CHAPTER 16
“Earth to Cate, come in Cate,” Zeke said, waving his hands in front of her face. “Houston, I think we’ve lost her.”
Zeke had come over to Ben and Erin’s house and they were supposed to be studying for their Government and Politics exam but Cate couldn’t stop thinking about Kian.
“Ugh,” Zeke threw his hands up in the air. “You’ve got that gooey look on your face, you’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?”
Zeke was the only person she’d told that she had a maybe-date with Kian tonight. “I’m sorry,” Cate said genuinely.
Zeke closed his text-books. “Come on,” he said, pulling Cate up to standing. “Let’s take a break and go into town. We’re not going to get any studying done today anyway. You can buy me a Frappuccino.”
After a quick pit-stop at Starbucks, Zeke wanted to go to Afflecks Palace. Cate was embarrassed that she’d lived in Manchester her whole life and she’d never been there before.
They were walking around the 2nd floor when a girl with dyed-purple hair and a nose ring recognised Zeke and beckoned them over. The boutique she was working in was tiny with just enough room between the racks of clothing to squeeze by.
As Zeke and Purple Hair Girl chatted, Cate browsed through the racks of clothes, there was some cute stuff. She found herself drawn to a black dress with tiny red cherries all over it. She picked it up to have a closer look. “That’s cute,” Zeke said.
He and Purple Hair Girl came over to have a look. “Yeah, I’ve got that,” Purple Hair Girl said, “it’s super cute.”
Cate went to put it back on the rail but Zeke stopped her, “why don’t you try it on?”
“Here?” Cate looked panicked.
“There’s a changing room over there, behind those boxes,” Purple Hair Girl pointed out.
“Oh, okay,” Cate felt like an idiot.
It was really more of a changing cupboard, it was so small and there was just a flimsy orange curtain for privacy. Cate put the dress on over her jeans and looked in the mirror. It was cute. She didn’t wear dresses very often.
“Let’s have a look,” Zeke said, tugging on the curtain.
Cate pulled open the curtain. Purple Hair Girl was still there, which made Cate feel even more self-conscious.
“You might want to try it without the jeans,” Zeke said, laughing.
Zeke persuaded her to take off her jeans and then she came back out again. “You look so different,” he said, making her turn around so he could see her from all angles.
“Good different or bad different?” Cate asked. She felt really exposed with her legs bare.
“Definitely good different,” Zeke said. “You should get it.”
“Totally,” Purple Hair Girl chipped in.
As Cate handed over her debit card to buy the dress, she wondered what Kian would think of it. She decided to wear it to dinner that night. Except this time, she’d wear tights with it. And perhaps a cardigan as well?
After Zeke dropped her back at Ben and Erin’s house, Cate took an extra-long shower. She couldn’t stop thinking about what might happen that night, it made her hyper aware of her body. It was like in anticipation, all of her senses had settled close to the surface of her skin. She pinched a little bit of Erin’s fancy body lotion and as she rubbed it on her skin, it came up in goose bumps. Calm down, she admonished herself.
As she walked from the bathroom to the guest bedroom, she even walked a little differently; like somebody was watching. She swung her hips a little from side to side. While Zeke had been distracted, she’d stolen off and bought some new underwear. It was nothing like the women in the kiss and tells wore but for Cate it felt a little risqué; every other bra and panties she owned were plain, simple and black. These were still black but the bra was padded; when she tried it on, it gave her cleavage. She couldn’t stop looking at herself in the mirror, she had actual breasts. The panties matched the bra and were adorned with threads of white lace. Cate thought they looked classy but still sexy?
Cate thought for a second about going without tights but she chickened out, she wasn’t quite ready for that. She put on a pair of black tights and her new cherry dress. Then she blow dried her hair and curled the ends a little. For make-up, she put on a little mascara and a hint of lip gloss. As she was about to leave the house, she checked herself one more time in the mirror. Was it too much? What if it was just a friendly dinner? Cate ran back upstairs and grabbed her black cardigan. There, that was better. If she was right, she could always take off the cardigan later.
You’re really going to do this? She’d never felt so nervous and yet so excited. She felt sure she was giving off sparks.
At seven, she walked across the courtyard to Kian’s house. “Hi,” he opened the front door and his eyes widened when he saw her, “wow, you look amazing.”
Cate blushed a little, “thanks.”
Kian gave her a tour of the house since Cate had only been there once before, the night of the Ryders concert.
