Chapter Six
Colin
“Riley doesn’t know about your past at all, right?” Blade rocked Peter in his arms as he spoke. The infant kept reaching up and touching his father’s chin.
“No. We didn’t talk much about me. He told me a little about his parents, but I didn’t really open up once he told me he was in the closet.”
“Got it. You bolted?”
I grimaced. “I don’t know if bolt is the right word. But I needed to think things over. I was confused. I really like him, but I make it a rule not to date closeted guys.”
“It’s a good rule.”
“Hard to believe in this day and age he’d feel the need to hide his sexuality.” My chair creaked as I leaned back. We were out on the back patio at Blade and Wyatt’s home, enjoying the warm morning sun.
“He was pretty young when Tom got him started in the business. His parents rejected him because he was gay. I can see where he might have felt ashamed and like it really was something he needed to hide, especially with Tom encouraging him to hide.”
“I suspect Tom is a father figure to him.”
“Probably.” Blade gave a gruff laugh. “To be honest, I have no real way of knowing how hard it was for him growing up gay. I’d never even looked at a guy until I fell for Wyatt.”
“Well, fated mates are a whole other thing.”
“Yeah.” He smiled down at Peter. “And then I got pregnant.”
The way he gazed at his son made me think achingly of my brother. “Garrett would have been such a good dad,” I said softly.
He looked up and his mouth turned down at the corners. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”
I lifted one shoulder and ignored how my eyes stung. “Everybody did everything they could for him.”
Blade’s jaw hardened. “If his alpha hadn’t been such a dick and he’d made it to the compound sooner, maybe he and the child would have lived.”
“Maybe.” Thinking about Garrett’s boyfriend, Alan, I gripped my cup of coffee so hard my knuckles were white. “Not all alphas are as cool as Wyatt.”
“Agreed.” Blade met my gaze. “Riley is though. He’s more laid-back than some alphas.”
My chest tightened when I thought of Riley. “I think that’s part of what I like about him. He has a gentleness that comforts me. I can’t see him being violent like Alan was.”
“No way. But he’s no pushover either.”
“Nope.” My face warmed when I remembered his more aggressive side when we’d been in bed together. “He’s all alpha when he wants to be.”
“Do you think Riley’s ever heard of solar eclipse omegas?”
I chuffed. “No. The only reason I know is because Garrett got pregnant and the Ancients reached out to us. Jesus, his pregnancy was a shock. And we were both in complete denial at first.”
Blade frowned. “I absolutely get it.”
I grimaced. “Yeah. Of course you do.”
“I don’t understand why there isn’t more known about solar eclipse omegas.” Blade kissed Peter’s forehead.
“I agree. It’s like we’re a dirty little secret.”
“It really is.”
“The Ancients know when we’re born. They know who we are, but they don’t contact us unless we become pregnant. It’s a strange way to handle the situation if you ask me.”
“According to Wyatt’s mom, the Ancients prefer the mystery that surrounds our kind.”
“But why?”
“They think it keeps us safer.”
“From what?”
“There are those Ancients who believe the sickness that came upon the females in the past was intentional. They fear it was designed to wipe our kind out.”
“I thought it was just a random disease?”
“It’s not known for sure what it was.”
“If it was intentional, who would have done that? The humans?”
Blade grimaced. “I have no idea. The humans seem to accept us just fine. But by keeping the solar eclipse omegas a secret, the Ancients feel we guard the survival of our race. No one can exterminate what they don’t know exists.”
I set my cup down with a bump. “Garrett might still be alive if we weren’t such a secret. Alan’s confusion and denial ended up costing my brother and his baby’s lives.”
Blade reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “You’ve suffered a horrible loss. Losing your twin isn’t something you’ll easily get over.”
I hung my head. “Watching what Garrett went through has me terrified of pregnancy.”
“I can imagine.”
I sighed and tried to shake off my melancholy. “But you and Peter are safe and healthy. I need to remember that most solar eclipse omegas are perfectly safe when they give birth at the compound.”
Blade narrowed his eyes. “Would you want to have a baby? I mean, if you found your perfect mate and you knew you would be safe?”
I shivered. “No. I can’t get what Garrett went through out of my mind. I don’t ever want a child. Not ever.”
He widened his eyes. “Well, tell me how you really feel, Colin.”
I winced. “Sorry. I can’t handle even contemplating what Garrett endured. I want nothing to do with pregnancy.”
