Kendall
After a lunch of turkey and cheese sandwiches, we end up spending the rest of the day together in Levi's apartment. The place is kind of rundown and not in the best neighborhood, but Levi has managed to make it a loving home. Framed pictures of Brody cover the walls, along with some of his artwork. His latest report card is hanging on the fridge, surrounded by baseball cards and a Yankees pennant. There are stacks of baseball cards on the counter and flat surfaces throughout the apartment, and more sports magazines than any boy should have.
Brody showed me his room and his collection of Legos, and then we sat down and watched The Sandlot–a movie I've never heard of. It's about baseball and that's all I know. I was hardly paying attention because Levi's thigh was pressed against mine as he sat next to me on the couch. It took all the willpower I had not to touch him. Thankfully Brody never noticed how close we were because he was too busy watching the movie and reading the captions.
Since the boys made me lunch, I treat us to dinner by ordering a pizza that's large enough to feed six, yet somehow I was only able to steal one piece before the boys devoured it, and they still had room for ice cream!
"It's time to wash up and get ready for bed," Levi says and Brody huffs in his seat. When Brody signs something back, Levi's laid-back attitude suddenly changes and his face becomes stern. "I've already let you stay up past your bedtime. Go wash up and I'll come tuck you in."
Brody gets up but instead of going toward his bedroom, he walks over to me and picks up my phone. My instinct is to yank my phone away but instead I let him play on it for a minute. He sets the phone down, surprises me with a hug, and then runs off down the hall.
"What was that about?" I ask Levi, since I was only able to understand his side of the conversation.
"He wanted to stay up and hang out with us, but I told him he had to go to bed. He's not happy."
"Does he normally go to bed at this time?"
"On a normal Saturday he'd already be asleep by now and I'd be at work, waiting until I had time to see you." Pulling out his phone he looks at the screen and adds, "Speaking of work. Aren't you late?"
"I texted Noah a few hours ago and convinced him to give me the night off."
"Don't you think he'll get suspicious that you asked for the night off on the same night I had a pre-approved night off?"
"Probably." I shrug my shoulders with indifference. "He'd have to prove it, though."
The text alert goes off on my phone and I look down to read the screen.
Brody: I put my number in ur phone so we can talk 2 each other. Good night.
That sneaky kid. If I didn't like him already this would have been the moment I did. I send him a quick text back.
Me: I didn't know you have a phone.
Brody: It's good 4 video chats with my dad and friends. It also gives me a way 2 talk with hearing people who don't sign.
Me: I'm glad we can communicate this way. Now go to bed before your dad yells at me for keeping you up late.
"Who are you texting?"
I set my phone down and reply teasingly, "Another man."
Levi stiffens in his chair so I quickly add, "He's eight, shares your DNA, and is clever in the communication department."
His shoulders relax but he watches me for a long time. His hands come up to his face and then rest back down on the table. "About that. There's something I should probably tell you about Brody."
His words startle me. "What do you want to tell me?"
He pauses for a moment and takes a dramatic breath before saying, "He's not my biological son."
I'm confused. I feel like I've been punched in the gut as I try to understand what that means. How can Brody not be his son? They're so similar. They act so much alike, but if I really step back to look at the situation the signs are there. They physically look nothing alike.
"How? What? I don't get it. You're so young. Why would you be raising a kid that’s not yours?"
He gets defensive. "You don't get it. Brody is mine. He's my son in every way, we just don't share DNA."
"Okay," I reply calmly as I verbally try to raise the white flag. "Explain it to me. I want to understand."
He smiles dully and nods his head. Then he starts from the beginning.
"Brody's mom was my best friend. We did everything together and when I got a scholarship for baseball she followed me to college. She had no family. We met when she was living down the street from me with one of her many foster parents. She stayed with this woman for three years before being placed in a new home, but we stayed in touch. We did everything together so when I went off to college on a baseball scholarship, she went with me.
"College was great. We studied and partied together. I was dating this one girl pretty seriously and Torrance, that's Brody's mom, was dating another player on my team. Max Creaton."
Where have I heard that name before?
