Chapter Twelve
Colin
Riley finished his shows in Colorado, and we moved on to Texas. There were no more creepy notes left under his door or people trying to run us over with cars. During our time in Texas, we fell into a comfortable routine of working out in the morning, meeting with fans in the afternoon, and grueling rehearsals or shows in the evening.
Concert days were when Riley was in the best mood. It was obvious he loved performing and interacting with his fans. He sometimes seemed brooding or quiet in private, but the second he was around his admirers, he perked up.
Our last night in Texas, we were in the hotel, and Riley was on his bed fiddling around on his guitar. Watching him strum the strings with his long fingers, it would often bring back memories of his firm hands on my body. He’d stop occasionally and write on a pad of paper, and I liked the little frown he’d get sometimes when he really concentrated on a particular part of a song.
“This damn thing keeps going out of tune.” He tweaked the tuning pegs on the neck of the guitar.
“Sounds fine to me.”
He scowled. “You must be deaf.”
I didn’t react, although he’d sounded a little testier than usual. I was surprised he wasn’t in a better mood since he had a show that night. I stared out the window of our hotel thinking about the upcoming stops on the tour in Tennessee and then Illinois. Time was passing quicker than I’d expected when I’d first joined him on the road.
He played a few notes and then stopped. “Piece of shit guitar.”
I frowned. Something was definitely bothering him. He was usually really mellow when he wrote music. “Is anything wrong?”
He ignored me and just kept twisting the tuning pegs. After a few minutes, he set the guitar down on the bed and stood. Pacing back and forth, he stared at his phone muttering to himself.
“Riley, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
I didn’t believe him. His face was pinched and his shoulders stiff. He kept pacing like a restless tiger for a while, and then he sat on the edge of his bed.
“You can talk to me if you need to,” I said quietly.
He shifted his irritable gaze to mine. “I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“You seem agitated.”
“Maybe I just don’t like have someone around constantly, watching my every fucking move.”
My face warmed, but I kept my expression blank. I stood slowly and went into my room to give him space. I folded some clothes that I had on a chair and flipped on the TV. If he wanted to be alone, he could be alone. We weren’t joined at the hip. I’d only been in his room because he’d asked me to join him earlier.
After a short time, he came in my room and stood a few feet from me. I ignored him and just stared at the TV, pretending to be interested in the show.
“Are you mad at me now?” he asked stiffly.
“Why would I be mad?”
He sighed and sat on my bed. “Because I’m being a prick.”
“Your words, not mine.”
He sighed and hung his head. The depressed slant of his shoulders got to me, and I muted the TV. “Riley, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“I know you’re lying. Something is bugging you.”
He grimaced. “My parents live here.”
I frowned. “Okay.”
“They’ve known I was coming to town for half a year, and somehow they still have fucking plans all six days that I’m here. They don’t have even ten minutes for me.”
I knew he wasn’t close to his family, but he definitely seemed upset that they were avoiding him. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t even care if I see them.”
I held my tongue.
“All that ever happens is my dad sits like a statue, and my mom nags me about finding God so I don’t go to hell.” He sighed. “I hate seeing them.”
“Really? They sound delightful.”
He glanced at me with a smirk. “Don’t they?”
“You obviously get your charm from your mother.”
He laughed. “Fuck off.”
I cupped my ear with my hand. “What’s that? You’ll have to speak up. I’m deaf.”
He grinned and his dimples made my pulse race. “You’re such a jerk.”
I didn’t say anything, but I smiled.
He threw his arms in the air. “Every minute with them is torture. Why does it bug me that they’re avoiding me?”
“Maybe because they’re your only family?”
He chuffed. “Tom’s been more of a dad to me than my old man ever was. I can’t think of any meaningful conversations I’ve ever even had with my father.”
“Don’t get me started on asshole dads.”
He winced. “Yeah. Sorry. You didn’t have it any better than me.”
“Well, at least my dad never preached to me.” I shrugged. “And he really is an excellent resource for what stores have booze on sale and when.”
He chuckled, his entire face relaxing. “I don’t want to see them any more than they want to see me.”
“Perhaps you’re just pissed they rejected you first.”
“It could be that petty.” He sighed.
“Most people would complain they come to town and have to make time for their parents. You’re off the hook. Enjoy it.”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “You’re right.”
We held each other’s gaze, and I said, “I know it’s hard.”
He lifted one shoulder but didn’t respond.
“When you aren’t close to your family, people look at you like you’re a weirdo,” I said.
“They really do.”
“They assume it’s something you must have done. Everyone is supposed to revere their parents. But sometimes Mom and Dad aren’t the movie version, and they don’t deserve respect or love.”
He snorted a laugh. “Right?”
I narrowed my gaze. “At least you and Tom are close. He’s like family for you.”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “He really has been a good influence on me. I know you don’t see that side of him.”
“I see affection and kindness when he interacts with you. I’m not here to be his buddy, and I don’t care if he dislikes me.”
He kicked his foot up and down nervously. Finally he stopped and asked, “Have you ever had a really serious relationship?”
His question surprised me, but I tried to hide that. “I’ve had two that lasted a few months. Does that count?”
“I don’t mean the duration. I mean the intensity. The intimacy.”
My cheeks warmed because I didn’t like talking about this stuff. “Why?”
He frowned. “I’m curious. I haven’t ever dated anyone who I saw a real future with.”
“You’re only twenty-four.”
“I don’t think it has anything to do with my age. I know people from high school who are already married.”
“You’re lifestyle isn’t conducive to a long-term relationship.”
“I think anyone who likes to travel would fit in nicely with my lifestyle.” He smiled. “I make enough money they could be a kept man.”
