CHAPTER 3
After that, Cate didn’t go back to the party. She ran upstairs to her bedroom, shut the door and leaned back against it. Her heart was still beating like a million times a second. Did that really just freaking happen?
She licked her lips; she could still taste him, his tongue inside her mouth. “Gah,” Cate yelped, doing a crazy little jig. She felt like she’d entered some kind of alternate universe, where insanely hot guys like Kian actually kissed ordinary girls like Cate.
She ran upstairs and grabbed her iPod from the top of her dresser.
Ha, there’s no chance of that! Cate laughed, singing along to Shakira. She shimmied out of Liv’s dress and hid it at the back of her wardrobe. She reached behind her back and unfastened the push-up bra, watching as her boobs became small and humble again. “Nobody would ever confuse you two with mountains, would they?”
After she’d got changed into her favourite pyjamas – a soft black t-shirt which had “Team Rochester” on the front and a pair of red pyjama bottoms covered in US licence plates – she went into the bathroom to remove her make-up. Her lips felt different, swollen and tingly. She couldn’t stop touching them.
She climbed into bed and picked up her book, ready to dive back into the world of Jane Eyre but as much as she loved that book and she did, that night she couldn’t concentrate. The words swam across the page as her mind kept drifting back to that kiss, so epic it deserved huge, capital letters – THAT KISS.
The page she’d torn out of Heat magazine slid from her book on to the duvet. Cate picked it up and carefully unfolded it. Kian was their Torso of the Week. The photo had been taken after a game so he was wearing just a pair of white shorts, his muddy socks rolled down to his ankles, exposing his shin pads. He’d swapped shirts with an opposition player; their red shirt was tucked into the waistband of his shorts. Cate looked at his bare chest; although he was lean, every muscle was perfectly defined. She knew what it was like to touch him; to feel the heat of his skin through his shirt. She could still smell the crispness of his aftershave.
Cate looked at his hands, which were raised above his head as he applauded the fans. She wriggled against the mattress, still able to feel his fingertips scorching a trail down the bare skin of her back.
Unsettled, she carefully folded the page and put it back inside her book. She switched off the lamp on her bedside table, shrouding the room in darkness. Lying still on the bed, her heart felt like it was beating way too fast. Burning hot, she kicked the covers down to the end of the bed. She closed her eyes but all she could see was that look in his eyes right before he kissed her. Even now, it made her stomach flip-flop with pleasure.
She rolled on to her front, feeling the cold metal of her necklace against her clammy skin. She’d been given the silver locket for her 18th birthday a few months before. It was inscribed on the back with three letters “MFH” but Cate didn’t know what they meant or even who’d given it to her.
She’d been supposed to have a joint party with Sinead – they shared the same birthday - but Cate had been laid low with flu. It had been too late to cancel so they’d had the party without her and the locket was amongst the presents Irene had put on her bedside table to open the following morning. Cate hadn’t taken it off since; attracted by the mystery.
Around 3am, Cate began to drift off to sleep but then she suddenly woke up with a start. What if it had all been a huge mistake? What if right now Kian was lying awake regretting every last second of tonight? Was she a joke that had gone too far? Afterwards had he laughed at how gullible she was; actually believing that he could fancy someone like her? Pictures of all of Kian’s ex-girlfriends floated across her mind, each of them more beautiful than the last. She paled in comparison to even the plainest.
Cate thought of the make-up Sinead had painted on her face, the push-up bra and the sexy lace dress – it was probably those things that Kian was attracted to - the artifice; not the girl underneath. He would realise as soon as he saw her again, with her bare face and small boobs that she was like Cinderella, turning into a pumpkin after midnight.
Kian had training on Christmas morning so Cate wouldn’t see him again until late afternoon, when their families had Christmas dinner together. After her family had opened their presents, Cate helped tidy up the wrapping paper and when she turned around, everybody had left the room apart from her oldest sister, Remy. Remy had that determined look in her eye and Cate cursed herself for letting her guard down. Before she knew it, she’d agreed to take Remy’s two young sons, Rocco and Luca outside to get them to burn off some energy before dinner.
