Chapter 14

Tessa

 

 

Oh. My. God. He kissed me. What the hell? Why was it so enjoyable? As in ‘curled my toes’ good. I could feel my body responding. I had no control, and before I knew what was happening, I leaned in for the kiss. When he looked at me, I knew it was coming. I could have leaned back. I could have walked away, but I wanted to know. To satisfy that itch that had started when I first saw him weeks ago.

I think it was me who moaned and I was glad I did. It was a blissful moan, drawn from a place deep down. His lips were so soft and gentle, unlike some of the sloppy kissers I’ve had in the past. His hands weren’t on me, pulling and tugging things that should only be handled with care. It was a sweet kiss. A romantic kiss that was all about emotions and nothing about the physical passion that these spontaneous kisses tend to start with.

The moan caught me off guard. It followed the increase in pressure and the opening of my lips. I had to stop the kiss before it went too far. Tongue dancing is too far in my book when it involves my boss. I took a step back, breaking the contact between our lips and our bodies. Immediately after doing so, I felt a sense of loss. I missed his body pressed into mine, even if it had only been for a few brief but glorious seconds.

I forced myself to open my eyes. He was looking back at me. His eyes were a darker green than I remembered. 

“I’m sorry,” we both said at the same time.

I shook my head. “No, I, we, it’s—”

He held up a hand. “Tessa, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I stepped forward, wanting to assure him it wasn’t his fault, but he held up a hand, stopping me in my tracks. Duh. I can’t step close to him. I may launch myself at him. He was clearly warding me off.

“We can’t,” I blurted out. “It’s inappropriate. You’re a teacher. I’m a student. This is wrong,” I muttered. Shame washed over me.

My eyes moved to the open door, and I’m sure I blushed eight shades of red. What if someone had walked by? Even worse, what if a student had stopped by to see the professor? I felt like a complete fool. I was not one of those girls who got hot for teacher and actually acted on it.

I glanced around the room. “I better go.”

“Tessa, please,” he started, but I didn’t give him the chance to say another word.

I practically ran down the hall and out of the building, sucking in gulps of humid sea air. I cannot believe I let myself get carried away. I can’t blame him. I followed him into a quiet, secluded space. Clearly, I needed to watch more horror films. A girl wasn’t supposed to do such stupid things.

I had to tell someone, to confess my sins, and, hopefully, the last five minutes would be nothing but a distant memory. I couldn’t even blame alcohol for my mistake.

Bursting into the library, I headed straight for the back. I took a deep breath before I walked through the door.

Maria was sitting at her small desk in a room similar to the one I had just vacated.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, concern written all over her face.

I stared at her. Unable to put my actions into words.

“Tessa?” she said, rising from her seat and walking around the desk towards me. “Hon, what happened? Are you okay?” she asked, putting a hand on my arm.

Nodding, I replied, “Yes, yes, nothing bad. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m kind of freaking out, though.”

“Why?”

“You will not believe what I just did!” I screeched, trying to keep my voice down, but not completely able to combat the nerves.

Maria walked around me and shut the door I had just burst through.

“What did you do?” she asked, the concern was less for my physical health, but what I may have done to someone else.

I took a deep breath. “I kissed him.”

She blinked, waiting for me to clarify. I couldn’t. I couldn’t actually say the words.

“Who did you kiss?”

I groaned. “Him.”

Maria put a hand on her hip. “Tessa, there are a lot of ‘hims’ on this campus. I’m going to need you to be more specific. Please tell me it was at least legal. I’ve seen some of those high school boys roaming around here hoping to score a college girl.”

I rolled my eyes. “He is definitely legal. Very legal.” I exhaled a long breath, “Ian.”

She looked at me with confusion. “Ian? Who’s Ian?”

Her eyes widened when she realized who I was talking about. I nodded my head vigorously. “Yes, Ian!” I screeched again, in a very high-pitched voice that was uncharacteristic for me.

“You kissed Professor Hotstuff?”

I groaned. “Yes. In his office. With the door open.”

She was squealing and clapping her hands like it was a good thing. I was having a mild panic attack, and she was happy.

“Yeah! It’s about time. You have been lusting after him since school started. It was bound to happen,” she pointed out.

I shook my head no, denying her ridiculous assumptions. “No. No, I haven’t. I mean, I said he was attractive. That does not mean I threw myself at him.”

Maria laughed. “Tessa, I don’t think you know how to throw yourself at a man. I’m sure it was a mutual attraction, and the kiss happened because it was meant to.”

