Walking around the city had always soothed me. The sights and sounds of Chicago, the scents and all the different people from all walks of life helped me put things in perspective. Miami had been great, colorful and vibrant and lively. But it would never have the appeal of home. Chicago was my city and being on the streets now made me realize how much I missed this place.

I hadn’t spent much time just walking in years, not since the semester I left University of Chicago after my life had fallen apart and turned to shit. After that, I’d walked around for hours trying to make sense of my life, of losing the things that mattered most to me.

I hadn’t been prepared for either loss, and they had rocked me. Proven to me that I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. It was these streets, the sounds of Lake Michigan, that soothed me enough to help me figure out my life. To help me forget Colt and the memories we’d made around the city. Today I remembered it all. I remember every detail that had sent me to Louisiana for college, and then Florida for work.

Just because we lived in the same city didn’t mean I had to see him. I could avoid him, and it wasn’t like we traveled in the same circles. He was a well-known, wealthy security specialist and I didn’t have any social circles remaining in Chicago. The first step would be to get my own place so there was less chance of running into him at Mom’s, and I could visit her during the week until I found a job. Somewhere. Hell, anywhere would be great as long as I could pay the bills and forget about my life for a little while.

I refused to go back into police work after what happened in Miami, though everyone assumed it was because the events had scarred me horribly, that wasn’t the truth. Well, the physical scarring did exist, but really it was the emotional damage of being thrown under the bus for shooting the so-called victim who’d charged me to save her abusive asshole husband. Instead of apologizing—to John who’d survived—I submitted my resignation and kept my mouth shut. Before leaving the place that had been my home for most of my adult life, I made sure to square things with Jeffries and started physical therapy. The Miami part of my life was over.

In the past.

Nothing but a goddamn memory.

Had I known what, or rather who was waiting for me back here I might have chosen any other spot on the map. Not that it was too late. Other than Mom, there was nothing tying me to Chicago. I could go to California or Boston and start a new life there.

Hell, I could literally go to Timbuktu. The problem was I missed Mom. Missed seeing her on a regular basis and I wanted to be close to her.

I won’t let him take everything from me again.

My shoulder started to throb again, just as the doctor said it would if I didn’t take those damn pills four times a day. But the damn things made me drowsy so I only took them before bed.

I’d been walking long enough and it would take time to get home even if I hopped on the train, and I had no plans to do that. I wanted to limit my exposure to people, so I waited until the light changed before turning back and retracing my path home, passing over my favorite deep dish pizza joint, the bar I tried sneaking into at least a dozen times when I was underage, and I wasn’t even tempted by the Chicago-style hot dogs. None of it tempted me as the pain overtook me, blurring my vision and speeding up my heart rate. When I finally pushed through the door of Mom’s swanky new apartment I was exhausted, hurting and ready for bed.

If the murmurs I heard didn’t tell me my plans were about to put on hold, the sight of Mom and Colt having coffee and chocolate chip cookies did. She beamed a smile up at me and patted the sofa between them.

“Honey, come and join us. Colt dropped by to say hello, wasn’t that sweet?”

Yeah sweet like a lemon. “No thanks Mom. I need to rest.” If she and Colt wanted to play old friends, they could have at it. I had no interest in that game.

“All you do is sleep Jaya. You need to start living your life again sweetheart.” I could hear the worry and frustration in her voice but like most civilians, Mom didn’t understand.

I bit my tongue to avoid lashing out at her. She didn’t deserve it, even if her meddling was reaching unbearable proportions. “Sorry Mom if the two bullets in my shoulder prevent me from being a social butterfly. I’ll try to do better.”

“But Colt came all this way…” she began.

“He didn’t come to see me, and I’m not in the mood to socialize Mom.” I sent a glare his way and turned towards the guest room.

“Good.” Colt stood and his eyes were full of amusement and that just pissed me off. “This isn’t a social call. I need your help.”

I looked away. “I doubt that very much.” I knew exactly what this was about. He wanted to assuage his guilt. At least that much hadn’t changed about him.

