One Week Later
Kendall
Noah: What the hell! What's your excuse today?
Me: Just fire me already. It will make my life easier.
Noah: I'm not firing you.
Me: You should. I'm not coming in anytime soon and since I missed all of last week you should just find someone to replace me.
Noah: I'M NOT FIRING YOU!!! Skye's covering when her fall schedule allows her and I have Reagan helping the other nights. You can take this week off but I expect you back at work come next Wednesday. I'll have Augusto walk you out at the end of the night.
Me: I quit.
Noah: No, you don't. I'll see you next week.
Ugh! That man is frustrating. I don't know how Skye puts up with him sometimes. Why won't he just let me mope at home in peace?
I can't go back to the office. I can never step foot in Bar Forbidden or Club Desire again. If I do, there's a chance I'll see Levi. My heart can't take that. He's already shattered it into tiny pieces. If I see him while I'm trying to mend it, he'll destroy me for good.
If the situation were different I might have asked Noah to fire Levi. It would be a favor for the best friend of his wife who he loves dearly. But I won't do that. Levi needs this job. Like he told me when he broke up with me, this job gives him a little financial stability. I don't ever want to be the reason he can't provide for Brody. So instead I'm ignoring work and waiting for the day Noah fires me or allows me to quit.
Whichever comes first.
Either way, I'm not going back in there. I've been content on my couch all week in sweatpants and a ripped t-shirt watching mindless television, in between crying my heartbreak away and sleeping to ignore the reality of my new life. A life without Levi and Brody in it.
The truly sad part is that Levi didn't give me time to tell him what I've wanted since I met him. He didn't even think enough of me to give me a little credit that I'd want only what he could offer me–nothing more. I've always been an independent woman. He wouldn't have to take care of me. I don't need the fairy tale life he thinks I do. Fairy tales are overrated and often the life you're given is messy and unpredictable, but ends up way better than any fairy tale.
I want messy with Levi. I want unpredictable. Maybe that was our biggest problem all along. I've always known what I wanted when it came to him. In the beginning, it was a hook-up. A fling. As I got to know him more, my wants and desires progressed. Soon a hook-up wasn't good enough. I wanted a relationship and I was open about that. Levi has a hard time being open. He fought the idea of us from the very beginning. I just figured once there was an "us" he'd surrender and give up the fight.
I was wrong.
The front door to my apartment slams shut, stopping me from continuing to overanalyze my relationship with Levi. Skye's got a paper bag from our favorite bakery in one hand and coffee in the other. Once she takes in my appearance she shoots me a sympathetic look and then glances at the TV just as Allie looks down at the newspaper and sees Noah in front of the house he built.
"You're watching The Notebook again! How is this going to help you get over your break-up?"
"I don't want to get over it. I just want to sink into my couch and disappear."
"Oh, Ken. You're going to get through this. You just need to get up, get showered, and go through the motions of your day. Each day will get easier and eventually it won't feel like such a forced task."
She sets down the coffee and bakery bag on my side table and sits next to me on the couch. "Shouldn't you be in class?" I ask.
"I had a few minutes so I wanted to drop off some food for you and see how you're doing."
"And what conclusion did you draw?"
"You're heartbroken and it's understandable. Just know I'm here for you whenever you feel like talking."
"I know, Skye. I appreciate it, but I'm not ready to talk. Right now, I'm content sulking at home and dealing with this on my own timeline. Once I'm ready, you'll be the first person I call."
She leans in and hugs me, embracing me with her warmth. I haven't been much of a friend to her lately but she's here anyway. That's what friends do and I'm so glad I introduced myself to her all those years ago in the park. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have such an incredible friend today.
She pulls away from me and scrunches her nose in disgust. "When was the last time you showered? I'm telling you this because I love you. You smell like one of the homeless men down in the subway."
"It's not that bad."
She fans her hand in front of her nose. "Yes, it is. How long have you been wearing those clothes?"
"Well, let's see. Levi broke it off with me nine days ago. I came home and put on these sweatpants before crying myself to sleep so...nine days."
"Kendall, that's disgusting. Please shower today. You don't have to do anything else but please shower. You'll feel better."
"Yeah, maybe."
"No, you need to shower. I can't come by tonight because I'm covering your shift at the office, but when I stop by tomorrow morning I expect you to smell fresh and clean."
"Okay," I agree, knowing it's a lie because I have no immediate plan to move from this couch.
"I need you to remember something. It's something you told me when we first met and it gave me perspective."
"I wasn't aware you listened to anything I said."
"Ha, ha."
"What did I say that gave you wisdom?"
"Unless someone is dead, nothing and nobody is worth being miserable over." I remember that day. I remember saying those words and I wish I still believed them.
As she stands up she grabs her coffee and hands me the other cup. "Drink up and then go shower. I'll see you tomorrow, but if you need me at all please call. I'll come right over. I love you, Ken."
I smile, because I can always count on her to be there for me and it's a little bit of comfort in this lost world my mind is living in. "I know and I love you, too."
When she leaves my apartment, I sink back into the couch and finish watching the movie. Why can't Levi be like Ryan Gosling? He never gave up on Allie, yet Levi gave up on me the minute I made a mistake.