"Toward the end of our sophomore year Torrance found out she was pregnant, and Max wanted nothing to do with the baby. He even went as far as saying he never slept with Torrance and the baby wasn't his. I wanted to kill him. It was a hard time for me because I hated the guy for abandoning Torrance but he was my teammate. I was expected to get along with my teammates.
"Torrance was devastated by his rejection, but she knew she wanted her baby. After living most of her life in foster care and knowing what shitty parents looked like, she was looking forward to giving her baby the life she always wished she had."
He pauses and visibly begins to shake. I move over to him and cup his hands in mine, attempting to comfort him the best way I know how. Once he has more control over his body he continues to speak.
"Life was going to be difficult for her but I was so proud of her and told her I would help her however I could. It wasn't easy because I had school full-time and baseball taking up most of my life. The girl I was dating broke up with me because I never had time for her anymore. All of my free time went to Torrance. I went with her to her doctor appointments and Lamaze classes, and when she went into labor I was there for her during the delivery."
Levi closes his eyes and puts his head down and I react instantly. I wrap my arm around his back and lean my head against his shoulder.
"We didn't know she was sick until a few days after Brody was born. Her blood counts had been off during the last several months of the pregnancy. She was tired a lot and bruised easily, but all of it could be explained. She was tired because she was pregnant and she always bruised easily. She was anemic.
"When Brody was seven days old she was still in the hospital and we found out she had an advanced stage of a rare form of leukemia. The doctors tried their best to treat her, but six months later she died, leaving behind her son.
"I guess this is the part where I tell you just how good I was at baseball. Brody's birth father, Max, had just been drafted to the Mets."
That's where I've heard his name before.
"I had been drafted to the Dodgers. It was supposed to be the best time of my life, and then I got the call from my mom that changed everything. Torrance had died after a complication from her chemo, and I wasn't there for her in her last moments. She had no family. I was her best friend, and she left me her son."
I hold back the tears I want to shed and try to stay strong enough to hear the rest of the story. I don't want to break down and force Levi to comfort me when I should be the one comforting him.
"I had two choices,” he continues. "I could be selfish and sign away my rights and responsibility for Brody so that I could focus on my career, or I could step up and take care of him. I'd be honoring Torrance's wish. She had just left her son alone in the world and trusted me to take care of him. I couldn't break her trust now, when she needed me the most. So I chose to take care of him.
"That decision changed my life. I stopped playing baseball and as a result my family stopped speaking to me. I dropped out of college and became an instant dad to a baby, and now I was missing the emotional support from my parents I so desperately needed. It was rough.
"It was a few weeks later that I found out Brody was deaf. With everything going on with Torrance's health and being on the state's healthcare plan, somehow it was missed. I'm not sure if he failed the hearing test in the hospital and no one told Torrance, or if he passed and lost his hearing some other way."
He's silent again and I'm not sure what I should say. He's opened up to me in a way I never expected and I want to be careful with my words. I don't want to say the wrong thing.
"That had to be hard. Drastically changing the course of your life and giving up something you love to step into the role of someone's father. You dealt with those new challenges and then suddenly learned your new son is deaf."
"It was extremely difficult, but I dealt with it like I dealt with everything. Head on. I filed the proper paperwork to adopt Brody and once everything was finalized he was put on my healthcare. Then I researched the best doctors I could find.
"I immersed myself in deaf culture and spent every free moment I had learning sign language online. When I hired Laura she was able to help me in the areas I lacked with communication, and then free online classes filled in the rest.
"As Brody got older I started looking for the best schools that would challenge him academically and that brought me to New York. We got lucky because Laura was already planning to move to New York to continue her education. I didn't have to find someone new to help with Brody. I worked a lot of odd jobs when I got here so I was elated when Noah offered me the job at the club."
"You’re incredible," I blurt out. Never have I met someone so selfless and devoted to his child. I'm in awe of him right now. "Most people wouldn't be that selfless. You're definitely the superhero in our dynamic duo."
"So I'm Batman. Please tell me I can be Batman?"
"You're Batman and I'll be a barely dressed female version of Robin."
"Yes!" he shouts dramatically. "I've always wanted to be a superhero."
"In my book you already are. Your love and dedication to Brody is...everything."
"I loved him from the moment he was born. I loved his mother. She was my best friend and we would have done anything for each other. Taking on the role of his father was the only thing that felt right and I've never regretted that decision."
