Chapter 26
Becoming Phet
The quaking stopped just after Ren and Kelsey escaped, but the stones still shifted, and a large one fell near the one we perched on. Our rock moved. I grabbed on to Ana as we tumbled down with the rock, determined to protect her from the fall and the spreading acid that I could see shining like a golden lake in the darkness. She cried out in surprise.
My shoulder hit the wall and I cracked my head. Clutching Ana to my chest, I turned in midair, much as Ren had done when he’d leapt the chasm with Kelsey. Injuries, no matter how severe, wouldn’t be likely to incapacitate either of us for long, but I didn’t want to take any chances.
Ana could break her neck or bash her head on a rock. There were too many variables that we just didn’t know regarding the limits of our power, and I refused to lose her again by being reckless. Kadam had warned me that I’d given up a piece of myself to bring back Ren and another to save Ana. Having recently gotten a taste of mortality, I wasn’t willing to embrace serious bodily injury again so soon. I waited for the impact of the floor on my back, but it never came.
I blinked in the darkness and realized the weight of Anamika’s body was still on top of me, but we were hovering in the air, inches away from the floor. Her long hair tumbled around us, cocooning us in a tent that smelled of jasmine and lotus blossoms. Ana’s legs were tangled with mine and my hands were locked around her, splayed against her back and waist, holding her close. Reaching down with my foot, I touched it to the ground below and said, “You can let us down now, Ana.”
She lowered us softly to the ground, and I was relieved to see we were far away from the acid effusion.
“Are you okay?” I asked, smoothing her hair back so I could see her face.
“Did you know your eyes glow in the dark?” she asked, angling her head to peer into my eyes.
I frowned, surprised at the question. “No. No one ever told me that.” Suddenly I became very aware of our position. Every single inch of her very lush body was pressed against me. We were thigh to thigh, stomach to stomach, and chest to chest. Her hands trembled where they rested against my chest. “I…I’m sorry,” I said as I awkwardly extracted myself from beneath her. “Here. Let me help you get up.”
“Why are you sorry?” she asked as she rose to her feet.
“I didn’t mean to… I know you don’t like…” I began lamely, then finished with, “I’ll be more careful in the future.”
“Careful?” Ana looked around at the chaos. “You did not cause the rock to fall. It was my doing.”
“Yes, but I grabbed you, pulled you off the rock, and possibly put you in more harm than if I’d left you alone.” I cupped the back of my neck and sighed as she looked at me quizzically. Attempting to explain more clearly, I said, “I feel a need to take care of you and protect you, Ana. I keep forgetting that you are powerful enough to keep yourself from harm.”
“Yes, that’s true,” she said. Together we exited the cave, and with a wave of her hand, rock filled in the entire structure. “But sometimes, even a goddess wants to be taken care of.”
I peered back at her, sensing there was more she wanted to say, but she fell quiet. As we backtracked through all the traps we’d set, the ground rose behind us, trailing our footsteps and hiding the Cave of Kanheri, burying each passage as if it had never existed. Even if someone tried to explore it in the future, they’d find no evidence that the goddess or her prophesy were ever there.
When we got to her bugs, she called to them. They encircled her, climbing over one another to get closer like very ugly iron filings clinging to a magnet. Their grasping legs and clicking mandibles didn’t appear to bother her at all. I grimaced when one made it to her shoulder and disappeared beneath her hair. She mumbled instructions and opened a hole in the cavern above us, exposing the night sky. As one, the creatures fluttered their wings and rose in a cloud, disappearing into the blackness overhead as they obeyed their goddess.
“Where did you send them?” I asked.
“To a place and time they will prosper.”
“And where’s that?” I asked, hoping I wouldn’t find them in my bed when we got home.
“I sent them to Egypt,” she said. “Their magic will be appreciated there.”