Ugh, men!
I take the remote and for the first time in days I turn off the TV. I lift the collar of my shirt to my nose and take a whiff, and immediately smell a stench that has me standing up and heading to the shower. I'm ready to wash the filth off me. Hopefully Skye is right and a shower will make me feel a little better.
Twenty minutes later and my shower is done. Although my skin feels hydrated and my hair is no longer matted to my head, I still feel like curling up into a ball on my couch and watching another sappy love story. I hate feeling this way but I don't know how to kick it. The world I've gotten to know these past several months was nothing like I ever imagined but everything I never knew I wanted. In an instant, it was ripped away from me and I'm gutted. Everything that brightened my day is gone.
I brush the grime off my teeth, comb my hair and pull it back in a bun. The clean yoga pants and t-shirt I throw on feel nice against my body. It's a shame they're just going to smell in a few days like the last outfit I wore. I guess it's good I have no one to smell nice for.
"Jesus!" I shout as I step into my living room and am shocked I'm not the only one in my apartment. Brody is sitting on the couch holding a bouquet of wildflowers like the ones Levi would pick for me. He also has a note.
Even though I've been learning sign language for months, my vocabulary is limited but I manage to sign, "Hi. Why are you here?" I can't help the feeling of excitement that fills my stomach with anticipation and causes my heart to beat a little faster. Levi must have sent him here with the flowers. Maybe we're not doomed after all. Maybe Levi's thought it through and regrets ending our relationship.
Brody stands up and hands me a piece of folded notebook paper and I know this is it. This is Levi's apology note. I take the paper and open it up. The butterflies in my stomach stop flying and my heartbeat goes back to its slow, broken pattern of beats. The letter is from Brody.
Dad doesn't know I am here. Laura dropped me off. I hope u are not mad. I missed seeing u.
I smile down at the note in his adorable handwriting–a part of me is happy he missed me because I missed him like crazy. I was mourning the loss of two people in my life instead of just one.
I wrap him up in a hug and smell his wild curly hair, continually reminding myself to remember his scent. Our visit won't last long and he'll be back with Levi, and I'll be missing him and his dad just as much as I was before–maybe even more.
When I finally release him, I sign, "I missed you." Then I sign, "Phone." I grab my cell and wave it at him so he knows my intentions and he smiles before reaching in his back pocket and pulling out his cell.
Me: How did you get into my apartment?
While he texts back I take him in. Somehow his smile is brighter, his freckles more pronounced. His shirt is wrinkled and his shoes are untied and I have the urge to tell him to tie them, but I don't want to be that Kendall right now. I don't want to be the Kendall who takes care of him and tells him what to do. I want to enjoy the few minutes we have before he has to go home.
Brody: I took Dad's key.
Me: Does your dad know you're here?
Brody: No.
Me: You shouldn't be here. You'll get in a lot of trouble. Your dad wouldn't want you over here right now.
Brody: I don't care. I missed u.
Me: I missed you, kiddo. That still doesn't make sneaking over here right. We need to let your dad know you are here.
Brody: No!
Brody: He is so cranky. He's going 2 be mad at me.
Me: He won't be mad.
Brody looks up from his phone and raises his eyebrows at me. I text him again.
Me: Okay, he'll be mad but it won't last. I'll explain everything and it will be okay.
Brody: Do u have to tell him I'm here?
I wish I didn't. I wish I could do the irresponsible thing and have a fun afternoon with Brody before letting his dad know where he is, but I can't. Levi already doesn't trust me with Brody. I've already made a mistake with him. If I let him stay here for hours without Levi knowing, it will just be proving to him I'm not trustworthy with his son. I don't want to give him any more ammunition. He can't have another reason to build his case on why we can't be together.
Even though I plan on texting Levi I don't say any of this to Brody.
Me: I'll make us a snack and we can play a game.
Brody: Really?
Me: Of course. What do you want to play?
Brody: Jenga
Me: I'm great at Jenga. There is a closet in my hallway with games. Grab Jenga while I make us something to eat. I'll be back in a minute.
I head into my kitchen and grab a soda out of the fridge for Brody. I peek out into the living room to make sure Brody isn't coming and then send out a quick text to Levi, letting him know his son snuck over here to see me.
Me: Brody is here. He stole my apartment key from you and somehow talked Laura into dropping him off here. Just thought you'd want to know. I'll keep him entertained until you get here.
I send the text and then rummage through my cupboards to see what I can find for him to eat. Since I've been moping at home all week and eating all the food in my house, my kitchen is bare. The little food I do find is either expired or a food no kid would ever like. Then I remember I still have the bakery goodies Skye dropped off in the living room.
I grab our drinks and then my phone goes off. I glance at my phone on the counter and I've received a response from Levi.
Levi: I'll be there in an hour to pick him up.
My heart skips a beat as I read the text and instead of being filled with excitement and anticipation, a somber feeling takes over my body. I'm dreading seeing him for the first time. I don't know how I'll be able to handle it but I can't let the thought of him coming over consume my mind.
I have a strategic game of Jenga to win.