Chapter 18

Tessa

 

 

I strolled down the hallway, doing my best not to walk too fast. I couldn’t help it. I was very excited to be back—for more reasons than I cared to admit. The hall was empty. I showed up early with the expectation he would be early as well. I knew it was wrong and very risky, but I wanted a few moments alone with him. It’s a terrible idea and I know better, but that naughty side of me won the war, and here I am.

I slid my key in the lock and pushed the door open. The classroom was dark. I was a little bummed he wasn’t here, but slightly relieved. I wasn’t sure what I wanted him to say or do when we saw each other, but I knew I wanted to see him.

Footsteps behind me made me smile. I stood there, unable to move, my back to the door. His footsteps stopped, and I could feel him in the room. It was like his presence had filled the space around me.

I took a deep breath and turned around. There he was, looking back at me. Our eyes met for a brief second, and then he smiled. The smile made me feel warm and tingly, creating a little sizzle of electricity that started in my toes and spiraled up and throughout my body to my fingertips.

“Hi,” he said, the smile still on his face.

“Hi,” I repeated.

He stepped forward, coming to a stop mere inches from me. I watched him, waiting to see what he would do next. In the back of my mind, I knew I should step away. I was playing with fire. I hadn’t turned on the lights in the classroom, and neither had he. We were alone, in the dark.

I could feel his breath on my face. I was still tingling from his smile. I felt primed and ready for anything, even if I knew it would be wrong and I would regret it the second it happened. I didn’t care. I wanted to throw caution to the wind.

I flinched when he held up a hand. He was going to touch me. Maybe pull me in for a kiss or caress my cheek before he kissed me. I waited, holding my breath.

He stepped back a good foot, opening a chasm between us. I looked up to see a strangled look on his face. The man had some serious self-control.

“I’ve missed you,” he breathed out.

I nodded, still trying to recover from the kiss that never happened. I knew it was the right thing, but I couldn’t help but feeling as if I had lost something.

“I’m glad to be back,” I muttered.

“How was your trip home?”

We were standing there in the dark, just chatting, as if we hadn’t almost crossed a line. His body was stiff as he stayed put. It was as if an invisible line had been drawn. Neither of us could cross it. Both of our bodies were straining to get closer, but the line kept us apart.

“It was good. I enjoyed myself a lot more than I thought I would,” I said, excited to tell him about my trip.

He smiled. Not the same toe-curling smile, but a genuine smile nonetheless. “That is really good to hear. I hope you managed to get some rest?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I did actually. Thank you for that.”

He shrugged the words away. “Did you go see your sister?” he asked, in a quiet, tentative voice.

“Yes, I did. My mom and I spent several hours at the cemetery. We cleaned up her plot and put in some new flowers. It was actually a really nice time. When we were finished, we went to Talia’s favorite restaurant and stuffed our faces with the best, unhealthiest food in the world.” I grinned.

He laughed. “It sucks that the unhealthy food tastes the best. It’s all some horrible joke played on us humans by the universe.”

I laughed. “Yes, it is. I’ve decided to give myself some more free passes to eat that horrible food. I’m going to have to visit your diner again soon. I still have dreams about that French toast,” I joked.

It was then I realized I was actually laughing, enjoying myself and had just told him about my time at the cemetery. In the past, the mere mention of Talia’s name or the fact she was dead would send me into a crying jag. I couldn’t believe I had glossed right over it. It was as easy to talk about as the diner and what we ate. Did this mean I was finally getting through the grief?

“You okay?” he asked with concern.

I nodded. “Yeah, I was thinking about how easy it was to talk about my visit to Talia’s grave. I didn’t cry for once,” I said, with a smile.

He nodded. “Good. Sometimes you will. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m telling you, grief is a bitch. It is sneaky and will attack you when you least expect it.”

I smiled, appreciating his words of wisdom. “What did you do this weekend?” I asked, not wanting to make the conversation all about me.

He smirked. “I went to a barbecue with my brother.”

“Uh-oh. It didn’t go well?” I asked, noticing the pained look on his face.

“I think it could have gone better, but it wasn’t terrible. It’s been a long time since I sat around in someone’s backyard, drinking beer and making small talk,” he explained.

“You did know the people, right?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah. I’ve known most of them for twenty years or more, but, well, after the accident, I stopped hanging out with them. People change. Or maybe they stayed the same, and I changed,” he said with a sigh. “I don’t know that I’ll ever enjoy those things again.”