“Seriously Jaya,” he grabbed my uninjured arm but I yanked it away. He didn’t get to touch me like he had the right. Like we were friends. “I need someone to do tactical training and logistics. We’re growing too fast and I could use someone with your skills. And you need a job.” His expression was fierce, eyes as blue as the sea practically stared through me.

I looked back, taking in everything that had changed since I had known him as a newly minted adult at twenty years old. His body had developed, broader shoulders with more lean muscles, and he held himself with more confidence. He was a man in control of his destiny. There were a few laugh lines around those blue eyes, which didn’t surprise me because Colt had always been quick to laugh, to make others laugh. His facial features were sharper, jawline rugged with a strong chin and high cheekbones. And damn him, those pink lips that had taught me how to kiss. How to laugh. How to love.

Working with him might be difficult, more than that if I was honest. But it might be easier than trying to figure out what kind of job to get next.

“Send me the details. I’ll think about it,” I told him and closed the door behind me, taking my pills and falling asleep before my head hit the pillow.

* * *

“You need to find a physical therapist.” Mom stood over me, hands fisted on her hips and a scowl fixed on her face. She wouldn’t stop until I committed to staying in Chicago, which to her meant finding a physical therapist and a shrink. I already had her beat on the first. I knew my shoulder would never be at one hundred percent, but if I slacked off now it would always be stiff and useless.

“I have an appointment today Mom so if you don’t mind, I’d like to lie here and enjoy the sun for a few minutes.” The penthouse balcony meant I could lounge around outdoors without being disturbed by noise. And people.

Mostly.

“I’ll drop you off on my way to meet with a client and I can pick you up when I’m done.” Mom spent most of her life running a small accounting business, but after the death of my stepfather Clint she’d dropped down to part time after finding out just how much money he’d left for her. And for me as well, though we weren’t close, and I hadn’t touch any of it. Yet.

“I’ll take the train Mom.” If the rain didn’t come I might even decide to walk. “Besides I have a few appointments after therapy and I don’t want you waiting for me.” I needed to find a place to live. I loved my mother and I knew she didn’t mind me living here, but she would continue to meddle if I stayed, and I needed my own space. The last thing I needed was to come home again to find Colt having milk and cookies like we were all kids again.

“Fine,” she sighed looking both sad and disappointed, but I was too tired to figure out why. “Do it your way. I’m just happy you’re finally taking care of yourself again.”

I sighed at her words. She didn’t understand, she never would, and I was pleased about that. Yet… “It was three weeks Mom. I have months of recovery to go through yet, and I had to figure out if I was staying in Chicago.”

“So, you’ve decided then?” Her words were hopeful, but I couldn’t lie to her. I never could.

“For now, but who knows Mom. Life happens.” And for the foreseeable future life meant two hours of therapy every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It was a huge commitment and one I had to see through for my own damn good.

“Don’t let Colt run you out of town again sweetheart. Maybe he’s changed too.”

“It doesn’t matter to me if he’s changed or not. I came here to be close to you and I have no interest in developing any kind of relationship with him.”

She sighed again. That same disappointed sigh she used when I was a kid. It was her way of telling me she expected more of me. “You really should consider seeing a psychiatrist, Jaya.”

She was right, but I wasn’t ready. I still felt nothing but anger and contempt for Maureen Daly and I couldn’t bring myself to muster up any remorse for her after what happened to my partner. In fact, I blamed her for everything, more than John, who it turned out hadn’t killed our murder victim. He would spend a long time in prison for shooting two police officers and holding his wife hostage though, so I guess that was something. I threw off the blanket and sat up. “I need to get going Mom.”

She followed me back inside. “I hope you’ve given Colt’s offer serious consideration. It might be awkward, but you were friends first, remember that. And this could be a wonderful opportunity for you Jaya.”

“Yeah out of guilt, but,” I held up a hand to stop her defense of Colt, “I am considering it. Only for the job Mom so don’t get any ideas.”

She held both hands in the air and backed away from me with a grin. “Of course not honey.” Planting a quick kiss on my cheek she grabbed her purse and dashed towards the door. “Love you sweetie!”

I shook my head at her newfound cheekiness. It was nice having Mom around again, even if she was a little off her rocker.