Chapter Ten

Gianna held her breath as she watched Gunnar strip her dress off. He let it puddle on the floor at her feet before she kicked it out of the way.

She’d dressed for the occasion, with a pale blue strapless bra and matching panties.

“You’re incredible,” he whispered as his lips danced across her collarbone and the slope of her shoulder. “I feel like the luckiest man in the world to be with you like this again.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, relishing the feel of his hard muscles leaving their imprint on her soft curves. “Take me upstairs.”

Without hesitation, he scooped her up, kissing her as he made his way to the foot of the stairs.

“Put me down. I can walk,” she laughed, grabbing the banister.

“I’m not letting you go.” His eyes trailed over her body, making her feel deliciously exposed. “Ever. Again.”

She wanted to ask for that promise in writing, but feared it would trigger one of their old arguments about the archaic ritual of marriage. A little voice in her head reminded her that he’d changed, that he didn’t feel that way anymore. But it was closely followed by another voice chastising her for believing people could change. She wanted to believe it was possible, that he was suddenly the person he portrayed himself to be, but she was afraid that as quickly as he’d has his epiphany he could have another… that would lead him right back to L.A. and his old life.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered, pausing at the top of the stairs. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

For a man who didn’t seem to be paying attention during their relationship, he certainly was skilled at reading her moods. “No.” Because even though she couldn’t read the future, she knew she needed this one night with him. Whether it would represent closure or the start of a new future, she had no idea. She just knew her craving for him was too strong to ignore.

He carried her to her four-poster, queen-size bed and gently deposited her in the middle before he kicked off his jeans, followed by his T-shirt.

Her mouth watered at the sight, not because it had been so long that she’d been with a man, though it had. But because it had been so long since she’d been with this man. The one who fueled every sexual fantasy she’d ever had in her life. Even after she left him, his was still the face that popped into her head late at night when she was under the covers… feeling restless.

“I need you.” His voice sounded raspy and raw, as though it cost him more than it should to get the words out.

But she wasn’t surprised they’d come at a price. To her knowledge, he’d never uttered them before. “I need you too,” she said, reaching for him.

Instead of climbing on top of her as she expected, he laid down beside her, curling his arm around her head while he sifted through her hair with his fingers. “Not just in bed. I need you in my life. As my partner. My rock, Gi.”

She couldn’t commit to anything yet. It was too soon. Nothing had been decided. And if he asked her to go back to L.A., she didn’t know if she could. Not even for him. Her time in Vista Falls just punctuated the point. Life in L.A. was not for her.

“You’re still not sure, are you?” he asked, his eyes darkening. “You need more time to figure things out?”

She curled her arm around his bicep. “We need more time to figure things out, Gunnar. I know you have to go back, to talk to your band, your label, and your team. What I don’t know is whether you’ll be coming back to me.”

He drew a breath, blowing it out slowly. “I wanted to tell you there’s no question I’ll be back.”

“But you can’t,” she said gently, understanding he was in an impossible situation. His heart was here, with her and the girls. But the career and life he’d spent decades building was a thousand miles away. “I know. I’m not asking you for any guarantees.”

“And you can’t give me any?” he asked, sounding despondent.

“I wish I could.” She turned his face toward her, forcing him to look at her. “I love you, but I love this place too. L.A. was your home, not mine. I tried to make it work there. I tried to be happy, I really did.”

“But you weren’t?”

She shook her head, feeling guilty. “No, I wasn’t. I’m sorry if—”

“Don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize for the way you feel.” He stared at something over her shoulder. “Damn it, Gi. So what does this mean for us? Where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know.” Her hand skated over his rib cage and she felt his abdominal muscles tense as her hand ventured lower. “What I do know is we have tonight and we’re wasting it talking about things we can’t change.”

“So, you’re saying one night will be enough for you?” His expression was pained as he looked down at her. “If it ends here, you’ll really be okay with that?”

“Honestly?” He deserved complete transparency since he’d given her the same. “No. I’ll be heartbroken. But if you have to go back to L.A. for good, I’ll be devastated whether we make love tonight or not. So I’d rather enjoy tonight and put off worrying about tomorrow until tomorrow. If that’s okay with you?”

