Chapter 12 (Alex):
I’m gonna be fucking sick. I don’t want to face them. They tormented me, trapped me into a life of prostitution... and tried to help me save my baby's life. Anatoli was like half captor, half brother.
I let Rex walk in first. Let him “check things out” while I take deep breaths outside and try not to vomit. I take four deep breaths, in out in out, before I decide to say screw it and throw the warehouse doors open.
They look just as menacing and terrifying and strong as they did before. Anatoli with his tan skin and green eyes. Tobias with dark eyes and scar riddled body. I thought I’d be afraid. Nervous. But all I feel is relief. In a sick way seeing them reminds me what I went through was real. It grounds me. They were my captors, but also my protectors. I always knew they’d never let anything too terrible happen to me. They knew my where my strength began and ended so they would never let anything happen that I couldn’t handle.
“Men,” I croak out with a nod. Tobias snickers. He seems ever so slightly more relaxed than before. I emphasize the word slightly.
“Alex,” Anatoli says softly. “You look better.”
Yeah, because last time you saw me I was coming out of my third year being a hooker and was desperate to escape after finding out I was pregnant with God knows who’s baby.
“Thanks. You guys look the exact same.” No response. “Are you still an asshole Tobias?”
He glares at me. “I still don’t like you. Watch it.”
“So yes.” A faint smile appears on Anatoli’s lips.
“I’m sorry about your baby Alex. I have to say it.” Everyone in the room stiffens instantly.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Her name was Anna,” I whisper. It feels weird telling this to Anatoli now after everything that’s happened.
“I heard. Thank you. There is no greater honor.” I swallow the sobs, the heartache and shove it down deep.
“It feels weird seeing you all as a free woman.”
“Yeah, I'm used to seeing you fucking someone. This is stranage” I can always count on Tobias.
“Thank you dickhead.”
“Are you two ten?” Anatoli snaps at us. Ah, old times.
“So I think we should try and prevent this from being any more awkward. Why don’t you two just tell me what is in store for me. I know that is why Gunner evacuated the scene with Rex.”
Both Tobias and Anatoli look at each other. Tobias looks at me, and I see the faintest flicker of doubt cross them. He doesn’t think I can do this. He either thinks I can’t do it or can’t handle it. I’ll prove him wrong.
Well, I say that now. Let’s see how I feel when I’m in front of my worst fucking nightmare.
“You should have a seat Alex.”
Anatoli pulls out a chair for me and waits for me to sit. Then he practically throws one at Tobias before taking a seat himself.
I am grateful for the seat, because my legs are shaking now. The warehouse is cold. I’m scared. Tobias and Anatoli are still intimidating. They still held me down when I begged them to stop. Tobias still handcuffed me to a table so I had to live my worst nightmares over and over. I know what they are capable of. Darkness, pain, evil, kindness and mercy. It has been years since then, and I am just praying they care enough to not let me die now. Would they even really care if I died? Did Anatoli just help me back then because of the baby?
“You’re overthinking,” Tobias says in his usual stoic heavily accented tone. “That helps nothing.”
“Yeah thanks for the advice. I’ll just turn my fucking brain off.”
Tobias shoots me a look I can’t quite interrupt, but if I had to guess it’s a message. Be strong, not stupid. The look is fleeting before he goes back to his usual quiet observant self. As I stare at him and the scars wracking his body I realize, you know what, he probably can turn his brain off. I have no idea how else he would have survived through how he got those scars otherwise.
Tobias sees me staring at his scars and he hardens his face. I quickly look away. He’s so scary. I can feel my body shaking, but don’t let on. These men are a thin line away from good and evil.
“Are you sure you are up for this?” Anatoli asks.
“Well is there another way?”
“No. Not without putting your friends at risk.”
“Then I guess I am up for it. Can we just get to the plan? This meetup is so awkward Im cringing.”
Anatoli laughs and mumbles something about missing me, but the mood quickly dies. Anatoli looks over at Tobias as they decide who will break the news to me. Tobias gives Anatoli a dark glare. Knowing them, he is warning Anatoli not to be so soft. Tobias always used to accuse Anatoli of that, but I have never understood why. I mean other than the end, and the few times Anatoli and I got along, Anatoli is the guy who held me there against my will the majority of the time.
“Okay Alex,” Anatoli leans forward on to place his elbows on his knees. “Gunner has thought this through to death. I mean every scenario, every situation, every possible way to make this as safe as possible. He is one smart fuck. While a lot of the plans were relatively safe options, I informed him that Pytor is the smartest, most paranoid man I know. He won’t be fooled easily. So, with that being said, we collectively decided this needed to be as real life of a situation as possible. So here is the plan. From what Gunner and Rex know Pytor hasn’t contacted you since you killed his guard and escaped. Am I correct?”
