Chapter Six

I’m sleeping when I hear the taps against the window, dreaming about working on a newly discovered Mayan city in the depths of the Guatemalan jungle. At first the taps align perfectly with the chisel I’m using to work away at the rock, before the noise falls out of synch with the action, and reality subsequently sucks me right out of the dream.

I’m momentarily disorientated and then suddenly frightened, before I dare myself to go to the window and investigate.

Outside, partially illuminated by the crescent moon in a starless sky above, stand Jack and Zach, relieved they’ve finally woken me up.

I open the window and lean out.

“Hey”, I whisper casually, trying to pretend my pulse isn’t racing.

“Hey”, Jack says, his eyes twinkling.

“You mind if we come up?” Zach suggests.

I look behind me into the chaos of my room - clothes on the floor, notepad out on the table, mess everywhere in preparation for the end of one thing and the start of the next, and then turn back to Jack and Zach, a little confused of their motives.

“Sure”, I say, and shrug. “But give me a minute to, you know to, er, just give me a minute.”

While Jack and Zach negotiate the climb up to the window, I gather as many of the clothes from the floor as I can and toss them into the closet, before making sure my notebook - the one with the stories in of an imagined world I wish more than anything were real - is buried at the very back of the bottom drawer of the unit, hidden underneath folders of exam preparation work.

When I turn around, Jack’s already in the room, and Zach’s lowering himself from the sill to join him.

The alarm clock on my bedside table reads 2:03 am and in my haste to clear the room ready for their arrival I suddenly realize I’ve forgotten entirely about myself. I’m not at all dressed for company.

My arms fold quickly over my chest, and I stand awkwardly in front of Donkey - the combined object of my secret affection - feeling completely naked. I’m not, thank God, but I’m wearing much fewer clothes than they’ve likely seen me in, which is making me feel exposed.

A silent moment passes us all while we just stand there, like stooges in a Mexican stand off.

“What’s up?” I finally ask.

I’m not upset I’ve been woken up, far from it, but this is unusual behaviour, even for the twins. Their clothes suggest they haven’t been to bed yet, their expressions as though they’ve been agonizing over something all evening.

Jack takes to the bed, while Zach flops himself into the chair by the window.

I wonder for a moment whether it’s their parents. Since Janice left, she hasn’t returned. I wonder too if this is going to be their way of telling me about being accepted to LSU, about a scholarship and a lifetime of sporting celebrity and fame and they are here to say goodbye, once and for all, in the middle of the night when I’m too lost to sleep to care.

“It didn’t make sense”, Jack begins.

“You know, not to come over”, Zach adds.

“No?” I ask, confused already.

“We-. We’ve been thinking”, Jack begins again.

“And talking”, Zach stumbles.

Whatever it is, this is clearly difficult for these two, which is like saying it’s hard for an eagle to fly. I’ve never seen these two struggle with anything before. Whatever they turn their minds to, they succeed in. I pinch myself secretly to see if I’m dreaming.

“Look, maybe it’s better if we show you”, Jack says.

My eyes follow his to Zach’s, who I see is nodding.

“Okay”, I say. “I’m officially freaked out.”

From where he’s sat, Jack is close enough to touch me. He reaches out and takes my hand and nothing in the world would be strong enough for me to stop him.

I may not understand what the fuck they are doing here, not yet at least, but whatever it is, at the very least, I know it’s not bad.

“Do you trust us?” Jack asks, his thumb finding the centre of my palm.

“Sure”, I half whisper, the word sliding softly across my lips.

“Close your eyes”, Zach says, now up alongside me, my other hand in his.

I look from one to the other. “Close my eyes?” I ask.

My heart is beating, my pulse racing around my body like a car around a scalextric track. I’m stood here in three thin pieces of fabric, that cling to my nubile body and leave little to the imagination, while Jack and Zach, these twin towers of perfection hold my hands and guide me towards a destination I couldn’t even imagine happening in my wildest dreams.

“If you trust us”, Zach says.

I close my eyes. Fuck it. What’s the worst that could happen? If this is a joke, so be it. I’m willing to take the risk. Two o’clock in the morning, my parents asleep at the end of the hall and the two men that plague my dreams and make my body fizz and tingle like sherbet here in my private chamber.

I’m so tense I could snap, heat rising from between my legs, up to my neck and back again. I can’t control my breathing either, which comes out as short, staccato stabs as though I’m not here at all, but in the numbness of a winter’s day, submerging myself in the ice cold water of a barren lake.

A hand moves to behind my back, the fingers dancing across the exposed skin where my T-shirt doesn’t quite meet the waistband of my night shorts, to pull me towards him, and even then I don’t believe it’s coming.

