Chapter Seventeen

Jaxon

I could get used to business class. Champagne on tap, lie-flat bed, giant TV screen with thousands of different movies, great food and impeccable service all round. With hardly any sleep over the last three days this is exactly what I needed. The mission hasn’t gone entirely as planned - escorted out of the country by the American embassy, finding out I have a four year old daughter, not eating a single quesadilla - but at least I’m bringing Ruby home in one piece, and despite everything that’s gone on between us to lead up to this, she doesn’t seem to be mad at me.

It’s a five and a half hour early morning flight, and almost everyone else in the cabin is dressed for a business meeting apart from us. Jessica is already sound asleep, Ruby and I have our seats flattened out and a glass of champagne in our hands, and we look more like refugees fleeing a war than the typical American business commuter.

“Going to miss it?” I ask Ruby, across the aisle. She’s in the centre console with Jessica alongside her, while I’ve been given the solo seat next to the window.

“Like you wouldn’t believe”, she says. “I still can’t believe we are here with you. I never thought I’d set foot in the States again.”

“I’m sorry for messing up your plans”, I say.

Ruby shrugs. “Maybe it was time after all.”

“You did almost get killed”, I point out. “More than once. Maybe Mexico’s not the best place for you after all.”

Ruby rolls her eyes. “Yeah well, I haven’t got much of a choice now.”

“You can always expose the rife corruption in Boston”, I say. “There’s got to be just as much juicy material for you to work on.”

“It’s not the same.”

“It’s not as exotic”, I say. “I’ll give you that. There’s less chance of you getting kidnapped.”

“Boston isn’t my home anymore”, Ruby says.

An air steward passes by and refreshes our glasses. “Any idea what you’ll do?” I ask.

Ruby gives me a look that tells me she hasn’t thought past her next glass of champagne. “You?” she says, sending the question back at me.

“The same as I was doing before”, I say. “Relaxing into retirement.”

“And how’s that working out for you?”

“I’m getting really good at daytime quizzes”, I say. “And building things.”

Ruby smiles. “I can’t imagine you being retired. All that time I wanted you to give up your job and it turns out it was as easy as waiting a couple of years. What happened?”

“Someone died”, I say. “Two people actually. It was my fault and I haven’t been able to forgive myself. I took leave to clear my head and I never went back. That was over two years ago.”

“And this?” Ruby asks.

“This was different”, I say. “I was given an impossible choice.”

“And it hasn’t changed your mind?”

I shake my head slowly. “I can still see her face”, I say. “A little girl, just a bit older than Jessica, crouched over her dying mother. I was a second away from saving her, from snatching her away from the path of the bullet, but it wasn’t enough. The intel was bad, we went in outnumbered and we were lucky to get out at all, but neither of those two people should have died.”

I roll up my sleeve to show Ruby where the bullet tore through my bicep. “I get reminded everyday”, I say. “I’m done with that world. I’m done being responsible.”

“You can’t save everyone”, Ruby says, “no matter how much you want to, no matter how much you try. You’re not invincible, or infallible, I always used to tell you that.”

“I should have done more”, I say, the image of the dead girl crumpled against the corpse of her mother, embedded into my brain.

“You did all you could”, Ruby says, her hand stretched out across the aisle to comfort me. “Think of all the people you’ve saved. Jessica and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. We owe our lives to you.”

“When are you going to tell her?” I ask, deliberately changing the subject.

“When we’ve decided what we’re going to do”, Ruby says. “Your mission is already over, ours is only just beginning.”

“She’s my daughter”, I point out. “Or did you want to forget about that part?”

Ruby sighs. “Of course not”, she says. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that we are going to have to find our way again. This is a big change for us. Listen, I want you to be part of Jessica’s world and I want her to be a part of yours too.”

“And us?” I ask.

“And us, what?”

“Where do we fit into that?”

“Let’s just work out how we handle the sharing a daughter part, before we think about anything else”, Ruby says. “I’m just coming to terms with the fact you're suddenly back in my life, it’s going to take me a while to adjust to the fact that because of Jessica, and whatever else, you’re here to stay.”

