Chapter 11
Puppy Love
Anamika murmured a quick good-bye to Ren and waved at Nilima before heading in my direction. When she was close enough to take my hand, she looked at it and then glanced up at me. Cocking her head, she considered my expression, and then unhurriedly, she touched the tips of her fingers to mine and slid her palm across my hand. Though I seethed inside, I showed nothing on the surface.
With my hand wrapped around hers, I drew her close and began dancing with her. The pounding beat reflected my mood. Ana had the ability to channel our connection when her body brushed mine as we moved together in the close crowd. If she had, she could have read my thoughts easily, but she restrained herself. It soothed the beast within a little, but it still wasn’t enough to calm my temper completely.
When the music changed to a slow dance, I stood there stiffly grinding my jaw. Ana turned to watch the other couples and then stepped closer to me. I could feel the heat radiating from her and it made my blood pound. She slid her arms around my neck and we automatically began swaying together.
I tugged her against me tightly, and when she gasped, I loosened my grip and spanned my hands lightly against her bare waist. The feel of her soft skin against my fingertips distracted me from my anger, but my blood still boiled all the same.
“What is wrong?” she murmured in my ear. When I didn’t answer, she pressed, “Was it seeing Kelsey?”
“No,” I mumbled. Her long hair tickled my wrists. I glanced up and saw Ren dancing with Randi, the blonde he’d brought aboard the ship to prove to Kelsey he was moving on. Across the beach I saw a small figure and knew it was Kells headed back to the ship.
She’d seen Ren with all the women. What he’d done had broken her heart. The next morning Kelsey was going to ask me out on a date. She was going to cut her hair and we’d have dinner together and she was going to look amazing, and…it didn’t matter. She’d still end up with Ren.
It was always Ren. My brother would get Kelsey. He probably would have gotten Yesubai too. Then there was Randi. She clutched Ren fiercely, her eyes lit with determination. Nilima might have even gone for Ren had he been interested. And now it was Ana. Ren dancing with her was the last straw.
Seeing her touch his arm like that was too much. Ana was not going to fall for him like everyone else. I wouldn’t allow it. Her hand belonged on my arm, not his. I was her tiger. Ren abandoned her to run off after Kelsey. He left her alone. I was the one who stayed. If anyone deserved Ana’s commitment and devotion, it was me. My neck tightened as I looked at Ren with extreme jealousy. Ren had his harem and I had nothing. I had no one. Not even my sorry excuse for a brother. He’d abandoned me as much as he’d left the goddess.
Ana took my hand and pulled. I turned away from Ren and followed her like a zombie. We walked a short distance from the party, far enough away to feel alone and yet still close enough to hear the music. A breeze came in from the ocean and blew her cover up away from her body. I growled softly and pulled the fabric around her again but it did nothing to hide her curves.
She brushed my hands away and surprised me by wrapping her arms around my neck again. As she slowly swayed, I moved with her, but it was a broken, shattered, grieving man she danced with. When she stopped and touched her palm against my neck, she spoke to me in her thoughts. What is it, Sohan?
I liked that she asked rather than took.
Mentally, I replied, It’s…it’s just Ren. He… Wait. How do you know that name? I asked. Only my mother called me Sohan.
Her eyes slid guiltily away from mine. I…I visited your family when you were younger.
“What?” I said out loud, taking a step back.
“Shh,” she hissed. Then, mentally, she added, Ren has powerful hearing. He might hear us, even from here.
When did you meet my family? I demanded. Where?
You were about the age of twelve.
I don’t remember that.
You wouldn’t. I wiped it from your memory.
We stopped dancing because I froze. I knew such a thing was possible. I’d done it myself. To Kelsey and to Ren. The idea that Ana had used the power of the amulet the same way with me didn’t sit well. You took my memories? I asked, a chill going through me.
Yes. I was afraid it would taint your future to let you retain them.
And was that the only time?
She didn’t answer immediately and those seconds seemed far too long to me.
Yes.