“Ready?” I’m asked, not entirely sure by whom. It could be Jack, Zach, or an amalgam of the two of them.

I nod, because by this point, words have left me. My lips are buzzing, even before I feel it happening. First he brings the heat of his mouth close to mine, where, perhaps sensing my desire, perhaps teasing us both for as long as is humanly possible to make the moment as orgasmic as he can, he pauses, just long enough for me to need him to continue and worry that there is a possibility still that he might not, before he finally does so, and presses his lips gently against mine as though they were always meant to be there.

In his exquisite, perfect kiss, I feel a sensation of desire as wanton and as secret as my own, and when he’s finally done, and I’m left weightless, my eyes still closed and my tongue chasing tingles across my throbbing lips, I have to hold onto him not to fall over.

“Wait”, another voice says, this time Jack’s, I think, but I could be mistaken. “Don’t open your eyes yet.”

Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could. After that, I barely have the capacity for basic bodily functions. I might be able to open my eyes, but would I be able to see if I did?

I feel one of the twins move away from me, and the other take his place. There is little difference like this, and without visual clues it’s impossible for me to tell who I’ve just kissed. They feel the same against me, smell identical shades of a scent I can only describe in abstract terms one might reserve specifically for nostalgic memories you aren’t quite sure are your own, and do exactly the same thing to me.

In the hands of Donkey, I feel happier than I can even begin to describe. This is a new emotion for me, and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. What is certain, however, is that there is no stronger desire overwhelming me than a compulsion to have these two take me in ways I haven’t even dreamed of yet.

“Ready?” that voice says again, and again I nod, this time allowing myself to indulge fully in the magic I know is coming.

A hand to cup my neck and pull me towards him, a brush of his lips against mine that makes my pussy tingle so much I flatten myself against his body subconsciously, and finally, as I part my lips a little to welcome him, that warm, gooey sensation of magic only a kiss can bring. His lips close tightly against mine with an urgency that replicates that of the kiss before it and confirms to me a desire of equal depth and measure.

I indulge fully, my confidence restrengthened by action and no longer held back by doubt or the unpredictability of what may come. In his arms I soften, supple now like elastic, and lose myself in him.

We kiss and I allow myself to bite his skin softly, and then pull myself into him to rest my head against the flatness of his shoulder.

Nothing in my life has ever felt better. A first kiss that is actually two first kisses with the two people I want to spend the rest of my life with, without even knowing why or how, or, before this moment, whether it was ever anything more than just the idle, unreciprocated fantasies of a teenager in love.

He pulls away, one half of Donkey, but which half I’m still unsure of, to let a foot of space fall between us. I still have my eyes closed, but even with them closed, I know that my hands are trembling. I have a sensation that the walls of the house are throbbing as though somehow, inexplicably, they are made of some kind of material that allows itself to easily be distorted and a weightlessness inside me that would lift me all the way to the moon if I let it.

As much as it’s hard for me to believe, and impossible to truly comprehend, I can’t avoid what has just been communicated to me. Those kisses spoke not of fleeting moments or new ideas hatched in a chaotic instant, but of years of unfulfilled desire, lengthy conversations about the pros and cons of proceeding valiantly, and the paralysing danger of remorse if left unabated.

I open my eyes, my lips still numb. Donkey are smiling at me, sheepishly.

“We just thought”, Jack begins. “If you didn’t know who was first.”

“It would make it easier”, Zach agrees.

I don’t know what to say. “Fuck”, is the best I can manage. It’s not a question, could possibly be the link to my subconscious taking over automatically where a scrambled mind can’t, or nothing more than a simple exclamation.

“Are you ok?” Jack asks, when he sees me paralysed to the spot. There is concern in his voice, while his face glows warmly with relieved pride. I don’t blame him. If I had the capacity to do only half of this to them, I’d be damn proud of myself too.

I am so horny. I never thought a couple of kisses could turn me on so much, but this isn’t just kisses, this is confirmation that something I’ve longed for is staring me right back in the face. I wanted them and here they are. I want them now and I can’t imagine there is anything left that can stop me.

I didn’t think it would happen at all, and in the rare moments I allowed myself to dream, I never imagined it happening like this, but here we are, the middle of the night, Donkey in my room and the buzz of sexual tension around us like thick morning mist rising off a mountain.

I don’t need to ask, or tell, or request, or command, or beg, or anything at all for them to already know what I want. Everyone knows a sentence that begins with a kiss at the end of a long paragraph leading up to it, must end with at least one full stop. In this case, it’s best we make it two.