I left work with a bigger smile than normal. Even for a Friday. Mike had surprisingly gone early. Bill was off to his cabin for the weekend with his family. The office was quiet, clean, and it felt so good to lock it up and know I wouldn’t see it until Monday.

The job was okay. It was a paycheck. I was lucky to have it, so I couldn’t complain too much about it. But it was exhausting sometimes. Trying to keep up with the office setting, the lack of pay, all the while making sure Sam was okay.

I got to the daycare a little early and surprised Sam.

He was in the middle of an art project and wanted to stay to finish it.

“I guess he likes it here,” I said to Miss Beth.

“We love Sam,” she said. “He’s such a good kid. Let me convince him to leave his project until Monday, so you can get out of here. I know this is his weekend away, so you’ll want to spend time with him.”

“Thanks for that,” I said.

Sometimes it was embarrassing to have it be well known that Keith and I weren’t together, and that Sam split his weekends between two parents. But that was life, right? Not every kid grew up with the perfect parents or perfect home life. I knew that better than anyone else. I always wanted Sam to have something better in life. Yet he didn’t know what that meant. He knew what we had. And nothing else.

I watched as he packed up his bag, his cheeks bright red as everyone watched him because he was the first to leave.

“Hey, Sammy,” I said as I reached for him for a hug.

“Mom,” he said, his face burning even hotter.

“Oh, right. I can’t call you that here. Sorry. Good afternoon, Sam.”

He giggled.

I scooped him up and carried him.

I didn’t care how big he was. He would always be my baby. I remembered the first second I held him after he was born. Mind you, I was alone in the hospital when Sam was born, but that was something I wasn’t supposed to talk about. The first year of endless nights and everything being new. Drinking coffee like water to stay awake. But there was nothing better than watching him learn how to roll over, crawl, walk, say Mama as his first word. Of course, everything that Sam did right was another wedge Keith put between he and I.

I tried to shove the notion of Keith out of my mind, but I knew that was a losing battle. It was my weekend free, which came with an interesting set of feelings. I hated saying goodbye to Sam. But I had the chance to see Ramsey again. Whatever we were or would be, I liked that we both had the same understanding of things. Almost as though my time with Ramsey was just for me. My little secret on the weekends Sam had to spend time with his father.

As long as it didn’t grow from there, we’d be fine.

“Hey, Sammy, are you excited to see Dad this weekend?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I guess.”

“Are you excited to dress up for Halloween?”

“Sure.”

“Do you want to be a zombie still?”

I had to thank Keith for that. Letting Sam watch scary movies about zombies, making him not only want to be a zombie for Halloween, but also not want to sleep alone.

“I like it,” Sam said. “Zombies are cool. They reach up from the ground. There’s a place here like that… where zombies come from.”

He was referring to the cemetery.

I nodded. “Well, it’s just a movie, Sammy.”

“It’s real,” he said. “I know it’s real.”

His face lit up.

I wasn’t in the mood to argue.

So, for the moment, zombies were real and there was an immediate threat because there was a cemetery in our town. So be it.

When we arrived home, Sam went right up to his room to pack his bag.

To my complete shock, Keith actually texted me to say he was going to be fifteen minutes early.

I helped Sam pack up the same bag with the same stuff and I carried it downstairs for him. We stood outside on the porch, waiting for Keith. I looked around the front yard and an idea came to me.

“Come here, Sammy,” I said.

I hurried down the steps and got a handful of leaves. I turned and looked at him. He was a perfect blend of myself and Keith. His eyes were the color of mine with Keith’s narrow shape. Meaning he always looked mad or like he was thinking hard. His hair was dark like Keith’s, but thin like mine. He had my nose, Keith’s lips and ears. This life we created together. Something amazing to think about, even if the surrounding situation wasn’t perfect now.

“Leaf fight,” I called out and threw the leaves at him.