If she had been lying, I would have sensed it through our link. Even now electric charges shocked my nerves when she touched me. It was, at once, exciting and soothing, and intimate in a way. Seeing her hand resting on Ren’s arm had left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Had she felt the same spark when she touched him? Did the cosmic connection cross over? He hadn’t looked like it did, but all the girls probably felt a special tingle when touching my brother. Setting aside my jealousy as best I could, I took hold of her shoulders. Then return them now, Ana. Show me what you saw.
She let out a soft breath and nodded. My hands fell back naturally to the curve of her waist. Her skin was warm and soft. Almost without meaning to, I pulled her closer. She lifted her hands to my face and touched her fingertips to my temples. Ana’s green eyes pierced mine and I got lost in those liquid pools. For just a second, my mind fought back, but her mental touch was as light as her physical one and I found I couldn’t resist either.
I closed my eyes as she sifted through my memories, and then she found what she was looking for. Gently, she tugged and a veil slipped away, revealing something magical. It was her smile I remembered more than anything else. Her teeth sparkled in the sunlight like pearls. I’d never seen Ana smile like that. It was so free and full and lovely. My young self had thought she was the most beautiful woman in all of India.
The memories came back slowly, dropping like autumn leaves spinning in the air. Attentively, I watched each one unfold. I tightened my grip on her waist and heard a breathy gasp, but she remained still as she revealed parts of my life that she’d stolen from me.
Ana had appeared out of nowhere. Traveling on a path alone. She wore her bow and her green hunting dress and was warmly welcomed into our kingdom. Ana had spun an elaborate story about her journey, and though they were amazed that she had traveled alone and remained unaccosted, my parents had embraced her and welcomed her to their home, especially when she claimed she was a distant relative of my father’s—a great-niece of his estranged brother.
It didn’t matter really who she was. My parents were the type to welcome strangers as warmly as family, so Ana was given food at our table, servants to see to her needs, and was told she could stay as long as she liked. She willingly accepted their hospitality and in exchange gave them a small token, a precious gem she had brought with her. It was one I recognized. Kadam had brought it with him when we escaped from Lokesh years later. Even now, it probably rested in the family vault. He’d never used it. Not even in his attempts to rescue Ren.
Ana quickly became a favorite and was sought after by everyone, including my mother and Kadam. I watched my mother spar with Ana and was transfixed by the warrior woman with all the fascination of an adolescent boy. She’d said she was only staying over for a few days, but she’d lingered for a whole week. A long, unforgettable week, especially for a boy of twelve.
What had impressed me even more was that she largely ignored Ren. My brother had quickly grown in both charm and stature and had become the favorite in the Rajaram household. He was well read and told the most interesting stories. I felt dull and useless next to him. At that age, he was at least a foot taller and was already a skilled horseman. My father often sought him out for games and to read through long and tedious documents. He claimed Ren could make the most boring scrolls sound interesting.
But then, Ana came. She was amazing and beautiful and fascinating and, what was more, Ana sought me out instead of my brother. Though an honored place at the dinner table was offered to her between my father and Ren, she preferred to sit with me on the other end of the table. I taught her a secret code I’d developed by tapping on the table, and we passed jokes back and forth during dinner. After I had clattered my spoon noisily, earning my father’s disapproval, she lifted hers and did the same. We both began pounding out a short rhythm on our plates. My mother giggled from across the table as my father’s brows furrowed.
When I went out for training with Kadam, she asked if she could come watch and gave me pointers. It was embarrassing. Especially when Ren hit the target more often. I wanted to best him in something, especially when Ana was observing. After I missed the target over and over, she leaned close so only I could hear and promised to show me her most treasured weapon, a bow that never missed, and said she’d let me shoot it.
I woke early the next morning to meet her and she brought out the weapon. I marveled at its craftsmanship, and when I shot arrow after arrow, never missing the target, she stood behind me and taught me how to aim. My twelve-year-old self trembled when she touched me, and I realized I’d felt the connection to her even then. After just a few days, I was already half in love with her.
