Just a kid. I knew, I absolutely freakin’ knew that’s what he thought of me. Still it hurt like hell. After all the work I’d put in to help him, well to help Dad and Cearul, and him, that’s still what he thought of me? Well screw him, dammit!

Dad decided to stay with Rosie until he was better, which meant I still had to be under the protection of Keane, whether I wanted it or not. Instead of focusing on Keane and his poor opinion of me, I decided to think about Dad and Rosie. That was a pleasant surprise. I hadn’t really thought about what he did for companionship since Mom’s death, but I’m glad he found someone. Rosie seems like a nice woman and she’s tough enough to handle him, which is good. She’s so different from my mom in every way, yet somehow just as right for him. Odd how that worked out.

“So you’re not talking to me at all now?”

Really? “I know I’m just a kid Keane, but I do have other things on my mind than the guy I had sex with a few times.”

“Dammit Fi, you know that’s not what I meant!” He smacked the steering wheel in anger but I refused to let him startle me. To force me to respond.

When I did respond, I made sure to keep my voice calm and even. “All I know is what I heard, and it’s not like I was all that surprised to hear it. My point is, my thoughts don’t start and end with you.” Arrogant jackass thought the only thing that could upset me was him. “Did you ever think that maybe seeing my dad with two bullet holes in him might have something to do with my mood? Of course not, because it’s all about you Keane. Right?”

“Then why won’t you talk to me?”

“Because I don’t want to!” He may be my designated protector but he wasn’t my friend. He was nothing more than a guy I crushed on and then slept with. The end.

“Why not?”

“Because I prefer to talk to people my own age, okay?” I bit back a smile at the shocked expression on his face, he deserved it. I couldn’t say anything else to him or else I knew we’d end up fighting and I just wanted to go to bed. Seeing my dad laid up like that, so pale and weak had shaken me up. I just needed to be alone and that’s exactly what I did as soon as we set foot in the penthouse.

I showered and put on pajamas before curling up with a book on the bed. This wasn’t home, but then my apartment wasn’t either considering what had happened the last time I was there. Yeah, the time had come for me to truly consider my options for the future. Once I had that degree, there would be plenty of opportunities for me. Grad school, a job with any number of security firms or creating apps like everyone else with basic programming skills.

None of it excited me even a little bit, but the time had come for me to think about myself. My future.

“Fiona we need to talk.”

“No, we don’t,” I sighed and knocked my head back against the wall. Keane wouldn’t stop, not when he felt he was right. Too bad for him I didn’t feel like talking and he wouldn’t win this argument, not even if he banged down the door which he seemed to be on track to do. “Just go away Keane. I need to be alone. Just pretend like it was those first few days here when you left me on my own.” I knew shouting at the door was immature but damn him. I was done letting the men in my life bully me.

“Dammit Fi, you said you got it.”

“More than you know. Doesn’t mean it felt good to be abandoned for days on end. Now go away.”

“No.” He smacked the door, and had I been closer, instead of cross legged on my bed, I probably would have jumped. “Open the door goddammit.”

The man could be infuriating! I jumped from the bed and stomped the few feet to the door, yanking it open with the fires of hell flaming in my eyes. “I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk. To. You.” If he wanted to act slow, I’d treat him that way. “Got it?” I slammed the door in his face and it would have been glorious. If his giant hand hadn’t reached out and stopped it.

“I don’t think so Fiona.”

“Just because you think I’m a child Keane, doesn’t make it true. I know respect holds no meaning to you when it comes to me, but respect my wishes.”

“No.” His green gaze darkened, the sharp features of his face looked fiercer than ever.

I knew when to cut my losses, hell I’d done it enough in my life. “Whatever Keane. You do what you want, you always do anyway.” I felt too tired to deal with him right now, too exhausted to fight.

“No I don’t. If I did, I would do this,” he spoke in a low gravelly voice as he reached for my arm and twisted me to him, slanting his mouth across mine in a punishing kiss that was too hard and not enough all at once. The man kissed like he was paid to do it, and I wondered if it was possible to come just from a simple kiss. Though nothing about the kiss was simple, in fact it was nothing short of complicated. And confusing.

