Ramsey seemed very different.

I balanced that with the intense nervousness of inviting him into my house. I had never brought a guy home here before. This was my home. This was Sam’s home.

When I hesitated at the door, Ramsey gently touched my wrist and pulled my hand away from the key, leaving it in the lock.

“It means a lot to you,” he said. “What you have here. Your sense of privacy. I get that, darling. Don’t let me fuck that up.”

“It’s not that, Rams,” I said. I looked at him. “I promise, it’s not that.”

“Don’t lie to me either.”

“I’m sorry for what happened tonight.”

He gritted his teeth. “I should apologize to you. I threw you into the fire by taking you there tonight. You don’t mess with Aunt Millie when she makes dinner plans.”

“No, I had a great time. I meant what I told her about family. I really don’t have much.”

“Neither do I,” he said. “That’s all I have. Those two. And what my uncle said…”

“I’m sorry you found that out the way you did. But it’s maybe helpful. To know that nothing is perfect. That you have to fight for what you want, right?”

“Is that what happened to you? I mean, with your situation here?”

I shook my head. “I gave up.”

I lowered my head.

Ramsey touched my chin and made me look up at him. “That’s not the way I see it, darling.”

“Oh? How do you see it?”

“I see a woman who knew something in her life had to change. Had to get better. A woman who had to make the hardest decision of her life. And do it alone. A woman who had to set a new path for her son, which is fucking scary.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Something like that.”

“I’m serious. I could have just cancelled on us tonight. I thought about it. But a part of me wanted you to see that. To be there with me. I know that was probably a step forward too fast though.”

“It wasn’t. It was perfect.”

“No, it wasn’t. It was a fucking disaster.”

“That’s what family is. That’s how life is.”

Ramsey shook his head. “You are too good of a person, Jordyn.”

“Rams, if there’s anything… I mean, you’ve talked about what happened a little. But as far as your brother… or what happened…”

That’s when Ramsey made his move. His other hand came from nowhere and was at my lower back. Pulling me toward him. Slamming my body against his rock-hard body. I was pinned between him and my own house. Not a bad place to be stuck on a normally lonely Friday night.

His fingers, that had been touching my chin to keep my stare on him, was now his entire hand, inching along my cheek to the back of my neck. Those strong fingers digging into my hair, pulling at strands with a strength he probably didn’t mean to use.

The first kiss felt like a warning.

His lips overpowering mine. A kiss that lasted less than a few racing heartbeats before he pulled away. The tip of his nose just barely grazing mine.

He lingered for a second or two before kissing me again.

This time was with intention. And that intention moved from my lips down to my belly where butterflies were let loose. But it didn’t stop there. It kept going…down… my hips and legs trembling, my most inner desires awakened, ready for Ramsey to take me right there.

The autumn air may have been crisp and cool, but between us, it was as hot as mid-July.

I touched his shirt, my hands pressing it against his body. I couldn’t take it anymore as I inched down and touched the bottom of it. My fingertips were then welcomed with the warmth and hardness of muscle. Moving my hands up under his shirt, I groaned while he still kissed me. My knees bent, melting right there on my own front porch. Under the soft glow of the old porch light. I was at his mercy. Trying to hold myself together to not appear so desperate, but I would dare anyone to not feel the way I did around Ramsey. Especially the way he set his sights on me. The way his hands were now gripping my hips tightly, his lower half pressing against mine, allowing me to feel what was the result of our kissing.

His hands found the bottom of my shirt and my nails curled at his skin, wanting to dig into his muscle. My mind raced with a million thoughts. Of what was happening. Of what would happen.

As his right hand touched my stomach, I felt my breathing become instantly shaky. I broke the kiss and put my head back, taking sighing breaths. His lips kissed a trail down my neck that would tingle for days to come. I shivered and bit my lips, not wanting to suddenly look like a fool by giggling because it tickled. His right hand worked its way up my shirt, his big hand spread wide across my stomach. I felt like he was touching every flaw on my body, but I didn’t mind. And he didn’t mind. Even if we were trying to just hang out every two weekends to enjoy ourselves, we had both shown a small side of our hearts.

