Chapter 5 (Alex):
So here I am. Alone in a hotel room with Rex. I have no fucking clue why he wants me here. I have never felt more vulnerable or insecure than I do today. Two feelings I do not like to feel! Plus, I’ve felt them enough in my fucking life. I don’t want to feel them because of kind hearted Rex. Jesus!
First, Rex doesn’t didn’t just fuck me the other night. I can’t even say the words. He went slow. He was gentle, kind. He knows I can’t handle that, but he did it anyway. Then I have to leave to help to Sam, and the next day he’s totally different. He barely acknowledges me. He barely acknowledges anyone for that manor. He looks tense, angry. I mean it’s so obvious. His fists are clenching at a rapid rate. I can feel the energy bouncing off him, and what hurts is I can’t figure out what happened. What I did wrong. I keep replaying the night in my head. Did I say something to push him away? Did I not please him? Is he over me? What the hell did I do?
He’s said nothing about it, other than to drop the bombshell to everyone in the car that he wanted to take me to a hotel room before we all me Dusty. What the fuck? I hate him, and so that’s where we are now.
Rex is organizing the counter and I am standing here stiff as a fucking board, fidgeting. What I am doing here?
Rex finally turns around to face me, blessing me with his fucking presence. His brows furrow when my demeanor.
“What’s wrong?” he asks gently, looking confused. He reaches out and gently runs his fingers along the curves of my arm. I jerk my it away. I feel fury build up like a fire inside of me. How dare he make me feel so shameful and then be all nice and act like nothing happened?
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” I shriek and then scoff. “Fuck you, you asshole! You fucking… you had sex with me. You didn’t fuck me… you were gentle, then you… you get all weird. You won’t talk to me. I don’t know what I did wrong!” Tears prick my eyes and I take several steps backward. “You made me feel shameful and I didn’t even know it was possible for me to feel that way anymore! You asshole. Fuck you! Fuck you!”
I turn away so he doesn’t see me cry. I just… it’s Rex.
“Alex!” he gasps. “Honestly, I… fuck,” he hisses. “Fuck!” I hear a loud crash and jolt. I quickly turn around to see a glass broken on the counter, and Rex’s hand bleeding profusely. My eyes go wide. I have never, and I mean never, seen Rex violent. Hell, I’ve barely ever seen him angry. Instantly my anger fades and worry takes its place. I sprint over to him, but not before he throws another glass across the room.
“Rex!” I shriek. I grab his hand to stop him. “What’s going on?”
In that moment I feel like a selfish bitch, because I realize his mood has nothing to do with me.
“Talk to me,” I whisper, looking in his eyes. His eyes hold so much pain. I’m a little taken aback.
Rex sinks to the floor and puts his face in his hand. I try to wipe the blood off quickly, but it’s no use. He’s bleeding too much. I feel slightly out of my element with the comfort thing here, but I’m worried sick about him and Rex has comforted me more times than I can count.
I wrap my arm around his shoulder and squeeze tight. “Rex, what’s wrong? I’m worried, please talk to me. Please. I’ve never… Please.”
Rex finally turns his head to face me, the pain is radiating off him. “Alex, it wasn’t you. I feel like an asshole. It wasn’t you at all. I can’t believe I made you feel that way. I wasn’t thinking. Please know…”
I put my finger over his lips. “I know. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I should have known.”
I look in his eyes, ready to ask what’s wrong, but he is pleading with me not to ask. I give him that. I understand not being ready to talk. Despite my curiosity I let him have his privacy for a while. We stay just like this for a while. Me simply holding him. I can feel the tension in his body. I was wrong. It’s not pain I’m seeing. It’s anger. Not anger. Rage, and I don’t understand it. Not from him. He was furious with me for a while, but other than that, well, Rex never resorts to rage. I stare at him for a while, trying to understand. He pulls away and helps me to my feet.
“Thank you Alex.” He looks sad as he says those words. “I don’t deserve it.”
I furrow my brows, but don’t comment. “Don’t mention it, but if you tell anyone of my kindness I will have to cut off your dick.”
Rex chokes on his breath, and laughs. “Yes ma’am. Not a word. As far as everyone is concerned you were a hold hearted bitch.”
“Perfect,” I deadpan, but then we both bust out laughing until our stomachs hurt. When our laughter dies down we look into each other’s eyes and smile in understanding. He’s angry for a reason I don’t understand and I feel completely and utterly hopeless to help him. There’s something he is desperately trying to fight and he won’t tell me about it. We are in the same sinking ship, but not alone in it. Drowning isn’t as bad, when someone is going down with you.
I’m sick and cruel. I know. I so desperately want company that I’m willing to drag the one man I’ve ever really loved down with me. The hate I have for myself festers even deeper inside my soul. Rex and I spend the rest of the night watching movies and cuddling. No sex, fucking, or even kissing. We just strip down to our undergarments put on a movie and snuggle. It’s a beautiful break from reality.
