Chapter Fifteen

Since Ramsey and Keegan were in school, Gianna offered to take her mom out for lunch before she drove her to the airport.

“Oh, that would be nice,” she said, clapping her hands together. “I’ve loved every minute I spent here with you and the girls, yet I feel like I just got here and it’s time to leave already.”

As much as Gianna enjoyed her mother’s company, she was ready for her to go home. Having her here meant she’d had to communicate with Gunnar via text. He’d texted her the first night of her mother’s stay and told her he wouldn’t call her because he didn’t want to intrude on their time together. But Gianna had a feeling he was practicing avoidance. Again. And that made her crazy.

Her mother was freshening up when the doorbell rang. Gianna cast a quick glance in the hall mirror to make sure she looked presentable before opening the door. “Gunnar,” she whispered. “Oh my god, what are you doing here?” She looked past him to see his familiar pick-up truck parked at the end of her drive. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

He reached for her hand, tugging her against his hard chest as he planted a sweet kiss on her lips. “I wanted to surprise you. Surprise.”

She laughed softly as she patted his chest and took a step back. “It worked, but I’m not the only one who’ll be surprised. My mom’s still here. I was just about to take her out for lunch before I take her to the airport. So if you come back in a couple of hours, she’ll be gone.” She hesitated. “And we can talk.”

“Actually, I was hoping she’d still be here. I need to talk to her.”

“About what?” she asked, feeling slightly panicked at the prospect. She still wasn’t sure where she and Gunnar stood. The last thing she needed was her mother saying or doing something to chase him away.

“You. Me. Us. The girls. My plans for the future.”

“You don’t have to—”

He silenced her with another kiss, this time longer and more heated. “I want to.”

“Okay, honey. I’m ready to go.” Her mother stopped short when she spotted their guest. She tried for a fake smile, but it wobbled before it disappeared altogether. “Gunnar, I didn’t realize you were back in town.”

He stepped forward, reaching for her hand, which he covered with both of his. “June, I think we need to talk, don’t you?”

Gianna was shocked. She’d never seen Gunnar reach out to her mother before.

“I don’t…” She looked to Gianna. “I don’t know what we would have to talk about,” she said, withdrawing her hand from his.

“You’re my daughters’ grandmother,” Gunnar said, casting a glance at Gianna. “And the mother of the woman I love.”

Gianna sucked in a breath at his admission. Now he was declaring his love not only to her but to the people who loved her? He had changed.

“I’m sure you must have questions for me,” Gunnar said, taking a step back. “You must wonder why I suddenly think I’m worthy of your daughter when you never believed I was before.”

“Actions speak louder than words, Gunnar,” June said, her lips tightly pursed as she crossed her arms. “You don’t think I wanted you to be the kind of man my daughter needed? Believe me, I did. I could see how much she loved you, how much she wanted your relationship to work. And for her sake, as well as Ramsey and Keegan’s, I wanted it to work too, whether you believe that or not.”

“I do believe you,” he said quietly. “I don’t believe we’re on opposite sides. I think we’re on the same side. We always have been. We all want what’s best for your daughter and granddaughters. For years I’m afraid that wasn’t me.”

She narrowed her eyes at Gunnar. “You really believe that?”

“Was I the kind of father I wished I’d been? No. Was I the partner Gi needed? Hell no. Would I like a do-over?” He looked directly at Gianna. “More than anything.”

“What makes you think you deserve one?” June asked, looking from Gianna to Gunnar and back again. “I’m old school, I guess. I believe second chances have to be earned.”

“I agree with you, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do.” He reached for Gianna, bringing her in next to him as he tugged on her hand. “I’ve been trying to figure out what doesn’t work in my life anymore so I could fix it.”

June sat in the chair in the living area and gestured to the sofa, where Gunnar and Gianna took a seat. “I’m listening. What have you done to make-over your life?”

“For starters, I’m taking a professional hiatus. I left my band and told my manager and record label that I need time to focus on what’s important in my life. My family.”

Gianna curled her hand around Gunnar’s muscular bicep as she gave him a reassuring smile. So he wasn’t going back out on the road with his band? Given the choice, he chose to be with them instead…. for the first time ever.

“So what?” June asked, raising her hands. “You’re going to move in here and go back to playing house with my daughter like nothing ever happened?”

“Mom!” Gianna glared at her mother. “It’s my decision if I want to invite Gunnar back into my home and life, not yours.”

“I’m not interested in playing house with your daughter, June.” Gunnar brushed a kiss across Gianna’s cheek. “This time I want the chance to go all in.”

June frowned. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“I want to marry her.” Gunnar’s gaze zeroed in on Gianna’s parted lips. “I want, more than anything, to make this woman my wife. But not until I’ve earned her trust. That’s why I won’t be living here with her and the girls.”

“You won’t be?” Gianna asked, thinking how difficult it would be for them to build a relationship with Gunnar living halfway across the country.