“Some guys don’t like that idea.”
He dropped his gaze. “What about you?”
“I definitely don’t like that idea,” I grumbled.
“Why? So long as you’re with the person you love, who cares who makes the money?”
I shifted uneasily. “Because who wants to depend on someone that completely? What if they fuck you over? Then what?”
He grimaced. “So it’s about a lack of trust for you.”
“Between my dad leaving me as a kid and what Garrett went through with his alpha, yeah, you could say trust is a thing for me.”
He nodded. “I get it. I’m not that trusting either.”
I studied his angular features. “I think you could be though. Your songs have a lot of romantic themes.”
“That’s what sells.”
I chuffed. “I’m not buying that as the only reason you write love songs. Sorry.”
He smiled as he squinted at me. “You think I’m some sappy romantic?”
“No.”
He continued as if I hadn’t answered. “If I am, then why have I never been in love?”
I shrugged. “Timing? I don’t know. But just the fact that you’re asking these kinds of questions shows it’s something you think about.”
“So, because I ask these types of things I’m a romantic sap?” He scowled.
“Riley, you’re the only one who keeps using the word ‘sap.’ You seem to think that I think there’s something wrong with being a romantic. That isn’t what I’m saying.” I clasped my hands. “I envy anyone who can just let go and give themselves a hundred percent to another. That takes courage. For me, taking a bullet for a client is easier than trusting someone.”
He surprised me when he laughed. “Jesus, you’re even more fucked-up emotionally than me.”
“Well, it’s important to be the best at something.”
His mouth twitched. “How old are you again?”
“Twenty-seven.”
“As an omega, you don’t feel any pressure to settle down?”
“Nothing I can’t ignore.”
“Oh, that’s right. You aren’t looking for an alpha. I’d almost forgotten we’ve discussed this before.”
I could tell from his tone he hadn’t forgotten anything. I wasn’t sure why he kept bringing this subject up as if there might be a different answer than the last time.
“I feel pressure,” he volunteered. “The older I get, the more the alpha side of me makes me think I should pick a mate.”
I nodded. “You’ll be a good alpha. Any omega would be lucky to have you.” I tried to sound perky, but the idea of him with another omega was hard to stomach. I had no business feeling territorial, but I did. Maybe he could feel my pull toward him. Perhaps that was why he kept testing my resolve to remain alone. I decided a change of subject was necessary for me to remain professional. “Are you ready for your concert tonight?”
“Yeah. I can’t wait.”
“The adoration of ten thousand people should lessen the rejection of your parents, I would think.”
“It will help.”
“Your parents live here, but did you grow up in Texas?” I asked, putting my hands behind my head and settling against the headboard.
His gaze ran over my prone body. “I did.”
“That must have been interesting.”
“For the most part it was fine. Because of how my parents were, I was used to hiding my sexuality. Maybe that’s why when Tom thought I should just continue the charade, it didn’t seem like a big deal to me at the time. But now I’m sick of it.”
“You know my stance on this.”
“Yeah. And I’m at the end of my rope too. Tom will not be happy with me, but I think I’m going to come out this week when we get to Tennessee.”
I lifted my brows. “Wow. Really?”
“Yeah. When we get to Memphis, I’m going to do it. Memphis is more liberal than Texas.”
“No doubt.”
“It’s time. No matter how scared I am, it’s time. I feel like I’m a horrible example for any fans of mine who struggle with their sexuality. They deserve more from me.”
“Tom’s going to freak.”
“Then he freaks.”
It was obvious he was nervous about coming out, but I respected he was going for it anyway. “Better talk to Tom and give him as much warning as possible.”
“I know. I’m not looking forward to that conversation.”
“I’m proud of you, Riley.”
He scooted closer. “Really?”
“Hell, yes. Something like this takes courage.”
He nodded. “You want to know what inspired me?”
“Sure.”
“It was a quote I saw on my Tumblr the other day.”
“What was it?”
“Be who you needed when you were younger.” He sighed. “It was a quote by some anonymous person. But it really hit home for me. I keep thinking about it.”
“I like it.”
“My youth could have been happier if I’d been surrounded by people who were out and proud. Instead I was with parents who made me feel ashamed and like I’m diseased or something. They still do that even to this day. Because of that atmosphere, I actually acted like there was something wrong with me. And I had to hide my condition in order to be accepted.” He shook his head. “That’s so fucked-up.”
“That’s a shitty way to live.”
“Yeah. It is and I can’t do it anymore. I think Tom meant well when he told me to keep my sexuality secret. His only thought was for my career because that’s basically all he ever thinks about. But the lie just makes me feel even worse about myself.” He looked up, and his jaw was firm. “I don’t want to be that terrified kid anymore. I want to be a person some kid can look up to. Role models don’t hide who they are.”
“I think that’s great, Riley. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be freeing. That I can promise.”
“I’m scared but excited.”
“I’ve got your back.” I held his nervous gaze. “And I respect your bravery.”
He chuffed. “Well, it’s not completely noble.”
I frowned. “Meaning what?”
His smile was sly. “Mostly I want to be a role model, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit peeling away one of your excuses for not sleeping with me is an added bonus.”
My face flushed. “There’s still one big reason.”
“Your job?”
“Yep.” I lifted my chin.
He trailed his finger over the back of my hand. “When the tour’s over, that excuse will go poof.”
I pulled my hand away, ignoring the little warm tingles from his touch. “Tour’s not over yet, Riley.”
“I know. I know.” He laughed. “It’s just something to look forward to.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re awfully sure of yourself.”
“What kind of alpha would I be if I wasn’t?”
“Fair enough.” I smiled, holding his amused gaze.