Somewhere in the middle of the second movie I doze off. I only know this because the safe world around me disappears and I am transported into another. Hell.
I feel the handcuffs biting into my skin. I let out a muffled scream. I know who has me. I won’t escape this time. I’m his forever. I’m drugged, not even in control of my own body. He’s officially taken everything. Soon he walks out. The man from my nightmares. He’s dead though. I know him to be dead. The man from my nightmares isn’t even the man who caused the most damage, the one who killed my baby and my friends. No. It’s the man who started it all. The man who drove me to kill. Out walks…
My father.
As soon as I see his face in my dream I shoot up panting. I feel the sweat pouring down my forehead. I quickly try and center myself. Where am I? The hotel. Where did I fall asleep? On Rex’s lap. The lights are off. Rex must have clicked the lamp off when I fell asleep. That’s so something he would do. I’m not there. I’m here. I’m safe.
I look over and see Rex out cold. His eyebrows are furrowed tightly and his fists are clenched. He’s dreaming too. I run my finger between his eyebrows trying to relax his face. I know from experience his fists are a lost cause. He’s strong. Much stronger than me. I wish I could crawl into his dream and find out what’s troubling him. I want it to stop. Rex is supposed to be okay, not hurting like this. I keep awkwardly staring at him. I don’t know what to do. If this was me he’d know exactly what to do, but I don’t. I just stare, until he makes a very audible growling noise. Then I can’t take it anymore.
“Rex!” I shout and shake him. “Wake up. You are having a nightmare. Rex!”
A fist flies out of nowhere but, miraculously, I catch it. “Rex,” I cry desperately. “It’s Alex. Please wake up.”
Slowly his eyes start to open and his shoulders slump in relief. He traces a finger down my face, as if he can’t believe I’m real. “You’re here.”
“Rex, of course I’m here. Please talk to me. I tried to give you your space, but now I’m worried. I need you to tell me what’s bothering you! I’m not asking. I’m demanding you tell me.”
“Demand?” he questions with a small smile. Then he shakes his head and his face drops. “Alex, Gunner called.”
I instantly stiffen and put all my guards up, while still trying to sound relaxed. “What’d he say?”
“Alex…” Rex pleads. I’m beyond caring. I’m not my nice self anymore. I’m now the girl who will do what it takes to keep her and her friends safe.
“Damn it Rex! Fucking tell me what he said. You should have told me right away! Am I in danger? Are you danger? Oh my God, is Sam?”
“Your friends are fine Alex. Gunner has a plan,” Rex says, his voice is cold as ice and it scares me.
“I know that tone. This plan? I’m not gonna like it. I’m gonna get hurt aren’t I?”
“Alex, I don’t want to,” he pleads. His voice breaks.
“I know you don't fucking want to, but it is what it is. Now explain the fucking plan to me. Now!”
“Gunner knows Pytor is more skilled and outnumbered than him.” Somehow that brings me relief. I know Gunner doesn’t have a huge ego, and is super intelligent, but he’s still a guy and I worried his track record would make him feel invincible when he’s not.
“The only way to beat Pytor is to make him think he’s won, which means hurting you.” He side eyes me, taking in my every movement and flicker of emotion. “Taking you again. Anatoli and I both offered to take your place, but he killed us too fast. He has no use for men. Especially men who won’t work for him, and would fight back the first chance they get. It wouldn’t do any of us any good. He’d just move on to the next person. He’s slower with women. So...”
I cut him off. My whole body is stone. “Anatoli?” I ask breathlessly. “Anatoli?”
“Yes. Him and Tobias are helping Gunner.”
“Gunner found them!” I leap off the couch. Who knew I’d be so happy to hear from these fucks. Even Tobias. “They agreed to help? Even Tobias! Really? Like, really!”
“Uh yeah,” Rex sounds sounding slightly confused.
“Wow. You’ll get to meet Anatoli. That’s who Anna was named after. He saved my life.”
Rex looks at me softly. “You miss him?”
I scoff. “I don’t miss him. He’s a criminal. He trapped me. He’s a fuck.”
“And… you miss him.”
I throw my guard up even higher. “Shut up. I don’t miss him. Finish your story.”
“Right. So it had to be a woman to get taken. That was our original thought. Someone you care about. That left three people; Dana, Sam and you. Dana was out from the get go. That’s Gunner’s woman. He’d never agree to put her in harm’s way. Then there was Sam,” Rex sighs. “Would she really recover from being taken twice in a year? I’m not so sure. I…we….”
“No! Of course it won’t be Sam! She’s a mom, and a badass, and got taken once already for a friend. I think getting tortured once for a friend is enough. Go one…”
“That leaves you. That would really make his ego fly. Capturing you again.” Rex is gritting his teeth so hard I’m surprised he’s not drawing blood. “Ego’s are the downfall of most men. Pytor will be no exception.”