“What’s whatever else?” I ask.

“The last four years”, Ruby says without hesitation. “All the feelings I thought I’d dealt with and would never have to deal with again. The sleepless nights, the not knowing, the skipped heartbeats and the fever dreams. The wondering whether I could live with myself for what I’d done and the wondering whether I’d actually made the right decision of not. That’s a huge amount of whatever else I’d locked into a chest and thrown away the key for you coming out of nowhere has inadvertently opened. It’s a lot to deal with and it’s not going to get dealt with over a five hour plane ride, a couple of glasses of champagne and a welcome back dinner with dad. And why are you smiling?”

I am smiling and I can’t help it. “Because you’re being positive”, I say.

“I’m being positive?” Ruby asks, confused. “I’ve just given you a garbled summary of a pantheon of different emotions, I’m about as confused and as tired as you can get, and you think I’m being positive.”

“Yes”, I say, “believe it or not, I think you are. You could have told me you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“I might still tell you that”, Ruby says. “I might decide that hidden in these recent heroics to save me you’re harboring a deep depression and a dangerous death wish. I might consider you self destructive and a bad influence on myself and our daughter, I might discover the real you, the you without an outlet for your energy.”

“Or you might fall in love with me again”, I cut in.

Ruby smiles awkwardly. “I see your confidence didn’t take a hit.”

“It was always quite strong in the first place”, I say, “and I can read you anyway.”

Ruby casually sips her champagne. “Whatever happens between us”, she says. “I have different priorities in life now.”

“So do I”, I point out. “But that doesn’t mean-.”

“Slow”, Ruby says, cutting me off. “If you’re going to win me over at all, it’ll be like that.”

“Do you know what I think?” I ask. “I think this is more about you resisting me than it is about me winning you over.”

Ruby lets her mouth drop open theatrically. “That’s not going to work this time”, she says.

“Alright. We’ll see”, I say. “I give you a week.”

“A week?”

“A week”, I repeat. “In a week you’ll be begging me to sleep with you.”

Ruby’s high pitched laugh is louder than she expects it to be, and momentarily disturbed, Jessica stirs in the seat next to her.

“We’ve already been there once”, Ruby says, “I’m not that same girl anymore.”

I can tell from her body language, the expression on her face and the look in her eyes that she’s lying.

“I think you’re horny right now”, I say. “In fact, I think you've been thinking about me in that way since the first moment I saw you.”

“You’re crazy”, Ruby says. “Or drunk, or both of those things.”

“Deny it if you want”, I say. “It’ll just make it sweeter for me when you finally admit it.”

Ruby can’t help but laugh. “And I thought you’d changed”, she says. “Four years on and you’re the same countdown guy who came up to me in the bar.”

“And you’re the same girl who needed to be rescued”, I say.

“I never asked you to come”, Ruby says. “And I never asked you to take me away either.”

I pull back because I can tell she’s getting heated. “I didn’t mean for this to happen”, I say. “I know your entire life was back there, I’m sorry.”

Ruby sighs. “It’s not that”, she says. “It’s, I don’t know. It’s seeing you again. It’s this, it’s everything I thought I was doing, where my life was going. It’s four years and Jessica and it’s that smile and those eyes and everything else I’d made myself forget about.”

“There’s always mile high”, I say.

Ruby shakes her head but she’s not upset, she’s laughing. “Maybe next time hotshot”, she says. “Unless you want to go ahead, and spend the rest of the journey waiting for me.”

“Since when did you start playing hard to get?” I ask, my tone making it clear I’m joking.

“A girl who doesn’t want to be got is not necessarily a girl playing hard to get”, Ruby says.

“Yet”, I say, “you missed a word”, and before Ruby has time to respond, I make it clear the conversation is over for now by stretching out and settling into my bed.

I can practically hear her tutting, before I sneak a look over my arm rest and catch her staring at me in warm disbelief. It’s a look that tells me no matter how much she tries to deny it, there isn’t a single person on this earth she’d prefer to be with right now.

As the plane begins its descent to Boston, I know that my real mission to get Ruby back has only just begun.