“I see,” I said, not really wanting to know how magical her newly fashioned bugs were. As we continued, I pondered how it was that Ana seemed to know things. She reminded me of Kadam in that way. Just because I, too, had access to the amulet didn’t mean I understood the workings of the universe. Perhaps I was just a dumb beast—a soldier unversed in the ways of scholars.
Ren had called me brave, and I was in some cases, but the idea of traveling among the stars, being undone by time, and seeing all things past, present, and future disturbed me. I’d thought that Ana was much the same as me, but perhaps being a goddess gave her more insight. Someday, when I actually was brave enough, I’d ask her about it.
“What’s next?” I questioned when we’d finished our work.
She perused the list. “It says clean up the compound after the battle with Lokesh and help the Baiga. As a side note, Kadam added a phrase. ‘Tell Kishan it’s the battle of the jawbreakers.’” Anamika frowned. “He wants us to break jaws?”
I laughed. “No. Jawbreakers are a type of hard candy. So, we’re the ones who made all that disappear. Kadam had said everything at the compound mysteriously vanished. He’d assumed it was Lokesh’s doing.” Sucking in a breath, I continued, “I suppose I can take the lead on this one. I’ll have to time it carefully not to run into myself.”
After taking us back, or, I guess forward, from the time of the cave, we paused on the outskirts of the trees in the deep forest of the Baiga and watched as a wrath-filled Lokesh sped away from the building. If Ana was shocked to see vehicles or lights or modern technology, she didn’t show it. She was remarkably resilient in that way.
We started outside. Any injured men who served Lokesh were sent to the outskirts of a large nearby city. Anamika didn’t want to help them too much. The Baiga she found were healed, and they trailed after us like faithful servants, remarking on the goddess who saved them and helping us pick through the debris to search for the fallen.
She ignored any attempts to engage her for the most part, and we quickly dismantled the equipment in the main room. The damaged wood from the guard towers turned to ash and blew away. The metal pieces from the building melted, and I watched as the ground opened up to swallow what was once a room full of computers, cables, video records, and cameras.
When we came upon the area filled with candy, Ana picked up a red jawbreaker and rolled it between her fingers with a raised eyebrow. I popped one in my mouth, bit down, and regretted it. “Ow!” I said with the candy balled up inside my cheek. “I get it now. It breaks your jaw along with your head.”
“How did Kelsey fashion this?” she asked.
“With the Golden Fruit.”
“Inventive.” Tentatively, Ana touched her tongue to the candy. “I like it,” she said. “Perhaps if you lick instead of biting down, you will appreciate the sweetness.”
“Yeah,” I said, watching her eyes close, her face enraptured, as she licked her candy. My throat suddenly felt tight and I nearly choked on my jawbreaker. While she wasn’t looking, I spat out the sweet onto the pile that rolled around our legs and used the power of the amulet to transform it all. It turned into a glittering powdery mass that Ana swept out the door with a flourish of her hand. The candy she’d been holding transformed as well, and she blew the chalky dust from her palm. I tried to ignore the becoming red stain on her lips as we moved ahead.
At the other end of the building, we came upon the prison where Lokesh had kept Ren. Ana paused briefly at the cage where Ren had suffered for months and ran her fingertips across the bars. She began the work of making all the innards of the room disappear, starting with his cage. I stood on the other side, utterly transfixed by the tools Lokesh had used to hurt Ren.
I’m not exactly sure what came over me. I’d been there before, knew what Ren had gone through. But back then, I’d been focused on Kelsey and on getting Ren out. Now, seeing the evidence of the brutality Lokesh had inflicted upon my brother, I could no longer shut my eyes to what was done to him. The evidence lay before me in streaks of dried blood on the table. My hands shook as I touched my fingertip to the handle of a spiked hammer. It shifted slightly and disturbed one of the four manacles on the table. The chain attached to it clinked softly.
