Chapter Eighteen
Colin
We changed and went to the gym as soon as we got back to the hotel. I usually enjoyed working out, but today the weights felt too heavy and the room seemed swelteringly hot. I was relieved when Riley finally signaled he was ready to go up to the room to shower. I was nervous because I knew we were going to have our little talk.
Nausea hit me as I prepared to take my shower. Sweat broke out on my body, and my stomach rolled. I turned on the water, to hide from Riley the fact that I was throwing up again. I’d been vomiting all day, and trying to cover that had been a struggle.
I dry heaved into the toilet yet again, and once my stomach settled slightly, I sat on the cool tile floor feeling weak and drained. I wanted to pretend that I just had food poisoning or something, but I had a horrible feeling I knew why I was sick; I’d had unprotected sex with an alpha and there was a good chance I was pregnant. I groaned and squeezed my eyes tight. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have given in to my animal instincts like that?
I’m so fucked.
For the first time, I understood why Garrett had been so ashamed that he’d hidden his pregnancy from me. Men didn’t get pregnant. Expecting someone, even your brother, to comprehend the possibility that a male could be pregnant was asking a lot. Garrett obviously hadn’t trusted that I would be there for him, and that hurt. But I had to admit, if I hadn’t personally seen his belly fat with his unborn child, it would have been hard to accept he could be pregnant.
I felt horribly isolated. I knew the only people who would understand what I was going through were other solar eclipse omegas. I’d gotten to know a few solar eclipse omegas at the compound in the mountains where Garrett had died. I’d stayed there a while after he passed because it was the only place on earth where I could openly grieve the loss of my twin brother, with people who understood all the details of how he’d died.
It was at the compound I’d met and grown close to Blade and Wyatt. We’d bonded over our jobs at first, but then their empathy and kindness had helped form a real friendship. Blade had been someone I could confide in about all the fears I had about being a solar eclipse omega.
I didn’t know much about the early stages of pregnancy. Garrett hadn’t been around me then, and most solar eclipse omegas who came to the compound arrived when they were in their last month. While I suspected I was pregnant, I wasn’t sure exactly what the signs were that could confirm my suspicions.
I wanted to call Blade and ask him questions, but I wasn’t positive if I should. I knew he’d be disappointed in me for sleeping with Riley. We both knew that was a line that should never have been crossed.
But I already crossed it.
I sighed and struggled with the choice of avoiding Blade’s wrath or learning what the first signs of pregnancy were in a solar eclipse omega. Finally, my need for information won out. I got up and tugged my cell from my pants that were folded on the back of the toilet. Then I sat back on the ground again and, with trembling fingers, texted Blade.
I need to know something. Are there any symptoms other than nausea when a solar eclipse omega gets pregnant?
With my stomach clenched, I waited until I saw the little bouncing dots that told me he was answering.
Why the hell are you asking me this?
My gut tensed and I responded.
Please just tell me.
There was a few minutes’ delay. I could just picture Blade cursing his phone and freaking out about my cryptic question. Finally he responded.
What happened?
I sighed.
Please just answer me.
My phone lit up with Blade’s number. Feeling sick, I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut. Fuck. When I didn’t pick up, he just kept ringing until finally I answered.
“Hello?”
“What the hell, Colin?” His voice was high-pitched. “What did you do?”
I exhaled roughly. ”It just kind of happened.”
“What happened?”
“Take a guess,” I snapped.
“Please tell me you’re not pregnant.” Blade’s voice was stern.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
He let loose a string of muffled curse words. “How?”
“How?” I asked in a strangled voice.
“If you were dumb enough to let the guy fuck you, why didn’t you use a condom?”
“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” I asked incredulously.
He made an impatient noise. “What are your symptoms?”
“I’ve been puking nonstop.” I rubbed my eyes.
“That could be something you ate.”
“I know. That’s why I called you. Are there any other signs?”
He sighed. “Well, the night me and Wyatt… went at it… I remember I was really sick. Almost immediately following… you know… the fireworks, I was shivering and feverish.”
I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut. “Shit.”
“Oh, God. You too?” He sounded frustrated. “Fuck. Fuck. I can’t believe this, Colin. I thought you were smarter than this.”
I clenched my jaw as embarrassment washed over me. “I don’t need you to lecture me. I know I fucked up, okay? But it’s too late now. I need your help, not your anger.”
“Yeah. Okay. You’re right.”