It was Christmas morning and some evil person had given them candy so they were even more hyper than usual. She took them down to the bottom of the garden so that they could play football. Cate said she’d referee, hoping she could get away with sitting at the side and watching them wear each other out but she should have known better.
The two of them tugged on her sleeves. “Pwease Auntie Cate,” Luca pouted, even though she knew that he didn’t normally have a lisp. Cate pitied the female population once the two of them grew up; they were perfect, little heartbreakers.
Rocco looked up at her with his big, brown eyes. “Go-keeper?” “Fine,” Cate relented, walking to stand in front of the brick wall. Rocco put the ball down on the grass and took a few steps back. Even though they were pint-sized, Cate knew that this was really going to hurt. They might have said that they wanted a “go-keeper” but what they really wanted was a target.
By the time Remy called them back inside to get ready for dinner, Cate was sore all over, even in places she didn’t realise she could be sore, and covered in grass stains and dirt. She’d barely had enough time to save the ball from one of them before the other one was aiming at her.
“Are you not tired yet?” Cate had asked at one point as she lay on the ground, struggling to catch her breath.
“Nope,” Rocco had laughed.
As they trudged inside the house, Cate realised that while she and the boys had been outside in the garden, the Warners had arrived.
“Oh my God, Cate, what happened?” Sinead laughed. She of course looked perfect.
Cate pointed at the two little terrors standing behind her. They looked at her, like two little angels, as if to say “who us?”
“Oh look, there’s Uncle Ben,” Cate said, “don’t you remember, he said he wanted to hear you play with your new drum kit?”
Cate greatly enjoyed the look of pure horror on Ben’s face as they careened towards him.
As she got to the bottom of the stairs, the doorbell rang and Irene called through from the kitchen. “Cate, can you get that?”
Cate opened the door and there was Kian. He looked just as gorgeous as last night and Cate was disturbed to find that she couldn’t actually look at him and breathe at the same time. She must have been stood there for a while because she suddenly heard another voice from behind Kian. “Bloody hell, it’s freezing out here, are you going to let us in or what?”
Cate quickly stepped back to let Kian and Nicole inside. As Nicole walked past, she sniffed loudly and said, “ugh, what is that smell?” Then she looked pointedly at Cate, “oh dear, what have you been doing?”
Before Cate could reply, Nicole had disappeared into the lounge. “Merry Christmas to you too, Nicole,” Cate said, sticking her tongue out at the empty doorway.
As Cate turned to go upstairs, she realised that Kian was still in the hallway, hanging up his and Nicole’s coats. Great!
“Hey Cate,” he said as she got to the top of the stairs. She turned around.
“Merry Christmas,” Kian stuck his tongue out at her.
Cate took a quick shower and got dressed. It was almost a relief to find out that Kian was back with Nicole. She could stop over-analysing what last night might have meant to him because he’d made it really obvious. It meant nothing. Cate couldn’t be upset about it, any more than she could be upset about not winning the Lottery; it had been more than a long-shot. She’d thought THE KISS had been special but what did she have to compare it to? Kian had probably had thousands of kisses like that, if not better. Like he said himself, he was a great kisser. She’d got what she wanted last night; she’d kissed a boy. No longer was she the sad, pathetic girl who’d never been kissed. She could tick that box and move on.
She just had to get through today.
When she came downstairs, she was immediately corralled by Sinead. “You’re going to hate me.”
“I’m sure I won’t,” Cate said.
“No, you really will. I’m a terrible person,” Sinead said. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, Cate. I’m so sorry. You believe me, don’t you, that I’m like the sorriest person ever?”
“Sinead, just tell me what happened?”
“I made out with Jake last night,” Sinead said, “I know, I know, I’m like the worst friend ever but one minute I was telling him how great you were and how he should totally kiss you and the next minute he had his tongue down my throat.”