Sam ducked and ran to the other half of the front yard. He scooped up a bouquet of brown, red, and yellow leaves. He came running at me and threw them. I had to crouch down to make it a fair fight.

I should have been raking the leaves, honestly. Jack would get pissed if I didn’t keep the yard clean. Or he’d just show up and clean it himself. I didn’t need him in my front yard worried about the house. But I couldn’t pass up playing in the leaves with Sam.

When we called the fight a draw, I picked a few pieces out of his hair.

His cheeks were red from running but his eyes looked happy.

I messed up his already messy hair. “I love you, Sammy.”

“I love you, Mom,” he said.

I just stared at him, leaves falling around us, pumpkins on the porch, the house decorated the best I could afford for the season.

Keith pulled up a few minutes later and I walked Sam to the car.

When I opened the back door, I saw a round, orange pumpkin sitting on the seat.

“Look at that, Sam,” I said.

Keith turned and looked at me. I noticed his left eye looked a little odd. A little bruised in the corner near his nose.

“That’s for us tonight,” Keith said to Sam. “We’ll carve something cool.”

“Take a picture for me,” I said. “Please.”

“Buckle in, Sam,” Keith said and turned to face forward.

I kissed his head and let him buckle himself in.

I walked around the car to talk to Keith. “Thanks for getting here early.”

“I was in the area,” he said.

“He’s going to love carving the pumpkin with you.”

“Good.”

“I got him his zombie costume. Thanks to you.”

Keith looked at me. “Good. Mind if I leave now?”

“What happened to your eye?”

“I bumped it at work,” he said. “You done, Mom?”

He couldn’t go one time without pissing me off. Then again, was it really my business about his eye? Probably not. But from what my memory offered me, when he used to get messed up on booze and other stuff, he'd pick fights he couldn’t win and would come home beaten up.

But that wasn’t my problem anymore, was it?

Only when he was with Sam.

Which meant I had to trust Keith. And I didn’t trust him at all.

I backed away from the car. “Have a good weekend.”

“You too,” he said.

Keith pulled away and I waited until I could no longer see the car before walking back to the yard. I looked at the messy leaves and felt my heart squeeze. I hated this moment. So much. That empty feeling. The worrying feeling, hoping Sam would have fun, not be nervous, and that Keith would be a father.

What I needed was a distraction.

And I had that.

Its name… Ramsey.

* * *

I cared enough to get changed.

Twice.

Fine… three times…

I promised myself to be casual around him, because that’s what we were.

But three different pairs of jeans made me look and feel three different ways. At one point I had a hoodie on and figured to just go that route, but I didn’t want to be too casual. My mind raced, thinking of him kissing me on my front porch. Then kissing me again when he came to visit me at work.

Parts of me wanted more. You can guess which parts did.

It wasn’t wrong though.

I was a person. I had the weekend off.

I needed… something.

Once I had the perfect outfit - which was just jeans and my favorite flannel that made everything on me feel sexier - I went downstairs and waited for Ramsey.

He made me nervous for some reason, leaving me pacing the living room, biting at my lip, biting at my nails. I couldn’t stop thinking about his arms, his tattoos, wondering what it was like to have him… you know. Pick me up. Carry me to the bed. Undress…

I shook my head.

I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. To cool down.

The doorbell rang, and I jumped.

I got that stupid butterfly feeling in my belly and I told myself to calm the hell down.

Then I opened the door and saw Ramsey standing there.

In a long-sleeved black shirt with his sloppy hair and unkempt facial hair. He looked so grubby, like he had gotten home from work, changed his shirt, splashed some water on his face, and called it good enough.

It was more than good enough.

He looked fucking sexy.

That’s all my mind could see. And to think, I had to touch my bottom lip to make sure I wasn’t drooling.

This was my prize after two weeks of hell?

Oh, Ramsey, you could lick the burn marks…

“You okay, darling? Anything bad happen?”

I blinked fast. “No. I’m good. Sorry. My mind…”

“About Sam?”

I smiled. “No. About you.”

