CHAPTER 20
The following morning, Kian pulled the car up to the kerb outside Terminal 2 Departures at Manchester Airport. He unlocked the doors but kept the engine running.
Cate looked at him warily, “aren’t you coming in with me?”
He was wearing sunglasses so she couldn’t see his eyes.
Kian shook his head. “I booked us separate cabins. It’s safer that way. I don’t want anybody to see us together until afterwards. You know what the papers are like?”
Cate looked through the blacked-out windows of his car at the busy terminal building and felt smothered with a heavy blanket of doubt. It had all seemed so easy last night.
Kian had brought her home with him and he’d been everything she needed him to be.
Soaked through from the rain, Kian suggested that she have a hot shower.
He led her upstairs to one of the bathrooms and ran the water for her until it was the perfect temperature. “Let me know if you need anything else?”
After checking the door was locked and she was alone, Cate stripped off her wet clothes. The shower was blissful, cocooning her inside the warm spray, soothing away all her worries. He’d left her a stack of warm, fluffy towels. She dried herself off and then changed into the pair of pyjamas he’d also left out for her. They were still warm from the airing cupboard. It felt like such an intimate thing to be wearing his clothes. Cate sat down on the closed toilet seat and wiped her tear-filled eyes. She felt so cherished.
When she went downstairs to the kitchen, Kian was stood in front of the stove heating up some tomato soup for them both. Cate sat down at the counter and watched him.
He looked across at her, frowned and then quickly turned away. “Is something wrong?” Cate gulped, all of her doubts and insecurities slowly creeping back in.
Kian shook his head. “I’d…” his voice was gruff. “I’d just forgotten how good you look in my clothes.”
“Did you find everything OK?” he asked softly.
Cate smiled, “yes, thanks.”
After they’d finished their soup, Cate picked up the bowls and went to put them in the sink. Kian stopped her, “I’ll do that, you’re my guest.”
“At least let me dry them,” Cate said, picking up the tea towel from the draining board.
When he led her upstairs to the master bedroom, Cate hesitated in the doorway. “You don’t have to do this,” she said softly. “I can sleep in one of the guest bedrooms or on the sofa downstairs.”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” Kian suddenly realised that this was the room where he’d taken her virginity. “I didn’t think.”
Cate shook her head. She and Kian were having a child together, a child they’d conceived in this room, in this bed. She needed to chase away the ghosts. “If you want me to, I’d like to sleep here.”
He pulled back the thick duvet and she climbed into bed. The bed felt like it had been made just for her. The pillows beneath her head were full but soft. Cate curled up on her side, everything smelt fresh and clean like washing powder. Kian pulled the duvet up to her chin and she snuggled down into the mattress.
She waited for him to climb in beside her but he made to turn away.
“Will you stay with me?” Cate asked him.
Kian looked down at her, curled up in his bed, his child growing inside her belly. She reached out her delicate hand to him. He could see the pleading in her eyes, how afraid she was that he’d reject her. As if he could.
He took her hand and pressed his lips against her skin. Fuck, she tasted so good.
He got changed into pyjamas and climbed into bed with her. He usually slept naked but didn’t want to freak her out.
She took his hand inside her own, lacing their fingers together, like a security blanket.
“I won’t blame you if you walk away,” Cate repeated, her voice no louder than a whisper. “I know this must have been a huge shock.”
Kian slid her body across the mattress towards him. “I’m not going anywhere,” he repeated his words from earlier that night. He brushed her hair away from her face, loving how she leaned into his hand. Then he trailed his hand down her back, feeling the heat of her skin through the thin t-shirt. He hooked a leg over her bent knees and pulled her closer. His hand squeezed her hipbone before moving across her stomach. He inched up her t-shirt and slid his fingers underneath. He could feel her trembling beneath his touch. He pressed the palm of his hand against her stomach and she gasped.
“Kian,” she looked at him with wide eyes.
“I want this,” he said softly, stroking his calloused thumb over her soft skin. He thought about his child growing inside of her. He’d never felt more certain of anything. “I want you, both of you.”
Cate couldn’t stop herself from crying; she felt like this was all a dream. Embarrassed, she buried her face in the soft pillows.
Kian lay on his back, pulling Cate so that she was curled up against his side. She buried her face in his chest; he could feel her shoulders moving up and down as she cried. He hated hearing her cry, it reminded him too much of that night. He didn’t let go of her hand, their skin pressed tightly together, anchoring them to each other. He brought their hands up to his lips and softly kissed each of her knuckles.
Eventually, he felt her stop crying and she became weightless as she drifted off to sleep. She murmured a little as if she was giving him a small in to her dreams.