I wanted to push him away, to tell him to get the hell away from me. My hands even went to his chest to push him, but the thing is, Keane’s body was so big and hard that my body didn’t get the message. With my brain overridden, I had no choice but to hang on, to caress the hard peaks and valleys of the glorious landscape that was his body. He swallowed my moan of pleasure and I swear my whole body pulsed with need. Want. “Keane,” I moaned as my head tilted back to give his mouth greater access to my neck. “Please.”

“Please, what?” he asked a deep growl that drew my attention straight to the intensity of his stare. “Tell me you want this Fiona.”

“I want you,” I said instead because I didn’t want to want this. I didn’t want to want a man who thought so little of me, who probably didn’t respect me.

Keane stared at me for a long time, I guessed trying to figure out what was going on behind my eyes. Luckily, I had a lot of practice at hiding my feelings from this man. “Good enough.” He dipped inside my mouth again, blood rushing through my body like liquid heat, pulsing and pounding its way through my system. “I can’t wait Fi.”

Damn why did the thought of him losing control give me such a thrill? It felt intoxicating, addicting to have a big strong man like Keane want me so much, need me so much that he couldn’t be bothered with niceties. “I don’t want you to,” I told him honestly.

“Look at me,” he ground out as he pushed me onto the bed, pulled off my pants and pushed my thighs apart. I couldn’t have looked away if I wanted to, the sight of Keane gripping his cock and stroking it before pressing the head right on my clit.

“Yes,” I screamed my pleasure, loving the way electricity sparked through me each time he hit that little bundle of nerves. “Keane…please.”

He shot me a devilish grin and held himself at my opening. “I love to hear you beg me to fuck you Fi.”

I would do a lot more than beg if he kept me waiting any longer. “Oh, oh yes!” He dropped to his knees, his warm breath fanning my pussy seconds before he kissed me until I was wet and aching, and begging for his cock.

“I could eat your cunt all day,” he grunted out as he slid in to the hilt. “So fucking wet, just for me.”

He sounded entirely too smug about it, but I felt how easily he entered me and I knew how wet I got just thinking about him. I wished I didn’t, but in that moment I loved how he seemed to get even harder because of how much I want him. Even as he fucked me I hungered for him, I wanted more of him.

When his mouth touched mine again I wanted to cry at the intensity of the emotions rolling through me. That kiss felt like everything I had ever wanted a kiss to be. I felt wanted and needed, cherished. Desired. It was too much, his mouth made slow sweet love to mind as he pounded into me in frantic strokes that soon pushed me over that razor’s edge and straight into the deep dark abyss that carried me away, left me floating in dark nothingness while he chased his own pleasure. The orgasm ripped me apart and he thrust in deeper and harder, sending me higher than I’d ever been before just moments before his hips jerked one final time, his cock pulsing inside my body.

His hips still moved slowly, long deep strokes that had me coming harder than I had even with battery operated assistance. “Ah, Fiona love,” he whispered in my ear, pressing gentle kisses to my jaw, my cheek.

My eyes closed and savored those word on his lips. Fiona love. I’d wished to hear those words for years. They were one of my most deeply held dreams. And he didn’t mean them.

It all became too much. The intensity overwhelmed me and I fought a losing battle for control. And promptly burst into tears.

* * *

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” I asked Keane in the most sarcastic voice I could muster up. I’ve been a jerk to him since my crying jag after we made love. A week ago.

“Okay,” he started, reigning in his patience. “Why are you packing your suitcases. You’re with me until Callahan is caught.”

I groaned. “I know you’re worried, and Dad is too, but you know what? I don’t care. I’m done caring about what you guys want. I want to go home.” Truthfully I needed to go home. To pack up my apartment because I couldn’t live there anymore, and then I would find a place to stay until after finals. Probably a hotel.

“I’m serious Fiona. You’re not going anywhere.”

“I’m not fighting with you.” I had no plans to fight with either of the men in my life. Ever again. I decided to make a clean break from them. All of them. “After dinner I’m going back to my apartment.” My dad invited us to dinner for some big news, and I had a feeling I wouldn’t like it. Hence the now focusing on no-one-but-Fiona.

“I don’t think so.”

I looked over my shoulder at the handsome man who’d stolen my heart but didn’t want it. He’d recently had a haircut and his beard was freshly trimmed, making him look both younger and hotter. “I’m not asking Keane.”