Suddenly, it was like I was back in the circus, smelling his anxiety, his fear. My blood pounded and my breath hitched in my lungs. The entire scene was too much for me to handle. Why hadn’t I rescued him? Why wasn’t I going back in time now and stopping it? I wasn’t brave at all. I was a coward. Too weak and spineless to protect my loved ones from unnecessary pain.
I swept the tools aside and, with a mighty heave, tossed the table across the room. It splintered against the wall. After changing into tiger form, I tore cabinets and wood apart with my claws and broke a chair with my teeth.
Something touched my shoulder and I whirled, snarling, and roared loudly. The scent was fresh, like flowers, but I was enraged and wouldn’t be calmed. I swiped at the soft thing and heard a cry. With that out of my way, I turned back to my task, attacking again, and when I could no longer reach anything as a tiger, I switched back to a man.
When every hook, every saw, and every knife lay at my feet broken or was scattered far enough away that I could no longer see it, I collapsed on the floor, my chest heaving. Pain slid into my lungs, into my heart, like one of the broken knives had been thrust into my chest. It lay there, jagged-edged and sharp, cutting my breaths in half.
A sob escaped from my lips, and once the first one left my body, more followed. With my back against the wall, I drew up my legs, pressed my head in my hands, and cried with a deeper anguish than I’d ever felt before. The vast world, all of time and space, was open to me, and yet I felt trapped in a prison of my own making. I wanted to change what happened to Ren so badly and yet Kadam told me I couldn’t. I was only allowed to change the things I’d already done.
If I’d had the courage to save Ren, if I had actually accomplished it, then he never would have suffered at the hands of Lokesh. But he did suffer. And his miseries were now my fault two times over. Once, in the forest with Kelsey, I’d let him down, and he’d been captured by Lokesh. And now, here I was again, allowing his torture and anguish to continue. How could he ever forgive me for what I’d done? It seemed I was destined to fail everyone.
Something soft touched my arm and cool fingertips brushed the hair from my brow. Ana crouched in front of me. Her mind touched my burdened one, and she watched my thoughts, quietly, as if from a distance for a time. Instead of trying to rationalize or talk me out of what I was feeling, she just allowed me to be. She let the sorrow sit there between us and she shared its burden with me.
I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it, but I reached out for her, needing her physically close as much as she was mentally. Her mind shut away from me for a moment as she shifted, repositioning herself in my arms. I dropped my hands and mentally retreated, guessing that she was uncomfortable. But a moment later, her mind was open to me again. She’d wrapped her arms around me and was stroking my back in small circles while I clutched her to me.
“Shh, Sohan,” she said. “Come back to me, my tiger.” Her voice gentled and soothed my wavering thoughts.
Her lips touched my temple and my brow as she rained soft kisses along my forehead. As she did so, I felt a cooling balm run through my veins. It had an almost drugging effect. The edges of my vision went fuzzy and everything inside me went numb.
“What…what did you do?” I asked.
“I am making the pain fade,” she answered, her hands cupping my face. Ana bit her lip and sucked in a breath. Tentatively, slowly, she brought her face close to mine, and then her mouth, tremulous and full, touched mine. The kiss lasted only a moment, and I was either too shocked to respond or unable to, but I would never forget the feel of her mouth on mine.
Her lips were pillows, soft and sweet as rose petals. Ana’s supple, hesitant mouth was like a soothing balm, and though I sat immobile, a deep part of my soul wanted to drink her in and forget everything I was and everything I knew. The magical kiss siphoned off the last of my pain, leaving a blissful peace behind and a yearning for something I knew was impossible.
When she drew back, her head cocked at an angle as she looked at my mouth, as if wondering, like I was, exactly how and why it had happened. But truthfully, I didn’t want to know. For the moment, I just wanted to pretend there was a beautiful girl who cared about me, who wanted to be with me. As much as I tried to ignore the reasons, a thought popped into my mind, and I felt a sense of alarm go through me. It chased away the wonder of the moment I’d just experienced.
