Kendall
The kid has won three games of Jenga and four games of Connect Four. The sad thing is I'm not even letting him win. I'm off my game.
He signs, "I love playing games together."
I laugh and sign, "Yes, because you win."
He smiles and I love that he's having fun over here, even if our time together is about to end. I'm glad we're getting this moment. His last memory with me will be a good one instead of the day I couldn't find him at the zoo.
"Want to watch a movie?"
He signs back, "Yes."
I set the TV up on Netflix and hand him the remote. He signs, "Awesome." Then he's changing the settings so the captions appear. He manages to find a documentary on baseball and his eyes are glued to the screen. Meanwhile, I'm bored to tears at the commentator’s monotone voice.
The doorbell rings and I look to Brody, nervous he'll think I betrayed him. Then I realize he doesn’t know the doorbell rang because my home doesn't have the technology his does. I'll have to look into getting some things before the next time he comes over.
Now I'm just being silly because there won't be a next time. This is it.
I watch him for a few more seconds, trying to cherish the last few moments I have with him and then the doorbell rings again and I know I have to get it before Levi starts to worry.
I stand on my side of the door and take a deep breath before opening it. Levi is on the other side, looking better than my memory allowed me to remember. He's in the clothes he wears at the club and I do my best not to focus on his incredible body. Instead I focus on the dark bags under his eyes and the stubbly beard on his usually clean-shaven face.
Okay, maybe he doesn't look as good as I first thought but I'm no ten either. I have no make-up on, my hair is damp and pulled back, and my eyes are so puffy from the continuous crying this past week that no amount of sleep could fix it.
We both stare at each other for several seconds. I don't know what is running through his mind but I know what I'm thinking. I won't be the one to speak first.
His mouth opens as if he's about to say something, but then Laura is next to him and apologizing before he can get out the words. "I am so sorry, Kendall. Brody begged me to let him come see you. He looked so upset and you know I have a hard time saying no to him. Plus, it's one of the only days he doesn't have a test at school so I didn't know when there would be another chance to bring him to see you."
"Stop apologizing. I'm glad you let him come over." Out of the corner of my eye I see Levi's face soften and a small smile appears, but I refuse to let him consume me in this moment so I continue to talk with Laura. "I love Brody and we've had a nice time. I think this was good for the both of us. It gave us time to say goodbye. It gave us closure. Thank you for dropping him off here."
"Oh, I'm so glad–" she starts to respond but Levi interrupts. Gone is the man who was standing here just moments ago and in his place is the angry Levi I saw last week. I don't know if I can handle this Levi again.
"That's enough!" he practically shouts. I don't know if Brody could sense that his dad was here or if he just happened to turn around at that exact moment, but almost instantly he's standing at my side and signing frantically to his father. Levi signs back while speaking his response.
"We can talk about it when I get home. Go with Laura. I need to speak with Kendall."
Brody signs again and this time Levi only signs his response. I can feel the tension in the room escalate each time the other signs and I'm amazed that at eight years old Brody is standing up to his father and defending his decision to see me. At least that's what I think he's doing. I only understand some of what he's signing. His animated expressions help tell some of the story, too. I love that he uses his facial expressions more than the average person. It helps me grasp the importance of his words.
As much as I love that Brody came here to see me, Levi is still his father and he needs to listen to him, respect him, and do what he asks. Even if it's not something he agrees with.
I tap Brody on the shoulder and attempt to sign and speak simultaneously for the first time. "You need to listen to your father. Go home with Laura. I will text you tonight." I know I didn't sign everything right, but it is enough for Brody to understand me.
Brody's little chest moves up and down, and he looks defeated. He nods his head and signs, "I love you."
I choke up. Tears form in the corners of my eyes, but I hold them back. He hugs me and I squeeze him tight, knowing this is most likely the last time I'll see him. This is our final goodbye. Even though I'm not ready to–I'll never be ready to–I let him go and sign back, "I love you."
He waves goodbye and then steps out of my apartment. I watch as he disappears down the hall with Laura and then I make eye contact with Levi. I'm ready to hear what he has to say to me, so that when he walks down that hallway I'll hopefully be strong enough not to watch as he disappears out of my life, too.