That made us closer.

“Darling, we can keep going right here,” his voice growled, as his warm breath spread across my neck.

“No,” I said.

I took my hand out from under his shirt and reached for the door. It seemed sexy and easy to just turn the key without looking and opening the door. Then letting Ramsey take me inside as I guided him with directions in between kissing.

Yes… fuck yes…

My hand fumbled with the key. I tried to turn it left. It wouldn’t budge. I tried to turn it right. It wouldn’t budge.

I had to turn my head and lean forward a little.

As the key turned, Ramsey kissed my neck.

I burst into laughter and gasped.

My cheeks burned red hot as the door finally opened.

“Ticklish, huh?” Ramsey whispered. “Right… here?”

He kissed my neck and I cringed, jumping at him.

“That I can get used to,” he said.

My body melted even more.

I sidestepped and wanted to go inside. So bad. I needed it. So bad.

We made it two more steps before my phone started to ring. The vibrations and the annoying ringtone echoed in my bag. I ignored it. This was my moment. My time with Ramsey. In some strange, yet sexy way, he was my secret. My dirty secret. My reward after getting through another two weeks of struggling to make ends meet for myself and my son.

He was mine. Even if it was just for tonight.

Nothing was going to…

My phone started to ring again, just seconds after it stopped ringing.

“Shit,” I said, as Ramsey pulled away from our kiss.

He let out a little growl.

“I’m so sorry,” I said. “Give me one second.”

I dug through my bag and my phone screen was lit up.

Keith.

“Is it your son?” Ramsey asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Go,” he said. “Make sure he’s okay.”

I looked up at Ramsey.

He was so good with it all. He understood.

I wondered how or why he did…

But first I had to check on Sam.

* * *

“Can you read me a bedtime story?”

The question normally would have hit me in the heart and I’d do anything to get a book to read to Sam. But when he asked that question in a tired voice, I looked right at Ramsey.

“Oh, Sammy,” I said. “You want me to read you a bedtime story. I don’t know…”

Ramsey touched my arm. He nodded.

I mouthed to him, Are you sure? and he nodded again.

“Okay, Sammy,” I said. “I would love to read to you.”

“Thanks,” his voice said.

I walked up the stairs. I sighed under my breath. It was sometimes frustrating - okay, more times than not - but it was the life I chose and the life I truly loved.

“How was your night?” I asked.

“Fun,” Sam said.

“Is Dad there? Can I talk to him?”

“He doesn’t want to talk to you,” he said. “I told him I missed you and he said I should call.”

“Is he in the room with you?”

“No,” Sam said. “He said he’d check on me in a few minutes.”

My mouth opened… Sammy, has Dad been drinking… beer? Whiskey? A bottle?

I couldn’t stomach the idea of asking my five-year-old son that question. But Keith seemed nastier than normal. He would do anything to hurt me or attack my emotions. But it seemed that lately Sam wasn’t comfortable being there, and it seemed like Keith was taking that really personally. You’d think Keith would take a minute and talk to me about it, so we could work together as parents to help Sam out.

I was pissed off by the time I got to Sam’s room.

I grabbed the first book I could find.

“One story, Sammy,” I said. “Then you need sleep. Did you carve your pumpkin tonight?”

“No.”

“Is that why you’re upset?”

“No.”

My heart ached.

Why didn’t you carve the pumpkin tonight, Keith? You bought it. You showed it to him. You said you were. He’s a kid. He takes this stuff to heart. And he doesn’t know how to express his emotions yet.

I sat on the floor with my back to Sam’s small dresser as I read a book to him over the phone. My eyes kept looking to his empty bed. The bump at the top where his pillow was tucked under the covers. A stuffed frog, tan puppy dog, and a tiger on the bed, all staring at me.

It took all my might to finish the story without breaking down into tears.

“I love you, Sammy,” I whispered into the phone. “We need to get off the phone now, okay? You need to get a great night of sleep. And tomorrow you’re going to have a great day with Dad. And a great night. Then it’ll be Sunday and you’ll come back home, here.”