“I don’t want to forget,” I said, assuming she was dulling more than the pain. My voice was hoarse and thick. She didn’t answer immediately and I shifted. Her hands fell away from me but I caught one and held on to it.
Finally, she answered, “I did not truly take away your pain, Sohan. At least not entirely. I’m just…just sharing it with you.” Her words were faint and uncertain. “And I will never take your memories.” As she got up and dusted her hands, I wondered if she was talking about Ren’s torture or the kiss. It turned out, I remembered them both, and truthfully, I didn’t know which one affected me more deeply.
Once we’d demolished everything in the compound except for the main structure, we took the remaining Baiga with us as we sought out their tribe. We sped forward in time for a day to give the old versions of myself, Kadam, Ren, and Kelsey time to escape, and then we walked into the Baiga camp with our recovered tribesmen.
Children ran to fathers who they’d thought dead and wives greeted husbands and sons. They remarked how fortunate they’d been to meet gods twice in as many days. The gunia stared at me thoughtfully. I’d forgotten to change my appearance, but he just bowed low and remarked on how delighted he was to see I’d found a goddess of my own. I grunted in response, and after he agreed to the relocation of his tribe, we swept the entire group, huts and all, to a different time and place.
Ana assured me that they would be well hidden and they would now be able to live out their lives in the manner they wished without the interference of the men of Kelsey’s time. I glanced around the new jungle wondering exactly when we were but decided it didn’t really matter. After using her amulet to create a year-round stream, crops, plenty of animals in the forest to hunt, and a supply of food for them, she urged them to call out to her if they had need, and she would come if at all possible.
Satisfied, we walked into the shadows of the jungle and Ana perused the list. “Do you have enough energy to accomplish one more task before we rest?” she asked.
“Depends on how long it will take,” I answered.
“I believe this one will be brief,” she said cryptically.
She reached for my hand and we were whipped away from the new jungle home of the Baiga. The ground solidified beneath my feet and a familiar cottage came into focus. “Phet’s cottage?” I frowned. “What do we need to do here?”
“It says you are to assume the role of Phet so that you may guide Kadam.”
“Wait…what?” I asked, confused.
“That’s all it says,” she answered.
Just then, Kadam came from around the corner. My heart pounded as I assumed I might have just messed up the timeline, but Kadam greeted us warmly and said, “Good. I wanted to catch you before you go in.”
“What exactly do you want us to do?” I asked.
“May I see the list, my dear?” He held out his hand to Ana and she willingly handed it over. He perused the scratched-off sections. “Excellent. You’ve been making progress,” he said. The wind kicked up, and the long grasses near the hut whispered their secrets like the hissing waves of the ocean. I wished they’d all be quiet. I was tired of mysteries wrapped in riddles.
“This is the place I meet Phet for the first time,” he said.
“I don’t understand,” I replied. “I thought you were Phet.”
“Most of the time I am. But not the first time. The first time Phet appeared, it was you.” He took in my expression and gave me a small, understanding smile. “Please, come in, and I’ll explain.”
We went into the hut and I hit my head on the entry as usual. Why someone would make a door so small, I didn’t know. The inside appeared slightly different to me than it had been the last time I was there. I remembered a sink, cupboards, jars full of ground herbs and spices, even a tub. The table and chairs were still there as were a makeshift cot and a lantern.
Now that I considered it, I didn’t remember seeing Phet’s garden or the clothesline outside. Wood had been stacked outside and there was still a small place to build a fire, but it didn’t look like the hut had been used for a very, very long time. Moss had grown over the rocks and the roof was in serious disrepair.
“What’s happened to the place?” I asked.
“Nothing,” Kadam answered. “None of the improvements you remember have been made yet.”
With the light streaming in through the door, I could see the inches of dust and the plants creeping up between the cracks where the walls met the floor. I sucked in a breath and blew it out. “Animals have been living here,” I said.