“It wasn’t fun, but there was a part of it that was really cool. It brought me and Wyatt even closer.” He sighed. “We’ve even talked about having another baby in the future.”
“Seriously?” I couldn’t fathom what would make him risk his life again, just for another child.
His gaze was warm and dreamy. “You don’t understand, but there’s something about carrying my mate’s baby in my body.” A little sensual smile touched his lips. “It was sexy as hell.”
I shook my head. “No, thank you.”
He shrugged. “You’ve never been in love. You can’t understand.”
“I understand getting fat, and craving things like pizza with grape jelly on it isn’t something I need in my life.
He grinned. “I didn’t crave that kind of stuff. But I couldn’t get enough of Baskin Robbins chocolate peanut-butter ice cream. I ate a pint a day.”
I chuckled. “Did you send Wyatt out for weird foods in the middle of the night?”
“Not really. But I craved pickle juice like it was the most delicious thing that ever existed. I drank it straight out of the container. Wyatt always laughed when he’d come across the jars of pickles in the fridge with no juice.”
“That’s gross.” I laughed.
“I haven’t had a pickle since.” Blade snorted.
A comfortable silence fell, broken only by the baby’s soft snoring. Eventually Blade asked, “So what are you going to do about Riley? You going to take the job?”
I groaned. “No idea.”
“When I was with him in Texas, he was great to hang out with. I enjoyed my time with him. Tom on the other hand was a douche from beginning to end,” Blade said.
“All Tom cares about is Riley’s career. I like to think he really has Riley’s best interest in mind. But I’m not sure.”
“I couldn’t say.”
I tipped my cup and finished my coffee. “Riley’s going to call me today and see if I want the bodyguard job. I need to figure this out.”
“Okay, let’s look at this logically.”
“Go for it.”
Blade wrinkled his brow. “Riley pays really well, and he’s fun to be with.”
“Okay. Those are both important things.” I cleared my throat. “But I really like him, and the more I’m around him the more my feelings might grow. That could spell disaster.”
“Because you don’t want to get involved with a closeted guy?”
“Yep. God forbid I fall for him. There’s no potential for a future at all.”
“Can you see something serious with Riley?”
“Not if he’s in the closet.”
“I mean if he wasn’t.”
My face warmed. “Kind of. The potential is there. I want that with someone one day. But the last thing I need is to get attached to someone who can’t fully commit to me. I may not want to ever be pregnant, but I would love a husband and a family one day. An adopted family.”
“Got it. Okay, so the job pays well, and Riley is a joy to be with.” He grinned.
“He really kind of is.” I laughed.
“But you might not be able to control yourself around him.” He arched one brow. “You horny beast you.”
“Shut up.” I flushed.
“I can’t. This is too much fun watching you turn the color of a pink Popsicle.”
“If you’re not careful, I’ll be forced to get Wyatt to tell me some embarrassing things about you.”
“He wouldn’t dare.”
“We’ll see. He loves pranking you still.”
He scowled. “That’s the truth. Yesterday morning he put hot sauce in my coffee. He thought it was hysterical when I spit my coffee out all over my shirt. I didn’t find it nearly as amusing.”
I chuckled. “I love Wyatt.”
He sighed. “Me too.” His face became more serious. “Okay, we really need to figure out if this gig with Riley is for you.”
“Yeah.”
“You said he promised not to touch you unless you asked him to.”
Heat returned to my face. “Yep. But I don’t know if he’s being honest. And I don’t trust myself to turn him down if he makes a move on me.”
“Then just tell him no. You can’t take the job.”
It seemed so easy when he said it. But the idea of never seeing Riley again or not getting to be close to him at all was painful. I wanted to see him again really bad. It was like some instinct deep inside of me kept telling me to go to him. To comfort him and be with him no matter what. I’d never had feelings like these toward someone I barely knew.
I rubbed my face roughly. “God, why is this so hard? I should just tell him no. Absolutely not.”
“But you can’t?”
“I don’t want to. I want to protect him. From the moment I met him, I’ve felt this weird need to keep him safe.”
“Seriously?” He had a funny look on his face.
“Yeah. I don’t know why.”
“Hmmm.” His expression was somber, but then he looked up and smiled when Wyatt came out onto the patio. “You’re home early.” He lifted his face and welcomed Wyatt’s kiss.
Wyatt stroked Peter’s chubby cheek. “How’s the kid?”