He spends the next hour telling me more about his life with his son. He even explains in more detail why he decided to abstain from sex.
When Brody was three he walked in to Levi's bedroom and the woman Levi slept with the night before still hadn't left. Brody had questions–questions Levi was embarrassed answering but normal for a three year old boy who never met his mother to ask. Brody wondered if the mystery girl in his father's bed was going to be his mommy. That was the moment Levi decided that he was done sleeping around. It wasn't fair to Brody and he was not going to have sex until he was in a serious, committed relationship and considering marriage.
The more I learn the more I realize they've had to overcome so many obstacles over the years and Levi has always figured it out. It makes the difficulties in my life seem obsolete. My parents may have been absent, but I was always provided for. My health has been perfect and I've always had enough money to pay the bills.
"Did Brody start playing baseball because of you?"
"I taught him how to play catch but I never dreamed he'd love the game as much as he does. It gives us another thing to bond over, not that we have a hard time bonding. Most of the time we're attached at the hip."
Every time he answers one of my questions, I have ten new questions to ask him. I want to know everything I can about him and his son.
"What grade is Brody in school?"
"He's transitioning into third."
"Is it hard for him to make friends because he's deaf? Do kids make fun of him?"
"He goes to a school for the deaf. The only thing that's hard for him about school is that it's year round, so in the summer when he sees public school kids playing outside on the way to school, it bums him out because he wants to be playing, too. They get a little break in the summer, but it's nothing close to the ten weeks public school kids get."
"That would make me sad, too."
"You must be so bored listening to my life."
"No." I gasp. "I love hearing about your life. I like you, Levi." I want to say more, but I don't want to scare him off. Levi is an amazing dad by choice, and my father was a horrible one. It makes me care for him more than I did before. For the first time in my life I'm feeling things I never felt before. I'm falling in love.
"I like you, too."
We have a moment. You know that moment. It's that brief moment in time where it feels like we're the only two people in the world. He leans in. I lean in, and we're about to share a tender kiss...
But then the moment is gone as soon as Brody comes skipping back into the room.
"I thought you were sleeping." Levi looks annoyed but hides it with a teasing smile.
Brody signs something to his dad and Levi laughs. "You finished the book already? You just picked it out yesterday."
He signs again and Levi answers, "No more reading tonight. I'll be right there to tuck you in. We can go back to the library tomorrow."
Brody waves to me and then runs back down the hallway and out of sight. "I should tuck him in or he'll never get to sleep. Do you want to stick around for some coffee, or maybe we could not watch a movie on the couch?"
I lick my lips and glare at him. "I should get going before I tempt you into doing something you don't want to do with Brody in the house."
I'm prepared to do the right thing but then he cups my cheek and his lips crash down on mine passionately. Our mouths mold together as our tongues come out to explore and when the kiss is over I'm out of breath. His lips move to my ear and he whispers huskily, "I've changed my mind. You should stay the night."
He kisses my neck and I groan, wanting to stay but knowing he'll regret it in the morning. He's just opened up to me, bringing out emotions he's probably had buried for a while. That's how I know he's not thinking straight right now and I don't want to take advantage of the situation and have him second-guessing us in the morning.
"I want to. I really do–"
"Then stay," he mumbles against my skin.
Using the last bit of willpower I have I grab his shoulders and push him away. "I can't. You'll thank me in the morning. Now go tuck your son in and I'll let myself out."
After a moment of hesitation he agrees with me. He kisses me chastely before brushing his lips along mine in several more lingering kisses. With every kiss my lips get more needy and he sets my body ablaze. We have to stop this, but I can't seem to pull away this time. His hand slips between us and then he's pressed between my legs. The pressure is exactly what I crave. It would be so easy to just stay the night. Brody wouldn't hear us. There's a good chance we wouldn't get caught.
Even as I think the words I know I'm smart enough to do the right thing. I pull away from his hold and push him down the hallway. When he disappears into Brody's room I collect my things and get out of there fast. I'm too comfortable in his home and I don't want to give myself any more time to change my mind and stay. I'm looking for this to be a lasting relationship. I don't want to do anything that could jeopardize that.