Levi
She signed with him. Granted, her ASL skills need a lot of work but she signed with him. It was beautiful.
When did she learn to sign? It took everything I had inside of me not to cry the moment her hands started to move and she was communicating with my boy the only way he knows how. She'll never know how much that means to me. She'll never know how much that means to him. When a hearing person learns sign language to communicate it's a form of respect and acknowledgement. She's acknowledging an important aspect of Brody's life. She's saying ASL is just as important of a language as English is. The time and effort she put into learning those few words shows me just how much she loves Brody. I guess it shows just how much she loves me.
"I didn't know he was coming over." She interrupts my train of thought with her beautiful sultry voice. A voice I've missed hearing for nine whole days. She's defensive. I understand that. I made her that way. There's so much I want to say to her and I wish I could get it all out at once.
Instead I simply say, "I know."
"He just let himself into my apartment."
"I figured." She doesn't say anything else so I ask her, "When did you learn ASL?"
Her face flushes and she shrugs her shoulders. "I've been watching videos on YouTube and taking some online courses. Brody and Laura have helped me, too."
"For how long?"
"Months. Ever since you let me into Brody's life."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It was a surprise. I planned on telling you once I was more comfortable with the language."
I study her. She looks worn out and tired. Her face is bare and her hair is pulled back. This might be the first time I've seen her without her hair styled, yet somehow she's more beautiful every time I see her. She's stunning.
"I had no idea you were learning ASL."
"And I had no idea he was coming over here. I wouldn't do that to you."
"Kendall, the kid is determined. I know that better than anyone."
"Okay, well, you made it pretty clear that you don't trust me with him so I didn't want you to think I was ignoring your wishes."
"That's not...I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I was wrong. I do trust you with him. There is no one I trust more."
She looks at me with disbelief. "Really? Because last week–"
"I miss you," I blurt out, interrupting whatever she was about to say. I can't hold it in anymore. She needs to know.
"You do?" she asks and those two words are laced with hope. I can hear it in her voice.
"The last week has been horrible."
"For me, too."
I step inside her apartment and she doesn't move. Good. I don't want her to. It only takes two more steps and I'm right in front of her. Our bodies are only inches apart yet it seems like miles. My fingers crave to touch her. My mouth begs me to connect my lips with hers. "I'm sorry," I whisper. My voice cracks as I try to express the sorrow and pain I feel in just those two small words.
"You hurt me." Her light eyes look right into mine as she says the words. I love how she's not afraid to say exactly how she feels. How she's not the type of woman to just fall at my knees the moment I apologize. She wants me to know what I did to her–wants me to feel it and I'm glad she does. It's uncomfortable. It would be so much easier to not hash this out right now, but if I want any chance of a future with this amazing woman I have to stand here and fight for her.
So that's what I'm going to do.
"I know, and it's inexcusable. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you too much to want that."
"So why did you?"
"I got scared. In those few minutes when I didn't know where Brody was all of the choices I've made since I let you into my life came flashing back to me. I couldn't help but think if I hadn't met you Brody would be safe right now. Once I saw him. Once I knew he was safe, I thought I had to let you go. I thought it was the only way to save us all from any more pain.
"You have to know it destroyed me. I missed you so damn much. It may have felt like I was punishing you, but that wasn't my intention. I was trying to punish myself and it worked. My life didn't feel worth it without you in it. I knew I'd spend the rest of my life regretting the decision to let you walk out my door."
"I'm sorry, too."
"What do you have to be sorry for?"
"I let Brody walk away. I took my eyes off him."
"That. That right there is what I'm sorry for the most. I'm sorry I made you doubt yourself. You have nothing to apologize for. Every parent takes their eyes off their kids at some point. It's impossible to watch them all the time. I know this and I made you feel like shit anyway. There's no excuse for my actions and you shouldn't forgive the things I've said to you. Even though you shouldn't forgive me I want you to. I want you to forgive me. I want you to love me again."
She places her hands on my chest and my body warms under her touch. It's the first real thing I've felt in days.
"I hoped one day you'd want me back. I never thought it would be today."
"Do you forgive me?"
"I do."
"Do you love me?"
"I never stopped loving you."
"It can't be this easy. You must hate me for what I've put you through."
Her forehead falls to my chest and she breathes me in. "Forgiveness is easy when you love someone. Holding on to anger is what's hard."
"Can we give us another shot? I promise if you give me another chance I won't fuck this up. I can't promise we won't argue and I can't promise we won't disagree, but I promise to talk it out with you. I never want to know what it feels like to not have you in my life. One week was long enough. I want to make us work."
She grips my shirt in her fists and pulls me to her. Standing on her tiptoes she leans in and presses her lips to mine...and I'm home. Her soft lips mold to mine and I kiss her like a dying man–a man that hasn't gotten a glimpse of heaven in nine days. When our lips are swollen and I'm finding it hard to catch my breath, she pulls her lips away from mine and moves her mouth to my ear. "I want to make us work, too."
She pulls away and winks before grabbing my hand and dragging me into her bedroom. We make up in that room. With every kiss, I apologize to her body and with every sigh and moan she forgives me. We say all the things we haven't said and with every minute that passes we heal a little more. By the end of the night she's asleep in my arms, exactly where she was always meant to be.