“Goodnight, Mom,” Sam’s voice said.

I shut my eyes as I had to be the one to end the call.

I tried to picture something good. Keith coming into the room to get his phone. And him saying the right thing to Sam to sooth him and help him fall asleep. The reality was probably so far different.

It hurt.

It hurt really badly.

I felt the first tear run down my cheek and I looked up at the ceiling. I took a deep breath through my mouth, wishing it all away. This empty and guilty feeling. But it wouldn’t leave.

I shut my eyes as the overwhelming sense of emotion hit me all at once

I hated not being there with Sam when he needed me the most. I hated that his own father couldn’t realize what was happening and do something to help.

When I lowered my head into my hands, I cried as though I were alone.

Which I was supposed to be.

Until I heard a knock at Sam’s door.

I gasped and looked up.

Ramsey stood in the doorway.

* * *

“I’ll take off if you want me to,” he said, his deep voice bouncing through Sam’s room.

It hit me right then that no man had ever been in Sam’s room. Not since I moved here at least. Not even Jack, and he owned the house. Yet Ramsey stood just outside the doorway, as if he knew what this room meant to me.

“Rams… what are you…”

“I had to come in,” he said. “I was at the door, waiting, and I just had a feeling, Jordyn. I opened the door and listened to you reading to him. I heard your voice carrying down the hall. I heard the sadness, darling. How much this kills you inside. Then I heard you crying. I couldn’t just walk away from that.”

I wiped under my eyes and forced myself to stand. “It gets harder when it’s not supposed to. It’s supposed to get easier.”

“Who told you that?” he asked.

“Everyone did. After I made the decision to leave. Everyone told me it would get easier. But that was a fucking lie, Rams.”

“I know, Jordyn. Sometimes people say shit to make you feel better. Just to give you that glimmer of hope. Thinking it will make something click in your mind. When you don’t want that. When you just want to be fucking pissed off. And hate everything around you…”

I walked toward him as he spoke, like a magnet. My eyes staring at his.

He knows… he gets it…

When I could touch him, I grabbed his shirt.

“Not hate everything, Rams,” I whispered.

“Yeah?” he asked, his hands pulling at my hips.

I was breathing heavily already.

Standing in the hallway to the house I could barely pay rent on to stay there. A house where I had never brought a date over. Where a man had never seen my bedroom or touched the bed.

“It hurts,” I whispered.

Tears filled my eyes.

“I know, darling.”

“Can you make it not hurt?”

Ramsey pressed his lips to mine.

That was my answer.

Yes.

* * *

He pulled my shirt over my head, and before it could hit the floor, I was attacking his shirt. I needed to see his body. The tattoos on his arms were always a tease as parts hid under his sleeves.

I wrestled with the shirt like it was my first time, leaving me blushing and feeling worse than I already did.

Ramsey took charge, gently touching my sides. It made me jump, feeling that tight grip of his working hands against my ribs. My back straightened, and my hands turned into melted butter. Then dropped to my sides and I stood there, captivated by him.

“I’ll take care of everything,” he whispered. “Just trust me.”

I swallowed hard as all feeling left my body, collecting at my inner thighs. I ached in a way I never thought possible. My breathing had been reduced to sighs.

Ramsey took his own shirt off, doing so in an unfair way, looking as though he belonged in a movie doing that kind of thing.

His muscles were built from working and nothing else. They were firm, defined and the tattoos on his arms moved all the way up to his shoulders, where they stopped. That gave sight to his wide and hard chest, my hands were already reaching for him as I promised myself I wouldn’t stand there and drool. The ache of my reality was already starting to ease up. And it didn’t hurt that he had rippling stomach muscles that made two competing lines that darted into the top of his jeans. On his right side there was a tattoo. Three letters - BGT.

Ramsey moved at me again, his hands sweeping me up off my feet and taking me to the bed. I groaned with relief when my back hit the covers and his body was just inches from mine. As he pressed forward with his lower half, I felt his thickness bulging against the inside of his jeans and on the inside of my legs.