Then she took up my old bow, sighted the target, and shot. She struck the center with perfect precision, and by the time she was done, I knew I was lost to her charms. “You should never rely on anything or anyone except yourself,” she’d said as she gathered the arrows. “Weapons can fail.”
“Even magical ones?” I asked.
“Even magical ones,” she assured me. “People can deceive you or be made to betray you. Trust in your mind and in your arm. Above all, remember that struggle brings strength. And strength of heart, mind, and spirit defines a man.”
I imagined that she already thought of me as a man. Her words struck my young heart with such force I vowed to remember them forever. My chest swelled and a deep desire to become the kind of man she described filled me. After that, I spent every free moment in her company. I brought her flowers. I regaled her with stories of my meager achievements. To see her smile was all I longed for.
It was I who asked her to call me Sohan. It was something special. A secret we shared. I showed her all my favorite places—the bubbly fountain, the spot in the stable that was always cooler than any other corner, the alcove behind my father’s throne just big enough to hide in. I talked with her for hours about childish things as I brushed my horse and polished armor and was inordinately pleased when she wanted to help me with my chores.
We went on long walks together, played games, and rode horses. She was free and relaxed with me in a way she wasn’t now that I was an adult. She’d always been good with children. Stern but kind and affectionate.
Sometimes my mother or Kadam or even Ren came with us on our adventures, but I was always jealous when she turned her eyes to them. I wanted her all to myself. She was mine. I’d claimed her and they couldn’t have her.
When she announced that she was leaving one morning, I choked on my food. Bitter tears came to my eyes and I left the dinner table abruptly. I don’t know what I’d expected. She had said she’d only stay a short time. My stomach churned as if I’d eaten acid for dinner.
When she found me later, sulking in the stable, she asked why I was so upset.
“I don’t want you to go,” I said, my fists balled at my sides and a boyish glower on my face. Prickly barbs were jabbing my heart, and when she stooped down and touched a fingertip to my nose, I broke into tears.
“Sohan,” she said. “Does a warrior cry over a woman?”
I’d dashed the tears from my hot cheeks. “If he loves her, he does,” I insisted. “My mother said so.”
She rewarded me with one of her beautiful smiles. “I suppose that’s true,” she agreed. “So…you think you love me, then?” she asked.
“Yes,” I pledged, nodding vigorously.
Her eyes shimmered with tears of her own. I could almost see the secrets held within them, threatening to spill over.
Ana’s mouth quirked upward. “And what does a boy know of love?” she asked.
She stood up as if to leave, and boldly, I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist. “Don’t leave,” I begged. “You’ll teach me,” I offered. “Teach me to love you.”
She stiffened at first but then relaxed and tousled my hair before wrapping her arms loosely around me and stroking my back. I’d never loved anything before like I’d loved her in that moment. Not the warm kitten I slept with. Not stolen moments with my mother. Not the baked pastries I smuggled out of the kitchen. I didn’t understand what I was wanting from her. Not really. But I knew I would have done anything to keep her there.
“I’ll tell you a secret, Sohan,” she said, her voice tender and raw.
Sniffling, I lifted my tearstained face to look up at her. “What is it?” I asked.
“The only reason I came here was to see you.”
My mouth opened. “Why?” I’d asked.
“I came because, someday, when you are a man, strong and powerful, we’ll be together. You’ll fight at my side. You’ll be my champion. I thought coming here would help me understand you better.”
“I can do that now,” I swore. “Let me come with you!”
She patted my cheek. “You’re not ready yet. I promise you, though, we’ll see one another again someday. I am certain of it.”
My eyes cleared and I was filled with determination. In that moment, I felt like I’d grown to my full height and taken the first step over the threshold into manhood. I took her hand and pressed it to my forehead, bowing over it. “Then I will prepare myself,” I vowed, “to be ready when you need me.”
Anamika nodded, her glorious hair haloed by the setting sun. “Thank you,” she said. “You’ve given me much to think about.” Her voice had taken on a tinkling, bell-like sound that sent a shiver down my back. It was beautiful and airy, like the burbling of a brook.
