CHAPTER 30
The night before the 1st match of the new Premier League season, Kian was cold and distant. Cate felt as though they were on opposite sides of a glass window. She didn’t like the feeling.
“Are you hungry?” Cate asked gently, when they passed in the hallway. After he’d picked her up from work, Kian had holed up in his office with the door shut.
“No,” Kian replied, bristling with tension. Then as if he remembered who he was talking to, he added, “thanks though. I’ll have something later. I’m going to finish up watching these game tapes.”
Cate knew tomorrow was a big match; they were at home to United. They weren’t just Rovers’ local rivals; they were also the team that had won the Premier League and Champions League double last season.
“OK,” Cate said. “Why don’t you watch them in the lounge? I’ll be upstairs.”
She showered and got dressed for bed. It was still early but she was tired. Kian thought she was working tomorrow and the guilt of lying to him was weighing heavily on her mind. She could have asked Nick for an extra shift but it was embarrassing that her husband didn’t want her there for such an important match.
Cate climbed into bed in the guest room, figuring that Kian would want space. As the sun set in the sky, her eyes were drooping so she switched off her Kindle and put it on the bedside table.
When Kian went upstairs to bed, he was still thinking about what he’d seen on the game tapes. His stomach was churning; the way it always did before a big game. After years as a professional footballer, he’d got used to the feeling. In a way, he liked it; it kept him focused. If he didn’t feel like shit the night before a game, he usually didn’t play very well.
When he looked down at their bed, he was surprised to find it empty. He found Cate already asleep, curled up in the guest bedroom. Kian watched her for a minute, not wanting to disturb her. She looked so beautiful. Fuck, she took his breath away. He bent down, pressing his lips to her soft skin. “Love you,” he murmured, almost silently. Then he gently pulled back the duvet and slid his arms under her back and thighs, lifting her up off the mattress.
“What are you doing?” Cate woke up as he walked down the hallway.
“Are you angry with me?” Kian asked, as he walked into their bedroom.
“No,” Cate shook her head.
“Then you sleep in our bed.”
Kian placed her down gently on her side of the bed and pulled the duvet up to her shoulders. “I was giving you space,” Cate protested. “Where are you going to sleep?”
“I don’t want space,” Kian replied, changing into a grey t-shirt and pair of pyjama bottoms. “I’m going to sleep here, with you, in our bed.”
He went to the wardrobe and pulled out several plump pillows. “What are those?”
Cate watched as Kian laid them down the centre of the bed, like a barrier. “I never have sex the night before a match.”
Cate frowned. “I don’t need a barrier.”
Kian climbed into bed, on the other side of the barrier. “It’s not that,” he said, running his hands through his hair. “I have very little willpower when it comes to you. The barrier is for me, not for you.”
Cate smiled. “You don’t trust yourself with me.”
Kian shook his head, “even lying next to you like this is torturing me.”
Cate sat up, “then why don’t I sleep in the guest room, I don’t mind.”
“Even though it tortures me, I want you here. This is our bed, where you belong.”
“So is Bobby going to share our bed every night before a match?” Cate asked, lying back down.
“Bobby?”
“It’s a song. You, Me and Bobby McGee.” She patted the row of pillows. “Bobby McGee.”
Kian turned out the light and they settled into their respective sides of the bed. “I’m fairly sure I read somewhere that George Best used to have sex right before a match, not even the night before.”
“Unfortunately,” Kian groaned. “George Best was a much better player than I am.”
“Perhaps,” Cate said, “that’s because he had sex before a match. Night Kian.”
When Cate woke up the following morning, Kian had already showered and was getting dressed in his club suit. “Morning,” he smiled, leaning over to give her a kiss. “How did you sleep?”
“Really well,” Cate grinned, stroking her fingers through his damp hair. “Bobby’s a much better cuddler than you are.”
“Really,” Kian raised his eyebrows. “We’ll see about that.”
“Yep,” Cate giggled. “I really enjoyed my first ménage a trois.”