“Okay, so that’s the plan then. It makes sense.”
“You are okay with this? Cuz I’m sure as fuck not.”
“I have you, Gunner, Tobias and Anatoli looking out for me. I know I won’t die. Whatever else he does,” I shrug. “I’ve dealt with before. Long as I don’t die, and more importantly he doesn’t hurt one of you. I’ll be fine long term.”
“That was my thinking unfortunately.”
“Okay then. Here’s the deal. I’ll keep it together if you do. If something happens with Pytor you let that shit go. It’s happened before.”
“Alex, if he touches you…”
“Rex!” I snap. “He had my father rape me. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, he could ever do can hurt me like that. This would honestly be nothing to me.”
Okay, so maybe that wasn’t entirely true, but I can’t do this if Rex loses it. I just can’t. I need him strong. I need him here. Plus, he’d probably do something stupid and ruin the whole plan anyway.
“I’ll hold it together. For you.”
“Okay then. When is Sam gonna fucking call? Jesus. I want to see Dusty”
“Alex, sweetie,” Rex laughs. “It’s three o’clock in the morning. They probably wanted the night to let him get settled.”
“Oh right. Yeah. Do they have any alcohol in this joint?”
“Yeah, $20 for like an ounce in the mini fridge.”
“Perfect.” I walk over to the fridge and open a small bottle. This is what I need.
“So brushing over the fact that drinking when you are upset is totally wrong. It is my card on this reservation and that is expensive as shit.”
“Oh. Thank you then.”
“Geez Alex, you are too much. Fine, enjoy, but just one. I am serious.”
“Ugh, buzzkill. How am I gonna get drunk with one drink?”
Rex shoots me a very disapproving fatherly look. “Alex, I’m letting you have a drink at 3:00 in the morning after getting terrible news. Don’t push it. I won’t let you slip into dangerous habits. Okay?”
“Fine.” I can’t argue with that. I know he means well.
I don’t even know how we occupy ourselves for the next six plus hours, but we do. Rex goes for a walk at some point. I do some stupid workout video for my ass. We just kill time. Separately. We are both in our own versions of hell and need time for ourselves. Finally Sam calls me around 10AM.
“Ready to meet Dusty?”
“I’ve been ready for like ten fucking hours, but yeah. I’m ready.”
“You’re a little terd buttface!” I hear a high pitched girl squeal in the background.
“Is that Jazzy?” I ask shocked. “I’ve never heard her yell.”
Sam sighs. “Oh just wait ‘til you get here. Logan sent a car for you and Rex. He’ll be there in fifteen.”
With that she hangs up. Rex walks in from the other room. “Was that Sam?”
“Yeah.”
“How is everything?”
“Well she will be here in fifteen minutes. She announced that after Jazmine screaming at the top of her lungs that someone was a terd buttface.”
Rex lets out a loud laugh. “Oh God. Sam loves to pick people with lots of excitement, doesn’t she? Logan and his fame. Jazmine is basically her with Logan’s looks, and now Dusty. I haven’t even met the kid, and I know he’s about to stir the pot.”
“Rex, Sam can’t get along with normal. It wouldn’t work.”
“Kind of like you.”
“Wrong. I need normal. I mean I love you, don’t I?”
“Love?”
My eyes go wide. I did not say that. I did not say that! Holy fucking shit. I squeeze my eyes and desperately pray for the ground to swallow me whole. Or to die suddenly. I’ll take either.
“I didn’t mean love. I just meant… it’s an expression. I … Rex… I don’t….” Holy crap. I’m gonna vomit.
My knees feel weak. The weight of my feelings buries me and my knees buckle. Everything is falling until arms sweep under me. Rex pulls me back up to my feet.
“Alex, it’s okay. It’s already out of my head. Alright?”
“But I didn’t mean it. I didn’t. I barely like you.” I ramble. I see Rex’s lip twitching, trying so hard to fight his laughter while I feel like I am suffocating.
“It’s already out of my head sweetie. No reason to keep bringing it up.”
Yeah, I know that’s not true, but I’ve rambled on this enough. My hands are still shaking. Fuck. Fuck me. I don’t even need to go through the whole do I love Rex talk, because I know I do. He knows I do. We both know I’m not ready to say it. We are both not ready for the acknowledgement phase of things. Our life is far too chaotic to deal with serious feelings too.
“We should probably wait outside,” I mumble. “Logan’s driver will be here soon.”
“It’s still hard for me to piece together the fact that Sam is married to the Logan Prescott and is living in the lap of luxury.”
“Yeah I know, but she’s just Sam. Logan does his thing, she does hers. I think that’s why it’s weird. She’s not interior to him in any way. They are a team. I like it.”
