Chapter Twenty-Three

“We wanted to let you know in person”, Dad says.

“First”, Janice adds. “Even before the boys.”

They are sat in a way that I never saw my parents sit, huddled together, hugging one another, happy perhaps. Dad has his arm around Janice protectively, while Janice places one hand on his in the centre of the table.

The impersonalization of this place suits this situation perfectly, the booth seating, the formally dressed waitresses, the sheen above hiding the mechanics that lie below.

I wrap my hands around my boiling hot coffee, desperate to hear anything but what I think I’m here for them to tell me.

Mom and Dad got a divorce, much quicker than I thought was even possible. Mom was as happy as she’s ever been to sign the papers and get the whole thing moving into the past. Dad didn’t need to do much after that and almost as quickly as they’d turned themselves into a couple, they made themselves legally single once again.

“Oh”, I say, because I need to say something.

“Janice and I, we’ve decided-”, Dad pauses to find the right words, while Janice smiles at me.

“We’re going to get married”, she says, excitement getting the better of her, unable to wait for my dad to decide how best to break the news to me.

“You and Donkey are going to be step siblings”, Dad adds. “Isn’t that great?”

This is not happening. I want to scream, hang my head, protest with placards and give them all the reasons why they can’t possible unite themselves together in marriage, but it wouldn’t be right, especially because no one knows that Donkey and I have been fucking as constantly as has been humanly possible for the last three months, nor how this is going to be the worst thing that could possibly happen to us.

I smile, I pretend and I fake it all the way.

“Married?” I say quietly, my voice as surprised as I can make it.

Mom still hasn’t recovered, still hasn’t pulled her ass of the porch and got back to work full-time, still hasn’t noticed how much of college I’m missing to spend it with Donkey, and Dad wants to rush his way into matrimony as though nothing about the last one left any kind of impression at all.

“I know it’s hard to understand”, Dad begins. “But Janice and I have-.”

Again she cuts him off. “We love each other”, Janice says, “and now the divorces have been granted, for both of us, we thought, you know, why wait?”

If Mom cut Dad off like that, she’d have heard about it. Seems Janice can do it with total immunity. Maybe Mom and Brian should get together and we could have one huge big fucked-up family.

Every weekend either there, here or some place in between, so much so that I hadn’t noticed time moving on for other people. I never thought this moment would come for Dad and Janice, even though Donkey were warning me about it before we even began.

“We wanted to let you know first”, Dad says.

They’re excited and have every right to be. I want both of my parents to be happy, and unfortunately, together, they never seemed to be able to achieve it. Dad’s different with Janice, for good or for bad, and Janice seems different with him too. Donkey say Brian feels free for the first time in years and has begun dating again. Mom on the other hand has sunk so far into depression, I worry what this news will do for her.

“Does Mom know?” I ask.

Dad gives me his shifty eyes and immediately looks uncomfortable. “Not yet”, he says. “We thought we’d tell her when we firm up the date. For now, as we are just in the planning stages, we wanted to keep it between you and the boys.”

Stepbrothers. What a ridiculous thought when at some point in the future we might want to do the same. Little by little Donkey and I have been growing stronger, and show no signs of even considering slowing up. A relationship between three people has its challenges, at least I thought it might when we begun, but the truth is, there is nothing so far that’s been able to get in our way. None of us care what people think and neither of the boys feel the least bit jealous of each other either inside or outside the bedroom.

Stepsiblings though, that’s another challenge entirely.

The waitress brings the food, three anemic hamburgers with floppy chips that have been cooked in dirty oil. Dad covers his in ketchup, making the whole thing look like some miniature crime scene.

Looking at the both of them makes me wonder what the chances were of them falling head over heels in love, while their children fell in love with each other at the same time too. It can’t happen too often, and it makes me want to know what she has that Mom was never able to offer him.

Oddly they look right together. Much more appropriate than Brian and Janice, much more together than Dad and Mom ever seemed.

“You don’t think you are rushing things?”, I ask. “You know, straight out of one marriage and head first into another?”

“We don’t see the point in waiting”, Janice says. “It’s something we’ve wanted for a long time, even before Doug and Sally split up.”

