It’s so hard to see Maddie in pain. It feels like someone’s shooting me in the heart every single time that etched look comes across her face. I hope for both of us that this severe pain doesn’t last long, but my training tells me she’s going to be in pain for a while. I couldn’t kiss every wound on her body even if I was given two hours to do it. She’s really beat-up. She’s going to need me. I’ll be there, too. I’ll prove I’m here to stay.

As she falls asleep, I head out and let our families know she’s comfortably sleeping. I direct them to where the cafeteria is, telling them she usually sleeps a while so to take their time. They nod in agreement but don’t move their boots.

I just want to be with my wife and child.

I check in on Liv. She’s happy as she could be. She loves her “Aunt” Katie and “Uncle” Matt, so hanging out with them is her thing. They ask me if there’s anything they can do.

I don’t have any answers. I just want to collapse. But I can’t. Not yet.

Cash steps up and puts his hand on my shoulder. “I’m going to set up that shitty bed they keep in patient rooms, and you’re going to get some sleep, Blaze.”

“What he said,” my dad mumbles as the rest of the gang nods their heads in agreement.

“I need to be with Liv,” I start.

“We’ve got her,” they say in unison.

“I’ve got the key to your house. I’ll run your parents and Liv by there, if that works,” Katie says.

“That’d be nice, actually. She will probably feel more comfortable at home. Just call me when she’s ready to come see Mommy, and we’ll get it figured out,” I say, half talking to them, half talking to my daughter.

I kiss Olivia’s forehead and mess with her hair a little. “Daddy loves you, munchkin. I’m so proud of you for being so brave.”

She smiles up at me with a gleam in her eye that reminds me so much of Maddie it physically hurts. “Mama taught me.”

“I know she did, baby.” I smile as Cash comes back out of the room.

“Hey, when you guys come back, it’d be so awesome if you could bring me something to wear that’s not scrubs and boots.” I try to smile, looking at the mess I’m in.

“Copy that, brother,” Matt says as he picks up Liv and spins her around, making her giggle. I don’t want to miss another single laugh from my child after this nightmare.

“You’re set up for sleep. I’ll be one room over if you need anything,” Cash tells me as he pats my shoulder, exiting Maddie’s room.

“He has so many weird connections,” Katie whispers to Matt.

I laugh, shaking my head because they really have no fucking idea. I don’t even know, but I know it’s way beyond my pay grade.

I escort my parents along with Katie, Matt, and my beautiful baby girl out of the hospital and then head back up to the room. After checking on Maddie, I walk over to thank Cash.

“No words from you until you sleep, my man. You look like shit,” he tells me matter-of-factly.

I laugh and nod. He’s not wrong. I’m sure I look worse than I think. “Roger. Thanks, Garrison,” I say as I exit the room as quickly as I walked in. I head back into Maddie’s room, kiss her softly on each cheek, check her vitals and her monitors, and then crawl into the most uncomfortable but comfortable bed I think I’ve felt in weeks. I watch Maddie from my perch for a few moments, and then I fall asleep before I even realize I’m as tired as I actually am.

I wake up to Maddie’s monitors going crazy. I’ve been asleep for three hours, and I have no idea how. I jump out of bed and get to her before the nurses do.

“Hey, settle. Shhhh,” I tell her as I near her bedside. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”

She opens her eyes and looks to me. Not even a beat later, her monitors settle down and her heart rate slows. “I’m…” she starts but quickly stops, looking ashamed.

“Hey… hey. None of that. We don’t keep things from each other. What’s wrong?” I ask her as the nurses come in to double check all of her vitals.

“You okay, honey?” one nurse asks Maddie.

She nods numbly.

“I’ll get you something for the pain,” the nurse tells her as she turns to exit the room.

“No, I can wait. I’m okay. Just moved funny.” She smiles weakly at the nurse.

“Alright, well how about let’s try to eat something? Want some real food, sugar?”

“That would be fantastic,” Maddie says enthusiastically.

“I’ll be back.”

The nurse exits the room, and Maddie lets out a loud sigh.