“Me?” he asked.

“You know, the way you look. What it does to women.”

“What’s that then?”

“Okay, stop,” I said. “Where are we going tonight?”

“Well, I told you somewhere different. But plans changed.”

“So, we’re going to Shammy’s? With your construction buddies?”

“Nah,” Ramsey said. “I have something else in mind. You’re going to get pissed at me.”

“How could I get pissed at you?” I asked. “We’re just hanging around.”

“Hanging around. Right.” Ramsey looked around and pointed. “That looks cool.”

I turned my head and saw a car track that Sam insisted on having. It was some kind of obstacle course that never actually worked. But he loved it.

“There are toys everywhere in here,” I said. “Do you want to stay and play?”

The look on Ramsey’s face made me blush. “You know, there’s more than one way I could take that.”

“You would say that. Tell me why I’m going to be pissed at you.”

“I made a promise to another woman tonight.”

“What?” I asked.

“Dinner plans. Sorry.”

“Are you serious?” I asked. “You came all the way here to tell me that?”

“Jordyn, I wanted to tell you in person.”

“So, you have, what, a bunch of women lined up? You just fuck them when you want?”

“To be fair, I haven’t-”

“Don’t say it,” I said. “Don’t drag me into it. This is why I told you to stay away. I should have known.”

Ramsey stood like a wall, eyebrow raised. “Can I finish what I was going to say?”

“Which is what?”

“I want you to come with me.”

“What? Where?”

“To dinner. Tonight. Well, right now. I’m going to be late and that won’t go over well with her.”

“You want me to join you for dinner with another woman?”

“Yeah,” he said. He smiled. “I promised my aunt I would have dinner there tonight.”

“Your aunt?” I let out a sigh and backed up. “I hate you. I can’t believe you just did that to me.”

“It was worth it. It showed me something.”

“Showed you what?” I asked.

“The way you’d react. You really can’t stop thinking about me. All these crazy thoughts. Waiting two weeks to have time alone.”

“And you want me to go to dinner at your aunt’s house?”

“It sounds crazy. My uncle owns the company I work for. My aunt - and uncle - raised me. When Aunt Millie makes dinner, you show up. It’s a big dinner. Some of the guys will be there too.”

“The construction guys?”

“Yes.”

“And I’m supposed to just show up? As what? Your friend?”

“Whatever you want to be, darling,” he said. “Just don’t lie to Aunt Millie. She knows everything.”

I touched my forehead. “What the hell, Rams… I’ve been looking forward to this…”

“It’s not a big deal. And there’s no better meal you’re going to get. We eat. And then we leave.”

“Together.”

“Together.”

“She’s going to think we’re a couple, right?”

“Do you care what other people think of you?” he asked.

I cocked my head to the side. “I don’t even know what to say right now.”

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you’d have fun. You can’t imagine what it’s like eating a meal at Aunt Millie’s table. Doc will be there. He’ll drink too much whiskey and get all philosophical and sleep on the couch. Little Billy, Lance, and Matt too.”

“And you want me there.”

“I do, Jordyn. I wouldn’t offer if it didn’t matter to me.”

“So, is this a date?” I asked.

“Now you’re the one putting a label on this,” he said with a grin.

“Whatever. I’m still mad at you.”

I walked toward him, but he didn’t move out of my way.

I looked up at him.

“Is that a yes?” he asked.

“Sure, Rams. I’d love to spend my Friday night at your aunt’s house with a bunch of drunk construction guys.”

“That’s all I needed to hear.”

“Yeah…”

Rams moved down and kissed me. With his right hand he touched my jaw, almost pinching it, holding me in place.

A couple of kisses hello and then he moved away and waited for me to walk.

I took my first step like a newborn giraffe.

Why did kissing him do that to me?

The answer was pretty damn clear.