“That is correct.”
Tobias jerks his chair forward.
“If you are lying to us to save your fucked up sense of dignity you are only fucking yourself over. Got it. Is what you said the fucking truth?”
“Yes. It’s the fucking truth!”
He seems to believe me so he casually leans back, on guard.
“Well if that is the case there is one of two scenarios going on. One, Pytor is planning something big to catch you off guard. That way he can hit you when you have the most to lose. You were at rock bottom when you last saw him. He could have just decided there was nothing left to take from you but your life. He would take no pleasure in that. Not with you. Two, he genuinely doesn’t know where you are.”
“Both of those scenarios makes sense.” I swallow my nerves. He could have just decided there was nothing left to take from you but your life. Comforting.
“If the first is the case, we definitely are being smart by getting in front of him. If his plan commences you are screwed. He will outsmart and outgun us. No doubt.”
I glance at Tobias. He clearly does not like that sentiment. It offends him, but I know from my talks with Anatoli back in the day that Tobias could probably take Pytor down. But if Tobias unlocked that part of himself, that darkness, he may never come back from it and it would put a lot of people in danger. Anatoli would never let that happen. Tobias is his brother.
“If the second is the case then it would only be a matter of time before he found you anyway. I promise you, he won’t let you win. He won’t let you kill one of his men without seeking revenge. Even if it is the last thing he does.”
“So what is the plan?”
“We got some intel on Pytor. We have a contact per se. Pytor has been searching for you. This man went undercover, kind of,” they grin at each other in a way that confuses me. “He let Pytor know you are in Missouri. Tobias and I are going to leave a trail. Bait him. Lead him here to find us. Let’s just say Pytor is not too fond of us either right now. When he arrives, we will evacuate the scene right before he barges in here. We will leave behind. Fight. Give it your all, but Pytor will take you at this point.”
I swallow and focus on controlling my breathing. Tobias has x-ray vision and if he sees any sense of panic in me he will doubt me. I can’t have that. “
Okay, what then?”
“There’s not much more we can tell you Alex. Gunner is the brains behind the operation. His job is to keep up with the information received and make sure everything goes according to plan. If it doesn’t, it is his job to adjust the plan on the spot iwe keep the most amount of people safe while still fulfilling our mission. Tobias’s job is to spy. He’s the informant. He will fill Gunner in on what’s going on in the building. Not just you. Everywhere. He keeps Gunner up to speed on all the different variables. He will subtly take anyone that stands in our way.”
Take down. Kill. Shit. Fuck. Shit.
“And your job?”
My voice is higher pitched than usual. I’m freaked. I don’t know how to hide it. All I have is my attitude. I have to show them my fear is not affecting me.
“To make sure you don’t die.”
“Oh yeah, right.”
“That’s my only job, but Alex?”
“Yeah.”
His face hardens. “If I intervene it throws off the whole plan. There’s not much I can do other prevent other than your death. You need to know that. You know first hand I am able to watch whatever happens objectively.”
“Yeah I do.” I glare at him. “I know that real well. Fine. I’m prepared.”
Tobias growls and stands up. He pounces over me and cages me in with his arms. Out of fear I look over Tobias’s shoulder to Anatoli, but Tobias grabs my chin roughly and forces me my eyes back to his.
“Don’t look at him! Look at me. You need to understand this. You need to understand what Anatoli is saying in real terms. If Pytor rapes you. He can’t step in. If Pytor has someone else rape you he can’t step in. If he beats you, chokes you or worse, fucks with your mind, he can’t step in. Is that clear?”
That’s blunt. My eyes start to pulse. Tobias pushes away and stares me down.
“Yeah, it’s clear.”
My voice is soft and I look at my knees, trying to get a grip on myself.
“Anatoli doesn’t understand he isn’t doing you any favors by sugarcoating this. You need to learn to separate your mind and body.”
I look up at Tobias confused. Is he being helpful? Dare I say somewhat nice.
“Find your reason to survive and hone in that. You’d be surprised what your body can endure. It is the mind you have to convince. The mind fucks with you.”
My mouth is open in shock. Anatoli stands and slaps Tobias’s back in a brotherly gesture. Then Anatoli squeezes my shoulder and goes to grab Rex. I don’t focus on any of them.
I’m not ready for this.
I’m scared of the pain.
I’m scared of the torture.
But what I am truly most afraid of is what Tobias just said. I’m terrified my mind is going to break beyond repair.
‘Fuck with me” in a way I won’t ever be able to recover from.