In the early hours of the morning, Cate woke up to find Kian kneeling down by her side of the bed. He’d rolled up a piece of tinfoil to look like a ring.
“Marry me,” he said softly.
Cate rubbed her eyes as if she was still dreaming. “You don’t have to do this,” she reminded him.
“Let me take care of you and our baby.”
She held his face in her hands and studied it, wanting to know what he was thinking.
He lifted up her hand and found her ring finger. “You haven’t given me an answer?”
Cate took a leap of faith. “Okay, yes.”
Kian smiled and slid the tinfoil ring down her finger. He kissed her forehead. “Go back to sleep.”
The next time she woke up, Kian told her they were getting married in Las Vegas, just the two of them. He’d already booked the tickets and arranged everything. All Cate needed to do was get dressed; they could pick up her passport and suitcase on the way to the airport.
Cate took another, scarier leap of faith and got out of the car. She didn’t have any luggage, Kian had insisted on taking her suitcase with him. Hiking her small handbag up over her shoulder, she made her way towards the busy terminal building. The automatic doors slammed open and she was hit by a wall of loud noise. She focused on breathing in and out, hoping to steady her racing heartbeat. There were so many people milling around. As she looked up at the boards, trying to work out where to check in, she was jostled and bumped about, her ankles bruised by a wayward luggage trolley.
Cate had never flown by herself. She’d never been outside of Europe before.
She found the check-in desks for her flight and joined the queue, wishing she’d brought a book to read. Everywhere she looked, there were friends or families, laughing and joking, excited about their holidays while she was all alone. She felt that heavy blanket of doubt threaten to descend upon her once again. She needed Kian, needed his touch, the feel of his skin to soothe, reassure, to anchor her.
After she’d checked in and gone through security, she wandered through WH Smith’s looking at the books. As if she needed a sign, she found a slightly dog-eared copy of Jane Eyre on the bottom shelf, looking out of place among the bright, glossy travel books. It looked as out of place as she felt, as if they were meant to find each other somehow. She picked it up and was walking across to the tills to pay for it when she caught something out of the corner of her eye. In the midst of all the football magazines, there was Kian’s face grinning at her from the cover of the Rovers magazine. Cate bought the magazine as well.
The flight wasn’t too bad; Cate managed to get one of the two seats towards the back of the plane so she had a bit more room at the side. As they took off from Manchester Airport, she watched the ground get further and further away and couldn’t believe that she was actually doing this. She was pregnant and flying to Las Vegas to get married. It didn’t seem real. Before they went up through the clouds she looked at the tiny dots of buildings on the ground and thought about Irene in one of those, in her office, barking orders at people. She thought that Cate had gone down to Brighton to stay with Zeke and his grandparents.
She didn’t see Kian again until after they’d landed and gone through Immigration. He’d gone ahead of her and had got her suitcase off the conveyor belt.
As they exited the airport, Cate headed for the taxi queue but Kian put a hand on her arm. “I’ve arranged a car.”
Cate looked across to where he was pointing and there was a huge black car parked at the kerb. “Oh, okay.”
As they got nearer, the driver came across and relieved them of their bags. Kian held the door open and Cate climbed inside. It was dark inside the car, which had blacked-out windows. As her skin made contact with the leather seats, she started a little, they were so cold. The car was freezing compared to the oven-like temperatures outside. The driver got in and pushed a button somewhere and a privacy screen came up between them. It was just her and Kian alone in the back of the car.
“How does he know where we’re going?” Cate asked Kian.
“I told the company when I arranged the car,” Kian said. “It’s not a taxi.”
“I know.” Cate felt foolish and out of her depth.
As the car pulled out of the airport, she looked out of the window. Even the road signs were a different colour.
“Where are we staying?” Cate asked as they got nearer the Strip and she saw all the big hotels looming up ahead of them.
“The Belvedere,” Kian replied.
Cate looked out of the window again. “Which one’s that?”
“It’s not on the Strip,” Kian said. “It’s smaller, more exclusive.”
Cate couldn’t hide her disappointment. “Oh.”
Kian stroked the back of his hand down her cheek. “You’ll love it, I promise. We can still go and see the Strip if you want, after we’re married.”
“We’re here,” Kian said as the car pulled up to a set of metal gates. The surrounding walls were so tall that Cate couldn’t see what was beyond them.
The driver spoke to the intercom and then the gates swung open, revealing a large, circular driveway. In the centre, there was a bronze sculpture, which reminded Cate of Rodin’s The Kiss. At the base of the sculpture were rows and rows of tightly-packed, blood-red flowers.