“It’s fine, forget about it,” Cate said.
“No, it’s not fine. He was supposed to kiss you last night and I completely ruined it. You should totally hate me.”
“Sinead, really it’s fine.”
“Hang on a minute,” Sinead looked at her closely. “There’s something different about you. You got kissed last night, didn’t you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cate said but she couldn’t stop herself from smiling. Even if Kian was back with Nicole, it had still been a hell of a first kiss he’d given her.
“Oh my God, you did,” Sinead did a little dance. “Who was he? I want to know everything.”
Cate got up, “ooh, I think the Mums need my help in the kitchen.”
“No,” Sinead grabbed her arm, “who was it?”
Cate went into the kitchen, knowing that Sinead would never follow her there. “I told you,” Sinead insisted whenever anybody tried to get her to do chores, “I don’t need to know how to do any of that stuff because when I grow up, I’m going to marry a rich guy and pay people to do it for me.”
As Cate stacked up the pots and pans in the dishwasher, her phone beeped in her pocket. There was a text and when she opened it, it was a picture of a sprig of mistletoe.”
“Anything good,” Irene came up behind her, making her jump. Cate quickly shut her phone.
“Just a friend,” Cate said, “wishing me a happy Christmas.”
“That’s nice,” Irene said, “can you grab that platter for me and take it into the dining room?”
When she walked into the dining room, Kian was already there setting out the cutlery.
As she set the platter on the table, Kian came up close behind her. “Did you get my text?”
Cate nodded. She couldn’t speak for fear that the butterflies swarming through her stomach would rise up through her throat and burst out of her mouth.
The crispness of his aftershave filled her nostrils, making her heady. Cate gripped the edge of the table for support.
“You haven’t replied?” She felt his chest press up against her back, his warm breath on the back of her neck.
“You’ve got a girlfriend.” Cate fought to regain her composure.
Kian brushed his fingers through her long, inky-black hair. He leaned forward, intoxicated by the scent of her shampoo. “Meet me at the bottom of the garden after dinner.”
“Stop it,” Cate whimpered. She wanted so desperately to submit to him.
“Stop what?” Jean said, coming into the dining room with the wine glasses.
Cate blushed furiously. “Apparently, I’m not very good at setting out the cutlery,” Kian said. “Cate was just telling me what I was doing wrong.”
“Yes,” Jean looked at the table, “well, you have made rather a mess of it. Why don’t you go and find your father while Cate and I tidy this up?”
“And Kian,” Jean said as he got to the doorway, “if you find your father, will you tell him that if he’s going to go outside for a sneaky cigarette, he needs to find a better hiding place because we can see the patio from the kitchen window.”
After Kian had gone, Cate excused herself to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her flushed cheeks. Her heart was beating so fast.
The Christmas dinner was delicious and Cate was relieved to find that she was sat at the other end of the table from Kian and Nicole. Afterwards, she volunteered to help with the washing up but Irene waved her away, “why don’t you go downstairs and relax with the others? You’ve been such a help today already.”
“I really don’t mind,” Cate said, picking up a couple of dishes from the table.
“We insist,” Jean said, taking the plates from her. “Why can’t my Sinead be more like you?”
When she went downstairs to the basement, Ben and Erin were snuggled up on the sofa, watching a DVD. Sinead was sat cross-legged on the floor, texting. “Where’s everybody else?” Cate asked, sitting down next to her.
Sinead looked up from her phone for a second. “Liv and Ryan had another huge fight, Ryan stormed off and Liv went after him. I think Nick Da Bitch left straight after dinner. Who knows where Kian is?”
Sinead turned her attention back to her phone while Cate half-watched the TV.
“Ooh,” Sinead squealed, clapping her hands together. “Catey-cate, you know how you said before that it was all fine that I hooked up with Jake last night?”