“Excellent.” Blade’s face seemed flushed as he held his husband’s gaze. “How was work?”
“Let’s see… Tork chewed me out for not turning in my expense reports, so that was fun.”
Blade cringed. “Crap. I need to turn mine in still.”
“Yeah. I know. He mentioned it.” Wyatt faced me. “See what you get to look forward to?”
“Can’t wait.”
“We’re trying to decide if Colin should accept Riley’s job offer or not.” Blade patted the chair next to him, and Wyatt sat.
“Did he officially offer you the job?”
“Yep.”
“I’d take it in a heartbeat. He pays really well.”
“It’s more complicated than that.” Blade handed the baby to Wyatt and then he stretched his legs out with a groan. “That’s better.”
Wyatt cooed to Peter softly, and then he glanced up. “What’s complicated about it? Is it because you two slept together?”
I grimaced. “That’s part of it.”
“But Riley has promised to keep his hands to himself,” Blade offered.
“Is that why you don’t want to?” Wyatt asked, looking muddled.
I laughed. “No.”
“They like each other. But Riley’s in the closet.”
Wyatt nodded. “Yeah, I remember you told me that when you worked for him before. I’d kind of forgotten about that.”
“So had I.” Blade shrugged. “Colin doesn’t date closeted guys.”
“But you slept with him?” Wyatt squinted at me, looking puzzled. “I don’t get it.”
“I didn’t know he wasn’t out.”
“Ahhhh.” Wyatt met Blade’s gaze. “That complicates things.”
“Yep.”
“Well, you’re a pro. I’m sure you can keep it in your pants if you have to.” Wyatt arched one eyebrow. “It’s good money and a cool first assignment.”
“You think I should do it?” I asked.
“I would.” Wyatt laughed.
“He really likes Riley though. What if he catches real feelings for the guy?”
“Then you quit the assignment and someone else takes your place?” Wyatt didn’t seem to think it was a big deal.
“Easier said than done when you’ve fallen for someone,” Blade said softly.
I met his empathetic gaze. “Yeah.”
“Riley’s a cool guy. If you like him, go for it. Who knows, maybe you can convince him to crawl out of the closet.”
“I don’t think that’s my place to do that. He obviously has his reasons.”
Wyatt shrugged. “If I remember correctly, the closeted thing is Tom’s idea. Tom needs to wake up and smell the roses. It’s 2017 and Riley shouldn’t have to hide his sexuality.”
“I agree.” Blade nodded.
I groaned. “I want the job. I just don’t know if I should take the job.”
Wyatt chuffed unsympathetically. “Dude, only you can make this decision. If you pass it up and get a shit assignment instead, that’s on you. Or if you take it and get your heart stomped on, that’s still on you.”
Blade winced and shot me a glance. “Sorry. I swear Wyatt does have a heart. He just reserves it for special occasions.”
Wyatt grinned. “Am I coming off heartless?” He met my gaze. “Sorry. I’m just trying to be honest with you. No one can make this decision for you. You have to weigh whether the pleasure of being with Riley outweighs the risk of getting hurt.”
“Right.” I gave a sharp nod.
“The tour is ten weeks. Well, eight now.” Wyatt leaned toward me. “Even if you come out of it with a broken heart, you’ll have made a nice chunk of change.”
“It might hurt my ego, but I don’t think my heart would get broken exactly. I mean, I like the guy, but I’m not in love with him.” I grimaced.
Wyatt lifted one shoulder. “Then keep it that way. Remind yourself that this is business. You can like your client and even really enjoy him. Just don’t fuck him.”
“Hello,” Blade squeaked.
Wyatt grinned. “Did I cross the line?”
“No. You make a good point.” I puffed out my chest. “I’m a professional. I can do my job, keep Riley safe, and just be his friend.” I cleared my throat. “And like you say, I’ll made a nice bundle of cash in the process.”
Blade studied me with a funny expression. “So it’s settled? If Riley calls and offers you the job, you’re going to take it?”
“Absolutely.” I spoke with a confidence I was far from feeling. “What kind of a dummy turns down Riley West when he offers you a job?”
Blade chewed his lower lip, looking concerned. “This is either the best decision of your life or the worst.”
I laughed stiffly. “Seriously. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“God. Don’t say that.” Blade cringed and looked around uneasily, rapping his knuckles on the wooden table nearby. “Famous last words.”