Chapter Seventeen
Riley
When I woke up in the morning, I was still in Colin’s bed. I listened to his steady breathing, thinking about our dramatic night together. I liked him so much it sometimes worried me. What if this was just physical for him? He was hard to read. He’d have moments where he showed emotion, but then he would retreat emotionally again.
He stretched and then sat up, giving me a startled look. I could see his memory come back to him, and his cheeks tinted pink. “Hey.” His voice was husky with sleep.
“How are you feeling this morning?” I was concerned with how sick he’d been last night. The brilliance of his eyes had been something I’d never witnessed before, and I could think of no logical explanation for it either.
“I feel good.” He moved and rolled gracefully off the bed. He went into the restroom, and after a minute I heard the shower.
I went into my own room, noticing several messages from Tom already on my cell. I sighed and read through them. None of them were urgent, so I went and showered too. By the time I was dressed, Colin was knocking on the doorjamb between our rooms.
“Ready for some breakfast?”
I approached him, wanting to connect on a more personal level. I stopped a foot from him. “Should we talk about last night?”
His mouth tensed. “Probably.”
I inched closer. “I don’t regret it.”
He swallowed and his nostrils flared. “I feel like a royal fuckup.”
I frowned and touched his cheek. “No. Don’t.”
“My God. I let that girl inject me with shit, and then I come back here and—” He grimaced. “I’m not myself.”
“Hey, last night was amazing.”
“I’m not like that, Riley. I don’t beg guys to fuck me bareback. I don’t disobey protocol and get involved with my clients.” He grimaced. “I don’t know what’s going on with me.”
I couldn’t stand the confusion on his face and in his voice. “We got lost in the moment and were under the control of our wolves. It’s okay. That happens. We’ll keep our relationship private like you want. I just need you with me. That’s all I care about. When the tour is over, we can be together without hiding.”
He sighed, and that worried line appeared between his brows. “Maybe later we can talk.”
I frowned. “Why not now?”
“Because you have those radio interviews, and what I have to say can’t be rushed.”
“You worry me when you act all mysterious.”
He clenched his jaw and changed the subject. “Have you gone on your social media today?”
I didn’t like that he was clamming up, but I could see the stubborn set of his mouth and knew he wouldn’t be pushed. “I went on Twitter and Instagram.”
“How was it?”
“Mostly positive. There were a few assholes, but for the most part everyone has been super supportive.” I stood back as Colin opened the door and went out first. “I know Tom’s main concern is how the sponsors will react.”
“Fair enough. If they all bailed, that would be a problem.”
“True. But most of our sponsors have already shown themselves to be LGBTQ-friendly. I like to think they’ll stick by me.”
“I guess we’ll see.”
We took the elevator to the lobby, where Tom waited. The three of us grabbed a quick bite to eat and then climbed in the limo and made our way to the first radio station. The DJ was a guy younger than myself. He had blue hair and a piercing in his eyebrow.
“So cool to meet you. I’m Jiggy. Great to have you on the show.” He shook my hand and pointed to a chair. “We’ve got you set up right there.”
I sat and slipped on the headphones. There was a sound tech who hovered until the levels were where they wanted them.
Jiggy winked at me, and as soon as the ad that was on finished, he jumped in. “Hey, everybody. I’ve got a surprise for you this morning. Sitting with me, no more than ten feet away, is the one and only Riley West.” He pushed a button and the sound of thunderous applause came over my earphones.
“I’m glad to be here.”
“A little bird told me you had quite a day yesterday.”
My face warmed. “Definitely.”
“I’ve seen the video of you coming out to your fans. How’s the response been so far? Any haters? Any regrets?”
“The response has been overwhelmingly positive.” I met his curious gaze. “And I don’t regret coming out even one tiny bit. My only regret is waiting so long to do it.”
He nodded. “Cool. I get that.” He cleared his throat. “For anyone listening who hasn’t seen the video at last night’s concert, why did you wait so long?”
I lifted one shoulder. “It was a combination of things. Fear of rejection being the biggest thing. I grew up with parents who made me feel I was defective. I guess I believed them for a lot of my life. But I don’t want to live like that one day more. And I know it’s important for any of my fans who struggle like I did, to see someone refuse to listen to those who’d tell you you’re less than other people. That’s a lie and I’m done giving power to that lie by hiding.”
“I love it, man. That’s great stuff.” Jiggy nodded. “I also heard you had a crazy stalker incident.”