She leaned closer and my breath caught in my lungs as she kissed my cheek. It was soft and my young heart pounded wildly. I felt drunk standing in the brightness of her presence, the sun behind her blinding me. Something happened then. A shuffling in my mind like the churning of clouds that slid across the sky, obscuring the light.
A breeze swept through my hair and I inhaled. The scent of roses and jasmine wafted around me, and yet I knew I wasn’t standing in my mother’s garden. Where had it come from? I spun slowly in a circle, wondering why I was standing where I was and why my face was wet. I struggled to remember, but it was like trying to block a charging elephant. It was an impossible task.
Something was wrong. Something was missing. I just couldn’t remember what it was. I asked my mother about it but she couldn’t help me. There was a sadness in my heart though I couldn’t understand why. The only thing that had stayed with me after she left was a yearning, a longing for something or someone. She’d erased her visit from all of our memories.
Slowly, I came back to myself after weaving the returned memories into my mind. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times. I frowned. Anamika wasn’t exactly like I remembered. Cupping her face with my hand, I said, “Change back. I want to see the real you.”
She lifted her chin and closed her eyes. Her mouth moved slightly as she murmured soft words to command the Divine Scarf. I felt the whisper of threads move around both of us. As I watched the scarf do its work, I noticed every tiny change—the shape and color of her eyes, the length of her toned arms, the texture of her hair where it brushed against my arm—and marveled as the goddess, the woman I’d known as a boy, was revealed inch by inch.
When the fabric settled, she opened her green eyes. “Ana,” I said in a worshipful whisper. Gently, I stroked my thumb across her cheekbone and felt the tingle of our connection shoot through me as she sucked in a breath. Though I was still me and she was the same woman she’d always been, I felt as if I was seeing her anew, through the eyes of the boy I used to be so long ago.
As an adoring, dreamy-eyed youth, I’d imagined embracing her, touching her hair, and taking her hand as we set off on adventures, but the reality of holding her in my arms was entirely different. I was keenly aware that I was now a man on equal footing, at least as equal footing as one could be with a goddess. I reached up to trace her hairline and captured some silky strands between my fingertips.
Slowly, I slid my fingers down, and then my eyes moved unbidden to her mouth as she licked her lips. My heart pounded when her hands skimmed down to my chest. I wanted to kiss her. Everything in my mind and heart screamed at me to seize her in my arms and capture her lips. To pull her close and make her a part of me. Ana was mine. Ren would never, ever take her away from me, the defiant, proud boy within shouted. A shiver went down my spine as I imagined getting lost in her embrace.
For a long moment, our eyes were locked. Our breaths were shallow and pulses quick. Every instinct I had said to move in. That she wanted this closeness as desperately as I did. That she might be the answer to everything. The reason for it all. The person I’d been waiting for.
Instead, I took a step back, trying to shake the memories of the earnest boy I once was and remember the Ana I’d come to know. She didn’t take kindly to amorous advances, and I’d promised that I’d never try to kiss her again. A kind of acid leached into my belly as I reined in the emotional tide that had shaken me. I needed time to sort out all my conflicting feelings and memories.
“Thank you,” I said and captured her hands, still pressed against my chest. Slowly, I lifted one to my lips and kissed her palm in a chaste, deferential manner. “I am glad to have my memories back.”
When I let go of her hand and moved away, she came after me, an expression of confusion on her face. “You are not angry with me?” she asked, placing a hand on my arm.
“Why would I be angry?” I asked, shifting to the side and heading across the beach away from the party so we could leave.
“I thought you would resent the fact that I took your memories,” she said, trailing behind me.
Turning back, I shrugged lightly. “You did what you had to do. What I don’t understand is why you went. You said you wanted to get to know me better. Did you find what you were looking for?”
“Yes,” she said and then shook her head. “No. Not exactly.”
“Well, what do you want to know?” Walking backward, I stretched out my arms. “I’m an open book, Ana. All you have to do is ask.”
I smiled at her then, widely, then turned and took off running, feeling gratified when I heard her soft footfalls in the sand behind me. It only took a moment for her to draw alongside and I said, “Wanna race?”