“Then you’re going back to L.A.?” June asked, frowning. “I don’t see how that differs from you being out on tour. If you’re not here, you’re not here. It doesn’t matter where you are.”

“I will be here,” Gunnar said, smiling at Gianna. “Right across the lake, in fact.”

“You will?” Gianna could barely contain her excitement. “You mean you took a room at Rush’s Inn?”

“No, I wanted something a little more permanent.”

“I don’t understand,” Gianna said, thinking it didn’t make sense for him to want a home of his own if he hoped they would one day be a family again.

“I bought a little cottage by the lake. It’s not much, but I’d like to fix it up, make it my own.”

“Oh.” Gianna’s shoulders slumped a little, but she forced a smile. “I’m glad you’ll be here, in Vista Falls.” She knew she should be grateful he’d left everything behind for them, but she couldn’t help wondering why he’d made a long-term commitment, like a home of his own.

“The view inspired me.”

Gianna pointed out the French doors leading to her patio. “The view would be pretty similar to mine. Wasn’t that inspiration enough?”

He chuckled. “Babe, I haven’t forgotten what it’s like to live with teenage girls. Sometimes you need a quiet place to retreat to if you have a hope in hell of getting any work done.”

That made her feel marginally better. “So, the cottage would be like your studio?” she asked. “If you… I mean, if we…?”

“Got back together?” He smiled tenderly, letting her know without words how very much he wanted that. “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. It’s pretty run-down and it’s going to be a hell of a lot of work to revive it, but I’m up for the challenge. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked with my hands, but I don’t think I forgot how.”

Gunnar worked for a contractor for five years before he got his record deal. Gianna didn’t know him then, but she wished she had. She couldn’t imagine anyone looking sexier in a hardhat and steel-toed boots.

“Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out,” she said, linking her hand through his.

“Are you okay with all this?” he asked, sounding genuinely concerned. “I know I’m kind of springing it on you. We probably should have talked about it first, but…” He tore his eyes from hers and lowered his head. “I just wanted it so bad and I was afraid you’d list all the reasons it was a bad idea.”

“You didn’t think I’d want you here?” Gianna asked, unable to believe he’d think she’d try to talk him out of making Vista Falls his permanent residence. She wanted nothing more than the opportunity to see him every day, to rebuild their relationship, and hopefully plan for the kind of future she’d always wanted with him.

“I didn’t know what you wanted. After our, uh, talk on the phone the other night, I thought maybe you were having second thoughts about us.”

“I thought you were.”

He looked stunned as his gaze collided with hers. “Never.”

She knew this was a conversation they should be having in private, especially since her lips tingled for the kiss she craved. “Why don’t you come with us to the airport? We can stop for lunch and—”

“Actually, I was hoping you’d let me drive your mom to the airport.” He glanced at June. “If that’s okay with you?” When she didn’t respond, he said, “There are a few more things I’d like to tell you if you’ll give me the chance.”

“Okay,” she said, hesitantly. “If that’s okay with you, Gianna?”

Gianna knew it couldn’t be easy for Gunnar to try to forge a new relationship with her mother, but the fact that he was willing to try at all proved how much he cared about her. “It’s fine.” She brushed her lips across Gunnar’s cheek. “I’ll just get Mom’s suitcase.”

***

Gunnar had taken June to the restaurant at Vista Fall’s only inn, which was a stone’s throw from his new cottage. They were sitting across from each other, after ordering lunch, when he reached for his water glass.

“There were things I didn’t want to say in front of Gianna.”

“I assumed as much,” June said, smoothing the napkin in her lap. “Why else would you volunteer to drive me to the airport?” She gestured around the restaurant. “You really didn’t have to take me out for lunch though. I could have grabbed something while I was waiting for my flight.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

In all the years he’d been with Gianna, this was the first time he’d ever been alone with her mother. He always had other people there to act as a buffer, which gave him a good reason to keep the conversation light and casual. But that’s not the kind of talk he wanted to have with her today. He was finally ready to bare his soul.

“The reason I fell for your daughter all those years ago was because she radiated all the things I craved in my life. She was calm, confident, secure… positive. I know she is who she is because of you and David. You gave her a solid foundation.”

“Look, if you think you have to win me over to get back with my daughter—”

“I just want you to know what’s in my heart, June.” He leveled her with a look that begged silence. “Please, will you just give me a chance to tell you?”

She nodded sharply before reaching for her water glass.

“My mother gave me up when I was four years old.” He cleared his throat as he looked around the restaurant. There were a dozen diners, most casting curious glances in his direction, but respectfully keeping their distance. “My dad was never in the picture.”

“Four years old?” June asked, looking horrified. “I knew you’d grown up in foster care, but I just assumed…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, that must have been horrible.”

“It was, mainly because I still have memories of her. Just flashes. Like the color of her hair or the smell of her perfume.” He stared off in the distance. “She liked to wear red nail polish. Every time I see a woman wearing it, I think of her.”

June’s eyes welled with tears of compassion. “How could she do that? Why would she give you up after raising you for four years?”