“What about your eyes.” I grimaced. “Riley said my eyes were a weird blue.”
“He did?” He cursed again. “Mine did the same thing. Wyatt said they were so blue, he couldn’t look at them.”
“Oh, God.” I looked at the ceiling, feeling depressed. “I don’t know what to do.”
He let out a shaky breath. “Look, I’m sorry I was being a jerk earlier. I have no right to say anything. When that damn instinct takes over, there’s no fighting it, and I know that firsthand.”
“It’s okay.”
He sighed. “You need to take a test.”
“I’m working. It’s a little hard to go buy a pregnancy test and not have anyone notice.”
“Shit. Yeah.”
“I might not be. I could just be nauseous from something I ate.”
“If your eyes did that weird blue thing, you’re knocked up, dude.”
“Fuck,” I spat out. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“Calm down. It’s going to be okay.” He didn’t sound terribly confident. “Does Riley know about you?”
My stomach clenched. “God no.”
“You have to tell him.”
“I know. I’ve been trying to get the nerve to do it before this happened. I’m afraid.”
“To tell Riley or about being pregnant?”
“Both.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I’m not sure what to tell you.”
“I don’t want to have a baby.” My voice shook. It felt like a death sentence to me after what I’d seen Garrett go through.
“Well, do you have real feelings for Riley?”
I closed my eyes. “Yes.”
“How does he feel about you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. He says he wants to be with me, but sometimes alphas say that and then—”
“You mean like Garrett’s alpha?”
“Garrett and a few other omegas I met at the compound. Riley has no idea I can even have babies. He’s going to freak out. Just because an alpha wants to fuck and they like having you around, that doesn’t mean they want a damn kid.”
“I know. But Riley’s a good guy.”
“He’s got a career that takes him on the road a lot. Having a baby wasn’t in his fucking plans, I can guarantee that. He’s too young.”
“Stop acting like you’re his grandfather. You’re only four years older.”
“Yeah. I feel a hundred.”
“I know. I get it.”
I rubbed my face. “I don’t want a fucking baby. After what I saw Garrett go through—”
“You have to remember that Garrett was sick and weak by the time he came to the compound. You should be fine. But you need to take care of yourself.”
I raked a hand through my hair. “Should I call Shield and ask for a replacement?”
“No.”
“No?” I asked, feeling puzzled.
“You need to figure out if Riley wants the baby. You need to figure out what’s happening between you two before you bail on him.”
“What if he doesn’t want it?” My eyes stung thinking about how close I’d felt to Riley hours ago.
“Then we’ll help you figure it out. I’m here for you. Understand? You’re not going to end up like Garrett. I swear on my life, Colin, that Wyatt and I are here for you.”
I swallowed against the giant lump in my throat. “Thank you.”
“Talk to your alpha. Then let me know what you want me to do.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Bye.” I hung up and leaned my head against the wall. The water was still running, and the room was filled with steam. When there was a knock on the door, I struggled to my feet. I pulled off my shirt and climbed in the shower.
The knock on the door got louder. “Colin?” Riley’s voice was worried. “You okay in there?”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I called as I soaped up my body.
I rinsed off, got out of the shower, and towel-dried my hair, deep in thought. I knew the time for being honest with Riley had arrived. He deserved to know the truth, as unbelievable as it was.
I left the bathroom and got dressed. When I went into Riley’s room, I found him lying on his bed with his laptop on his thighs.
Glancing up, he smiled. “I’m so impressed with my fans.”
I perched next to him, my pulse racing. “Are they still being supportive?”
“Extremely.” His eyes were dark with affection. “I’m happy you’re here with me.”
My gut clenched with nerves. Would he feel that way after I told him about my kind? I cleared my throat. “Yeah. Me too.”
He tilted his head. “Can we have our little talk now?”
I licked my lips and dropped my gaze to the ground.
“You look so worried, you’re worrying me.” He laughed nervously.
I pinched the skin between my eyes. “This is so fucking hard.”
“Do you not want to be with me?” His voice was so soft and uncertain, it made my heart hurt.
I grimaced. “It’s more complicated than that.” Gazing into his confused brown eyes, I was on the verge of chickening out. I knew that this was the moment of truth. If I told him my secret and he rejected me, there would be no going back. There would be no us.
“What’s complicated? Talk to me.”
I sighed. I had to tell him. I wasn’t a coward, and he deserved to know the truth. If I really was pregnant, the baby was his too. And even if by some miracle I wasn’t carrying his child, he needed to know the truth about me so he could decide if he actually wanted to continue anything with a freak like me.