“Don’t get used to it,” Kian frowned. “Bobby can sleep in the wardrobe tonight.”
When he went downstairs, Cate put on her robe and followed him. “What time do you have to be at work?”
“Not until later,” Cate lied. “It’s just a couple of hours; I’ll be back before you get home.”
Cate walked him to the front door. “Remember our deal,” he grinned, pulling her against him. “I want you in our bed, naked.”
“Like I said before,” Cate smiled. She wrapped her hand around his club tie. She needed to feel his lips against hers. A horn sounded outside, ending the kiss far too quickly. “Score a goal and we’ll see.”
Cate watched from the doorstep as Kian got into Ben’s car and they drove off. The day stretched out emptily in front of her, like the days when Kian had been on tour in the US.
She tidied up the kitchen and then went upstairs, intending to take a shower and get dressed. But as she passed by their bed, the sheets were still rumpled. She lay down on Kian’s side of the bed and buried her face in his pillow. The lingering scent of his aftershave just made her feel even more alone. It was scary to love someone this much. Last night, she’d lain awake, tortured by the idea of him just inches away from her. She missed the feel of him wrapped around her body, how his hand would sneak up the front of her vest to touch her bump.
Cate forced herself to get out of their bed and before she could change her mind, she quickly made the bed. “Sorry Bobby,” she smiled, putting the pillows back in the top of the wardrobe.
She had just come out of the shower when the doorbell rang. “Just a second,” Cate called, quickly grabbing her robe.
Erin was on the other side of the front door, with Monty on a lead by her side. “We’re just going for a walk; do you want to come with us?”
Cate thought about how Ben couldn’t bear to be around her right now, because of the baby growing in her stomach. Surely if he felt like that, Erin would too. Cate was a reminder of what they’d lost.
“You don’t have to…” Cate said awkwardly.
When Erin realised Cate knew about the miscarriage, her face darkened. “They weren’t supposed to tell you. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“I’m sorry,” Cate stuttered. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“I keep telling myself that it wasn’t the right time. We’d only just got married…”
Erin quickly covered her mouth when she realised what she was saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“It’s OK. Can you give me five minutes to get changed?”
When she came back downstairs, Erin and Monty were waiting for her.
“Can I ask you a question?” Cate said to Erin as they walked along Cooper Lane.
“Sure,” Erin shrugged.
“Have you ever lied to Ben?”
Erin narrowed her eyes at Cate, “what’s this about?”
Cate shifted awkwardly. “Kian thinks I’m working at the Tavern today.”
“Nick, that’s my boss – he um… he found out that I’m Kian’s wife so he arranged it that I wouldn’t have shifts when Rovers have home games. He thought I’d want to be there to support Kian.”
“That’s nice?” Erin offered.
“It is,” Cate agreed. “It’s just… After what happened to you and Ben at Elland Road, Kian doesn’t want me to go to any of his games. It’s awkward, I can’t admit to Nick that Kian doesn’t want me to go to his games and I can’t admit to Kian that I didn’t have a shift today. I don’t want him to feel guilty.”
“I won’t say anything,” Erin squeezed her hand.
“How can you stand to be around me?” Cate asked. “Ben can hardly even look at me.”
Erin thought about it for a minute. “I don’t think that there are a finite number of babies up there. It doesn’t mean that just because you’re having a baby, it stops me from having one. It just means that it was the right time for you and Kian and it wasn’t the right time, not yet for me and Ben. We’ll have a baby when it’s right, I really believe that.”
“I wish I could be more like you,” Cate said. “Do you really think it’s the right time for me and Kian? Everybody else seems to think that we’re this colossal mistake, that there’s no way we’ll stay together.”
“It was a big shock to them.”
“But not to you?” Cate asked, curiously.
Erin blushed, “I, um, I saw the two of you sneaking into Kian’s house one night.”
“When?” Cate gasped.
“It was a few months ago. I’d just come back from a late shift and I can never fall asleep straight away so I was doing the washing up.”
