Chapter Fourteen

Gunnar’s meeting with the record label went exactly as he expected it to. There was shock, followed by confusion. There was yelling and threats on both sides before Gunnar reminded them he wasn’t currently under contract and didn’t owe them another album. He could start fresh somewhere else or branch out on his own if he chose to. At the end of the meeting, they recognized he had a proven track record and millions of fans, something few other artists could claim, so they respectfully asked him to consider working with them in the future, regardless of his decision regarding genre.

He told them he needed time to think before he committed to anything. A recurring theme in his life lately.

He walked slowly through the house, trying to remember what it had been like when it had been filled with love and laughter, teasing and fighting. Teenage girls chasing each other down the stairs. Him chasing Gianna around their big bedroom. It wasn’t the same without them and he knew it never would be. But it was still the only home his girls had ever known and he couldn’t think of selling it without talking to them first.

He sat down at his computer and started scanning real estate options in Vista Falls. There weren’t many. There was a two-bedroom apartment and a starter home for rent. A Victorian house three blocks from Gianna’s for sale, as well as a lakefront cottage across the lake from her.

He finally called the Realtor who had the listing for the lakefront cottage. As much as he’d like to live a stone’s throw away, he didn’t want it to seem like he was pressuring her. That was the reason he’d decided to buy a place of his own instead of showing up on her doorstep again, suitcase in tow. If she invited him back into her home, he wanted it to be a permanent arrangement this time.

After making an appointment to view the place in three days, he took stock of what he would need to take with him or have shipped. His luxurious furnishings wouldn’t suit a rustic little cottage. And they honesty didn’t suit him anymore. They represented the life he was leaving behind.

He fired off a text to Levi asking if there were any furniture stores in Vista Falls. The response came thirty seconds later, making Gunnar laugh.

WTH? Do you think we sit on orange crates, asshole? Of course there are furniture stores!

Okay, so he wouldn’t have to worry about furniture. He ran upstairs to take inventory of his closet. He pulled out two large suitcases and started throwing jeans, T-shirts, sweatshirts, running gear, underwear, and socks into one while the other contained running shoes, cowboy boots, toiletries, and lounge clothes. He also grabbed a few nicer button-down shirts and dressier jeans and shoes, but left the suits behind. He didn’t think he’d have any cause to wear a designer suit in Vista Falls. Unless… He smiled when the thought occurred to him he may need it for a wedding. His own.

“What’s going on here?” his housekeeper asked, standing in the doorway of his bedroom, frowning at the mess he’d made, with clothes strewn all over his bed and thrown haphazardly into suitcases. “You’re going out of town again? You just got back.”

Paula had been with them since before Keegan was born and he knew she deserved to know about his plans. “Um, I was going to come find you before I left,” he said, setting a shirt on his bed as he looked up at her.

“Where are you going?”

“Back to Vista Falls.”

She raised an eyebrow while shoving her hands into the pockets of her uniform. “I’d ask what’s there for you, but I already know. The one thing that isn’t here.”

“I really do miss them, Paula.”

Her kind smile reached her eyes as she whispered, “I know you do. So do I.”

“I’m sorry I drove them away,” he said, acknowledging his behavior had hurt too many people. “I wish I could go back and—”

“Ah, but you can’t, my dear. You can only move forward.” She walked farther into the room and took the dress shirts off the bed.

He watched her fold them neatly and stack them into piles. “Um, speaking of moving forward, I’m going to be making some pretty big changes. I’m buying a place in Vista Falls—”

“Then you and Gianna aren’t getting back together?” Her face fell. “Oh, that’s too bad. I was so sure you would.”

“I don’t know what the future holds right now,” he said, accepting the neatly folded pile with a nod of thanks. “I just know I can’t pressure her. She knows what I want, and more than anything I want her to want that too.” He sat on one edge of the bed while Paula sat across from him folding T-shirts. “But she must have felt the same way all those years, right? She wanted me to marry her, to be home more for her and the kids.”

She touched his face, a sad smile deepening the lines around her lips. “Love, I so wanted you to see what you had before it was too late.”

Paula was thirty years his senior and he suspected that was part of the reason he’d hired her. She was the mother he’d always wished he’d had. But he took her too for granted. He didn’t think he’d told her a single time how much he appreciated her or how much easier she’d made his life.

“You could have slapped me upside the head, you know,” he said, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. “Lords knows I needed it.”