With that I walk outside and wait. Rex follows me out. It really doesn’t take long for Logan’s driver to arrive. We all make small talk until we arrive at Sam’s house. I think it’s so stinkin’ cute they haven’t moved. They still live in Logan’s childhood home. Not that the house is by any means small or depriving them of anything, but Logan could still afford a lot nicer. I like that he chooses sentiment over luxury.
Rex and I get out of the car and I notice Logan, not Sam, is waiting outside.
“Hey Logan,” I say tentatively. “Sam okay?”
“Just preoccupied. Come on in. Good to see you again Rex.”
“But mom, he’s a terd. Yes, I said terd!”
I look at Logan, fully amused. Logan shakes his head and lets out a small smile. Damn, he is one sexy dude.
“Jazmine’s having trouble adjusting.”
“Ha! No shit!” I laugh.
Logan’s face gets serious. “Be helpful Alex. Please. Sam is spazzing. You know her. She’s acting calm and taking charge, but she’s freaking out about this. Don’t make it worse. Don’t stir the pot.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “I’ll be cool.”
“And guys,” Logan looks worried. “Dusty is different. He’s kind of mean. Just… he means a lot to Sam. Let’s all try out patience.”
I look at Logan and smile. “Is he trying your patience Mr. Prescott?” I tease.
“He’s making me work a little harder at it. Yes Alex.”
With that Logan smiles and walks into the living room. I raise my eyebrows and look at Rex. Logan usually has a very small tolerance for my teasing. I am super surprised to hear him be so cool about it today, one of the most stressful days of his life. Rex just shrugs and we follow him into the living room.
Sam looks up from whatever she is doing with Jazmine and sighs “You look like shit.”
I look down at myself and frown. “No I don’t.”
“No, like, not your outfit. Have you been drinking?” she whisper screams.
“Barely, but how the hell do you know that?”
“I smell it on you, and your eyes. You aren’t pulling the same shit on me you’ve pulled our whole friendship. I’m in detective mode now.”
Fan-fucking-tastic.
“Oh well detective. Where’s your son?”
With that she visibly deflates, and I hate it. “He’s in his room.”
Immediately I turn around and head for the room I know Sam would stick him in. The room her and Jazmine stayed in when she came back from Wyoming. Sam told me all about that experience recently.
“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” she calls out. “It’s… sad.”
“I got this.” For some reason I know I do. In my peripherals I see Sam, Rex and Logan share a look. Before I can leave the room Jazmine comes strutting in.
“Don’t go get him. I like the quiet!”
“He’s your brother. He’s allowed around the house whenever he wants Jazzy.”
“Ugh, everyone’s on his side.”
I crouch in front of Jazzy and grab her hands. “Babe, it’s not about sides. It’s above letting someone new into your heart. Someone a little meaner and a little angrier, but how will he love if no one shows him? Huh? You’re such a good teacher.” I give her a fake little hit and wink. I stand up to leave again. I see everyone, but Sam staring at me in utter shock. Especially Rex.
Sam grins. She knows from my time with Jazzy I am secretly very good with kids. It’s very unexpected because of my ice cold demeanor, but I am good with them.
I smile as I make my way up the stairs. I knock first, but when I get no reply I barge in. That’s more my style anyway. I feel bad the second that door ricashays off the plaster. Dusty leaps back, eyes wide. When he sees it’s a girl he straightens his stance and pretends he was never scared. He scowls at me.
“What do you want?”
“So you are Dusty.”
He extends his arms. “Obviously.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you.”
His eyes become guarded. I try not to look at the clear scars on his arm. He’s such a little kid. He should never have known that kind of pain. Like I did.
I sit on the bed and he takes several steps back. “I’m not going to hurt you kid.”
“Well I’m totally convinced with one sentence. Thank you.”
I laugh out loud. “I like you. You have a mouth on you. Don’t ever change.”
I see a small smile play on his lips, but he tries to hide it. For some reason bringing a little light to this kids day lights me up inside.
“I like your tattoos,” Dusty says quietly.
I’m a little taken aback by the compliment but I try not make a big deal of it. If he is anything like me and Sam that would only drive him away. I forgot I was wearing a cut off tank today. It shows off my tattoos.
“They are alright. Wanna come down stairs?”
“No.”
“Why?”
He gives me an ‘are you serious’ look and rolls his eyes. “Why would they want me down there? No way, I don’t think so. I don’t like this game.”
I shiver. I know the games. All too well. Dusty and I may have played different “games”, but we were both forced into a world where groups of adults meant danger. For younger me as well, groups of adults meant bad things. My tone becomes serious.
“No games Dusty. We don’t play like that, but I won’t make you come downstairs. Just so you know. I know the games too, and I don’t like them either.”