“After the Ryders concert,” Cate remembered. “You didn’t tell anybody what you’d seen?”
“It wasn’t my business,” Erin said. “I remember the two of you were giggling at something, it was sweet. You’re usually so serious.”
At the end of Cooper Lane, they stopped outside the Black Horse pub. Cate saw a board advertising that they were showing the Rovers match that day live on TV. “I thought it wasn’t on TV,” Cate said. She’d looked at the TV listings and it wasn’t on any of the Sports channels.
“It’s on one of those foreign channels,” Erin said, kneeling down to pick up after Monty.
At 2pm, Cate walked across the courtyard to Ben and Erin’s house and knocked on their front door. “Did you want to come to the pub with me?” Cate asked Erin when she opened the door. “I’ll buy you lunch.”
They walked back down Cooper Lane to the Black Horse. “I’m glad you’ve moved in with Kian,” Erin said. “It’s so isolated around here; it’s nice to have company.”
When they got inside the Black Horse, it was busier than Cate had expected. Erin had been there before and so she told Cate to go find a table and she’d get them some menus. Cate found a table nestled in the corner with a good enough view of the main TV screen.
As kick-off approached, more and more people crowded into the pub and the landlord switched on another couple of TV screens. Cate and Erin both had the ploughman’s lunches.
After the match, the pub started to empty out and they knew they couldn’t stay too long if they wanted to be back home before Kian and Ben got back. As they were leaving, they picked up their plates and cutlery and handed them to the landlady behind the bar.
“Bless your hearts; you didn’t have to do that. Were your lunches OK?”
“Lovely, thank you,” Cate said.
“Is this your first time at the Black Horse?”
Cate nodded.
“I thought so,” The landlady said. “I’m Thelma. If you’re a Rovers fan, remember we show all their matches live. We’ve got three big screen TVs. It’s a nice crowd here, not too rowdy.”
When Kian got home that night, he found Cate curled up on the sofa, reading. “Hey,” he said, bending down to kiss her. “How was work?”
“OK,” Cate lied. “How was the match?”
“We won 2-0.”
“That’s great,” Cate smiled. She switched off her Kindle and sat up. “Are you hungry?”
As she stood up, her denim shirt-dress slipped off her shoulder, exposing a delicate white lace strap. Cate quickly covered it up but not before Kian had noticed. “What’s that?” he asked.
“It’s nothing,” Cate teased. “Do you want me to make you something?”
“I’m definitely hungry,” Kian laughed. He scooped Cate up in his arms and carried her upstairs. “Hey, put me down,” Cate protested.
Kian walked them in to the bedroom and kicked the door shut. He put Cate down on the floor at the end of their bed.
“Stay right there,” Kian ordered, his eyes were now jet-black.
As his eyes roamed over her body, Cate shivered. She felt her nipples tighten uncomfortably against her bra. She wanted to move, to squeeze her thighs together to relieve some of the ache.
Kian prowled towards her. Cate tried to swallow but her mouth was bone-dry.
He pressed his finger against the pulse point in her neck. Cate let her head fall back, closing her eyes. “Watch me.”
He slowly trailed the finger down her neck and then further down to the top button of her dress. Cate was so wet; her panties were sticking to her skin.
He dragged his finger down the front of her dress, parting the fabric, scattering the buttons across the carpet. “Fuck,” Kian groaned, when he saw what she was wearing underneath.
He dropped to his knees in front of her. The white bra was edged with black ribbon, reminding him of what she’d worn on their wedding night. Attached underneath the bra was a white lace curtain, which fell to just below her bottom. She was getting a proper bump now and he parted the curtains putting his hands on her soft, warm skin. “Beautiful,” he murmured, pressing his lips against her stomach.
He kissed her navel before moving downwards. “Do you like it?” Cate asked softly, tugging on his hair so she could see his face.
“I fucking love it,” Kian smiled back at her.