The car stopped in front of the main entrance and the driver came around and opened the door. “Welcome to the Belvedere, is this your first time?”
“It’s Cate’s,” Kian answered, “I’ve been here before.”
“Very good, sir,” The driver took their bags inside the lobby. After being in the cool, darkness of the car, Cate was immediately hit by the searing heat and bright sunlight, which made her eyes hurt.
Cate followed Kian inside the hotel, which looked like any other hotel from the outside. Cate didn’t understand why they needed the high walls and thick, metal gates.
The lobby was blessedly cool. “Can I get you anything to drink?” A waiter appeared at her side.
“Water would be lovely,” Cate smiled. There was something different about this place; she couldn’t put her finger on it.
While Kian checked them in, Cate sipped her drink and wandered through the lobby. There were several vases of the same blood-red flowers, which surrounded the base of the sculpture outside. As Cate leaned closer to breathe in the intoxicating scent, an elegant couple walked past. The woman was incredibly beautiful; her white-blonde hair flowed down her back like the finest silk. When she looked again, she realised that the woman was wearing a white-gold necklace with a large hoop in the centre. The man she was with had his thumb in the hoop and was using it to lead her forward. Cate tried hard not to stare; she’d read about these things in books but she’d never seen it in real life. They were so open about it.
When Kian came back, Cate nudged him. “Are they?”
Kian smirked, “let’s go upstairs, I’ll explain.”
“How did you find out about this place?” Cate asked as they followed the bellman along the short corridor to their room.
“A friend told me.”
Cate’s stomach dropped, “a girlfriend?”
Before he could answer, the bellman unlocked the door to their room. Cate stepped inside. “Wow.” It was absolutely beautiful. There was a king-sized bed with fluffy, white pillows. On the dressing table, there was a black wicker basket with lots of different fruits, all in various shades of red. Cate stepped out on to the balcony, which looked down on the hotel swimming pool. The pool flowed like a river down various levels surrounded by rocks.
Kian came up behind her; they were alone, the bellman had already gone. “You like it then?”
“I love it,” Cate turned around. “What is this place?”
“It’s a…” Kian shifted awkwardly, he didn’t know how to explain this to Cate without scaring her off. “It’s a fetish hotel.”
“It’s a what?” Cate spluttered.
Kian sat down on one of the chairs. “They’re very exclusive; we’ll have complete privacy.”
“Is that what you’re into?” Cate asked nervously, her eyes darting around. “Are you going to ask me to wear one of those collars?”
“No,” Kian laughed.
Cate frowned, “please don’t laugh at me.”
“Come here,” Kian pulled her so she was sat on his lap. “I’m not into that, I promise. I didn’t bring you here so I could make you my sub.” Kian traced his finger over her silver locket, “I like the jewellery you’ve already got. I brought you here because I don’t want to worry about people recognising me. I want to marry you without wondering if somebody’s in the back taking photos on their phone to sell to the papers back home. It’s really beautiful here; I promise you’ll forget all about the fetish side of it.”
“You said you’ve been here before?” Cate asked, chewing on her bottom lip. “Who with?”
Kian took a deep breath, “I came here with Alice.”
Cate closed her eyes, bracing herself. “Did you?”
“No,” Kian said quickly, eager to reassure Cate. “Jack invited her but then he couldn’t get away from his wife and kids. She asked me to come and keep her company. Nothing happened.”
“It doesn’t look any different to any other hotel room,” Cate mused. “Am I missing something?”
Kian grinned, “you really want to know?”
Kian led her back inside and over to the corner of the bed. He lifted up the duvet so Cate could see the retractable cuffs. “I hope they clean them,” Cate giggled.
Kian lay on the bed, “try them.”
“On you?” Cate looked shocked.
“Sure, why not?” He rolled up his trouser leg, exposing his ankle.
Cate adjusted the cuff around his ankle and then locked it into place. “Can I take a photo?”
Kian grinned, “sure.”
Cate snapped a couple of photos of Kian’s ankle in the cuffs and then freed him. “Is that it?”
“Try opening that drawer.”
Cate pulled open the drawer, “oh my goodness.” She was faced with an array of what she assumed were sex toys. “I don’t even know what some of these are.”
“That’s a butt plug,” Kian said, looking over her shoulder.
“Ew,” Cate quickly dropped it back in the drawer. “Are all the rooms like this?”
“They all cater to different tastes and… levels of comfort,” Kian said. “This is relatively mild.”
Cate shook her head, “I feel like such a prude.”
“Come on,” Kian reached in front of her and shut the drawer. “Put the sex toys away and get unpacked. I’m taking you out for dinner.”