“Yeah.” I raised my brows. “That was nuts.”
“I guess it comes with the territory, huh?” Jiggy sighed.
“I’m happy to say it doesn’t happen very often. At least, not to me.”
Jiggy peeked out to the area where Tom and Colin sat. “Your security guy looks pretty tough.”
I smiled and glanced toward Colin. “Best bodyguard I’ve ever had. If any of your listeners are ever in the need of protection, I can’t recommend Shield highly enough.”
Jiggy snorted. “Ooh. A free plug for Shield.”
“Why not?” I grinned.
The rest of the interview lasted about thirty minutes, and then I was on to the next station to do it all over again. At the next radio station, I noticed Colin left his seat several times looking pale. He was definitely not a 100 percent, but I could see him trying to push through.
I was dying to know what his secret was. I couldn’t imagine there was anything he could say that would make me reject him. Just the sight of him or the sound of his husky voice made my knees weak. He was mine now, and I wasn’t letting him go without a fight. Last night had solidified for me that if we wanted each other, we needed to grab the moment.
Once I was finished with the second radio interview, Colin and I headed back to the hotel. Tom had meetings, so he went off to do his thing, leaving Colin and I alone in the limo.
I studied Colin’s blank face. His color was definitely off. “You feeling okay?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I’m fine.”
“You know you don’t have to pretend around me.”
He glanced toward the glass partition that separated us from the driver. “I’m fine.”
“He can’t hear us.”
Some of the tension left his jaw. “I’m sure it’s just something I ate.”
“Maybe you should see a doctor.”
He shook his head. “No. I’m feeling much better.”
“Liar.”
He shifted uneasily. “You handled your interviews really well.”
“Thanks.”
Colin winced and pressed his hand to his gut.
I narrowed my eyes. “Why are you pretending you aren’t in pain?”
“I’m fine.”
I rolled my eyes. “Is it like a macho bodyguard thing? Do you think showing pain makes you weak?”
He scowled. “Of course.”
“What?” I laughed. “No it doesn’t.”
Colin lifted his chin. “This isn’t anything I can’t handle.”
“I feel like if your head fell off, you’d still say you were fine.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m only half-kidding.”
He smirked. “If my head fell off, I couldn’t talk.”
I shook my head. “Yeah, but if you could you’d be telling me everything was fine.” I snorted. “Even as your head rolled around the ground getting gum stuck to your cheek, you’d deny there was a problem.”
His lips twitched. “You don’t need to worry about me. Okay? I can take care of myself.”
“If I was puking every five minutes and the color of bird poo, you’d be worried about me too.”
“The difference is it’s my job to worry about you.”
I frowned. “Well, I don’t need to be on your payroll to give a shit about you.”
He grimaced. “I didn’t mean that was the only reason I would care.”
I sighed. “I hope that’s true.”
“Come on, Riley. You know it is.”
I glanced in the direction of the driver. “When we get back to the hotel, let’s hit the gym and work off some tension. Then we need to finally have our talk. Okay?”
He swallowed hard and nodded. “You got it.”
I clasped my hands in my lap. “I’m sick of you saying vague crap that just confuses me even more.”
“I said we’d talk.”
“Okay.” I knew I was being touchy because I felt insecure. He ran so hot and cold with me. Sometimes it seemed like we were unbelievably close, and other times I felt like he could take or leave what we had together; as if I really was just another job.
I felt his gaze on me. When I glanced up, he looked worried. It was a rare glimpse into his emotions. “What’s wrong?”
He lifted one shoulder. “I don’t mean to confuse you.”
“I just want you to be real with me.” I lowered my head. “Sometimes it seems like you’re really into me, and other times I feel like you want to bolt.”
“I’m not a coward.”
I met his frustrated gaze. “Not when it comes to physical danger. I know you’d stand your ground when it comes to that sort of threat.” I gave a hard laugh. “But when it comes to your heart? That’s the one place I worry you might be a coward.”
“I’m not.” He frowned. “It’s just that things are much more complicated than you know.”
“Hopefully our conversation later will enlighten me.”
His jaw hardened. “Or you’ll be happy to let me run.”
“Bullshit. That’s not gonna happen.”
He looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth. “Don’t worry. I won’t hold you to that.”
I groaned and stared out the window at the city. “See? Once again, I’m even more confused than when we started talking.”