He tugged her leggings down and helped her step out of them. His eyes widened as they drifted back up her legs.
There was a tiny scrap of white lace covering her sex, tied at the sides with black silk ribbons.
“You’re killing me,” Kian groaned, his cock straining against the front of his trousers.
He untied the ribbons, allowing the lace to fall to the floor. “Kian,” Cate begged, her thighs trembling.
“Hold on to the bed,” Kian said huskily, pushing her backwards a little.
Cate gripped on to the solid wooden footboard. Kian stroked his hands over her bottom and slowly down her thigh, lifting it up and placing it over his shoulder. Her hips started thrusting forward, desperate for him. “You’re so beautiful,” Kian murmured, stilling her. He kissed the inside of her thigh. Her arousal was trickling down her thighs and he lapped at her sweet juices. He hadn’t shaved that morning and his stubble bristled against her sensitive skin.
“Kian,” Cate moaned, as he French kissed her lips. “Please.”
He licked her in long, torturous strokes, taking her to the very brink. Kian could feel her heartbeat thundering through her body, while he was cocooned within that lace curtain.
“Come for me, angel,” Kian said softly, as he sucked on the slippery tissues of her clit. The rumble of his voice so intimately between her legs pushed her over the edge.
“Fuck,” Kian groaned. There was nothing sexier than seeing, feeling his wife orgasm. As she convulsed against him, he continued licking, tasting her. He wanted to swallow every drop of her juices.
Afterwards she slumped against him, completely spent. “Was that good, angel?” Kian grinned, pushing her hair off her face.
“Mm,” Cate murmured, her eyes were still cloudy and unfocused.
Kian picked her up and laid her down on the bed. “When did you get this?” he asked, undoing the front clasp of her bra.
“While you were on tour,” Cate said quietly, her voice was still hoarse. “I was going to wear it the night you came home.”
She turned on her side to watch as Kian got undressed. He’d taken off his shirt and tie and was just undoing the belt on his trousers when Cate gasped. “What’s that?”
She quickly got up. Kian had a huge dark-purple bruise on the left side of his ribs. “Are you OK?”
Kian didn’t like to see her so concerned. “It’s fine, honestly. That fucker Rasmussen left his foot in. It’s just bruised; the doctor checked it out after the match.”
Cate couldn’t take her eyes away from the bruise.
“Hey,” Kian said softly, lifting up her chin so she had to look at his face instead of his ribs. “I’m OK.”
He looked down at his wife; naked, still flushed from the orgasm he’d given her. “If I’d damaged my ribs at all, I wouldn’t be able to do this.” He picked Cate up and dropped her on the mattress.
“Hey,” Cate protested, trying to sit up.
Kian kicked off his trousers and quickly straddled her hips. “Nope, I want you right here.”
As he leaned down to lick the rosy peak of her nipple, Cate captured his face in her hands. “Are you sure?” she asked seriously, forcing him to look at her.
Kian smiled; she looked so cute when she was being serious. “I’m incredibly sure.” He could still see the concern in her black eyes. She was biting her bottom lip. Kian reached up and removed her hands from the sides of his face. He laced their fingers together and pressed them down into the mattress at the side of her head. He brushed his lips over hers; they were still wet from being between her legs. Kian smiled as he felt her surrender, her body sinking down into the mattress beneath them. Kian parted her lips, pushing his tongue into her mouth.
Later that night, after they’d made love until they were both on the brink of exhaustion; Cate whispered “I love you.” Before she could worry about whether Kian would say it back, she’d fallen into the depths of sleep. Kian closed his eyes, letting those three little words hang heavily in the late summer air. Cate’s warm body fitted into his like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. He could feel her heartbeat just as easily as his own. He took a deep breath, allowing the scent of her blackberry shampoo to fill his nostrils. Those three words scared the shit out of him.
Kian looked beyond Cate to the book she always kept on her bedside table, Jane Eyre. He’d finished reading it a few days ago and he couldn’t stop thinking about what Rochester had said about feeling as though he had a string somewhere under his left rib, which was tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in Jane’s tiny frame. Kian felt the same about Cate.
