Chapter Five
Natalie
After the drunken incident between Jet and me, I knew when I woke up with yet another hangover that I needed to get my shit together. I was thankful, however, that I’d had enough sense to get out of there last night and not have another romp in the sheets that would have had me slinking out again the next morning. I did, however, remember Kyle’s rather disgusted look when he turned to see me walking out of the apartment again. I knew the guy didn't like me, and I knew it had a lot to do with him not being able to understand why Jet even bothered with me.
He was probably right; however, I didn't think that I was right for Jet, either. I wasn't his type, and every time we got together it turned into a situation that I ended up regretting.
I had originally meant to use Jet as my drawing subject the following day, because it was time, and I didn't want to get behind on my project. But when I woke up, I knew I was going to have another day of recovering in bed. I would message him, however, and see if he wanted to come over in the evening and do the next picture.
Julie came into my bedroom then, bringing a cup of tea with her. She guessed since it was almost noon and I hadn't left my bedroom yet that I must have had a bad night.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
“I don't know. What's the point? All this talking never gets me anywhere.”
“Maybe not, but it might make you feel better.”
I nodded as she came and sat on my bed. She passed me the cup of tea, and I took it from her gratefully.
“Thanks, Julie; you're the best.”
“No problem. Just don't vomit, because I have a weak stomach.”
I laughed. “I don't think that will be a problem. I have been popping pills all morning, and I'm telling you, they can't even touch the headache I have right now.”
Julie scrunched her face in mock pain. “Why do you do this to yourself? Isn't it time that you got over Tom? Why are you still going out and getting so wasted that you're like death the next day? I thought it was lots of fun at first, but now it's old, Natalie. You have to get over things and move on.”
“Oh man, this has nothing to do with Tom. In fact, aside from a phone call I got from him a week ago, I barely think about him anymore.”
“Wait, Tom called you? What did he say?”
“Nothing. I didn't answer the call; I ignored it. And he never called back. I can't imagine what he wanted, but it couldn't have been very important, or he would have called back, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I'm kind of shocked, though. I never thought he would have the balls to call you after all that, but it's probably a good thing you didn't answer the call. You don't need that nonsense.”
“Tell me about it.” I sipped my tea, and the warmth relaxed me and eased some of the pain my body was in. I continued to sip, lost in thought.
“Okay, well, if it isn't Tom, then what's the deal?”
“Couldn't tell you. It's Jet, and I mean, it's not that Jet is doing anything to cause me to go out and get drunk. He actually has no effect on me like that at all. But when we are together, we're just ridiculous and reckless.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for one, we have had sex multiple times and it's never been sober. I actually grew a brain last night and walked out of his room before we did it again. Being around him and drinking lowers my inhibitions, and I feel free when I'm with him. In part, I think that's okay, because I think he brings me out of my shell, but I also end up on my death bed the next day.”
She nodded. “Well, to be honest, I think you need to start figuring out what Jet means to you, and what you really want from him. ‘Cause if you genuinely don't want anything more from him than friendship, then you need to kill the sex, really. But if you do want more, then I think you owe it to both of you to have that conversation so you can stop sitting on the fence. I think that's why you're doing all this―because you're on the fence.”
“Maybe. Thanks a lot, Julie. You helped me a lot.”
She reached over and pulled me in for a hug. When we separated, I plopped myself back into my pillows to finish my tea.
“Thanks for the tea, too, by the way.”
She smiled and headed out the door, closing it behind her. I lay back and closed my eyes, thinking about the things that Julie had said. The truth of the matter was I didn't know what the hell I wanted. I opened my eyes and reached for my phone. I sent a message to Jet and asked if he would come over tonight to pose for a drawing. He replied in about half a minute and said he would be there. I set my phone down, and curled into my pillow for another nap.
When Jet arrived that evening, he looked a little sheepish. When I opened the door, he came straight in and sat on the couch.
“Hey, Jet, would you like something to drink?”
“What are you having?”
“Oh, you pretty much destroyed me last night, so I'm drinking water and coffee at this point. But you are welcome to have a beer if you want.”
He laughed. “Ahh no, I've been feeling sort of rough myself since I got up, so I'll have a coffee as well.”
I went into the kitchen and grabbed a mug out of the cupboard. I picked up the pot of coffee I had brewed and poured him a cup. It was hot and steamy as it rose from the cup.
“What do you take in it?” I asked.
“Just cream for me, thanks.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I don't intake a lot of sugar, believe it or not.”
I nodded and retrieved the cream from the fridge. I poured it into the mug and stirred it with a spoon. I carried the cup into the living room and handed it to him. I sat beside him on the couch.
He stared at me almost longingly, and I had the urge to touch him. I restrained myself, however, and waited for him to say something to me. I didn't wait long.
“Can I ask you something, Natalie?”
“Of course,” I answered, although I was a little fearful of what he was about to say.
“Did I do something wrong last night?”
