I packed my bags slowly, every movement like I was treading painfully through water.

He had left, eventually. I had locked the bathroom door, and he had pleaded with me on the other side of it for a while. But eventually I heard the front door to the quarters open and close. I still gave it a few good minutes before I came out.

Yes, he was gone. I collapsed on the bed, sobbing like my heart would break.

Well, it had, hadn’t it? Broken into a million pieces. It was lying shattered on the floor.

I still couldn’t believe it. That he had admitted so flippantly that he had read my private emails to Jack. He wasn’t sorry for it. Oh, no.

The fact that he had then decided to ‘satisfy’ my desires, because poor old Jack never could. The arrogance of the man. The unbelievable arrogance.

It didn’t matter. It proved what I had suspected, all along. This hadn’t been about any finer feelings, or even a genuine attraction. It had been all about besting Jack.

As it had been forever.

Hell, I could remember when Lance won a sprint in elementary school, beating Jack by a nose. Jack had protested, and the two of them had wrestled for supremacy. The teacher had to separate them. Lance had a bloody nose and Jack had a lump on his head.

But I was not a trophy to be won. I wouldn’t be polished and displayed on his mantelpiece, proving to the world he had bested Jack O’Grady, for the last time.

My face burned at the thought of what Lance had read. It had been private, and he had just waltzed on into our conversations like he had every right in the world. This had been a mistake. I should never have let myself sleep with him, my intuition had been spot on, as usual.

I kept packing. There was no way I could stay here, now. I would go to my parents in Clear Creek, for the moment. They would be surprised, but they were supportive of me. They wouldn’t press me for details, they respected my privacy. Unlike some people.

I zipped my suitcase. It was a funny old world. I had just unpacked it after getting back from New York, after having the best weekend of my life. After admitting to myself I loved Lance. It seemed like a million years ago, now.

I sobbed, quietly. Tears were good, I told myself. It was all for the best, anyway. It’s just as well I found out, now. Before I went any deeper.

Before I admitted my love to him.

* * *

I walked the streets of Clear Creek alone, lost in thought.

I should have brought a jacket. It seemed that the zenith of summer had finally been reached, and now the days were cooling off. It didn’t matter. My heart was so sore and sick I could probably have walked through a blizzard and not felt it.

My parents had welcomed me with open arms, as they always did. All I had said was that things hadn’t worked out at Starling Ridge, and that I needed a place to stay while thinking about what next to do with my life. They had accepted it. What choice did they have?

I walked down the main street, nodding to people I knew. But I didn’t stop. I didn’t want to get embroiled in conversations.

That was both the beauty, and the curse, of living in a small town. When things were going well, it was wonderful having people around who knew you and could share your joy. When things weren’t going so well, it seemed like those same people were your judge and jury. Assessing your life from up high, ranking you on a score card. High school graduation: tick. Successful career: tick. Husband and two- point- five kids: tick. Or no ticks, in my case. Just fat red crosses.

I looked up, drawn as if by a magnet across the street. I didn’t want to look. It was still raw. But my head turned, all the same. My bakery. There was a dusty ‘for lease’ sign in the window, lopsided and falling.

I remembered my excitement when I had signed the lease for the shop. I had whizzed around that little space, dusting and sweeping like Cinderella about to go to the ball. I had painted the walls with care, and chosen all my equipment with love. I had tested and re-tested my recipes, until I was sure they were perfect.

And it had all turned to shit, like everything.

I kept walking. I had no desire to peer through the window and see my younger self in there, unaware of what the future held.

The main street ended and I turned randomly, just walking. One foot in front of the other. Destination unknown.

Or was it? For next time I looked up, there it was. Clear Creek High. It was obviously recess. Students lolled around the yard, hanging in packs, the way that all teenagers do. The way that Jack, Lance and I had.

Stop it, I told myself. Don’t go there.

But I already had. My feet had carried me here without my head even knowing. I tried to remember what it had felt like. Being me, so young, so in love.

But who had I been in love with – Jack, or Lance?

I had told myself for years that it was Jack. Jack had swooped in and claimed me like a knight in shining armour, sweeping me off my feet and riding off with me into the sunset. Except he hadn’t.

I had waited for that sunset to materialise, but it had never come. And his armour was growing mighty rusty by that stage, too.

Lance. He had always been there. We were like the three musketeers, charging at life like bulls in a rodeo. I had thought that Lance was riding alongside me, but had he always been the one who was taking the lead?

I shook my head, not knowing anymore. It didn’t matter, anyway. None of it mattered. Jack was dead. Lance had betrayed me, both of us, really. And I was alone, as always.

I shivered. I really should have brought a jacket.

Our ghosts wandered the hallways of that school, blind to what life was going to bring us. Oblivious to our fates.

I was sick of this trip down memory lane. Time to look to the future. Resolutely, I kept walking.

I would not come here again.