CHAPTER 8
Cate had never had a Valentine’s Day card. Even when she was little and other parents bought their kids Valentine’s Day cards, Cate still didn’t get one. Irene didn’t approve of Valentine’s Day.
The Saturday before Valentine’s Day, Cate had gone to the Trafford Centre with Sinead. Clinton’s was packed and Sinead was obsessed with finding the absolute perfect card for Jake so Cate had wandered off on her own. When she was certain that Sinead couldn’t see her; she’d squeezed into a tiny gap in the crowds looking at Valentine’s Day cards.
Kian had called her his girlfriend. Cate had acted like it was no big deal when he’d said it; not wanting to scare him off.
After she’d paid for the card, she was just walking back to the racks of Valentine’s Day cards to see if Sinead had found a card for Jake when she realised that she was already in the queue. Cate couldn’t hide the carrier bag quickly enough.
“Have you just bought a Valentine’s Day card?” Sinead asked.
Cate shook her head, “No, course not. Who would I send a Valentine to?” She laughed, as if it was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard.
“What about the guy you kissed on Christmas Eve?”
“That was nothing,” Cate said.
Sinead grinned. “Aha, so there was somebody. Who was he?”
Just as Cate was about to reply, a till opened up and the cashier called Sinead forward.
Cate quickly hid the carrier bag in her handbag and went outside to wait for Sinead. Did he mean it when he said I was his girlfriend, Cate thought, or was it just a ploy to see my bra?
“Who’s the card for?” Sinead asked as she came out of the shop. They stood to one side as she put her purse back in her handbag.
“It’s just a birthday card for Liv,” Cate said. “You can see it if you want?” Please, don’t say yes.
“Nah, that’s all right,” Sinead said. “I believe you.” Cate was so grateful that everybody still thought that she was a goody two-shoes.
The first thing Cate did when she woke up on Valentine’s Day morning was check her phone to see if Kian had texted her. He hadn’t. It’s no big deal, Cate shrugged, pretending that she wasn’t disappointed. It was Thursday so she’d see him that afternoon anyway.
That morning, Cate was impatient for class to finish and as soon as the bell rang, she was out of the door. She got to the library far too early but she couldn’t wait to see Kian. She’d eventually decided to give him the card and it was in her handbag on the floor of the passenger seat.
As she waited for him, she tried to read but she couldn’t concentrate. Every little sound outside made her look up in case it was him. It wasn’t.
She waited for an hour after they were supposed to meet and then another hour after that. He didn’t show up.
Cate checked her phone to make sure that it was switched on but there were no texts or missed calls.
When she looked up, it had started to snow. The windscreen of her car was dotted with tiny little snowflakes. For some reason, looking at them made her sad.
Cate picked up her handbag and got out of the car. The snow swirled around her. Everything seemed quieter.
She got her umbrella from the boot of the car and put it up as she walked across the car park. There was a path that led right around the perimeter of the Memorial Park. She joined it at the side of the library just by the children’s playground and walked down towards the little house on the corner. She followed the path close to the main road. The snow kept on falling.
When she was halfway around the park, she got the card out of her bag. The pink envelope felt like it was mocking her. She calmly ripped the envelope with the card inside in half. It felt so good that she did it again and again until all she was left with were lots and lots of tiny pieces of card and paper. She dumped the whole lot in the bin and then picked up her handbag and carried on walking.
She walked up the hill on the other side of the children’s playground. The snow was blowing towards her now and it was getting thicker. Bigger snowflakes flew into her eyes, making them water. She wiped her eyes and kept her head down. She stopped for a second at the War Memorial, which was covered with a light dusting of snow. It was starting to stick.
At the top of the park was the back of the local council offices. Cate had the option of cutting through the car park or finishing her walk through the park. She decided to carry on walking through the park. She didn’t want to see her little car all alone in the car park just yet.
As she got to the bowling green and was about to leave, she saw somebody stood under the awning of the clubhouse. He waved and she looked more closely, her eyes were still watering from the snow. When she got nearer, she realised it was Zeke – her fake 1st kiss. They had a couple of classes together.
“Hey,” she came and joined him under the awning.
He took a long drag of his cigarette. “Hey.”
Cate stamped her feet on the ground, trying to get some feeling back in her toes.
“What were you doing out there?” Zeke asked.
“I needed some air,” Cate said. “What about you?”
“I needed a smoke before I walk home.”
