Chapter Twenty
Colin
“I know how to pee.” I grabbed the little stick from Blade’s hand. “You don’t have to actually be in here with me.”
“If you think I want to get a peek at your junk, you’re mistaken.” Blade snorted. “I’ve got all the man I can handle with Wyatt.”
I laughed and turned my back on him. “I can’t believe you two flew all the way here.”
“It’s less than a two-hour flight.”
“Not by much.” I was feeling a little pressure, and I couldn’t seem to do the deed. “Maybe you should step outside.”
“Seriously?” He huffed. “What do you do at a club when there are nothing but urinals? Wear Depends that night?”
“Very funny.”
“I’m serious. Sometimes you have to pee around other people. Get over it.”
“I’m under a lot of pressure here.” I laughed. “For fuck’s sake, I might be pregnant.”
“Trust me. I get it.” He hopped up and sat on the edge of the sink. “Peeing on a stick is the easy part.”
I bit my lip and tried to concentrate. Finally I was able to relax enough to do what I needed to do. I flushed the toilet and zipped up my pants. Then I set the stick on the counter as if it was made of glass and washed my hands.
“So how did Riley take the news?” Blade’s gaze was sharp.
Shrugging, I leaned against the wall. “Um… it was unpleasant.”
He sighed. “God, I was a dick to Wyatt’s mom when she told me I was pregnant.” He laughed. “Luckily she forgave me.”
“To be honest, I still don’t really believe it in my heart.” I avoided his gaze. “Even after seeing you and Garrett and numerous other omegas up at the compound, it’s still really hard to accept.”
“I know,” he said softly. We didn’t speak for a moment, and then he asked, “How’s the morning sickness?”
“Mine seems to be worse in the afternoon.”
“Seriously?”
I nodded. “And I’m so fucking tired.”
“Yeah, I remember that horrible drained feeling.” Blade grinned. “I got some awesome massages though because Wyatt felt bad for me.”
I grimaced. “It’s a little more complicated working for Riley. Even though we crossed a line, I can’t just sleep in his bed and watch TV. I’m supposed to be working. Tom and other people are constantly dropping by his room. There’s no privacy.”
“True.” Blade leaned over and glanced at the stick. “I knew it.” His voice was emotionless.
I swallowed nervously and picked up the stick. The word “pregnant” was clear as day. “Shit,” I whispered.
Blade jumped off the counter and squeezed my shoulder. “You’re gonna be fine.”
I pressed my lips together, trying to hold down the tsunami of fear rolling through me. “I don’t know how to do this. I’m not father material.”
“I didn’t think I was either. But as the pregnancy continues, you start feeling different.” He grimaced. “The baby is this faceless thing to you right now. But it will be a little person. Your little person. Well, yours and Riley’s.”
I bit my lip. “Riley’s not gonna just stop his career to be with me. That’s never going to happen. That means I’ll be on my own.”
“No. That’s not true. First of all, I worked for Riley. He’s a stand-up guy. No way he’s abandoning you. I just don’t believe that.”
“Yeah, he’ll drop by for a visit every ten weeks or so.”
“No way. You’re wrong.”
Staring sightlessly at the pregnancy stick, I felt lost. Having the pregnancy confirmed felt like a death sentence. I still remembered how gray and sick Garrett had looked, lying on the hospital bed minutes from death.
I clamped my jaw tight so I wouldn’t scream. I can’t do it! I don’t want to do it!
Blade must have seen how terrified I was because he moved to hug me. “It’s going to be fine. I swear to you. In three months’ time, you’ll look back on this and wonder why you were so freaked-out.”
My eyes stung at how hard he was trying to comfort me. I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes roughly. “Jesus, I’m a hormonal mess.”
“Of course you are.”
“Why can’t I ever seem to catch a fucking break, Blade?” My voice shook. “I just wanted a normal life, and now this.”
He exhaled roughly. “You’re looking at it all wrong. You’ve been given a great gift.”
I shook my head stubbornly. “You have Wyatt. You know how he feels about you.”
“Colin, when I first found out I was pregnant, Wyatt and I could barely say a civil word to each other. We fought all the time. The pregnancy brought us closer. It forced us to look at each other more fairly. It became impossible to ignore how connected we were.”
“You’re fated mates. It’s different.”
He sighed. “Do you have feelings for Riley? I assume you do, or you’d never have gotten involved with him.”
“Yeah I have feelings for him.” I thought about Riley’s warm brown eyes and gentle energy and how just his voice or touch could soothe me. “We have a real connection. It’s not just lust.”
He smiled his gaze shrewd. “You want to be his, don’t you?”
My face warmed. “Sometimes.”
“You mean when you’re not so scared you can’t breathe?”
“Maybe.”
“I’ve seen how he looks at you too. I think you two are going to be just fine.”
“But what if it turns out we aren’t compatible? What if we end up hating each other?”
He narrowed his gaze. “You can’t go into this with one foot out of the door. You have to believe it will work. You have the foundation. You two obviously like each other, or you wouldn’t even be in this situation.”
“I guess.”
“You’ve been on your own for a long time. I’m not pretending learning to share yourself with Riley will be easy. But he’s a good guy. And he isn’t one of those pushy alpha types either. That should comfort you.”