He watches me walk out of the room. “Wait!” he yells. I turn around. “The girl doesn’t want me down there.”
“Jazmine?” I laugh. “She’s spoiled rotten. She’ll get over it. I will say this though Dusty. She’s a little girl, and your sister, if you want her to be. You need to be nice to her. She can be a friend to you.” He rolls his eyes. “Besides if it’s the competition you like. Girls always win in the end.”
“No way!”
“Yes way. Trust me.” I start to walk out. “Are you coming?’
“If I come you’ll think you’re a girl and you won.”
I laugh. “No kid. I don’t think you’re brave enough to come downstairs. So you will win.”
He looks at me skeptically. “Fine, but if I don’t like it I’m leaving and I will hurt someone. I fight back you know! I’m just not big yet. None of its my fault. I eat all my food. My vegetables too.”
Ugh, my heart. He’s so naïve. I remember being that naïve. “I bet you put up one hell of a fight kid. Let’s go.”
Dusty follows me out, but I see the tension in his body. I even see his guard go up as we walk down the stairs. I totally see why Sam adopted him. He’s us. Broken, but strong. Guarded because of a shitty life, but has potential if someone would just give him a fucking chance and take the time to tear his wall down.
I push him in front of me. He scowls at me with his cute, eleven-year-old boy face. I laugh.
“Ps. I won kid. Lesson two, girls are sneaky.”
I wink. Before he can respond we are in the living room and everyone has their eyes on us. Everyone looks shocked, but Sam looks extremely relieved and grateful.
“Hi Dusty,” she says softly. “I’m so glad you came out.”
“I’m not,” Jazmine says miserably. Sam shoots her a sharp look.
“Yeah well I’m not too thrilled about having to be down here with you either, but I got adopted so we both have to deal with it,” Dusty snaps at Jazmine.
“You’re a terd!” Jazmine yells back at him. I try not to laugh. What is up with her and that dorky word?
“Yeah you’ve mentioned that,” Dusty laughs. “You are very original. Seriously, Prescott's. Help your kid learn some new insults. Hers actually backhand as a compliment because that’s the only thing she can come up with.”
Jazmine huffs, loudly, and stomps out of the room. Dusty doesn’t laugh. Doesn’t revel in his win like a normal older brother. Nothing. His face just goes back to neutral like that had to happen.
Logan looks so confused. I look at Sam. She needs to take this one. I took the last one, and he can’t get too attached to me. That would crush Sam. Sam’s his mom, not me.
Never me.
I’ll never be a mom.
I think Rex see’s the look in my eye, because he reaches over and pulls me next to him, softly rubbing my leg. Logan see’s and smiles a little.
The next hour Sam spends trying to integrate Dusty into the conversation. She does a good job. He becomes more engaged, but whenever Jazmine walks in the room they go at it. I don’t know what it is with them, but I can see it worries both Sam and Logan.
“Can I go upstairs for a while? Please.”
“Are you tired?” Logan asks.
“No, just peopled out.”
Logan laughs. “I think you and Sam are gonna get along great. Yeah go ahead.”
Dusty walks clumsily out of the room and then a silence falls. Yeah, Sam quickly breaks it.
“Oh my gosh, what am I going to do about him and Jazmine? What if I am hurting her? What if I am hurting him?”
“Sam,” Rex says. He hasn’t spoken much since we got here. “It’s okay. My sister and I were as close as they come, but we fought like cats and dogs as kids. Jazmine’s like ten and Dusty’s eleven or whatever. They are the opposite sex and think the other has cuddies. My sister bugged the crap out of me until I was a teen, but I will tell you this. Despite all our fighting, she always had my back, and if anyone said a word against her I’d kick their ass. One day Dusty will warm up to all of you and someone will say something about Jazmine and he will step up. Trust me on this. I see it. He’s a good kid, and Jazmine just doesn’t like him because he’s a new boy in the house. Promise.”
Sam seems to relax. “You are a good man Rex. Thank you. I… I’m sorry about your sister.”
A guard drops down over Rex’s eyes. “She’d be glad to be helpful in this instance. She was all about helping stubborn people. Trust me.”
I feel a lump in my throat and want to cry. I want to purge the pain I feel at Mia’s loss. I don’t think I’ll ever recover from it. I can’t even imagine how Rex feels. I wish Pytor would just take me now so I could try and kill him. If I couldn’t kill him, then I want him to hurt me. I just want the emotional pain to go away. Physical pain is much easier to handle.
“We are have a gift for you and Rex,” Logan says quietly. He looks at Sam, who nods and smiles. Then looks over at us.
I look confused. “You do? You don’t like me Logan. Remember?” ]
I kind of laugh, but realize in that moment the secret hurt I bare that Logan and I could never get along.