They skirted past his bedroom but as she passed by the open doorway, Cate couldn’t help but look at the huge bed. Her cheeks flushed and she put the backs of her hands against them to try to cool them down.
He showed her one of the guest bedrooms and Cate thought it was the most beautiful room she had ever seen. It was on the corner of the house and had windows on two sides. The first set of windows looked out over the vast expanse of countryside at the back of the house. On the other side was a Juliet balcony with an intricate stained glass panel above the doors. The colours were mesmerising as the late sunlight shone through, sending twists and strands of reds and blues, greens and purples onto the carpet. Cate went to look more closely. As she stood in front of it, the vivid swirls of colour splashed all over her. She raised a hand and looked at the patterns of reds and blues, greens and purples on her skin.
“That’s so beautiful,” Cate marvelled.
“It’s strange,” Kian said, standing behind her. “It was here when I bought the house; it’s the only room in the house with stained glass.”
Cate was aware of how close he was, she could feel the heat coming off his body. Kiss me, she thought.
“What does your boyfriend think of you coming over here tonight?” he whispered.
Cate felt his large hand curve around her hip.
“My boyfriend?”
Zeke, Cate suddenly remembered.
“He’s not…”
“Yes,” Kian said. He put his other hand on her hip and pulled her back towards him.
Cate could hardly breathe. “He’s not my boyfriend,” she gasped.
“Don’t lie to me,” Kian said sternly, “I saw the two of you together this afternoon.”
“No,” Cate said. She turned around so that she could look at his face. His eyes were hard and serious. “He was never my boyfriend. We were just pretending.” As soon as she’d said it, she cringed, realised how young it made her sound.
“Pretending?” Kian raised an eyebrow.
“I wanted to make you jealous,” Cate said. She covered her face with her hands; she knew she’d ruined the moment. It sounded so childish.
“Look at me,” he commanded. She felt his hand on the back of her head and he tilted her head back, forcing her to submit to him.
When she looked up at him, she expected to see ridicule and disappointment on his face but instead she saw lust. She’d never seen anyone look like that before, certainly not at her. The heat in his eyes burned her to the very core.
“It worked,” he said simply.
He kept his hand on the back of her head and his other arm snaked around her waist holding her so close to him that she could feel the taut muscles of his chest pushing against her. He kissed her and she could feel the jealousy in his kisses. He wanted to assert his dominance over her body; his hand in her hair became a fist and his tongue pushed apart her lips forcefully.
He pushed her back against the wall and her hip knocked into the dresser but she didn’t care. She’d never been more turned on.
Cate broke off from kissing. “Is something burning?”
“Shit,” Kian jumped back and ran downstairs to the kitchen.
Cate followed him into the kitchen. She could hardly see him because of the smoke. “Kian?”
The smoke alarm went off above their heads. “Cate, can you open the back door?”
Kian followed her outside; carrying what remained of their dinner. Cate couldn’t tell from the tray what it was supposed to have been, it was now just black and charred. He put the whole tray in the dustbin at the side of the house. “You weren’t really hungry, were you?” Kian asked.
Cate couldn’t help but smile. “Come here,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. “It’s the thought that counts.”
They went back inside and the smoke had started to clear. The smoke alarm had stopped. Kian looked ruefully at his oven, “I don’t know what happened. I’m usually a good cook.”
“I’m sure you are,” Cate teased.
Kian pulled her back towards him, “You distracted me.”
They kissed again but this time the kisses felt different. They weren’t just kisses, they were leading to something. Cate could sense it and she wasn’t afraid. “Do you want to go upstairs?” Kian said breathlessly.
Cate nodded; she wanted that more than anything.
He took her by the hand and led her upstairs to his bedroom. As she stepped across the threshold, Cate felt like she was taking a huge step towards adulthood.
Kian sat down on the bed and tugged her towards him. She stood between his knees and her hair fell forward, covering them like a curtain. He pulled off her cardigan and dropped it on the floor. Her arms were covered in tiny goose bumps.
He put his hands on her waist and lifted her up so she was straddling him. She looked deep into his eyes; she’d never felt like this before. She felt certainty – certain of what they were about to do and certain that it was right. He kissed her softly.
Kian laid her down in the centre of the bed and knelt above her. With his eyes fixed on her, he lifted up her dress and his hands found the waistband of her tights. She lifted her hips up off the bed and he pulled her tights all the way down and threw them over his shoulder on to the floor. With her skirt up above her waist, he lifted up her leg and kissed the tips of her toes.
“What’s this?” he said, looking at the small tattoo on the side of her ankle.