Surprised, I said, “No, of course not; I had fun at the bar. Why would you ask that?”
“Well, because you came over and started kissing me, and 15 minutes later you were walking out my door. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a little unusual, don't you think?” He laughed nervously.
It was exactly what Julie and I had discussed that day, and I was embarrassed that it was so blatantly obvious to Jet as well. I was a mess, and even he was noticing it.
I chuckled, unsure how to explain myself. Well, my mother always taught me that honesty was the best policy. “Look, Jet, every time we get into these situations that involve alcohol, I end up naked in your bed. I'm not entirely sure that would ever happen if I wasn't drunk. So it makes me wonder how I actually feel about you in the light of day. That's why I always bail on you the next day, because I don't know what else to do. I regret the impulses that get me into those situations, and because I can't deal with them, I just bail. But it happens all the time with us, so I think it's just making things worse between us.”
I sighed, feeling better that I had unleashed all that confusion onto Jet, for better or worse.
“Wow, that's heavy.”
I laughed. “Well, you asked for it.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “Yeah, man, I guess I did.”
I smiled and took a sip of my coffee. This was one of those times when a guy could run screaming into the night if he really wanted to.
“I understand some of what you're saying, Natalie, and I understand that there are some things you need to figure out.” I nodded while he talked. “But I can assure you that I'm on the same page as you are with regard to the drunken sex; I think it has gotten out of hand. I promise I won't put you in that position again. If we are ever intimate again in the future, we won't be drunk when it happens.”
Surprise came across my face, and I smiled. I didn't expect him to come out with that, but I was glad that we seemed to be relatively on the same page.
“Shall we get started?”
“Yeah, of course. So what am I taking off this time? My pants, because you did miss out on seeing that action last night?”
I giggled. “It's not like I haven't seen it before, Jet.” I winked at him as his eyes went wide.
“Fair enough, so what am I taking off?”
“Socks.”
“Socks?” he repeated, incredulously. “Are you serious? You really don't want me to drop my drawers?”
“No, not yet, anyway. It's too obvious, you know? That's where the audience would expect me to go next, so I'm surprising them by doing what they don't expect.”
“I see. Brilliant, and yet, not very sexy.”
“Well, Jet, this isn't all about you, ya know?”
“Clearly.”
I laughed. “Okay, get over there and remove your socks.” I walked over to the dining room table and grabbed one of the chairs. I positioned it where he normally stood.
“This time we are going to use the chair. I want you to sit in it cross-legged.”
“It doesn't matter that I'm not in the same position?”
“No, of course not. The drawings aren't about the position, it's about the consecutive changes you make.” He nodded, understanding my viewpoint.
“Gotcha.” He pulled off his socks, and I giggled as he threw them at me. He took off his shirt as well, to match what we had done the last time.
“Yuck, those had better be clean.”
“Of course not, they are the ones that I wore to the gym today.”
I stuck my tongue out at him, and started setting up my easel for the drawing. I sharpened my pencils, sat myself down, and got ready to draw. I looked up at him, and he looked very much at ease in the position I put him in.
Once again, I started with an outline. This picture would be a little more difficult because of all the extra angles. He wasn't in a standing position this time, which is easier to draw. With him sitting with his legs crossed, there were so many different angles. The fabric of his pants would be scrunched, as well as I would have to depict his crossed legs without losing it completely for the audience.
“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are when you are concentrating on a drawing?”
I looked up at him again and smiled. “Well, you're the only one who has ever seen me this way, aside from class, of course. But I think everyone is paying attention to their own thing instead of looking at my obvious beauty,” I said sarcastically as I laughed.
“Well, you are.”
“Thank you.”
When I finished the outline, I gave him a break to stretch his legs. Instead of grabbing wine like we did last time, I replenished his coffee mug, and mine as well. The warm coffee soothed me, and tasted just like caramel. He took the coffee mug from me and stepped around to look at the drawing. There wasn't much to see at that point, aside from the idea behind the drawing. He seemed to appreciate it all the same.
“It starts out so simply, doesn't it?”
“Yup, but doesn't everything?”
He set his mug on the coffee table, and took a quick bathroom break before we continued. When he returned, he picked up his mug again and took a long swallow. He then set it down and returned to his position.
The rest of the drawing went well, and although there were more angles to master, I did so without any hiccups. I drew in the last stroke of the picture and announced that we were finished for the evening. He slipped back into his shirt and went in search of his socks. He found them one at a time, and came to take a look at the drawing.
“It's definitely my favorite so far.”
“Yeah? Why's that?” I asked him.
“It seems so casual. You definitely caught my relaxed state. I like it; you are so good at this.”
I smiled as I looked down at the drawing. He was right; I had been able to catch his state of relaxation. “Thanks, Jet.”
He bent down and kissed me on the cheek. It was soft and subtle, and didn't go any further.
“Thanks for the coffee. I'll talk to you later, okay?”
I nodded, and watched him as he walked out the door.