I looked at him, feeling bad for his predicament. “Did you enjoy them before?”

At first, I thought he was going to say no, but he surprised me. “I did, but it was mostly because Miriam was there. She was the social butterfly, buzzing about each group, chatting and bringing me in. Granted, they were my friends, but they all seemed to like her. I guess it’s all a part of growing up.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, not sure what he was trying to say.

“Like I said, they were my friends. I spent a lot of time with those guys before Miriam and I hooked—got married. They all got married, and we were no longer a bunch of guys drinking beer and talking about cars and fishing,” he explained. “We were married guys talking about projects around the house and very little fishing.”

I started to see what he was saying. He had transitioned into the next stage of life, the marriage chapter, with Miriam by his side. Now that she was gone, he was back in the pre-marriage stage, and all of his friends were still moving forward. He didn’t have the wife buffer.

“I get it. I’m sorry. That had to be rough, but I’m thinking it will get easier once you get into the swing of things. Not all of your friends can be married. You said your brother wasn’t, right?”

He cringed. “My brother is on my shit list right now.”

“Oh no,” I giggled. “What did he do?”

Ian looked very uncomfortable, and I realized I had asked a personal question. I started to tell him not to answer, but he shook his head.

“He set me up,” he mumbled.

“Set you up?” I asked, thinking along the lines of a set up in terms of a scheme gone bad.

“With a woman from his work,” he said, clearly irritated.

I jerked back. “Oh.”

I was a little jealous, but I had no right or reason to be. Ian wasn’t mine. His brother was trying to set him up with a woman to help him get over his dead wife. It was expected. Ian needed to start dating. I knew that, but it still stung.

He rolled his eyes. “It was awful. I was a complete moron. Don’t worry; it didn’t go anywhere. I don’t even remember her name.”

I looked at him with a mixture of emotions. He told me not to worry as if I had a right to. Deep down, that made me giddy.

As if he realized what he’d said, he looked up at me with a look of horror and embarrassment. “I didn’t mean it like that. You didn’t need to worry, regardless.”

“I knew what you meant. It’s okay,” I assured him. I quickly changed topics to one that was a little safer. “How have the last two days gone? With classes,” I clarified.

He seemed relieved to be talking about something else. “Good, actually. We had some challenges, and I forgot the teaching material here on Monday, but we muddled through. The students seem a little more eager to learn now than they have been the past month.”

I laughed. “Of course. Getting outside and playing in the water is always better than sitting in a stuffy classroom. I know I’m excited to get out of here.”

“I’m sure they will all be thrilled to have you back. I know I am,” he said, in a voice that caused a shiver to run down my spine. “Uh, you really bring an extra something to the class.” He said it as an afterthought, as if to explain or justify what he’d said before.

“I’m glad to be back. I’ll be working around the clock to catch up on everything I missed the past couple of days, but I know I’m going to really like getting off campus and in the water.”

The first student showed up at the door but hesitated. It was then I realized the lights were still off. I walked around Ian, flipped the switch, and invited the young woman in. Looking back at Ian, I could feel his sadness over our time together being interrupted. We had only a few, brief, precious minutes alone together.

I loved talking to him. I didn’t even know why. I talked to people all day, but talking with him was different. He was attentive and seemed to really get me. I know that sounds horribly cliché and like a schoolgirl crush, but it was all very real.

I headed to my desk, and our shoulders brushed as I walked by. I paused, looked at him and smiled. “Until next time,” I whispered.

He smiled, another one of those truly genuine smiles that made me feel like the most important girl in the world. That smile is going to carry me through the whole day. I know it will be a busy one and not doubt stressful, but all I will need to do is think back on that smile.

“Okay, guys, who’s ready to get out of here and get wet?” he was saying from the front of the classroom. “We aren’t going to even bother getting comfortable in here. I want to get out there and get every minute we can in the water.”

I could feel the excitement in the room. Jeff noticed me and waved. “Glad you’re back, Miss Teacher,” he said, with a wink.

“Glad to be back,” I said with a saucy grin.

Jeff clutched his heart and waggled his brows.

I laughed but stopped suddenly when I felt the glare. Ian was looking at me in a way that was very different from earlier. Oops. He clearly didn’t appreciate the flirting between Jeff and me. While I would like to think it was because he was jealous, in reality, I’m sure it is more about his own moral standards. Apparently, only teachers are allowed to flirt with the students, I mused.