“It’s henna,” Cate explained. “It means courage.”
He kissed just above the tattoo and the touch of his lips on her skin felt electric. She gripped on to the duvet cover with both fists. He moved up her calf, holding it in his hands and planting tiny kisses higher and higher. Then he kissed behind her knee and Cate felt a flood of pleasure in her belly. He moved even higher, pushing her legs further apart and touched her inner thighs with his lips.
As he got to the lace edging of her panties, his phone started ringing. “Do you need to answer that?” Cate asked.
“Ignore it,” Kian growled.
Cate’s phone, which was in her handbag on the floor, started ringing as well. The moment was broken. Cate quickly sat up and pulled her skirt down. “Here,” Kian said, handing Cate her phone.
“Hey,” Kian answered his phone first.
Cate got up and walked into the hallway. “Hey Liv, what’s up?”
“Where are you?” Liv sounded really upset. Cate immediately started panicking.
“I’m at Ben’s house, why?” Cate said quickly. “Liv, what’s happened?”
Before Liv could answer, Cate heard a sound from the bedroom. “What was that?” Liv asked; she’d obviously been able to hear it from the other end of the phone.
“It’s just Monty,” Cate said, walking back towards the bedroom.
“You need to get to the hospital,” Liv explained. “It’s Eamon, there’s been an accident.”
Cate got to the doorway of the bedroom and looked at Kian. He’d obviously just had the same call. He was sat on the bed with his phone in his hand.
“I’ll be right there,” Cate said to Liv and then switched off her phone.
She quickly pulled on her cardigan and shoved her feet into her shoes. “Come on,” she said gently to Kian. “We’ve got to go.”
He looked at her as if she was speaking Chinese. She helped him put on his t-shirt and shoes and then rummaged in his wardrobe for his jacket. He just sat there the whole time, not saying anything.
“Come on,” she said, touching his arm. “Let’s go.”
He wasn’t in a fit state to drive so Cate drove them to the hospital. He seemed to get it together on the drive over. Cate dropped him at the main entrance and then circled the car park a couple of times looking for a space. By the time she’d found one, it had started raining again. She pulled her cardigan up over her head and ran across the car park. Liv was outside waiting for her. “What happened?” Cate asked as soon as she got near. “Is he okay?”
“Car accident,” Liv said. Her face was ghostly white. “I don’t know.”
Jean, Irene and Sinead were in a small waiting room off the main corridor. Kian was stood behind Jean’s chair. He looked up when Cate and Liv walked through the door but then quickly looked away again. He looked so alone. Cate ached with how much she wanted to go to him but she knew she couldn’t. Sinead was sat by herself under the window. Cate sat down beside her. “I can’t find Jake,” Sinead whispered. “He’s not answering his phone. I don’t know where he is.”
Cate did the only thing she could; she opened her arms and Sinead fell into them, burying her face in Cate’s shoulder. As she cried, Cate softly stroked Sinead’s hair, trying to comfort her but all the time she kept sneaking glances at Kian.
A little while later, the doctor walked into the waiting room with a grim look on his face. Everybody’s heads shot up. He went over to Jean who was sat with Irene, their hands tightly clamped together.
“I’m so sorry,” he started to speak. “We did everything we could.”
Jean tried to get up, to go and see her husband. “No, I don’t believe you.”
“Mum,” Kian put a hand on her shoulder.
“There’s been a mistake. Not Eamon, no, not my Eamon.”
“No,” Sinead cried desperately, “Dad!” In the stunned silence of the waiting area, that one word seemed to echo, getting sadder and sadder. Sinead slid off the chair and slumped down on to the linoleum, her hands covering her face, rocking back and forth.
Cate knelt down next to Sinead and rubbed her back. She didn’t know what to do. Liv looked just as helpless. Then Jake appeared from somewhere and took over from Cate. “I’m here baby, I’m here,” he said softly, kissing the top of Sinead’s head.
Cate looked up at Kian. He was standing so still. It was like the rest of the world fell away, it was just white noise. All she could see was him. His hands, his strong hands, were gripping the back of Jean’s chair so tightly, his knuckles had turned white. She could see the pain etched deeply across his face. The haunted look, which was starting to take over his dark eyes as he realised what had happened, cut Cate to ribbons. It was at that exact moment, kneeling on the linoleum with Eastenders on the TV in the background that Cate realised she’d fallen in love with him. She could feel Kian’s pain as acutely as if his broken heart was beating inside her chest.