“Race?” she asked. “What is the purpose?”
“To enjoy the journey. Think of it as sparring. Testing your limitations. Unless you’re afraid your tiger will beat you.”
“No man can defeat me,” she announced pompously.
“We’ll see about that,” I said, and immediately doubled my speed.
For just a moment, I was winning. I raced down the beach, my feet barely touching the wet sand, then I heard a grunt, and in the corner of my eye, I saw long legs keeping stride with me and then overtaking my lead. Once she edged ahead, I slowed slightly and let her gain ground. Something in me came alive. Though I was wearing my human skin, the tiger wanted to play. I bounded after her, a growl in my throat.
I could have done the same thing to beat her that I’d done with Ren in another time and another place. Ana’s long hair streamed behind her, and it would have been easy to wrap my hand around it and tug her aside, but that idea quickly morphed into pulling her back against me and falling together to the sand in a tangle of limbs.
She glanced back and a delighted smile lit her face when she saw how far behind I trailed. My mind flashed again to racing Ren on a very different kind of beach and how I’d demanded a kiss from Kells as my prize. I hadn’t negotiated anything with Ana prior to racing her, but the idea of such a boon should I be the winner invigorated me.
Redoubling my efforts, I blazed a path behind her, and when it became clear that she would win, I cheated. One second, I was Sohan Kishan Rajaram, and the next I was Damon, the black tiger, the companion of a goddess. In my tiger form, I raced down the beach, stretching my legs out and eating up the short distance that separated us.
Finally, I overtook her and leapt in the space in front of her. She cried out, trying to stop herself before barreling into me, and ended up falling over me and tumbling in the sand. Worried, I went over to her and nudged her shaking back with my nose.
Ana, I said to her in my mind, are you all right?
Her quaking became worse, and then she quickly turned toward me and tossed a fistful of sand at me. After I shook it away, I realized she was laughing, not crying, and her laugh was amazing. It was the tinkling of bells, dulcet and all things happy and free.
Growling playfully, I crouched down, my tail twitching, and pounced on her, being careful not to land on her body. She squealed and threw up her arms but she was too late. With my legs trapping her, I leaned down and licked her cheek, leaving a shiny trail.
“Kishan!” she cried, rubbing her face with her closed fist. “That was disgusting!”
I moved as if to do it again, and she shrieked and shifted her head side to side, laughing and trying to thwart my efforts. When she tried to wriggle away, I crouched down, putting only as much weight on her as I thought she could handle. She beat halfheartedly against my shoulders and begged me to move, complaining that she couldn’t breathe. I repositioned myself just enough to make sure she was comfortable but still trapped.
When her struggling subsided, I huffed, shifted over, and fell onto my side. Sand clung to my fur and bunched between my claws, but I didn’t care. She lay back in the sand, stretched out her arms and legs, and let out a deep sigh. Though she’d changed her form, she still wore the green bikini. The cover-up was bunched up underneath her, and a happy smile of contentment remained on her face. It was strange seeing her now with my old memories mingling with the new ones. As a boy, I’d been infatuated with her.
If I’d met her before Yesubai, before Kelsey…but then, I did. It was so confusing. I still loved Kelsey. Didn’t I? I was loyal. I was never the type of man to seek out a variety of women. I wanted just one woman to love. One who was completely mine. A life mate who was as devoted to me as I was to her. I’d hoped that Kelsey would be that girl.
I peered at the goddess through a half-closed eye and quieted my thoughts, a much easier thing to do as a tiger than a man, and just enjoyed the moment. The sound of the waves lulled me, and the earthy smell of the nearby grass mixed with the scent of the woman at my side was heady. Ana turned toward me, cradling her head on a hand, and extended her other to me.
She buried her fingers in the ruff of my neck and stroked my fur. We stayed like that for a long time, just looking into each other’s eyes and feeling the strength of our connection. The moon rose over the waves and the sand glistened with the blush of moonlight. A slight breeze kissed my fur, bringing with it the scent of the trees, flowers, and the ocean. If paradise existed, then I was in it, I thought. There was only one thing missing.