“Yeah?” Cate couldn’t care less about Jake Moloney. She was too distracted, thinking about Kian maybe waiting for her at the bottom of the garden. She tried to work out how she could sneak out of the basement without anybody asking where she was going. She looked across at Ben and Erin, they wouldn’t notice if she disappeared for a bit, they were too wrapped up in each other. The only stumbling block was Sinead…
“Can he come over?”
For a moment, Cate couldn’t work out who Sinead was talking about. Then she remembered it was Jake. “Yeah,” Cate tried hard not to punch the air in delight. It was perfect, Jake could distract Sinead and Cate could make her escape.
“Are you sure?” Sinead narrowed her eyes, as if she was trying to read Cate’s mind. You really don’t want to do that, she thought.
“I said it’s fine,” Cate tried really hard not to sound impatient. Just go.
“Yay!” Sinead jumped up and gave Cate a hug, “you’re the best friend in the whole world.”
After Sinead had gone, Cate quietly let herself out of the back door of the basement. The cold, crisp air out there was a welcome relief from inside the house, where the air was plump with cooking smells and alcohol.
For a moment, she thought about not going to the bottom of the garden. She had a feeling that if she went down there, she would cross some invisible line that she couldn’t come back from.
It would be so easy; she could turn down the side of the house instead, past the site of THAT KISS, go through the gate and on to the driveway at the front. Her car was parked there. If she was lucky, maybe nobody had blocked her in. But then she’d never know…
She closed her eyes and whispered, “come on, Cate, you can do this!”
She took a deep breath and climbed the 1st of the 3 small steps leading up from the patio to the grass. At the top of the steps, she looked down at the slope of the garden; it seemed to go on forever. She could just about make out the hedge at the bottom.
She put her foot down on the grass and skidded slightly, just catching herself. She glanced back at the house. You can do this, she repeated to herself as she took another step forward.
She managed to get to the hedge at the side of the garden without slipping and took a moment to congratulate herself.
Sticking close to the hedge, she walked a few more steps. Her hands were clammy and she wiped them on the sides of her jeans.
What are you so scared of, Cate admonished herself. It’s just Kian. But just the thought that he might possibly be waiting for her... Her stomach had tied itself up in so many knots and tangles.
2/3rds of the way down the garden was a thick clump of 6 or 7 tall evergreen trees. She stopped for a moment and held her breath, listening for any sound that somebody else was there. But there was just silence.
A few feet beyond the trees there was a brick wall. It reached up to her waist and stretched across the middle 1/3rd of the garden, leaving grass pathways at either side. It was there that Cate, Rocco and Luca had played football that morning. She could still make out their three sets of footprints in the grass.
Nobody else was here. Cate fought hard to quell the disappointment which had lodged inside her chest.
“Hey.” Kian said quietly, trying not to startle her.
Cate looked around to see where the voice was coming from and saw him sat on the grass with his back to the wall.
“Hi,” she said and gave a little wave. Kian smirked and Cate wanted to chop her own hand off.
I can’t believe I just waved, what am I like 5 years old?
“C’mere,” he said, patting the grass at the side of him.
She took a step towards him and got her foot caught in a divot left over from that morning’s football. Before she knew it, she was falling. She reached for the wall but her hands grasped thin air, she was just that little bit too far away. As she closed her eyes and braced herself to hit the ground, she felt a strong pair of arms catch her and she stopped falling. When she opened her eyes, she was half-sat, half lying on Kian’s lap.
“I’m so sorry,” she said quickly, blushing like crazy. “I’m such a klutz.”
Kian smirked, “and here I was trying to work out a way to get you back in my arms.”
Cate put her hand down on what she thought was the ground until it began to move against her palm.
“Uh, Cate?” Kian laughed.
Cate quickly looked down and realised with horror that her hand was pressed against his groin.
“Oh,” she pulled her hand back as if she’d been burned. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t…”
She carefully put her hand down on the grass this time and tried to push herself up. “Oh no,” Kian said, “I’ve got you right where I want you.” He tightened his arms around her waist.
“What about your girlfriend?” Cate said.
