Chapter Eleven
Riley
Knowing that psychos existed in the world and feeling like they were personally after me were two very different things.
When Colin had shoved me out of the way of that car, at first I hadn’t understood what the hell was happening. But then I’d seen the car racing toward him, and I’d reacted instinctively. It had been so close, for a split second, I’d thought I’d be too late.
The complete surprise on Colin’s face when I’d grabbed him had been heartbreaking. I’d seen his resignation so clearly in his eyes. He’d thought he was going to die. It had hurt my heart how shocked he’d seemed that I would help him. With his brother gone, did he feel completely alone in the world?
I knew he was friends with Blade and Wyatt, but I didn’t really know how close they were. Did he share his fears with them? Did he let them see how losing Garrett had damaged him so deeply? I wanted to be closer to him, but he was so guarded it seemed like an impossible task.
I glanced over at Colin as he stood near the door to our band dressing room. He looked serious and brooding in his dark suit and shades. I knew he had a gentler side, but my bandmates didn’t. Julio and the others were annoyed that he was being such a hard-ass about having visitors before the show. He insisted on patting all of our guests down, and Julio thought that was overkill. But I trusted Colin’s judgment.
Tom came in the room, looking stressed as usual. “You boys ready? The opening act is just about done.”
“We’re always ready,” Julio said as he stood.
Colin glanced at Julio, and his jaw clenched. I kind of hoped he looked annoyed because he was jealous of Julio. I liked the idea of him feeling territorial about me. As I headed out of the room with the guys, Colin fell in beside me. His calm energy soothed me as we neared the stage.
The opening act was a group Tom had discovered at a bar in California. They were nice guys and definitely talented. I hoped opening for me would help their career, just like opening for other names had breathed life into mine.
The applause was loud and enthusiastic when they finished their last song. They ran off the stage covered in sweat and looking pumped. The lights went down on the stage, and the crew went to work switching over all the gear. There were so many people on the stage who I didn’t know. I didn’t envy Colin’s job, trying to keep me safe when I was surrounded by strangers who may or may not wish me ill.
Colin put his hand against the small of my back, and I glanced over at him. His sunglasses were pushed up on his head, and his expression was serious as he leaned close.
“You should be fine on stage. But if you see anything that makes you feel threatened, no matter how small, you look over at me and hold up two fingers. I’ll be there in a heartbeat. Got it?” His warm breath wafted against my ear as he spoke.
I nodded.
“I mean it. That’s why I’m here.”
“I know.”
He patted my back. “Have a good show, Riley.”
My stomach warmed at his husky voice. I loved how my name rolled off his tongue, and it gave me butterflies. “I’ll do my best.”
The stage manager pointed at us and we trotted out onto the dark stage. We took our places, and the excitement built as we felt the energy from the huge crowd. The MC ramped up the audience some more, teasing them and coaxing loud cheers from them. When the lights finally flashed on, we launched into our first song, finally able to let out our pent-up zeal.
I tried not to think about the fact that someone might want to hurt me. I’d always known stalkers were a reality, but I’d pretended they weren’t interested in me. I was too small-fry. But between the note and the car incident today, I definitely felt uneasy.
As I ran from one end of the stage to the other, the lights were so bright it was hard to make out people’s features clearly. The front row was close enough I could almost touch them, but nobody looked particularly dangerous. Was one of them a raving lunatic? Life would be so much easier if psychos just looked like psychos.
We played for two hours straight and had two encores. By the time we headed back to the dressing room, I was exhausted and soaked with sweat. There were fresh towels and ice-cold beverages in the back for us, and I settled on the couch, gulping bottled water.
Colin stayed near the door as people came in to talk with us. He looked calm, but I now knew him well enough to see through his impassive demeanor. I had little doubt he was tensed and ready to spring into action if needed.
Once most of the stage people and fans cleared out, we headed to an after-party that the local radio station had arranged. There were a bunch of VIP music executives there and miscellaneous town celebrities. I spent hours talking and schmoozing with everyone, and by the time we headed back to our new hotel, I had a horrible headache.
I was relieved Colin and I had adjoining suites again. Tom came into my room and did a quick rundown of the show. He went over what he thought we did right and how we could improve. I tried to seem interested because I knew he meant well, but my head was pounding.
Once he left, I showered and collapsed on my bed, curling into a ball. I’d taken some headache pills, but they weren’t working yet. Colin came into my room to check on me, and he sat on the edge of my bed.
“Head still hurting?” he asked.
“Yes,” I grumbled.
He scooted closer and I was surprised when he slipped his fingers over my scalp, massaging my throbbing head. His touch immediately soothed me, although my cock hardened also. All he had to do was look at me and I was aroused. I sighed as he slid his hand down to the back of my neck, where he squeezed and kneaded my muscles until my headache began to slowly recede.
“Mmm, feels nice,” I whispered.
He continued to stroke and caress my head and neck until I began to feel much better. Once the pain was mostly gone, I rolled over onto my back, and he clasped his hands in his lap. “Better?”
I exhaled contentedly. “Yes. Thank you.”
“You looked miserable.” The only light was from the bathroom, and his face was partially in shadow.
“That’s because I was.”
“We should have come back to the hotel sooner. It’s been a long, stressful day.”
“Yeah, but the ass kissing is mandatory.”
“And you get to do it all over again tomorrow night.”
“Oh, yes. Rinse and repeat. Although the after-party will be hosted by someone else.” I was kind of surprised he was sitting on my bed. He was usually much more standoffish. But I liked the feel of his hip against my thigh. “People want to get up close and personal with me, and parties are a good way to do that.”
“Yeah, I’m not a fan of that right now.”
“Me either actually.” I sighed. “I hate that everybody I meet makes me wonder, are you a stalker? Do you want to hurt me?”
