dishes in the sink and did something I never thought I would do.

Something had been stuck in the back of my mind.

Ramsey.

He knew about Sam. He knew I was only free a few nights a month. He probably already had plans for the weekend, but would it be the worst thing in the world to go out with someone? Not on a date. But just to get out of the house. And for whatever reason, Ramsey made me feel safe and comfortable. Seeing him punch that guy replayed a hundred times in my head. That quick glimpse of my life before having Sam. When motherhood was just a dream far down the road. The crazy nights of staying out too late, getting into trouble, and always finding a way to get out of that trouble.

I bit my lip as I dug through my bag to find his number.

Worst case, he wouldn't respond.

Then I’d just have a regular weekend.

I leaned against the dining room table and sent him a text. I was as nervous as if I had called him.

Hey. It’s Jordyn.

I put the phone down and slipped my hands to my face.

What are you doing, Jordyn?

My phone buzzed against the table.

I looked back down and the screen was lit up.

A reply from Ramsey.

Took you long enough.

I swallowed hard.

Only two words came to mind.

“Oh… shit…”