“Colin, please.”
I glanced up warily. “I’m not sure how to begin.”
“Did I do something wrong?” He leaned forward. “What did I do?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come.
“Whatever it is, we can work it out.” His jaw tensed.
I cleared my dry throat. “Listen to what I have to tell you before you say that.”
He put his laptop to the side. “Is it about your family?”
“No.”
“What is it?” He sounded breathless. “Colin, please.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I said, “What I need to tell you has to do with me personally. I’m not a typical omega.”
He frowned. “Meaning what?”
“There are different kinds. I didn’t even know that until recently.” I sighed. “My… my brother was the same kind of omega too.”
“Okay. So what does that mean exactly?”
I studied his tense face. “I’m… I’m what’s called a solar eclipse omega.”
“All right.” His confusion was obvious. “Does it matter?”
“Yeah. I’m afraid it does.”
He grimaced. “In what way?”
“I wasn’t completely honest with you about how Garrett died.”
“He didn’t die during surgery?”
I swallowed hard. “He did. But there’s more to it than that. He wasn’t sick. Well, I mean, he was but not like with a disease or anything.”
He wrinkled his brow. “Why would he have surgery if he wasn’t sick?”
I dropped my chin to my chest. “This is so difficult.”
“Just tell me.”
“I’m afraid you aren’t able to handle what I need to tell you.”
He sighed. “I’m beginning to think you aren’t going to tell me anything at all.”
I grimaced. “Okay. I’ll just say it.”
“Please.” He leaned toward me.
“He… he wasn’t sick. He was… he was pregnant.”
His expression froze, and he just stared at me.
I was breathless. “I know. I know I sound nuts.” I needed him to say something, but he just looked at me blankly. “We didn’t know anything about our kind until that happened.”
“Your brother was pregnant?”
I nodded.
He gave a humorless laugh. “Men can’t have babies.”
“Most can’t. You’re right.” I bit my bottom lip. “But solar eclipse omegas can get pregnant from some alphas.”
“This isn’t funny.” His gaze was wounded. “If you don’t want to be with me, you don’t have to make up shit.”
I recoiled. “That’s not what’s happening here.”
His face flushed. “Men do not get pregnant. It’s physically impossible.”
I winced at the underlying aggression in his tone. “I don’t blame you for not believing me. I probably wouldn’t have accepted Garrett’s word if I hadn’t seen him with my own eyes.”
He slowly got off the bed. “Do I look like an idiot?”
I inhaled sharply. “What?
He raked a hand through his hair. “Please tell me Tom hasn’t been right all along and you’re some crackpot who just wants attention.”
That hurt.
“You really believe that?”
“Men don’t have babies, Colin. You’re saying they do. One of us is nuts.”
I spoke through gritted teeth. “I’m trying to be honest with you. I’d have rather never told you this. It’s embarrassing as hell, and I’m more than aware I sound like a fucking crazy person.”
“If you know you sound crazy, why are you telling me this?” he growled.
“Because whether it sounds insane or not, it’s true. And there’s a more pressing reason I needed you to know.”
“What reason?”
“Because… I’m afraid… I’m afraid I’m pregnant.”
His mouth fell open, and he sat on the bed quickly, as if his legs had given out. “What did you say?”
“You heard me.”
“No. I don’t think I did.”
“I don’t know for sure, but the symptoms Blade described—”
“Blade knows about this?” He sounded incredulous. “How?”
“He’s like me.”
“What?” His eyes were wide.
“He’s a solar eclipse omega.”
He gasped. “Do you hear yourself?”
“Yes. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. But I had to. As painful as this is, I had to be honest with you.”
He shook his head. “This isn’t possible. You’re lying.”
“I’m not.”
“You have to be lying.” He scrunched his face with distaste. “I’d have heard about this if it was true. No one could keep this kind of thing secret. Don’t you think I’d notice if guys were having babies?”
“There’s a special place where pregnant omegas go to give birth.”
“What? No. You have to be making this shit up.”
“Why would I?” I snapped. “Do you think I’m enjoying this or something? I knew telling you the truth would probably ruin what we have. But I had to do it.”
His stare was accusing and confused. “This can’t be real. Men don’t have the equipment needed to have babies.”
“Solar eclipse omegas have a pouch.” I winced. “It’s complicated.”
“Yeah. I’ll bet.”
