Chapter 25 (Logan):
“Logan! Logan!” Dana runs in my room looking absolutely beautiful but a little discombobulated. Her red dress is crooked, one of her sleeves is falling down her shoulder and her hair is only half done. I love my sister.
“Yes,” I say straightening my tie. I can’t help the nerves in my body. I can’t remember the last time I felt this nervous, but Im getting married. I got a beautiful, private location in Missouri. It’s at this little garden. The only people coming to our wedding are our immediate crew, Tobias, Anatoli, a guy from Rex’s work and the kids he mentors. I have been down there quite a few times to give talks on dedication, success and hard work. They are good kids, and I admire the (WORD) out of the fact they want better for themselves despite their pasts.
“You need to go talk to Sam,” she says looking nervous. I think she’s worried Im going to be mad at Sam or something, but what she doesn’t know is I expected this. I know Sam well enough to know this is a hard day for her on so many levels.
“I got it Dana.” I pat her on the shoulder and take my jacket off before leaving the room.
“You sure?” she calls behind me. “Don’t be mad please. She loves you she’s just… freaked.”
I frown and turn back to her, mildly offended. “Dana, I would never be mad about this.”
She bites her lip and nods. “Okay, thank you Logan. I’ll go check in with the caterer.”
I nod and walk over to where Sam is changing. I smile to myself a little. Honestly this day wouldn’t be complete without Sam being, well, Sam. I love her, even the craziest, skewed parts of her.
I walk up the door and hear voices.
“Sam, dude, come on,” It’s Alex speaking, sounding totally out of her element. It takes everything in me not to laugh. “You are so excited about this.Talk to me. Quit just standing there and hyperventilating.” Sure enough in the background Sam is having a full blown panic attack. “You love Logan babe. What the hell is going on?”
“I do love Logan,” she barely gets out through her crying and strained breathing. It’s the first thing I’ve heard her say since I go to the door. On that note I knock.
“Sam. Sam, It’s Logan.”
“Go away!”
I try not to laugh. She sounds perfectly fine then, when she’s yelling at me. “You okay?”
“Did Dana send you? Go back where you came from!” Go back where you came from? At that I do laugh. Are we twelve? I honestly think I am going to have to open the door, even though it is bad luck or whatever. I think it is worse luck to have my bride having a panic attack at the altar, which is the direction we are headed in.
“I just want to make sure you are okay,” I say as calmly as possible.
“Logan, Im fine.”
“No, Im coming in.”
“No! You can’t. Logan please! It’s bad luck or whatever,” Like she buys that. Sam is not in the slightest bit superstitious. Her voice sounds so panicked though. I hesitate opening the door, but Alex swings it open looking relieved as hell to see me. Alex looks really cool in the red bridesmaid dresses Sam picked out, but I can tell she feels uncomfortable in it. Sam tried her best to pick out dresses that people would feel comfortable in while still having a real wedding. That was important to her. Everything in her life has been abnormal, she wanted this big memory to be cliche (WORD). The dresses are red with short sleeves, mid thigh length with a tiny slit. They are beautiful, sexy and plain. Sam let them pick their own shoes and accessories so they could feel more like themselves.
I look over to the left side of the room. Sam is sitting there looking resigned with her white dress spread out all around her. Her eyes are red and swollen and her nose is runny from crying. I can tell she is still trying to regulate her breathing. She looks at me nervously, waiting to hear what I am going to say. Despite everything, for a moment I just stare at her. She looks so beautiful. I rarely see her all dressed up like this and that makes this moment all the more special. She is going to be my wife. That is nuts. I’ve done the craziest things in my lifetime. I’ve stood in front of millions of people, I’ve had my life publically poked and prodded at, I’ve dealt with serious family struggles, but nothing compares to this.
I shake my head so I can get back to this issue at hand. I’m not in the slightest bit worried. Alex pats my back and mumbles a good luck before walking out. I may not have been the closest to Alex or the most involved in what happened in her life, but it is genuinely good to see her happy. It’s good to see her find herself and find someone that gets her. I honestly didn’t think was possible for (WORD).
“Sam, babe, what’s wrong?” I take a seat next to her and rub her back. She pulls away from me, and continues to hide her face.
“I don’t want you to see me like this. Not today.”
“It’s just me. I’ve seen you a lot worse than this.” I get a small smile at that, and I nudge her side and smirk. She nudges me back ten times as hard. Now that she’s lightened up I turn to her again and grab her hand. “What’s wrong?”
She pauses for a second, as if assessing me. Wondering if I am going to judge her or if I am angry. “I just can’t believe Im getting married. What if Im bad at this? What if I ruin it? The kids. Oh my gosh!” Then she puts her face in her hands and the panic attack resumes.
“Woah Sam.” I run over and grab a glass of water from the table. I crouch down in front of Sam and place the water in her hands. “Sam look at me.” Her eyes flicker up.
“Everything is staying the exact same. Nothing is changing. It’s just a legal document and a cool party. That’s all. Don’t stress. We will take it a day at a time like we always do. Please enjoy today. This only happens once babe.”
“I wish my mom was here,” she mumbles. Ah, and there, that is the root of the problem. Sam is like an onion. Cliche, but you have to peel back the layers to get to the true problem.
“I wish she was too Sam.” I take a seat back on the bench. Sam pulls the letter of her dress and a tear falls onto it.
“She would be so proud of me. Can you imagine? Remember what you met me, and we had dinner at my mom’s. I yelled at you. I was so distant. Remember how much she hated it? She’d love the kids too. Im a mom. That is so crazy Logan. How can I do today without her?”
“Sam she’s here. She knows. She’s helped get you through everything. You are not doing this without her, okay? She’s just not here in physical form, and I’ll be right here. So will Dusty, Jazmine, Alex, Rex and Dana. We all are here. We all know this is hard for you, and confusing because you never thought it would happen. We get it.”
She smiles slightly and nudges me side. “I got pretty lucky meeting you. I don’t think any other man on earth could, one, tolerate me, and, two, be bullheaded enough to get me to marry him.”
That makes me smile. I stand up and kiss her forehead. “I ain’t gonna argue with you there, but you are worth it. Now finish getting ready. Try to stop giving your friends hell and I’ll see you at the altar.”
I walk out. All is as it should be. No cameras. My family is here, and Im going to marry Sam. The one person who saw me as an individual verses a product and made me earn every ounce of love I get from her.