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, Anamika was shaking me awake.
“Sohan,” she said. “Sohan,” she repeated a bit more loudly.
“What? What is it?” I mumbled thickly, getting a mouthful of sand. I blinked and stared down at the glittering grains covering my arm. I must have shifted back into human form while I slept. That had never happened to me before. The idea that it could occur without my knowledge left me feeling a bit cold and uncomfortable.
Sitting up, my legs stretched out opposite of hers, I saw Ana was wrapped in a blanket. She must have made one using the scarf while I dozed. The sun was just peeking over the horizon. We’d slept on the beach all night. My stomach rumbled.
“Is there something wrong?” I asked. “Does someone need you?”
She drew her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. “There is nothing pressing. I just wanted to stop you from snoring.” Ana was smiling again.
I bumped her shoulder with mine. “I don’t snore, Ana,” I said, smiling back.
“Oh, you do. You sound like a bear.”
“Well, then you sound like a dragon.”
“A dragon?”
“Yes, and they’re the worst of all.”
“I do not think so, Sohan. My tiger is the worst of all.”
“Your tiger?” I said, teasing her. “When exactly did I become yours?”
Her smile faltered and I regretted that the light jesting had taken such a turn. Trying to ignore the tension, I got to my feet and offered her a hand up. “Since I’m apparently your tiger,” I said, “I’d suggest you feed me before I decide to bite off one of your arms. I’m famished.” Squeezing her arm as if testing for tenderness, I added, “On second thought, I’d better eat your leg. Your leg would satisfy me at least until lunch.”
I kept her hand in mine after she was up and was gratified to see a blush brighten her cheeks. “Then perhaps I will have to put stewed tiger tail on the menu as revenge,” she said as I unashamedly eyed her long legs. “It’s only fair.”
Tucking her hand on my arm, I led her away from the ocean and up to the tree line. “Tiger tail would provide very little sustenance. You’d need a large hunk of meat.” I thumped my chest, puffing it out deliberately.
She poked me in the ribs and pursed her lips. “I am afraid your chest meat would be too muscular and stringy for my taste. Maybe if I roast it over a fire, it will pass as edible.”
We casually joked with one another as we made our way through the trees. Then, as she took hold of the Rope of Fire, I touched her hand to stop her. “Ana?” I said.
“Yes, Sohan?”
“Where do you want to go?”
She paused, considering, and then said, “I…I believe I am ready to see to the next task on Kadam’s list. That is, if you are,” she added, peering up at me through her long lashes.
“You are content, then, to allow Sunil and Nilima to be together?”
“I believe I am. Nilima is a good choice for Sunil.”
“I agree,” I said and waited for her to ask the next question, the one that screamed to be asked, but she didn’t.
Digging my foot into the sand, I wondered if I was as ready to move on as she was. Ana waited patiently and quietly for me to say something. She wasn’t bothered by silence, which was another thing I liked about her. Instead of feeling pressured, I felt the calm peace that came with knowing she completely supported me. Whatever I said next, she’d accept. We were quiet for another long moment.
“I think,” I finally said, “I think I am prepared to follow you to the next place.”
She put her hand on my arm and said, “There is still nothing final in what we do. If you wish to further explore your feelings, there is time.”
Cupping my hand over hers, I squeezed it lightly. “Thank you.”
Ana smiled warmly and snapped her fingers. The leather bag appeared.
“How did you do that?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I simply searched for its position in time and space and drew it to me. When something belongs to the goddess Durga, it seeks her out naturally.”
As she pulled the list from her bag and perused the next item, I considered her words and wondered if her tiger would also be naturally drawn to her. I wasn’t sure if I liked that idea or not. Though, as my eyes drifted slowly down her bare legs again, I had to admit that there were a lot worse punishments than being bound to a woman such as her.
Ana flicked the Rope of Fire. The flames ignited, cracking and sparking, and a portal opened up. She held out her hand and I took it. Then, together, we leapt through.