I bit my lip and put my head back, arching my back. Lifting enough so he could reach around and unhook my bra. I shivered and felt my heart skip a beat or two as he pulled it away. His right hand came around my body and slid along the side of my left breast, going for my face instead. Cupping my face, pulling my head so I would look at him.

The smoldering look in his eyes had me already feeling as though I was near the edge.

He stared at me for a few seconds before breaking away from my eyes and dipping down to my chest. I groaned as his tongue circled around my right nipple before he took me into his mouth. He pulled back with a hard kiss that sent a fresh set of tingles head to toe. My hands slowly tightened around the covers as I tried to take a full breath.

Ramsey kissed me over and over, then began to kiss down my body. Kiss by kiss, down to the top of my pants. He then stood up from the bed and hurried to open them. I lifted my hips off the bed, giving myself to him so he could take the rest of my clothes off. And the way he did… taking both my pants and panties at the same time…

I couldn’t take much more waiting.

I needed him.

I needed to feel good. I needed to feel whole.

Ramsey came back down, and I watched with my mouth open wide as his lips found somewhere new to kiss. Just above my aching sex, below my belly button, that wicked and tender spot of desire. His hands touching my hips again, sliding up my entire body as he kissed upwards, all the way to my neck. There, he began to kiss vigorously. His tongue racing in all shapes and letters. Sometimes kissing hard enough that it made me gasp, thinking he was going to leave evidence of us being together.

His right hand moved away from my body and I heard the sound of him taking care of his jeans. I sucked in a deep breath and held it tight as I felt his mouth still kissing my neck. Working those perfect kisses all the way to my mouth. That’s when things got even hotter. The way he kissed me was like nobody had ever done before.

Then came… him.

His right hand touching the inside of my left leg, making sure I was ready. The graze of his fingertips against my core, curling them against my tender bud, leaving my hips bucking up at him, wanting more.

That happened a second later when he touched me.

I felt the swell of his hardness against me.

I gasped, and he paused kissing for a split second.

“Are we okay?” he whispered. “Like this?”

“Yes. We’re more than okay.”

Ramsey growled.

He kissed me again and came forward, breaking my threshold.

The back of my legs tightened hard and my toes curled. He was there… inside me… sinking deeper by the second. Going impossibly slow, allowing my body to get accustomed to him, feeling every amazing inch of him.

His body pressed hard to mine when there was no more to give.

I couldn’t find a breath to inhale nor exhale.

He held there and drove forward, forcing me to put my head back and cry out, begging for relief. And begging for more.

He started to move at me, pulling and pushing, chasing away anything that could hurt me or fuck up the rest of my night.

My hands grabbed at the back of his wide shoulders. I sank my nails in hard and held there, slowly looking down, watching the muscles of his body working hard to take care of me. Watching his body with my body. Seeing it, hearing it, and feeling it all at the same time. My legs wrapped around his body, pulling at him, already craving more. Instantly addicted to the feeling of him taking and having me.

He grunted as he jolted forward, burying himself, holding there, pumping with force. Lowering the top half of his body down to mine. His warm and hard chest pressing against my breasts. Driving himself with purpose as his mouth began to kiss and tease parts of my body where I didn’t know it felt good. Starting at my left shoulder, kissing so perfectly, dipping down to where my chest began, but not going down to my breasts. Teasing me while pleasuring me. Working across the top of my chest to my other shoulder and finally across to my throat. Rubbing the tip of his nose against my throat, growling as he did so. Moving harder, faster, bringing me to climax.

My body clenched tight as I gasped and scratched at his back.

“Fuck, Rams,” I groaned. “Oh, I’m…”

“I know, darling,” he whispered, his voice and breath tickling my throat. “Keep going. Keep coming.”

I bit my lip as the pressure continued to build and crest. This wasn’t just a large wave crashing. This was a tsunami happening. Wave after wave of pleasure hitting at once. My hips rocking with relief as Ramsey moved at his own pace, never giving me a chance to ease up.

Taking me through my first climax and throwing me into a second one.