I couldn’t handle the look in his eyes one second longer. I stood and walked into my room so I could get some space. I felt like putting my fist through a wall, though I knew that wasn’t going to solve anything. I sucked in deep breaths, trying to ignore the sourness in the pit of my stomach.
Being honest with Riley had gone as horribly as it could. It was pretty clear from his reaction that, if I was pregnant, I’d be going through this alone.
I stiffened when Riley walked into my room, and I turned my back on him. “What do you want?” I growled.
He moved closer. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You’ve said enough as far as I’m concerned.” I gave him an angry glance over my shoulder.
“You sound like a crazy person.” His voice was hushed.
“Got it. You made that clear already. You don’t need to come in here and tell me that again.”
“Let me finish.”
I faced him, my fists clenched.
“What you’re saying sounds insane.” He frowned, his gaze scanning my face. “And yet…” He shook his head.
“And yet what?” I grumbled.
“I don’t think you’re lying. I just don’t.” He grimaced. “But the idea of you being… pregnant… it’s—”
“Unbelievable.”
“It is. You know it is.”
I turned my back on him, unable to look at him without it hurting too much. “It’s fine. You’re off the hook. If I’m unlucky enough to be pregnant, Blade and Wyatt will help me.”
“Look, I’m sorry.”
I gritted my teeth. “It’s fine. I was naive to hope for anything else from an alpha. I guess you’re no different after all.”
He inhaled sharply. “Maybe I didn’t react like you wanted, but I’m here, aren’t I?”
I frowned at him. “You said you were sorry.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you at first.”
I faced him. “What?”
He looked confused. “What did you think I was sorry for?”
“That you’re bailing on me.”
His face flushed. “I’m not doing that. What the fuck, Colin. You think I’d do that?”
I pointed toward his room. “You called me an attention-seeking crackpot.”
He winced. “God. I’m sorry for that too.”
I stared at him, unable to figure out what was going on.
“I don’t understand how this is possible. I really don’t. But I trust you.”
I squinted. “You suddenly believe me?”
“I have to.” He shook his head, looking bewildered. “I have to believe you. My mind says you’re crazy, but my heart, my soul, says you’re telling me the truth.”
I pointed my finger at him. “Do not fuck with me.”
He held up both hands. “I’m not.”
Not knowing what to say, I simply stared at him.
“You’ll have to explain everything to me.” He grimaced. “I know nothing about eclipse solars.”
“Solar eclipse omegas,” I corrected him. I didn’t know if I should trust what he was saying. He’d had an awfully fast change of heart.
“You’re telling me Blade is one of these special omegas?”
“Yes.”
He frowned. “I had no idea.”
“That’s the point.”
“Why have I never heard of your kind? It seems like you’re special enough you would be celebrated or something.”
“It’s a long story. Blade can explain it to you if you want.”
He sighed. “You still sound like you’re mad at me.”
“I don’t know if I can count on you.”
He hung his head. “I know my initial reaction wasn’t what you wanted.” He glanced up. “It was a shock to say the least. Logic says you have to be lying. But I believe you because I trust you. I trust you to tell me the truth. Always. Even when it’s hard.”
I despised myself for wanting to go to him. I knew his arms held comfort for me, but I was still leery of him. “If I’m pregnant, I guess we’ll see what you’re made of.”
“I’m not perfect, Colin. But I’m here for you.”
“If I had a quarter for every time an alpha said that to an omega, I’d have a lot of fucking money.”
He exhaled with frustration. “Everybody screws up sometimes. You even admitted you wouldn’t have believed your own brother if you hadn’t seen him pregnant with your own eyes.” He gestured toward me. “You don’t look pregnant. But I believe you anyway. How about that, Colin?”
My face warmed. He had a point. I moved toward him, and he watched me warily. When I was about a foot from him I stopped. “Don’t say any of this to me if you aren’t a hundred percent sure you’re in this with me. It will hurt a lot more if you back out later.”
His nostrils flared. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Promise?” I hated how scared I sounded as I allowed myself to believe he might stick by me after all.
“Colin.” His voice was velvety as he reached for me and pulled me close. “How do you not know how I feel about you?”
When he wrapped his arms around me and I inhaled his clean, familiar scent, it made me feel safe and like we could do this. For the first time in my life, I really wanted to belong to someone. I wanted to be his omega, and I needed him to be my alpha. With a contented sigh, I melted against him and tried to trust my instincts.