“It does.” I grimaced. “But I’m used to being independent. How’s that work with a baby and an alpha around all the time? Whether he’s mellow or not, he’s still an alpha.”
“So change.”
“Ha. No problem.”
He shrugged. “Or don’t, and fail miserably at being a father and mate.”
My face warmed. “Ouch.”
“You don’t need me to kiss your ass and tell you nice lies. You need the brutal truth.”
“I appreciate the truth. I don’t know that I need it to be brutal.”
His lips twitched. “I don’t have a lot of time. Our return flight is in three hours.”
“I still can’t believe you two came all the way here just for me.”
He frowned. “Why?” He held up his hand. “You know what? Ignore that question. I still remember what it was like to think no one could care about me or love me.”
“But now you do believe that’s possible.” It wasn’t a question. It was obvious how close Wyatt and Blade were.
“My foster parents made me feel worthless. For a long time I thought that was how everyone saw me. But it only takes one person to change that thinking.”
“Was that one person Wyatt?”
He frowned. “No, dummy. It was me.”
I laughed. “Oh.”
“Wyatt was the catalyst. But he could think I was the best thing since sliced bread and it wouldn't have mattered. I needed to accept I was worthy of his love. I needed to let him love me.”
“You don’t feel like being vulnerable makes you weak?”
“Not with Wyatt. I’m not saying trust anyone who smiles at you. You do have to pick and choose wisely. Garrett obviously didn’t do that.”
I hung my head. “I know my brother’s pride was what killed him. I don’t want to repeat that mistake.”
“Then you need to be open and vulnerable and willing to look foolish. You have to lean on Riley. For real.”
“You know, Riley hasn’t exactly had a loving awesome upbringing. Maybe we’re just two misfits who won’t know how to come together.”
Blade shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t think that’s true though. Riley is open to you. It’s so fucking obvious in the way he looks at you. He’s waiting for you to let him in.”
“I want to,” I said softly.
“Then do it. You’re officially carrying his baby.” He leaned toward me. “Let that sink in.”
Pinching the skin between my eyes, I said, “Jesus. This is so crazy.”
“I know.” He sighed. “Wyatt’s mom has a message for you from the Ancients.”
I scowled. “Why?”
“They know about Garrett. Losing a solar eclipse omega and the baby is never acceptable to them.”
“Then why didn’t they help him?”
“They aren’t gods.”
“They know when we’re born, and they know when we become pregnant. They could have done something,” I growled.
His gaze was chiding. “They did do something. They led you to Garrett.”
I scowled. “Maybe if they’d let me have that info a month earlier, Garrett would still be alive.”
“They watch solar eclipse omegas from a distance.” Blade’s mouth was a grim line. “They didn’t realize Alan wasn’t with Garrett until it was too late. It’s rare for the alpha to reject the solar eclipse omega so cruelly as Alan did.”
“Poor Garrett. If only he’d reached out to me,” I said softly.
“I know.”
I met Blade’s sympathetic gaze. “What’s the message?”
“They wanted you to know that Alan has been dealt with.”
I frowned. “Meaning what?”
Blade pressed his lips together. “Let’s just say he can no longer impregnate anyone.”
Bitter satisfaction curled in my gut. “Good. He’s a fucking bastard.”
“Agreed.”
I picked up the pregnancy stick and stared at it. “Thank you for bringing the test. It helps to know that it’s real.”
He chuckled. “It doesn’t feel real enough until you have some kind of test.” He shrugged. “At least that’s how it was for me.”
I smoothed my hand over my flat stomach. “Yeah, if I hadn’t been puking all the time, I’d have had no indication at all.”
“The last month is when your body will really change. Your stomach will be huge, and you’re going to just want to sit on your ass and eat all day long.” He grinned. “Wyatt had to nag me constantly just to get me to exercise and eat well.”
“I’m already hungry all the time.” I couldn’t imagine all the changes that were in store for me physically.
His smile faded slowly. “Because of what happened to Garrett, I know this is extra scary. What you need to remember is that most solar eclipse omegas are safe and they deliver healthy babies.”
I pushed depressing images of my brother from my brain. “Okay. I’ll try and focus on that.”
“You and Riley need to figure out your own path. But I know in my gut he’s the one for you. Remember what I said, let him love you. Lean on him and you two will be fine.”
My gut tumbled at the thought of building a family with Riley. Was that even possible given his music career? The task ahead had seemed daunting. I tried not to let my fear overwhelm me, but it wasn’t easy.
“I can’t wait for this tour to be over.” I sighed and moved to the door.
“Twins run in your family, right?”
I gave him a startled glance. “Yes. Why?”
He shrugged. “No real reason.”
“God, Riley would probably faint if I had twins.”
“Nah. Alphas like twins. It strokes their manly egos.” Blade put his arm around my shoulders as we left the bathroom.
“Thank you again for coming.”
“Of course.”
“And thank God this tour will end before the last month of my pregnancy.”
“Yeah. You’re going to be really huge and terribly tired by then.”
“And more importantly, can you imagine the look on Darcy’s face if I asked him to order a maternity bulletproof vest for me?”
He chuckled and we made our way back to the others.