Chapter Sixteen
Hailey
Afternoon, Early August
I had absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing or why I had even agreed to this to begin with. Well, that wasn’t true. I knew why I’d agreed. All this thinking about ruggedly handsome cowboys that looked like Clint Eastwood had led me down a path of romanticizing the whole living off the land narrative which, of course, included riding horses and roping cattle. But now here I was stuck what felt like 15 feet in the air on top of this giant beast that could buck me off of its back and onto the hardpacked dirt below its monstrous hooves where I could land on my head, breaking my neck and dying instantly. This might have been a little dramatic, but my overdeveloped imagination was part of the reason I’d become a writer in the first place. It just so happened that it never turned off when I needed it to and, in fact, usually decided to pick up speed instead.
“I think this was a mistake,” I said, and not for the first time. The horse was barely moving, but I was terrified. Right after I climbed on the back of it, nearly falling off onto the ground on the other side, it shook its head, and I thought it was ready to throw me into the air. I’d actually screamed, which Eric had a good, long laugh at.
Eric came along beside me, riding his own horse, a spotted white female he called Lettie. The one I was squeezing between my trembling legs was a humongous animal covered in splotches of reddish brown and white smears, and was called Buck—I found the name ominous and pictured myself in traction later today at the local hospital, facing the prospect of painfully learning how to walk again. This horse was supposedly old, broken in, and the perfect choice for a new rider. I didn’t know if I believed that. Not that he’d done anything aggressive or even fast, but I was ready for him to suddenly lose all control of himself and take off running for the hills, leaving me stuck going along for the ride as I screamed my fool head off. Eric would probably be too busy laughing to come after me.
“Relax,” Eric said, grinning at me. He’d been smiling since we got to the stables and I realized just how big these animals were and that, maybe, it wasn’t such a great idea that I get on the back of one. Right now, his cavalier attitude was doing the opposite of helping. “Horses can sense your emotions. If you’re nervous, they’re nervous.”
“That doesn’t help,” I said, tittering nervously. I’d said this exact thing to him at least 10 times. “At all.” Now I was worrying about infecting the horse with my anxious negativity. Trying to relax only made it harder to do so. The thoughts were buzzing around my head, every single negative situation that might occur making me shiver and nearly lock up completely. The horse was definitely going to buck me off of his back now. Damn it. Why had I ever left the city?
“Buck is a big old teddy bear. You don’t have to worry about him.” His smile never faded. It was comforting, really, to see how calm and relaxed Eric was. I couldn’t seem to stop shaking, but at least one of us was relaxed.
“How long have you been riding?” I asked in a wavering voice as Buck moved slowly beneath me. Conversation would help keep my mind from barreling down all its various tangents. I was glad for my imagination because it was what made it possible for me to make a living and travel as much as I liked, but it could turn on me in an instant, too. Double-edged sword, I guessed. Right now, I needed it to calm the hell down so I could try to enjoy this, but it was stubbornly refusing to do so. I kept telling myself I needed this experience for the book. Cowboys rode horses. If I rode, it would be easier for me to describe it. And if Eric and Cash could do it, so could I. Right? Right.
“Since I was about 3,” Eric said with an easy shrug that was as annoying as his easy smile. “I used to come out to this ranch when it still belonged to Cash’s granddaddy and ride whenever I could, but that was after we met in kindergarten.” He was showing off with his horse, moving her around in ways I couldn’t even picture doing with mine.
I forgot to be afraid for a moment, hearing that. “You’ve known each other that long?” I asked, amazed at the thought. My oldest friend was from high school, but we didn’t live in the same town anymore. I’d moved into the middle of Manhattan after college, though my family was from the East Coast originally, just outside of the city, to be exact. Diane now lived in the Midwest. I didn’t get to visit her as much as I’d like. I would love to see her as often as Cash and Eric got to see each other, although Cash always seemed a little annoyed by his old friend’s presence. But, by this point, they had to be more like brothers than friends. Paige and I used to fight like cats and dogs growing up. We were the best of friends now, though.