Kian looked blank. “Nicole?”
“Yeah,” Cate said. “I don’t know why you’re being like this with me, whether it’s some elaborate joke but you shouldn’t, not when you’ve got a girlfriend.”
Kian loosened his grip, “is that what you really think? That this is some joke to me?”
Cate shrugged her shoulders, “what else can it be? Look at you, you’re like…”
“Go on,” Kian said, “I’m what?”
“Don’t make me say it,” Cate blushed furiously.
He gently lifted her chin with his hand so she had to look at him. As their eyes locked, Cate squirmed with embarrassment. “You’re so sexy,” she whispered in the lowest voice.
“Sorry, I didn’t quite hear that,” Kian teased, “what did you say?”
“I can’t,” Cate said.
“Yes, you can,” Kian said. “Whisper it to me.”
She leaned towards him so her mouth was just by his ear. She could smell his aftershave and she wanted to bathe in it.
“Go on,” he urged, stroking the small of her back.
“You’re sexy,” she whispered quickly and then tried to pull away but Kian held firm.
“Really, you think I’m sexy?” Kian asked.
Cate reached up to cover her face with her hands. “I never should have admitted that.”
“Would it make you feel better if I said I feel the same way?”
“That you think you’re sexy too?” Cate giggled. “No but it might change my mind about you.”
Kian laughed. “No, I mean I think you’re sexy too, very, very sexy.”
“Now I know you’re joking,” Cate said, peeking through her fingers. “There is no way on Earth anyone would describe me as sexy, sexless perhaps, you heard Jake – what did he compare me to? Oh yeah, a brick wall.”
“He’s a jerk,” Kian said sternly. “And doesn’t know shit about anything.”
“I know what I am,” Cate said, “and I’m most definitely not sexy.”
“I beg to differ,” Kian said. He took her hand and placed it on his chest. His pectoral muscle was so hard it felt like it had been carved out of marble. “Can you feel that?” He gestured to his thundering heartbeat. “You do that to me.”
“Stop,” Cate said, pulling away. She struggled to get up. It was too much, he was too much. She got to her feet and started to walk towards the bottom of the garden, where there was a wooden gate that opened on to the path at the side of the canal.
“Wait,” Kian got up from the ground.
As she got to the gate, he grabbed her wrist, “just wait, okay?”
“What?” Cate turned around.
“Nicole’s not my girlfriend.” Cate looked sceptical. “It’s true, I swear. Here…” he pulled his phone out of his pocket and offered it to her, “you can ask her yourself.”
Cate shook her head. “You don’t need to explain any of this to me.”
“Yes, I do,” Kian snapped. He grabbed her by the shoulders and without warning kissed her with such ferocity; she felt it everywhere from her hair follicles right down to the tips of her toes.
“Tell me you didn’t feel that,” Kian dared her.
Cate couldn’t answer; she was still in shock after the kiss.
“I’ve kissed a lot of girls,” Kian said huskily, “but I’ve never felt like that before. There’s something between us, Cate and I can’t explain why or what it is, I just know that ever since we kissed last night, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
“Tell me you’re joking,” Cate said softly, “tell me this is all a wind-up.”
“I’m not joking,” Kian said, sweeping her hair off one shoulder. He gently kissed behind her ear. Her skin broke out in goose bumps.
“Oh” She couldn’t stop herself from moaning a little.
“This is not a wind-up” he whispered in her ear and then gently nipped her earlobe with his teeth. Her knees buckled and he tightened his arm around her waist. He kissed all down her neck, the soft tufts of his hair tickling her skin. Suddenly, she felt a blast of cold air on her back as he lifted up the hem of her jumper and placed a hand on the small of her back.
In a moment of clarity, Cate realised that she was on dangerous ground; if she stayed any longer she was likely to lose herself completely. He had this strange, almost hypnotic power over her.
“I’d better get back,” Cate said, finding some resolve from somewhere. Without looking at him, she reached up and removed his hand from underneath her jumper.