I sort of liked him and I really liked him kissing me…

* * *

We parked around the back of the large farmhouse, where there was a massive gravel pad for parking. It was pretty much full, which tapped into a little anxiety. So many people. And the only one I knew was Ramsey. Then again, family and friends getting together on a Friday night. There was nothing wrong with that. I remembered the days when it used to be like that for me.

“This is beautiful back here,” I said.

There was a lot of overgrowth; trees, bushes, shrubs, vine type plants. A lot of it was dead and dying because of the season, but in my mind, I could imagine what it must have looked like in the summer.

“Yeah, Aunt Millie doesn’t leave the house much,” Ramsey said. “This is her everything. Inside and out. Uncle Tom puts up lights in the summer. There are a few strands still left up on the trellises over there, but Aunt Millie runs a tight ship.”

“She runs the house, huh?”

“Definitely.”

“Smart woman,” I said with a smirk.

“Don’t get any crazy ideas, darling.”

When Ramsey said things like that it made my stomach feel giddy.

“We’ve always used the back door to the house,” he said. “I think that’s my fault.”

“Why your fault?” I asked.

“The front door faces the street, obviously. It’s a heavy, old door that sometimes squeaks. But it’s right at the base of the steps to go upstairs. So, when I would sneak home, I’d always go through the back door. It opens right into the kitchen. I could get a bottle of water, something to eat, and creep my way through the house. But Aunt Millie was fierce, sitting there, waiting for me. No matter the hour, she’d be there with a cup of tea, ready to chew my ass for not abiding by her rules.”

“You were a real bad boy, huh?”

Ramsey laughed. “Bad boys are for show, Jordyn. I lived… just bad.”

The words hit me. It was a little shot at Keith, who dressed and acted the part.

But Ramsey lived the part.

“I feel bad for them, my aunt and uncle,” he said. “For what I did to them. They didn’t need that in their life. So that’s why I’m here tonight. I owe it to them. When Aunt Millie wants a family dinner, I show up.”

“This is sort of weird for me, Rams. But I’m sort of excited.”

“Yeah?” he asked, looking at me.

“Sam and I don’t have real family around,” I said, swallowing hard. “Um… being with Keith cost me a lot more than everyone realizes. Any family that’s still alive lives far away. We might see them once a year on a good year. A big dinner for us is if we go over to Brenda’s and Norah shows up.”

“Well, tonight, darling, you’re part of this family. And trust me, it’s fucked up.” Ramsey winked. “And it’s not all blood related either. I’m the only one. Everyone else works for Uncle Tom. But one thing they taught me was that family is based on actions.”

“So, I should thank them for the relentless pestering by you?” I asked.

“Probably. But at least you get coffee out of it.”

“True. And the kissing isn’t so bad either.”

“Ah, see, I knew you’d like that.” Ramsey touched my hand and slowly took a firm grip. “I know there’s a lot in your life, Jordyn. I know there are a lot of lines you’ve drawn, too. You do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and your son.”

“For this weekend, Rams, I don’t want to be that,” I whispered. “Is that wrong?”

“Not at all. I’ll keep good care of that secret…”

He leaned toward me.

My face burned red hot.

Sitting outside his family’s house on a Friday night in fall, getting ready to make out in his truck. I was having flashbacks to years before, picturing the version of Ramsey I once knew. The tall and strong tough guy who walked with his head down, a chip on his shoulder, afraid of nothing, living way beyond anyone else. My life would have been so different if things had happened between us back then…

Ramsey touched my cheek.

My lips were already quivering, ready for him to kiss me again.

A thundering boom echoed through the truck and I screamed.

When we looked forward, someone stood at the front of his truck.

“Wrap it up!” a voice yelled.

“Fucking Matt,” Ramsey growled.

He quickly pressed a hand against the horn. Matt stumbled back, laughing.

“Sorry about that,” Ramsey said.

“You owe me,” I said playfully.

Ramsey opened his door and looked at me. A wild look on his face. A wilder look in his eyes. “Trust me, darling, I’ll make sure to finish what I started.”