“I’ve never ridden anything bigger than a bicycle,” I said, tittering like an idiot again. I couldn’t stop. I was too nervous to relax, and if I didn’t release some of that nervy energy, I’d end up shrieking my head off. If the poor horse underneath me really could sense my tumultuous emotions, I owed him a big apology. If I lived through this experience, maybe I could see about giving him an apple or a carrot. That was at least what horses seemed to like in any movie I’d ever watched that included them in it.
“Buck’ll do whatever you tell him.” He sidled up next to me on Lettie, both horses neighing companionably, but not really seeming too bothered about being side by side. “Just hold the reins like I showed you.”
I’d been clutching them since Eric demonstrated how to put them in my hands.
“You’re the one in charge now. And Buck’ll want to follow Lettie. Just let your body relax into his gait. Don’t fight him, don’t worry about him throwing you to the ground. That ain’t gonna happen.”
I swallowed hard at the mention of my worst fear, but I didn’t argue when he got Lettie moving. Buck started off without much encouragement from me, which was fine considering I was still mostly frozen with fear, but it felt good to be moving. And he was going slowly and evenly, his big head bobbing on his muscular neck.
“We won’t go far,” Eric said, looking back at me and grinning even wider. I didn’t even want to know what my face looked like at this exact moment, but my lips hurt from pressing them together so hard. “You’re doing great. Old Buck sure doesn’t seem to mind!” But his grin was anything but comforting. I had to keep my mind off my eminent fall and death, so I barreled into more conversation as the giant animal moved languidly beneath me.
“It’s hard to believe that you and Cash are such great friends,” I said, not moving the reins much at all. The last thing I wanted was for Buck to misinterpret my desires and suddenly break into a dead run. I doubted tucking and rolling would do much for me if I fell. I had to get my mind off of that. Damn it. I just couldn’t stop it from sneaking up on me.
“Oh, yeah? Why’s that?” Eric asked, flashing his glittering dark eyes my way. It was hard to look at him without swooning a little. You could tell by the way he carried himself that he was very popular with the ladies. I could definitely see why that was. “Cause I’m so much fun and he’s such a stick in the mud?”
I couldn’t help but laugh when he did. I might not have described their differences in such a blunt way, but that was pretty close to accurate. My cheeks reddened at poking fun at Cash like this. He’d really opened up over the last few weeks during our nightly dinner ritual. He was intelligent and funny once you gave him the time to come out of his shell on his own terms. I didn’t want to tell jokes at his expense, even if he’d never hear them. It felt like a betrayal.
“I wouldn’t go quite that far,” I replied. “But you are polar opposites. It’s just surprising that you’re so close.”
“We have our ups and downs,” Eric said with an easy shrug of his broad shoulders. His blond hair was radiant in the sun. He never seemed to wear a hat, not that I blamed him. He had a gorgeous head of hair. I was including that along with a few other things about him in one of my character sketches for the new novel. It was only a matter of time before I’d be ready to roll on the new project. I definitely wanted a hot, smartass cowboy with a heart of gold as well as a quiet, harder cowboy who’d only warm up under the right circumstances…like when a strange woman arrived on his property whose very life depended on his silence and help. I got excited every time I thought about it. Maybe not as excited as I got when I woke up after a steamy sex dream featuring my favorite Clint Eastwood look-alike, but…
“But I consider him like a brother to me. Better than family even, cause we picked each other way back in grade school. My momma says we balance each other out. I’m 10 miles away from being serious, and Cash can barely manage a laugh he’s so busy worrying over every little damned thing. We end up pushing each other a little closer to the middle where we probably should’ve been to begin with.”
“That’s a good thing,” I said. Without even noticing, we’d gone around the rear of the barn and back out front again. “I’m doing it!” The moment the words left my mouth, a wave of nerves hit me again, causing my back to go ramrod straight in the saddle, but Eric cut into that, bringing his horse closer to mine and drawing my attention to him.
“See, this isn’t too bad, is it?” he asked, lifting a sandy eyebrow, his smile brighter than the glimmer in his dark eyes. Looking at him up close, he seemed almost too handsome, if that was possible. “Almost like riding a big old living bicycle.”
I laughed at that, and a little more of the anxiety left me, allowing me to relax into the rhythm of Buck’s moderately slow steps. There was nothing to this, right? If Eric could do it at 3, I could definitely find a way to make it work at almost 27.