“You gonna talk to me now?” I smile reassuringly at her as I take her hand in mine and squeeze softly.

“I just... I’m sorry,” she starts again, fumbling with the blanket in her lap.

“What for, baby?”

“I had a really bad dream. That’s all. I feel bad I woke you up. Stupid monitors.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I reach up, pushing a small piece of hair behind her ear before sitting in the chair beside her.

“No,” she says, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“Don’t do that, Maddie.” I take her small hand in mine again, slipping my fingers in between hers. “Don’t shut me out. What’s up?”

She’s my family. I can’t let her suffer alone without at least trying to get through to her. I’m so scared she’s having flashbacks of whatever she saw—something we still haven’t talked about. It’s driving me absolutely nuts because I know what seeing those terrible things can do to a person.

“I had a dream I lost you,” she mumbles softly.

“I can assure you that you only had a dream then.” I lean over, kissing her temple gently. I’m relieved she’s not reliving whatever horror she witnessed. “I’m not going anywhere. Ever again, if I can help it.”

“You mean that?” She looks over to me briefly before looking down at our hands, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

Fuck. My sweet, sweet girl.

I lean over, kiss the single tear, and pull her chin gently to mine. “I’m not reenlisting,” I swallow the lump trying to form in my throat.

“That’s… No, Seth. That’s...”

“Shhhh.” I place my fingertip over her lips.

“That’s just not what I mean,” she says around my finger.

“What do you mean then?”

“I had a dream you left me. You left me because I was being such a bitch about this whole reenlistment thing.” She’s squeezing my hand, while wiping the tears now freely falling down her face with her other hand.

“No. Maddie, look at me.”

She moves her eyes to mine and her tear-soaked hand to my wrist that’s holding her face gently near mine.

“I’m not reenlisting because you were a ‘bitch.’” I inhale deeply and want to roll my eyes. She knows how much I hate when she talks badly about herself. “I made the decision because I almost lost my girls. Not just from whatever happened at the airport, either. I had decided before I landed. I can’t imagine living without you. When I see Liv smiling and happy, I can’t imagine missing her smiles or her giggles. There are plenty of younger guys coming in that want to do what I do. It’s their time now.” Determination fills my eyes and voice.

She’s looking up at me with tear-filled eyes, and it’s breaking my heart by the second.

“I mean it. I’m. Done,” I repeat. “You and Liv are my life. I can’t promise I won’t get deployed again before my contract’s up, but I’m putting in a request for medical leave. You’re going to need help and a lot of recovery even once we leave here. I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere.”

She finally looks like she gets it, and she nods solemnly.

“Why so sad, Mads?” I try to smile at her, but I can’t figure out where her head is at.

“I know how much you love it. I feel like I made you choose,” she says as the nurse walks in with her food.

“Eat. I kiss the tip of her nose softly, then her lips, and I wipe her tears with my thumbs. “This isn’t your fault. We did this, together. We will get through this together, too. I’m a big boy, Maddie. You know I’m not making this decision because you threw a tantrum.” I smile at her, genuinely remembering how child-like she can get when she really wants something from me.

She nods again as the nurse gets her tray set up and adjusts her bed. I move the chair next to her bed so I’m facing the same direction she is, toward the TV. I kick my boots off and prop my feet up on the bed next to her, not touching her.

She finally smiles when she sees me relax. “That’s a good look for you, babe.” She nods toward my borrowed scrubs.

“I know. What do you think about making it a permanent uniform for work soon?” I ask.

She eats her sandwich as we discuss my options for when I get out. I already have an idea what I want to do. I want to be a trauma nurse, maybe go to med school and become a trauma doctor. It’s as close as I’ll get to the field. It keeps me home, but keeps me saving people, too.

“Have you thought about med school?” she asks as she pushes her plate away with most of the sandwich still left.

“I have, but I can do a little training and jump right into nursing,” I say plainly. “Good job on the food, baby. Take it slow,” I remind her.

“I am. I’m lucky I’ve got such a great nurse.” She tries to wink at me. Her face is still a little bruised and swollen, but I see the smile in her eyes, where it always is when she’s genuinely happy.