I change tact. “When were you thinking of?”

“In the spring”, Dad says quickly. “A little after maybe. You could be just a little happy for me if you wanted, it wouldn’t kill you.”

“I’m happy for you, Dad”, I say. “It’s just. I don’t know, having the twins as stepbrothers will be weird, and then there’s Mom. She’s having a hard time.”

“I know”, Dad says. “It might be weird at first, but it’ll soon seem very normal.”

“And Mom? You know she’s smoking, right? She sits on the porch and watches the sky, like, all night”, I say, concerned for her.

“Your mother has always been very spiritual”, Dad says, avoiding the point of the statement. “She’ll be fine, she just needs time to adjust.”

Sometimes I wonder if my parents ever loved each other at all, especially now my dad seems so happy, and so different. He seems like a completely different man entirely. Donkey don’t see Janice as much as I try and see Dad, and they blame her more for what happened in their family than I do to Dad for what happened in ours. While they were arguing so obviously next door, I didn’t notice my own family crumbling.

The burger tastes like plastic, and after two bites I don’t want to eat any more.

“Not hungry?” Janice asks.

I don’t know her well, but she seems sweet enough. Much calmer than the months of screaming would lead anyone to believe. I guess with Dad she’s much better off too.

“I guess I’m just a little shocked”, I admit. “Things have changed quite a lot over the last few months.”

“I’m much happier, Jenny”, Dad says. “And I’m sure in her heart of hearts your mother will be too. It’ll be easier for her if she can find a way to forgive me for what I’ve done, you know. I know you’ve found a way.”

“I’ve accepted it Dad, it’s a different thing. I don’t agree with what you did. You didn’t have to sneak around for so long, either of you.”

“You were growing up, it didn’t seem right”, Dad says. “I did it for you.”

“We both did”, Janice adds, “For you and for the boys.”

The words seem hollow and I feel like I want to leave. “Doesn’t mean it was right”, I say.

“I know”, Dad says. “We did what we felt was right, though. Whether it was a mistake or not, we meant to protect you.”

Protecting me by hurting Mom doesn’t seem like a good trade off to me.

“And now?” I ask.

“We’re in love”, Janice admits, squeezing Dad’s hand tighter. “We want you to support us with that, but we’ll understand if you feel like you can’t.”

A few moments pass while it all sinks in. I’ve been an only child for eighteen years, and in love with my next door neighbours for a good part of that, with whom I recently lost my virginity. We have been seeing each other secretly for the last few months while my Mom and Dad have been going through a not entirely amicable divorce. My dad has also been seeing someone secretly for the last few years who happens to be the mother of the two boys I’m in love with. They now want to get married which will turn my new lovers into my even newer stepbrothers.

Is there anyone gathered here today who has any reason to believe these two should not be united in holy matrimony? Speak now or forever hold your breath.

How come I can’t just have a normal, easy life? Why do Donkey have to move a thousand miles away before we get together, instead of still living next door? Why do my dad and his mom have to fall in love as well and decide that they want to get married. It’s a fucking nightmare and I have no idea what any of us should do. Maybe I should tell Dad right now so he can call it off. Whatever happens, there is no way Donkey and I are splitting up. We’ve just got together after all, and if we have to maintain this relationship in secret for the benefit of the family, so be it. It’s not like our parents haven’t done the same behind our backs.

“Hold off telling Mom for now”, Dad says when the plates have been cleared. “I don’t want to worry her any more than she needs.”

“You should come around to the house sometime”, I say, unsure whether it’s a good idea or not. “Just to say hi.”

Dad looks at Janice before he answers, perhaps still not familiar enough with her to know how she’ll respond. She nods and Dad looks back towards me.

“Your mother needs to move on”, Dad says coldly. “Like the rest of us. I know it’s hard, but thinking about it isn’t going to solve anything.”

The words are out before I have time to fully consider it. “Did you ever love her?” I ask, and then immediately feel like I shouldn’t have.

Dad is about to answer when the check comes. Afterwards, it’s as if the question has never been asked at all.