“Cash said you travel a lot,” Eric said as we were heading back around the barn again, with Lettie slightly in the lead. “I don’t get out of the state much myself.” He shook his head and seemed disappointed to admit that. “Where all have you been?”
“Oh, all over.” I loosened my death grip on the reins as I relaxed a bit more. This wasn’t so bad. I was actually really enjoying myself, both just being outside and having Eric as company (and eye candy). I was looking forward to getting even better at this. Even if I stopped now, I’d at least be able to accurately describe what it felt like to be on a horse in the new novel. “All over the country and overseas. If I could make traveling all the time my job, I definitely would.”
“What’s your favorite place?” he asked.
I had to think about that for a moment because I’d been on so many great trips over the years, not just for research, but while I was growing up as well. I’d also studied abroad for a semester in France, which had given me another opportunity to spend more time with Marie-Laure. “That’s really hard,” I finally said, because I’d been silent for way too long going through the details of all the trips I’d taken since childhood. “I’ve been to many places, and each one has been great in its own way. I was born in New York, which is a really diverse state, but even as a kid I knew I wanted to get outside of my comfort zone and see how other people lived. We didn’t live in the middle of the city when I was younger like I do now, but we were pretty much right there. I guess one of the trips that stands out for me is when I was able to travel to Kyoto, Japan to do some research for one of my books. That was amazing. So different from every place I’ve ever been. I’d love to get the opportunity to go back.”
“You really been to Japan?” Eric asked, eyebrow cocked high and smile twitching off his face for a second before it came back again at full power.
I nodded, a smile forming on my own lips. “It’s a beautiful country. I was lucky enough to stay there for about three weeks. I did a lot of traveling and just immersed myself in the culture as much as I could. I still stuck out like a sore thumb, but it was great.”
Eric’s smile turned impish the way it seemed to every time he was around Cash or me. “I bet Wyoming seems more exotic than Japan ever did!”
I giggled again, and he slapped his leg as he laughed. The horses didn’t seem to mind either way. They were in their own world.
“You might be right about that,” I replied, still smiling. “I’ll have to reserve judgment for another few weeks until I get my bearings here. Both places are definitely different from Manhattan.”
“You realize you’re relaxed and haven’t been looking around like you expect ole Buck to launch you off his back for about 10 minutes now, right?” Eric pointed out.
Actually, I hadn’t realized that. But now that I had, I also realized that I was loving this. It was so relaxing to be out here on the land riding a horse. I never expected to think anything like that in my life, but it was true. I could see why Eric and Cash adored being out here as much as they were. It was something I never could have imagined in my insulated life in the city. I knew there was a big, wide world out there—I’d seen a great deal of it—but instead of finding it daunting, I found comfort in the fact that I still had so much to learn. Traveling as often as I did, I’d always been lucky enough to find diverse and willing teachers. I counted Eric and Cash among that rank of people.
“This is great,” I said. “I’d really like to keep riding to see how good I can get at this before I head back to the East Coast.”
Eric’s dark eyes met mine, something companionable passing between us that made me like him even more than I already did. He was a showboat and a jokester, but he was also sweet and funny and someone I wouldn’t mind spending more time with while I was in Jackson.
“I’m happy to take you out whenever you like,” he said. “You got a hand for riding. No use letting it go to waste. I’m sure they got horses out where you’re from that you could ride too.”
“Now I just need a cowboy hat,” I said, and laughed.
His grin expanded and he scratched his blond, hatless head. “Not necessarily, but, damn do I love the look of a woman in a cowboy hat.”
I laughed again.
“What do you say about going out on an actual ride away from the barn?” he asked, lifting his light brows in invitation.
My heartbeat picked up at the thought, which I found both terrifying and appealing, and I nodded before I could change my mind. What the hell, right? I was out here to have an adventure, not do more of the same shit I’d been doing my whole life.
“I’m scared to death, but let’s do it!”
“That’s what I like to hear,” he said, and got Lettie moving a little faster.
I took a deep breath and followed him, Buck doing exactly what I asked without any fuss.