My hands slipped from his back to the bed. I pulled at the covers as though they were going to do something. I pulled them tight to my sides as I cried out. Ramsey was perfect, moving with precision as though he were inside that little spot in the back of my mind where I wasn’t a struggling mom, and knew exactly what I wanted from a man like him. It had always been a wild fantasy, but the reality felt so much better.

So much fucking better.

He kissed down to my breasts once more, taking his time with each one, never missing a motion of his lower half. In some wild way, it was like two people were with me. I never knew it could feel this good.

As he settled back to kissing my neck with the tip of his tongue, writing in a language I could never read but only feel, he lowered himself back down to me. His right hand began a quick descent down the side of my body, stopping at my hip. With a strong hold, he kept me there as he drove himself harder and with more speed. I couldn’t contain myself as the next wave began to crest and crash. I fought against him to lift my hips for relief, but he was in full control.

“Be ready, darling,” he whispered, with a warning into my ear.

He grunted like a wild beast as he moved himself with greater strength. I felt him readying with a swell that made me bite my lip again. I told myself, if I kept that up I was going to literally bite my bottom lip off my face.

Ramsey kept his lips against my ear, letting me listen to the soundtrack of his pleasure. Growling sighs, deep breaths, grunts, and finally a hiss that had him pressing forward with the sole intention of finishing.

My hands quickly released their hold on the covers, feeling everything Ramsey had to offer. I reached as far down his body as I could, wanting to grab his ass, but only managing to feel his lower back. Those muscles pulling tight, working hard as he ended what was the hottest moment I’d had in a long time. Maybe in all of my life.

Ramsey went from beast to gentleman in a split second.

He pulled the covers over me and traced a line across my shoulder. I turned my head and shut my eyes, feeling his fingertips against my neck and down along my jawline. His thumb grazed my bottom lip and I tried to kiss it, but he was already gone.

I opened my eyes and knew there was no way in hell Ramsey would actually be there.

Right?

This was all a crazy dream.

But there he was, staring right at me.

“I don’t know what to say right now, Rams,” I whispered.

“Then say nothing. Shut your eyes. Sleep, darling. Live in this moment.”

“I want to stay here as long as I can,” I said and smiled. “Oh, God, that was…”

He grinned, and I shut up, heat rushing to my cheeks.

“I’m pathetic,” I said.

“Not a chance in hell,” he said. “You’re real, Jordyn. As real a person as I’ve ever met. I couldn’t stop myself tonight. Waiting outside for you.”

“I’m so sorry about that,” I said. “How messed up it keeps getting.”

“Stop apologizing for your life and who you are, darling. You’re amazing at what you do.”

Ramsey leaned forward and kissed me.

It was a short-lived kiss as he moved from the bed and grabbed his jeans.

I sat up, holding the sheets against my chest. “What are you doing?”

“You don’t want me to stay over.”

“Says who?”

“Says me, Jordyn. I don’t want to mess anything else up in your life.”

“So, you’re just… here and gone?”

“Tell me that’s not what you wanted or needed?”

I swallowed hard. “Okay. Fine. I needed that.”

Ramsey turned, now in jeans, and he touched my face. “You know what’s important to you and your life. I can’t get in the way of that.”

I touched his hand at the last second. “I hate this. Everything that…”

“Stop,” he whispered. “I’m sorry for what you had to go through tonight. At dinner and at home. And for the record, what we just did wasn’t out of need for me. The way you felt in that moment, you deserve to feel all the time.”

He broke away and wished me a goodnight.

I watched him walk out of my bedroom and listened to him leave the house. It took me a few minutes to get out of the bed, the sheet the only thing covering me, and walk downstairs.

I could have stopped him from going if I really wanted to. But this house wasn’t just my house. There was so much more…

The way you felt in that moment, you deserve to feel all the time.

I opened the door and looked out to the dark night. A breeze scattered some leaves across the porch.

I shivered.

My insides were warm.

My toes curled.

My head replayed Ramsey over and over.

And his words echoed around me.

I blinked fast, feeling the emotion of the night catching up to me.

How could my heart hurt so much, and my body feel so good at the same time?