“She lost her job,” he said, curling over the edge of his paper napkin. “She worked in one of those big box stores.” He bit his lip. “But she was late a lot, so she got canned. She tried to find other work, but it wasn’t easy because she had no one to take care of me.”

“She had no family?”

“None that I can remember.” Those days were a blur to him, but if he’d had grandparents or aunts and uncles, he couldn’t believe they would have allowed his mother to give him up to strangers. “She told me we’d both be better off if she left me with people who could take better care of me. She said she’d done the best she could, but we were going to get evicted from our little studio apartment and she didn’t want me to be homeless with her.”

“You remember all of this?”

“No, she wrote a letter and stuck it in my pocket. Then she left me on the steps of the women and children’s shelter and told me to go inside. She said they would take care of me, that they’d help me find a new home.”

“But that didn’t happen, did it?” June asked. “You never found a permanent home?”

“Not until your daughter came into my life.” He smiled. “We bought our first house together. Decorated the nursery.” He loved remembering how excited Gianna had been in the weeks leading up to Keegan’s arrival. “And for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere, to someone.”

“If you felt that way, why didn’t you marry her, Gunnar? I always assumed you didn’t want to be tied down.”

“That couldn’t have been further from the truth.” He smiled at the waitress who set their sandwiches down in front of them. It still scared him sometimes, how easily he could compartmentalize his feelings. “I wanted to give her everything I had, and I did, materially. But I was always afraid she’d leave me once she realized how impossible it was for me to…” He still had difficulty admitting his shortcomings. “Open up or trust anyone.”

“I can certainly understand how that would be hard for you, given what you went through.” June looked at her turkey sandwich as though the sight of food turned her stomach, but she picked up a fry and nibbled on it.

“I guess I was trying to make it easier for her to leave. I thought if we weren’t married, she’d just be able to walk away when she decided she couldn’t handle it anymore.”

“Were you trying to drive her away?” June asked. “Subconsciously, maybe?”

“I didn’t think I deserved her.”

His stomach bottomed out whenever he thought about how perfect and pure and innocent she’d been when they first met. She went from being a virgin to an expectant mother in a matter of months and her life hadn’t been the same since. She’d lost her innocence. Her trusting nature. He took that from her and that was something he could never forgive himself for.

“Why not?”

“She was too good for me.” She’d been everything he wasn’t. Smart. Sweet. Funny. He’d been cold and hard, like something inside of him died a long time ago. Maybe on the front porch of that shelter. “But I wanted her anyways, for as long as she would have me.” He forced himself to take a bite of his BLT sandwich, needing a moment to collect his thoughts. “I know that makes me selfish.”

“No, it doesn’t,” she said, watching him. “It makes you human. Everyone wants someone to love them.”

“I guess. But I get why you hate me for wanting your daughter to be the one… who loved me. I know how much it’s cost her. How miserable it’s made her at times.”

“You’re right, it has made her miserable. But it’s also made her happy.” She smiled. “And if that isn’t the very definition of love, I don’t know what is. It’s a roller coaster ride, Gunnar. Everyone who’s ever been in love knows that.”

“I guess that’s what scared me,” he said. “The highs and lows.” He’d experimented with drugs early in his career and eventually quit because the highs and lows scared him too much to continue. He knew the drugs could steal his dreams if he let them, and he wasn’t willing to give anything that much power over him.

“Whenever I questioned Gianna about why she was still with you, she’d tell me she wished I could know you the way she knew you, then I’d understand.” She got a gleam in her eye, an inner light as she whispered, “I think I finally understand what my daughter sees in you, so thank you… for letting me.”

Gunnar was too humbled to speak for a moment. He hadn’t invited Gianna’s mother to lunch because he wanted her approval or even her forgiveness. He just wanted her to know that no matter what happened in the past or would happen in the future, he loved her daughter and would do his best to be the man she deserved.

“You’re welcome. I don’t know if it’s even possible to wipe the slate clean,” he said, rubbing the condensation on his water glass with his thumb. “So much has happened between us. When something goes wrong or one of us gets scared, the first impulse is always to run. I’m going to be honest. When there’s a risk of getting hurt, I bail. It’s just what I do.”

“Correction,” she said, raising her finger. “It’s what you did. Don’t let your past define you anymore.”

“Easier said than done,” he muttered, thinking about how his baggage had always weighed him down. He was tired, tired of lugging it around.

“It can be as easy as making a decision.” She leaned in, lowering her voice. “My mother was an alcoholic, Gunnar. But one day she decided to stop drinking, for her sake and for the sake of her family. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done, especially in the beginning, resisting the urge to drink. But her road to recovery and letting go of the pain she’d caused in the past started with one thing: a decision.”

“I guess I never thought about it like that.”

He’d spent so many years being angry at life for dealing him a lousy hand growing up, then angry at himself for hurting the people he’d loved that he never considered the fact his future could look different than his past if only he made a different decision.

“Well,” she said, touching his hand, “think about it.”