“Yes, you did. But it wasn’t my place. Besides, I believe everything happens for a reason. If Gianna hadn’t left, you may never have realized how much you loved her.”

“And how stupid does that make me?” He glanced at the framed photo of Keegan and Ramsey on the bedside table, the one Gianna had left for him. “I had everything a man could ever want and I let it slip away. Who does that?”

“Lots of people, I’m afraid. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high?”

“I guess that’s part of the reason I didn’t want to marry her. I didn’t want to end up in divorce court, sitting across from the woman I loved, separated by two shyster lawyers who were only interested in lining their own pockets.”

“But in the eyes of the law, you were married. You still gave her a generous settlement and pay child support.”

“Yeah, but it was amicable and we were able to settle out of court. Fact is, she didn’t want nearly as much as she deserved.” He shrugged. “I would have gladly given her more, but my lawyer told me to keep my mouth shut and just pay what she asked for.”

“So you did.” She pursed her lips. “If you want to know the truth, Gunnar, I think that’s part of your problem. For too long you’ve had everyone else doing your thinking for you.”

“Excuse me?” He’d asked her for brutal honesty and he was apparently going to get it.

“You have all of these advisers.” She waved her hands in the air. “All these so-called professionals running your life, tending to Gunnar Williams, the corporation. But they forget you’re a flesh-and-blood man, not an enterprise. And I’m afraid sometimes they give you lousy advice, thinking only about what’s best for your career.”

“What do you mean?”

“Take last year for example. You’d already been away for four months. Anyone could see your relationship with Gianna was already in trouble, yet you let them add a European leg to the tour. Why?”

Maybe because he knew his relationship with Gi was in trouble and he was afraid to face it. So, like a coward, he ran from it. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.” She narrowed her eyes, demanding the truth. “Now tell me.”

“I was afraid of losing her. I couldn’t handle it. I figured if I wasn’t here, she couldn’t get mad at me and wouldn’t bail on me.”

Paula snorted, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, how’d that plan work out for you?”

“Look, I know I screwed up, okay?” He hung his head, playing with the zipper on his suitcase. “I was an idiot.”

“Does that mean you’re going to stop letting other people run your life and you’re going to take responsibility for making your own decisions from now on?”

“I’ve already started.”

She smiled. “Tell me.”

“I left the band.” Her eyes widened, but he continued. “And I told my manager and the record label that I’m interested in making a different kind of album. I’m not even sure I want to tour to promote it this time.” He knew that would almost ensure its failure, but he’d come to realize there were more important things than platinum albums and sold-out tours.

“Wow. That is a change.” She patted his hand. “Good for you. It’s about time you started putting the most important things in your life first. Your own health and sanity, not to mention your family. If you’d continued going at that pace, you’d have paid a terrible price, you know.”

“I did pay a terrible price, Paula.” He closed his eyes. “I feel like I missed out on everything when Ramsey and Keegan were growing up. And it’s not like I can get those days back.”

“No, but you’ll have plenty of other days to look forward to. Boyfriends. Proms. College. Weddings. Grandbabies.”

“And I want to be there for every one of those milestones.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “But I missed out on first words and steps and teeth. I missed out on the first day of school, dance recitals, plays. Hell, I even missed Christmas and birthdays a few times. What kind of dad does that?”

“One who wants the best for his kids.”

He shook his head. “No, I was being selfish.”

“No, what I call selfish is a man who walks out on his kids and never looks back, one who doesn’t offer support, emotional or financial, who leaves the mother of his children all alone to fend for herself. You’d never do that. You were always there for those girls. Maybe not physically, but emotionally and financially. They knew that.”

“I wish I’d learned how to become a parent by example. You know, before I became one.”

Paula chuckled. “Honey, they don’t come with a handbook, and even those of us who grow up in two-parent homes usually don’t know what the hell we’re doing when the time comes to raise our own.”

“Really?” That surprised him. He would have thought kids with a “normal” upbringing would have had an advantage in that department.

“You don’t wanna know how many mistakes I made with my boys. My husband died when they were teenagers, as you know, and I was lost. I was grieving him. So were they. And we were all taking our anger out on each other. There were so many fights in our house during those years.”

Gunnar hadn’t known her then, but he would have supported her any way he could if he had. “I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

She raised a shoulder. “We all have to go through something, and I think that made us all stronger… and closer.”

He knew how close Paula was to her sons and grandbabies now, even though they lived clear across the country.