Zeke was wearing a denim jacket and no coat and it didn’t look like he had an umbrella with him. “You can’t walk home in this. Let me give you a lift?”
“It’s just snow,” Zeke said, taking another drag from his cigarette.
“Still,” Cate said. “I’ll wait and give you a lift.”
When they got to her car, Cate couldn’t help looking at her phone to see if she had any messages. She didn’t.
“Waiting for someone?” Zeke asked, nodding to her phone.
“No, it’s fine,” Cate shook her head, hoping to shake off the blanket of disappointment which had settled over her.
“Some people are going to this party tonight, it’s like an anti-Valentine’s Day thing, you can come if you want?”
Cate shook her head, “thanks, that’s really nice but…” She felt like an idiot. She couldn’t go out in case he called.
“That’s cool,” Zeke said. “Here,” he took her phone, “that’s my number if you change your mind.”
After Cate had dropped Zeke off at his house, she went home. When she got there, Sinead’s car was in the driveway.
“Hello,” Cate called as she walked through the front door.
“Cate, is that you?” Sinead called from upstairs. Cate walked up the three flights of stairs to her bedroom, where she found Sinead rummaging in her wardrobe.
“Good, you’re here,” Sinead said. She gave her a hug and then quickly recoiled. “God, you’re freezing. Where have you been?”
Cate shrugged. She took her phone out of her pocket and put it on her bedside table. Still, there were no messages.
“What’s up?”
Cate sat down on the bed, took off her shoes and rubbed her freezing cold toes.
“I’m looking for that scarf,” Sinead said, popping her head around the corner. “Remy bought it for you. I thought I might wear it for my date with Jake tonight.”
Of course I remember that scarf, Cate thought. I wore it the first time I went to Mill Lake with Kian.
She lay back and closed her eyes but she could still hear the sounds of hangers scraping along the rail at the back of her wardrobe and drawers being slammed shut. Go away, Cate thought.
“Cate, can you help me look for it?” Sinead asked.
Cate got up off the bed and got the scarf from the top drawer of her dresser.
“Thanks,” Sinead giggled. Cate expected her to go now that she’d got the scarf but she stayed. “What do you think?”
“Nice,” Cate said. Everything felt too loud. The hangers, the drawers, Sinead’s giggle.
“Come on Mopey McMope,” Sinead said, sitting down next to her. “Is it ‘cause you haven’t got a date tonight? Is that why you’re in such a bad mood?”
“I think I’m getting the flu,” Cate said. Sinead quickly jumped up from the bed.
“Okay, I’m going to go,” Sinead backed away. When she thought Cate wasn’t looking, Sinead pulled some hand sanitizer out of her bag and washed her hands.
After Sinead had gone, Cate got changed into her pyjamas and pulled the duvet up over head. It was only 6pm but she was so ready for this day to be over. She hated Valentine’s Day.
“Cate, are you up there?” Irene called up the stairs.
“Huh,” Cate said from underneath the duvet.
She heard Irene’s footsteps on the stairs. “Oh dear, Sinead said you were feeling poorly. Are you going to be all right on your own this evening?”
Cate poked her head out from under the covers. Irene was all dressed up and wearing heels. “Why, where are you going?”
“Oh sweetie, I thought I’d told you, my Divorced Women’s group are going salsa dancing tonight.”
“Huh,” Cate pulled the covers back up over her head. “Well, I’d better go.” Cate felt Irene pat her head. “There’s some flu stuff in the bathroom cabinet and there’s lots of food in the fridge. Remember to eat something, won’t you?”
“Huh,” Cate said again.
Cate had just settled down again when she heard Liv this time coming up the stairs. “Shit, shit, shit, shit.”
Cate poked her head out from under the covers again. “I thought you were going out?”
“Geez,” Liv said, clutching her chest. “You frightened the life out of me. I didn’t know you were up here.”
Where else would I be? Cate thought. She also wondered how much it would cost to fit a lock on her bedroom door?
Liv looked at her watch, “crap, I’m going to be late and Ryan gets really pissy when I’m late. Have you got any black tights?”
“Second drawer,” Cate said.
“Yes,” Liv found them. “I knew I could count on you.”
That’s me, Cate thought, solid, dependable Cate. Who’s never had a Valentine’s Day card.
Eventually Liv went out too and Cate was all alone in the house. She checked her phone one more time and then switched it off and chucked it in the drawer of her bedside table. Valentine’s Day sucks.