“Alex that’s not the case all. I am so grateful to you. You helped Sam when she needed you. You stepped up for Jazmine when I wasn’t there, and even now. You just helped what is going to be my son. I think you are a good woman, and I have to admit, um, I understand you a lot more now. Sorry. We are just different people,” he smiles. “You have to respect that. You confuse me. Sam loves your crazy, I’m a little confused by it.”
I laugh. “Fair, and I think you are a little PG and censored for my taste, but you have my best friends back and you have your moments.”
He gives me a genuine smile. Potentially the first one he’s ever given me. “Sam and I want to give you and Rex a key to our lake. We have a little bow each of us can put on the gate when its, uh, in use.” Sam smirks, and I can almost see the dirty thoughts rolling around in her mind. Logan senses it to because he turns to her. “This is a great moment. Don’t ruin it with your dirty ass mind.”
Sam busts out laughing. So do I. “What else could you have meant by that Logan?”
She keeps laughing and I swear I see him turn a little red, which brings me immense joy. Only Sam could make Logan Prescott blush. I feel myself smiling. Rex seems to feel for Logan. He isn’t laughing but by the light in his eyes, I can tell he found it funny.
“Anyway, Sam, if you done teasing me, we want to share this with you. We know you have a lot going on, and a hard journey ahead. We think it’s important you have a place to go. I know you aren’t from here Rex, and Alex is going to kill me for saying this, but we both know Alex is going to stay with you. Regardless though, we got you keys to the lake so anytime you are here visiting you have a quiet place. I also have my plane. I can send for you if you ever really need to get away. It’s our gift to you guys.”
Sam is glowing and my jaw feels attached to my chest. This is their place. I know it is. I’ve seen it Sam’s face. In Logan’s. I know Rex is waiting for my lead. He knows this is big, but he doesn’t realize how big and these are more my friends than his.
“I…I..” I think for the first time I’m speechless and not cause I’m hurting. “I.. Sa…holy shit. I’m totally speechless. Did you … does…” I laugh because I am so completely flabbergasted. Logan is grinning. I know he is happy to throw me so off guard. “Dana?” Is all I can get out.
Logan sighs. “No. Dana doesn’t have one, but she knows I’m offering you one. She thinks it is a great idea. Her circumstances were different. Had I thought it worth the sacrifice I would have totally offered my baby sister a key. However, her and Gunner had been sneaking around in private for years. She was doing just fine with the privacy aspect.”
True. I laugh, but the weight of it hits me and I stop. I turn to Sam.
“Are you sure?”
“Alex, I owe you so much and your story... it,” Sam sucks in a breath through her teeth. “Yeah, it hurt. I can’t take it away. I can’t stop this fucker. I can’t do shit. So what I can do, I am going to. You should know though, this was Logan’s idea to do this for you two.”
“It was?” I just about screech.
“Alex, I respect the hell out of you. All you’ve been through and you still fight. You were still able to be there for my fiancé and child. I’ve met a lot of people in my life, and with the exception of my family, I’ve never met someone who fought as hard as you. Ever.”
I look down at my feet. Holy shit, he’s gonna make me cry. It feels so nice to have someone acknowledge the fight I put in. The hamster wheel I’ve been on my whole life. It means more coming from a man like Logan Prescott.
Rex stands up along with Logan. They shake hands, a total dude handshake. “Thank you so much man. I can’t thank you enough.”
I stay seated. I feel Sam staring at me, but I can’t look up. I’m too moved. This is so family. I’m lost in this beautiful moment when we here a scream.
“Get your girly crap away from my clothes!!!”
“You’re a total freaking terd!”
“Did she just say freaking?” Sam stands up, in full mom mode. “This has been great, but I need to go remind my daughter of the rules.”
Sam storms out of the room and it’s just the three of us.
“Thank you Logan,” I whisper.
“Of course Alex,” he says softly.
Just like that I understand the Logan Sam sees and I feel our whole dynamic change. Logan Prescott is no longer Logan Prescott the celebrity to me. He’s just Logan, the fiancé of my best friend and all around kind hearted guy.
I look at Rex and smirk.
He smiles back and shakes his head.
We have a place.
I have a place. And it’s here, with these people.
Chapter 6 (Gunner):
I walk back in the room, where both Anatoli and Tobias are regarding me curiously. They want answers.
“We need a fucking good plan; A, B and fucking C. Rex just barely let this happen, and he’ll pull out if Alex hesitates at all, but she won’t.”
“You sure?” Tobias questions. Anatoli turns to him and lifts his eyebrows. He all know Alex is no coward. “It’s just a question! I haven’t seen the girl in years and she apparently has a man and friends and all that now. I didn’t see that coming either. Things change.”
“She’s still pretty fucked up. That hasn’t changed.”
Tobias smirks. “Fair.”’
I grab the chair I spotted in the far right corner of the room and throw it at Tobias. Then I do the same for Anatoli and myself.