“How can you say that?” I asked in horror. “He’s a professor. I’m a student. I’m his assistant.”

Maria waved her hand as if she could wipe away my objections. “Who cares. Students and professors bang all the time. Trust me; you are the not the first girl to kiss a hot professor.”

I looked at her with horror. “I don’t kiss professors, and there has certainly never been any banging,” I said with aghast.

She shrugged. “Okay, so you kissed him. So, how was it?”

I looked at her. “What? That’s what you want to know? You aren’t going to tell me how stupid it was and how lucky I was we didn’t get caught?”

“Hell no. I want to know if he is as good of a kisser as he looks. I mean come on, those lips. Those are movie star lips. All pink and full and completely kissable. And don’t pretend you didn’t notice. I mean, once you can tear yourself away from those eyes of his. Seriously, girl. He’s the total package,” she said, with a smile that made me a little jealous.

“He is a good kisser,” I said in a quiet voice. “Maybe too good. I almost didn’t stop it.”

She groaned. “You stopped it? Why would you do that? I would have been up on his desk, legs wide and begging.”

“Maria!” I said in mock horror. “You are a dirty girl. My God. Have you no shame?” I scolded her.

She laughed it off. “Not really. I’m a young, healthy woman who really appreciates the opposite sex. I’ll settle down one day, but in the meantime, there is no reason for me to live like a nun.”

Her wild ways were the complete opposite of my reserved nature. It’s probably why we got along so well. She was always dragging me to bars and frat parties. Maria could find a guy to take home within minutes of being in a room. I couldn’t. I wasn’t built for one-night-stands and mindless, drunken sex. I hated not having full control of a situation.

“I don’t know. I feel terrible, I think he was a little weirded out by it as well,” I told her, plopping down in the small chair in the corner.

She walked to her seat behind the desk and stared at me. “Tessa, it was only a kiss. It doesn’t even sound like it was a kiss that was going anywhere. I don’t see the big deal.”

I sighed. Maybe I was making too big a deal over the whole thing. I wasn’t a virgin by any means, but I had certainly never had a fling with a teacher.

“Maybe when I see him tomorrow, he’ll act like it never happened. I would be okay with that. It can never happen again,” I said, only a little sad with the realization.

“Oh, sweetie. If it’s meant to be, it is definitely going to happen. I suggest you lighten up on yourself. Loosen up and enjoy this part of your life. When you have to grow up and be a full-fledged adult, you can worry about an affair with a married man or your boss. You’re in college. This is the only time in your life you’re going to get a free pass to have some fun,” she said with a smile. “I’m certainly maximizing every minute.”

I nodded, but I wasn’t sure I felt the same way.

“Okay, I better get going. I’ll see you tonight?”

She smiled. “I have a date. Hopefully I won’t see you until tomorrow morning.” She waggled her eyebrows.

I had to laugh. This woman was very committed to having fun.

“You better enjoy being a little ho. You only have a few more months before you have to put that thing away and act like a mature, responsible woman,” I told her.

She threw back her head and laughed. “I promise, I will be the consummate good girl the minute I step into the real world. I’ll save myself for my husband.”

I opened the door, turned to look at her. “There is no saving anything, Maria. That ship sailed about two years ago when you decided to go down this road of free love,” I shot back. I had to fight back a laugh. I loved Maria. We were good enough friends I could insult her without her taking it personal.

“Don’t be jealous!” she shouted through the door I had just closed.

I walked out of the library, feeling a little better about the kiss. It hadn’t been sexual. It had been sweet and fairly innocent. One sweep of his tongue didn’t exactly cross lines into dirty girl territory. I hoped tomorrow we could both ignore it and pretend it never happened.

As much as I wanted that, I knew I could never fully get on board with that plan. Even now, I was replaying the kiss and the way it made me feel. It had been gentle. It made me feel like he was worshiping me in the most respectful way. My body shivered as I imagined what it would be like to have those gentle lips move over my body and give me the full worshiping I was suddenly very eager for.

“Stop it,” I scolded myself, suddenly feeling very much like Maria. Free love was not my thing.

I had things to do and obsessing over a kiss from a gorgeous man wasn’t one of them. I needed to pack for my trip. Maybe I should skip his class tomorrow. It would give us a few days post-kiss to forget all about it.

I couldn’t. I knew that, but it sounded good. Nope, tomorrow I would have to face him. I was dreading the awkward encounter—mostly. I was also looking forward to seeing him. I knew I shouldn’t be, but deep down, that snake of desire was coiled in my belly, wanting more.