Lying in their bed; their limbs tangled together, their skin coated with each other’s sweat, saliva and arousal. Kian stroked his hand over Cate’s bump, inside which a baby was growing that was parts of Cate and parts of Kian. He felt tied to Cate but he didn’t feel tied down. The cord that tied them together was like a major artery, it was a life-force.
He recalled what Rochester had said; if the cord of communion between him and Jane were to snap that he would take to bleeding inwardly and a shiver ran down Kian’s spine. He fitted Cate’s sleeping body more tightly into his. His Dad’s words sounded loudly inside his head. “You’ll hurt her.”
Still feeling troubled, eventually he fell asleep. When he woke up again, Cate’s side of the bed was empty. He looked across at the bathroom but the door was open, it was dark. He pulled on a pair of black sweatpants and went in search of his wife.
Cate was stood at the kitchen window, looking up at the sky. She was wearing a pair of his boxer shorts and t-shirt. He loved how cute her arse looked in his shorts. “Come back to bed,” he said softly.
“Sorry,” Cate turned around. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I was hungry.”
“You didn’t,” Kian smiled, kissing the nape of her neck. “Let me make you something. What do you fancy?”
Kian made her a grilled cheese sandwich and they went and sat in the lounge to watch Match of the Day.
While they watched the highlights, Cate dug her feet under the sofa cushions. “What are you doing?” Kian laughed.
Cate shrugged, “my feet are cold.”
“Come here,” Kian said, pulling her feet on to his lap. Her toenails were painted navy blue, the same colour as the Rovers home kit. “Are these for me?”
“Maybe,” Cate smiled. Kian lifted up her foot and kissed her big toe, grazing the pad with his teeth.
“Mm” Cate rubbed her belly. “You could write sonnets about that grilled cheese.”
After Match of the Day had finished, Cate pulled her feet back from Kian’s lap. Kian could tell she wanted to talk to him about something serious, because she started chewing her bottom lip.
“What’s up?” he asked, turning to give her his full attention.
“I, uh…” Cate wasn’t sure how to start this conversation. She wiped her clammy palms on the sides of her thighs. “This is all new to me, I haven’t… I mean, I’ve never… I need you to tell me what I’m supposed to do, as your wife.”
When he looked blank, she tried to explain. “I know you don’t have… you know, the day before a game.”
“You can say sex, you know?” Kian grinned.
Cate blushed. “Are there any other rules? Please tell me. I want to be good at this.”
“Come here,” Kian said, pulling her on to his lap. “It isn’t a test you can study for.”
“I know,” Cate said glumly, thinking it would be so much easier if there was a how-to guide.
She got up off the sofa and when she came back into the lounge, she was clutching a folded up sheet of paper.
“I know there’s no…”
“Sex,” Kian prompted.
“No sex the night before a game. What else?”
Kian couldn’t believe she’d written down a list of questions. “Can I see it?”
Cate reluctantly handed it over. “Don’t laugh at me,” she warned, loosening her grip on the paper.
“Number 1,” Kian started. “I don’t care if I’ve got a match the next day or not, you sleep in our bed.”
“But…”
“No buts,” Kian warned. “You sleep in our bed.”
“OK,” Cate nodded. “What else? The night before a game, do you want me to keep out of your way?”
“Never,” Kian put the sheet of paper down on the floor.
“You haven’t answered my questions,” Cate protested, making to reach for the list.
Kian lifted her up and laid her down on her back on the sofa, straddling her hips so she couldn’t get up. He inched her t-shirt up, slowly exposing her swollen stomach. Cate wriggled underneath him. “Kian, please.”
“I don’t need to,” Kian stared down at her. “I don’t want you walking on fucking eggshells around me, Cate. Football is my job, it’s not my life.” He trailed kisses down her bump. “This right here – you, me and our baby, this is my life.”