“I know. I pretty much feel that way all the time.”
“God, how do you deal with this constantly?”
He gave a weak smile. “Maybe now you understand why I’m such a guarded asshole.”
“You’re not an asshole.”
“I have my asshole moments.”
“You’re doing your job.”
He lifted one shoulder and glanced around. “No visit from Julio tonight?”
I grimaced. “God no. Julio and a headache? I think I’d have killed myself.”
He grinned and my stomach tumbled with attraction. “He’s a good bass player.” His compliment sounded sincere.
“Yeah, otherwise he wouldn’t be here.”
“From the way he was hitting on you before, I assumed he served other needs too.”
My face warmed. “That was a long time ago. Like I told you before, I’ve changed.”
He licked his lips and studied me in silence. It should have been awkward, but it wasn’t. We held each other’s gazes, and the attraction buzzed between us. My cock was hard against my thigh, and all he had to do was glance over and it would be obvious I was turned on. But then, the fact that we were both turned on by each other wasn’t really a secret.
“This was a weird day,” he said softly.
“Yeah, it was.”
He stared at his clasped hands. “I know I should sleep, but I feel wound up.”
“Maybe you should sleep in my bed.”
He laughed. “Why exactly would I do that?”
“Well, if you can’t sleep…”
“You never stop, do you?”
“I had to try. You’re actually on my bed. I wouldn’t respect myself in the morning if I didn’t at least try.”
His chuckle was intoxicating. “And I wouldn’t respect myself in the morning if I gave in.”
I sighed. “Because I’m in the closet?”
“You got it.”
I rolled to face him, feeling frustrated. “You must know I hate hiding my sexuality.”
He didn’t say anything.
“But what if I come out and all my fans abandon me? I have a lot of people on my payroll.”
“Do you really think everyone would just desert you?”
I pinched the skin between my eyes. “God, I don’t know. Maybe? A part of me doesn’t really even care anymore if they do.”
“Maybe you should have more faith in people.”
I narrowed my gaze. “That’s actually pretty funny coming from you.”
He gave a grudging smile. “Fair enough.”
I gave in to my need to touch him, and I ran my fingers over his wrist. I loved the little prickle of hairs on his strong forearms as I inched upward. He put his hand over mine and stopped me.
“Don’t.” His voice was hushed.
“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
His eyes were glittery in the dim light. “I don’t want to be used.”
I frowned. “You think I want that?”
“I think you want sex and I’m here.”
I groaned with frustration. “It’s not like that.”
“Of course it is, Riley.” He sounded equally frustrated.
I sat up on one elbow. “If I just wanted to fuck, there are plenty of choices.”
“Yeah, but if you want to keep your little secret, what could be more convenient than screwing the guy who has the adjoining room?”
Irritation washed through me. “You think I’m that cold and calculating?”
His jaw tensed. “If Julio was in the room I’m in, are you seriously saying he wouldn’t be the one getting this invitation?”
I pulled my hand away as if it was on fire. “Fuck you.”
He looked surprised by my anger, but he didn’t speak.
“That’s a shitty thing to say.”
“I’m just being honest.”
“Oh, really?” I huffed. “How many times do I have to tell you I don’t fuck around anymore?”
He wrinkled his brow. “You keep hitting on me—”
“Yeah, Colin. I keep hitting on you.” I rolled onto my back. “You. Just you. Get that through your thick skull because I’m getting a little sick of you implying I’m a mindless whore.”
He looked uncomfortable, but he didn’t get up and leave like I expected. He exhaled and dropped his chin to his chest. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to handle this situation.”
“Me either.”
He bit his lower lip. “The problem is I like you as a person.”
“How is that a problem?”
“If we keep getting closer, I’m afraid I might get actual feelings for you.”
“Why can’t we explore our emotions? See if there’s actually something here?”
“How exactly does that work if you’re in the closet?”
“I won’t always be.”
He grimaced. “But you are right now.”
“Not much longer.”
“Come on, Riley.” He shook his head.
I frowned. “You don’t believe I’ll come out?”
He hung his head. “It’s none of my business.”
“I’m telling you, the day is coming soon. In the beginning, it was easier to go along with Tom rather than rock the boat. But I want more out of life than a random piece of ass here and there. I really like you, Colin. I want more of you.”
“Either way, I can’t sleep with you. Not now.”
“Even if I’m out?”
He swallowed hard. “You’re my job.”
“This is more and you know it.”
“It can’t be.”
“Of course it can.”
“This is exactly what I was afraid of if I came to work for you.” His cheeks were flushed. “I knew it was going to be really hard to ignore you.”
“But you came anyway,” I said softly.
“Yeah, I did.” He had a stubborn tilt to his jaw. “But I can leave just as easily, Riley. And I will too.”
I could tell he meant what he said. It was frustrating, because I wanted more of him. I knew we had a real connection, but he was either too afraid or too obstinate to acknowledge it.
“You’re a hardheaded little bastard,” I muttered, willing my arousal to go away.
“I’m here to keep you safe. I take that task seriously. You should be glad of that. What kind of man would I be if I put my pleasure before your safety?”
The proud set of his shoulders and the sincerity of his voice got to me. In the past, I’d fucked a few of the bodyguards assigned to me. Not recently of course, but in the beginning, when I’d drank too much and made a lot of bad decisions. In those days, I’d used guys and let them use me too.
“You’re an unusual guy, Colin,” I said quietly.
Colin stood and headed for his room, pausing in the doorway. “I don’t want you to think I’m not tempted.” His voice was husky. “I am. I’m definitely tempted, Riley.”
“Yeah?”
He nodded. “Sweet dreams, boss.”
I exhaled against my frustration. “Good night, my little boy scout.”