“Sit,” I command. Tobias scowls, but sits. Neither of them even question the fact that I haven’t let any of us take a break. I don’t do ‘breaks’. I go until either I can’t or the mission is solved. Bottom line, and will definitely do that now that the case is more personal.
“Ideas. How do we let Alex get taken without raising suspicion? Are far are we willing to let it go before pulling her out? How do we make sure he doesn’t kill her? How do we pull her out if need be? Lastly, and most importantly, how do we kill this fucker?”
“Let’s start with one at a fucking time? It’s far more efficient.”
I nod. I know Tobias is right. I just want this done with. I want to know if Dana is going to fucking forgive me for knowingly putting Alex in danger. For not thinking of another way. It’s eating me up inside, and making me less patient than I already am. Tobias senses I’m troubled by something so he nods and takes over for me.
“So question one. How does Alex get taken? We can’t make it to obvious. We first have to know if Pytor is even looking for her. How do we find that shit out?”
I sigh and both of them look to me. I anxiously run a hand through my hair. This is uncharacteristic of me, but fuck. How many people do I have to hurt to get this shit done?
“I know of a guy. I’m not supposed to know shit about him, and he’s been out of work for a while. But he knows how to get information. He was a spy of sorts back in the day, and not for the FBI. For some sort of criminal organization. He got into it when he left home, but left when he met his fiancé… or ex fiancé. She’s the young girl Pytor murdered. The one I had to extract.”
“He’s not gonna wanna help with this,” Anatoli says, clearly feeling for the guy. He is the kindest hearted fucking assassin I have ever met.
“We don’t have a choice, unless anyone else knows another fucking spy or information extractor who can play their cards right and keep the element of surprise we have going for us.” Tobias looks around the room with arms crossed, knowing none of us know anyone else. “This guy is just gonna have to put on his big boy pants and help. Besides, vengeance. If he is pissy, we can offer to let him be the one to kill Pytor if the opportunity arises. Don’t make him any promises though, because we don’t know how this shit is gonna play out.”
Anatoli looks at Tobias and shakes his head.
“Heartless young shit,” he mumbles. I laugh. True. He’s exactly what we need.
“Fuck I don’t want to do this,” I say when I have my cell phone out. I don’t even bother looking at Tobias’ probably mocking expression. This feels shitty and my girl is definitely going to leave me now.”
“Women can be very forgiving Gunner. You’d be surprised what she will be able to understand.”
I scoff. “Not Dana. She gets a lot, but blackmail, putting her friend’s life on the line, she’s too kind hearted to let that shit go.”
I stiffen when I realize I said her name. I never make slips like that ever. My expression turns murderous as I turn to Tobias, who looks smug. “If you so much as talk to her I will rip your throat out.”
Tobias looks completely unaffected, like I had just discussed the weather with him, instead of threatening his life.
“I won’t. Anatoli would kill me before you ever could.”
I see the dark expression and Anatoli’s face, and he’s probably right. I nod. I don’t think Tobias will hurt Dana. Not as long as he is still buddy buddy with Anatoli.
“Anyway,” Anatoli drawls out. “I have a feeling she will understand. If she’s as great as you say she is, and she loves you as much as you clearly fucking love her, she’ll forgive you.”
“Therapist fucking Anatoli over here,” Tobias teases. I find myself laughing a bit at that. Anatoli’s words helped though. I’d never admit that to him. I just want to end this fucking conversation.
“You’ll meet a woman one day Tobias, and I hope she just fucking owns your dumb ass, and I just know you’re gonna meet her before me man. That shit will be karma.”
Tobias looks mortified by the concept and his expression turns dark. “Never.”
We all drop it. Even I know better than to mess with that look.
“So where were we?” I ask into the tense silence.
“You were about to make a call.”
“Oh fucking shit. Yeah.”
I stand up. The sound of a chair squeaking across the floor penetrates my ears. I walk right out of the room and put my head against the wall when I am sure I am out of view. I can’t imagine losing Dana. I don’t want to pull this guy Blaze into this shit. I put on my old mask though, and whip out my cell phone. I don’t even remember how I got Blaze’s number. I mean I know it was from Rex, I just don’t remember why. I also wonder why I kept it, but I shrug it off. I have it now. That’s all that matter I guess.
The phone rings like six fucking times before a scratchy voice answers the phone.
“Blaze.” This guy is drunk. I hear it in his voice. It is that evident he is plastered.
“Sober up and listen to me.”
I hear shuffling and then the guys voice clears up. “Who is this?”
“A friend of Rex’s.”
“Is Rex okay? Does he need anything?”
“Matter of fact he does. I need your skills. Rex does too. This involves him.”
“Rex would never ask anything like that of me.”
“Well, Rex doesn’t know I'm calling you, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need this.”