He grumbled and left the room and I felt a small but much needed reprieve. The man had refused to let me out of his sight for more than a few minutes even inside the penthouse. He slept beside me, actually more like around me. Wrapped around me with arms squeezed tight. I hated that I loved sleeping in his arms so much. It would make sleeping alone that much harder.

But I would do it. Because I had to.

Life moved on, and as we pushed down the highway I knew it had to move on for all of us. Dad sounded happy on the phone. I assumed it had to be about finally having the official all clear from the FBI, but now I had to wonder if it was about something else.

“Do you know what’s going on with him?”

“No,” he answered just a tad too quickly, and with an undertone that told me he knew something.

“Liar.” I don’t know why I expected anything else from him. Apparently remembering that would require a steeper learning curve. More time. Distance.

“It’s not my place to tell you Fi.”

“Fine.” I expected it even though I hoped for something else. Something different.

“That’s it? You’re not going to harass me until I tell you?”

“No.” As soon as the car came to a stop I jumped out and quickly walked up the short stairway to Rosie’s house. The door opened before I could knock and Rosie pulled me into a hug.

“Damn you’re a pretty little thing. If I was younger we might be enemies, chasing after the same boys.” She laughed and pulled me into the living room.

“Dad, you’re looking well,” I gave him a hug and a kiss. “Feeling better?”

“As soon as I’m off these damn pills I will be.” He patted my cheek and I took the lone sofa in the bright living room, sandwiched between two loveseats.

“Soon you’ll be back to normal. Just do what the doctor says.” Keane and Rosie came in and she flitted off to the kitchen, presumably to work on dinner. “Do you need any help Rosie?”

“No, Keane will help me while you and your father have a chat.”

Okay, that wasn’t suspicious at all. Keane gave me a sympathetic look as he passed and I diverted my gaze. The last thing I wanted from him was sympathy. Or pity. “Okay Dad, what’s the big news?”

His face lit up in a way I couldn’t remember ever seeing. I was so young when Mom died that I don’t remember much about him from then, but in the photos he looked happy. Smitten. Just how he looked now. “Rosie and I got married two days ago.”

What? I couldn’t believe my ears. Dad had gotten married. Without me. That hurt, but I was happy for him. “Congratulations Dad.” I stood on wooden legs and gave him the obligatory hug and kiss even though I truly was happy for him. It just felt strange to be excluded from such a big part of his life. They’d obviously known each other for years, but I’d only met her a week ago. And now they were married. “I’m happy for you both.”

“Are you?”

“Of course, it’s just a shock is all. She’s obviously a big part of your life and I don’t know her.” It hurt, but telling him that would only put a damper on the celebration, I guess. “She seems great and I really am happy for you.”

“Thanks,” he grinned so wide I thought his cheeks might pop. “Looks like we both got what we want, eh?”

I didn’t know what he meant, so I just shrugged. It all felt so surreal. Rosie and Keane came in with champagne and glasses, both of them wearing big smiles I tried like hell to mimic. The big dinner of roasted lamb, potatoes and veggies probably tasted delicious but I wouldn’t know, it all tasted like dust to me. I sat through a toast from Keane to the happy couple, not to mention two toasts each from the happy couple. It was sweet. And sad. And damned exhausting.

I should have done my own toast but I just didn’t have the energy or the mental capacity to do it. Not today.

When Rosie returned with a large pan of tiramisu, Dad licked his lips and gave her a loving smile that felt like a kick in the gut. Great now I’m jealous of my own dad.

“Wait until you taste Rosie’s tiramisu, it’ll make you believe in miracles.”

I doubted that, but I smiled just the same.

“Since we have dessert I guess it’s time for the other news. Rosie and I want some time to ourselves as newlyweds, and away from all that’s been going on. So we’re going on a cruise around the world until the heat dies down.”

“What? You’re just…leaving?”

He frowned that famous Seamus O’Malley scowl that had his enemies cowering. But not me, not since I was thirteen. “Don’t we deserve some time together, away from this?”

“It doesn’t matter what I say anyway, right? Congratulations Rosie. I hope you guys enjoy your life together.” Unable to stay a minute longer I grabbed my purse and left the house. I didn’t care about my luggage in Keane’s car, I’d replace what I needed after I got home.

Wherever the hell that was now.