“So, tell me more about your plans.” She looked around the opulent bedroom. “What do you plan to do with this place?”

His gut ached when he thought of telling Paula she might be out of a job. She’d been like family to him.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she said, waving her finger in his face. “And don’t you dare worry about what’ll happen to me if you decide to move on. You’ve been more than generous to me over the years and I sure wouldn’t mind retiring.” She smiled. “Give these weary old bones of mine a rest.”

“Really?” She’d once told him she’d be bored out of her mind without her work, but that was some time ago. “You sure you’re ready for that?”

She laughed as she got up and rounded the bed. “I’m more than ready, sweetheart.”

He stood and she gave him a lingering hug before grabbing his face and kissing him on the forehead. “I’m going to miss all of you something fierce, but it means I’ll be able to go and spend some time with my other family now.”

Gunnar smiled. She hadn’t called her sons and grandchildren her real family. They were her other family. “You don’t know how much I needed you in my life,” he whispered, choking up. “When I met you I was young and dumb and—”

“And your star was rising so fast, just watching you made me dizzy.” Paula smiled. “I remember everything about those early years, Gunnar.”

He linked his hands through hers. “And I can’t tell you how happy I am that you were there to experience it with me. Thank you.” He kissed her cheek. “For everything.”

“It was my pleasure.” She relinquished his hands and patted his cheek. “I mean that.”

He watched her walk toward the door. “When will you be leaving?”

“I’ll be here as long as you need me. Just let me know when you plan to put the house on the market and I’ll take care of everything I can on this end.”

“Thanks.” He knew he could count on her and he’d make sure her loyalty was rewarded… in a big way. “Will you come visit us in Vista Falls?”

She grinned. “Honey, I thought you’d never ask.”

***

Gunnar shocked the realtor by offering to run to the bank in town and get a certified check to buy the cottage after he’d spent just five minutes walking through it. He didn’t need an inspection. He could afford to fix anything that went wrong. He didn’t need to haggle over price, he’d be happy to pay them whatever they wanted. He just wanted a house that felt like a real home, and this one did.

The taps leaked. The old floorboards squeaked, as did the door. The windows were coated with dust and there were dead bugs on the windowsills. The old curtains were hanging off the tracks and the wallpaper was peeling in the bathroom and hall.

But he didn’t see any of that. He saw a project. A reason to get out of bed in the morning and something to take his mind off his troubles. He was tired of immaculate. Tired of perfection. Tired of paying someone to do work he was more than capable of doing himself.

“Are you sure you don’t need a little more time to think about it, Mr. Williams?” The pretty young brunette licked her glossy lips and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I wouldn’t want you to have buyer’s remorse.”

“No remorse,” he assured her with a smile. “I promised myself I’d trust my gut from now on and that’s what I’m trying to do. So, just show me where to sign and you can follow me into town so I can get that check for you.”

“Okay,” she said, beaming as she pulled a contract out of her briefcase. “So long as you’re sure.”

Gunnar scribbled his name on the contract before she shyly asked, “Um, could I ask you to do that one more time?”

His lips tipped up as he held on to the pen instead of giving it back to her. “An autograph?”

“Please. My boyfriend is a huge fan and he’ll never believe I actually met you unless I produce an autograph to prove it.”

“A selfie would prove it,” he said, eyeing her phone, which was resting on top of her briefcase.

“Oh my god! Seriously? You wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not.” That was another thing Gunnar loved about Vista Falls. Instead of pushy fans who took pictures without asking, these folks took nothing for granted and respected his privacy.

She passed him a sheet of paper on which he scribbled a little testimonial, should she choose to use it.

Shanda,

You’re the best Realtor I’ve ever had the pleasure of dealing with. Thank you for helping me find a home and welcoming me to Vista Falls. You’re the Best! Gunnar Williams

“That is so sweet,” she said, clutching the sheet of paper against her chest. “Thank you.”

It still blew Gunnar’s mind how a few words from him could have such an impact on a stranger, but he was grateful that was the case. It gave him the opportunity to hopefully touch them with his lyrics.

As she squeezed in beside him and took a picture, she whispered, “I hope you’ll be very happy here, Mr. Williams. I’m sure it’s not the kind of place or town you’re used to.”

“That’s how I know I’ll be happy here,” he said, looking at the old cottage as a blank slate. The very first place he’d ever owned that would have his personal stamp all over it instead of some over-priced interior designers’. “It has everything I need… and more importantly, everyone I need.”