“I’m not doing it, but out of curiosity, what is the job?”
“I need to know if someone is out hunting for a certain individual.”
“How eloquent of you. Specifics please.”
I fight the urge to snap at him. I'm not used to being in the position of needing someone else. “I need to know if the man who killed Mia, Pytor, is after Alex.”’
“As in Alexa?” His voice is ice cold. There is pure hatred and rage behind his words. Plus, he’s drunk so I know this isn’t going well for me.
“Yes.”
He snaps. “I would rather gouge out my own fucking eyes and die than help that bitch! Do you hear me? Stay away from her. I knew she was trouble. I knew it! I fucking warned Mia. I warned everyone! She is the reason Mia is dead. I’d rather die than help her.”
Wow. Okay, that was a lot. I didn’t know their background. I have a pretty good idea now.
“Okay I got it. How about this? You find out what I need to know and I’ll let you kill Pytor. He’ll be your kill.”
There is silence on the other end of the line. I have him. Fuck. Yes.
“Unless things go to shit and we have no other choice that is.”
“But he’s my kill.”
“Yes.”
“Then I’m in. Text me the details.” With that he hangs up. My heart goes out to him. He sounds drunk, hurting and, yeah, I don’t know if I could survive what happened to him. I flashback to the day I found her. There’s three moments of violence in my life that haunt my nightmares; my parents death, Sam’s torture and what happened to the women of Rex’s family.
I walked down the back hallway. Pytor had finally left. The click of the back door and the sound of his keys jangling was music to my ears. I had been waiting fucking hours for him to leave. It was easy to incapacitate his guards, but he was harder because he was so important. My mission wasn’t to kill him, and at the time the only personal investment I had in this was getting the girls out. Finally I find the room I’d been looking for. I picked the lock and watched as the door swung open.
Horror. That’s what I remember feeling, although I didn’t express it. The mother was over her daughter’s dead body, crying hysterically. Shaking as grief wracked her body. The mom was in bad condition, but I could tell she didn’t give a shit. Her daughter was dead on the floor. The second the mom saw me she jumped over her daughter and scowled at me. Her tears trying on her face as she fought to protect her daughter’s body like a warrior.
“Stay away from her!” she shrieked. “You’ve done enough! Don’t you see you’ve done enough.”
Then she fell back over her daughters body and sobbed. I exhaled a deep breath, fighting to remain in control of my emotions, which was typically very easy for me. Especially at this point in my life.
“I’m not here to hurt you. Rex sent me.”
The mom sat up straighter.
“Rex?” she asked, sounding like she forgot she had another son in the midst of her pain. “He’s okay? Thank God! Thank God!”
Her hands covered her face and she started to cry.
“We have to leave. I don’t know when that bastard is coming back and I promised I’d get you guys out.”
“She’s dead,” the mom said, as pain intermingled with her shock.
I nodded. “I know. Her body then. I’m not leaving here without her.”
“Her body is…..” the mom couldn’t finish. In that moment I realized the mom had been blocking most of my view of the girl. I almost didn’t want to see what she was hiding, but I had to.
“We need to go,” I said again with emphasis. The mom realized I was right. I saw it in her face. She turned and softly ran her hand over her daughters face. “I’m sorry baby. I'm so sorry. I failed you my angel.”
She was honestly trying to kill me. I cleared my throat. Finally, the mom stood up on shaky limbs.
“Can you walk?” I asked, hoping she could. It would be hard as shit to get both of them out before Pytor got back if I had to drag both of them out.
“Yes. I’ll be fine. Get my baby.”
I nodded and made my way over to the girl. I sucked in a harsh breath when I saw her. Her shiny black hair was matted and covered with blood. She was thin, which made the bruising a lot worse. It was clear what he cause of death was. Her head had been repeatedly slammed against the ground. Her clothes were ripped even though I could tell the mom did her best to cover her daughter’s body. I knew she’d probably been sexually assaulted as well. It was some fucked up shit. I choked sob escaped the mom and I realized I was staring at the body in shock. I shook my head, and gently as I could picked up the girl. She went limp in my arms, and, damn, it hurt. It wasn’t fair.
“You ready?” I asked, turning to the mom.
“Why are you doing this? I may be just an old woman, but you are no hero.”
She was still protecting her daughter and I loved it. I loved knowing there was mother like that still out there. They didn’t all die with the death of mine.
“No I’m not. Rex… he can be convincing. Now let’s go.”
I saw the look of pride on her face. At least the mom lived, but that did nothing to ease the pain of holding a dead 20 something year old girl in my arms.
I shake my head and walk back in the room with Anatoli and Tobias.
“He’s in. The promise of vengeance got him.”
“It always does,” Tobias says and a dark smile appears on his face. It’s so dark a cold shiver runs through my body. Whoever he doled out revenge on in his life I don’t envy.