He stared at her for a full six beats before he kissed her with the force and passion of a man who’d been denied too long. He took what he wanted, making her want it too… more with every passing second.

By the time he let her up for air, her entire body hummed with repressed sexual energy, demanding an outlet. “Make love to me, Gunnar.” She almost tripped over the word, knowing it was the same word that had driven a wedge between them in the past.

Her reluctance must have been evident, because his hands mapped her body while he whispered, “I love you so much. Don’t ever doubt that again.”

Hot tears pricked her eyes as she closed them, reveling in the words she’d waited to hear him say. He’d said them a time or two since he’d been in Vista Falls, but it was different this time. It was more intimate. He was more vulnerable. “I love you too.”

“I’m sorry.” He swept his lips across hers. “Sorry it took me so damn long to say it, to find the courage to tell you how I felt. Just know I always knew I loved you, Gi. I just couldn’t—”

“Don’t apologize,” she said, smiling up into his handsome face. “Don’t explain. You said it now. And this is what I want to focus on. The here and now.”

***

Gunnar felt like he was in a dream, one he never wanted to wake up from. The woman he loved was lying beneath him, telling him she loved him, responding to his touch like she’d never get enough.

He made love to her slowly, savoring every second, knowing damn well it could be their last. He tried to put it out of his mind, to convince himself they’d find a way to work it out, so they could have all they wanted. But he knew that was unlikely. Someone or something would have to give. And he didn’t want it to be her. She’d already sacrificed too much to be with him.

Her reaction resonated through his body, every soft sigh filling him with pleasure. Her body tensed and so did his. She cried out in pleasure and his body responded in kind, enhancing his satisfaction.

He watched her freefall, giving in to her release as she cried out his name.

He slowed, cradling her head between his arms. “There are no words.” For a man who made his living conveying emotion through his songs, he couldn’t believe words failed him when he needed them most.

“We don’t need words,” she said, her eyes sparkling as she kissed him. “This is all we need tonight.”

Her body clenched his, making it impossible for him to think, much less speak. He followed her lead, surrendering to the fulfilment he’d only been able to find in her arms, in her body. In bed with her, when the lights were out and hers were the only eyes on him, was the only time he’d ever felt safe and free to be himself.

He wasn’t “Gunnar Williams the singer” to her. He was just the man she loved and he loved her even more for being able to make the distinction.

He tried so hard to hold on, to silently plead with his body to give him another second, another minute, just a little longer to prolong this contact high, but it was over, and as he came back down, he felt the loss acutely. Like maybe he’d just made love to his girl for the very last time.

“What’s wrong?” she asked when he rolled over. “Are you okay?” She rested her hand on his bicep, peering over his shoulder as he gave her his back.

“I just need a minute, baby.” His breathing was labored, but not from exertion. The shortness of breath stemmed from pure panic. The only time he’d felt anything similar was when he came home to find their closets empty.

“Oh, okay.” She sounded disappointed as she rolled out of bed. “Maybe I’ll just go downstairs and get us some water.”

“Sure, thanks.” He knew he was an idiot for not pulling her into his arms and milking every last second of happiness he could from their union, but it was too hard. The not knowing was killing him and he knew what he had to do. Man up and face the music.

When she returned a few seconds later and passed him a bottle of water, her eyes were darker, more guarded. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

He grabbed her wrist, and while she let him, he could practically feel the resentment in her body. “I need to figure some things out. It’s not fair to you that I go on staying here, with us getting closer every day and the future—”

“It’s okay, I understand.”

He knew she didn’t, but he didn’t know how to explain it without hurting her more. “Just know these past couple of weeks here with you and the girls have been the best, Gi. I’ve been happier than I have been in a really long time. And I don’t want to lose that. That’s why I have to go. To figure out how to make this work, because I do want this to work, sweetheart. More than anything.”

She sat on the edge of the bed, her pretty blue eyes filling with unshed tears that nearly did him in. “I want that too. But I know it may not.” She reached for his hands. “I went into this knowing that.” She looked at her side of the bed and sighed. “I have no regrets, and you have nothing to feel guilty for. I love that we made love tonight. No matter how things turn out, just know that you made me happy again.” She bent to kiss his cheek. “So, thank you for that.”