Kadam smiled. “I would think so. This hut would make quite a cozy den.” His eyes trailed me as I walked around the small space looking at everything. “Nothing’s lived here in a while, I believe.”
“No,” I admitted. “None of the scents are fresh.”
He nodded as if satisfied with my assessment. “Shall we sit?” he offered, gesturing to the table. Touching the amulet at his throat, he froze time around us to make sure his other self wouldn’t happen upon us while we spoke.
We took positions, Ana next to me, and she used the Golden Fruit to provide a small tea for us. Kadam smiled with delight. “You remembered my favorites,” he said to Ana as he filled his mug.
I peered over at her to find a happy blush creeping across her cheeks. “I remember everything you taught me.”
“You were an excellent student,” he said. “Much more moldable than this one,” he added, nodding to me. “Perhaps by now you know how stubborn he can be.”
Ana laughed and I found I liked the sound so much I forgot to be irritated that the joke was on me. After we’d eaten, I said, “Tell me what I must do.”
Kadam pushed away his crumb-filled plate and steepled his fingers. “You must guide me in finding Kelsey and leading her here, where I, as Phet, will counsel both her and Ren to find the Cave of Kanheri.”
“So, I tell you where she is?”
“No. Not at all. Your main purpose here is to give me hope. To give Ren hope. After seeing Phet and discovering that there is a prophesy, I will visit Ren over the years, and though I cannot free him, I will tell him that there is a way to break the curse if we are patient enough to wait for it.”
“You mean wait for her.”
“Yes, exactly. I have already whispered the idea of a shaman in this jungle to a few of my old contacts, and they shared the information with my other self. I plotted courses and searched this jungle for many years before I discovered this hut. It lies far away from any road, even in Kelsey’s time.”
I blew out a breath. “Okay, so why me?”
“You know as well as I do the dangers of crossing paths with yourself. It will be safer for me not to encounter a future, or past, version of myself. Speaking of which, don’t forget to tell me that after the chosen girl is found, she and her tiger must come here alone. I must stay far away as I will be posing as Phet at that time.”
“Got it. So, when will you be here?”
“Within a few moments of my restarting time.” Kadam rose and placed a hand on my shoulder. “The two of you are doing well. I wish you luck in completing the rest of your list.” He leaned down to my ear. “And don’t forget to bring that scroll on your next few adventures.”
I grimaced at the word adventures but nodded. He restarted time, then disappeared with a pop and we were left alone.
“May I borrow the scarf?” I asked. “If Kadam is arriving soon, I’d better change.”
“Can I stay and watch?” Ana asked as she wound the scarf around my neck. I’d bent down and our faces were very close.
My eyes drifted to her lips, and when she inched closer, I backed away and cleared my throat. “I suppose you can. Just make yourself invisible.”
She phased out of time, her body shimmering and then disappearing while the threads of the scarf went to work, transforming me into the stooped man called Phet. When it was done, I plucked at my homespun robe. I ran a hand over my bald head and licked my lips, feeling the gaps in my mouth where teeth should have been.
I heard a giggle come from the corner of the room and turned, nearly stumbling on my scrawny legs. “You don’t look like yourself at all, Sohan,” she remarked.
Giving her a wide, gap-toothed smile, I asked, “Do you miss my hair more, or my teeth?”
A ghostly hand touched my arm. “Hmm. I’d have to say your muscles.” Ana shook my arm slightly. “You’re as scrawny as a chicken.”
I laughed and snuck a hand around her waist, surprised to find her waist higher than it normally was. Apparently, I’d shrunk in height as well as muscle. “I think I’m still strong enough to wrestle with a goddess.”
She shrieked and pulled away. I was about to seek her out by scent when I heard a voice. “Hello?” someone called from outside.
“Come in,” I hollered back in my normal voice. Then I remembered Phet didn’t talk like that. “Come! Come, young man,” I said in a singsong tone and pushed open the small door.
A younger Kadam poked his head in. “Thank you,” he said. “It’s been a long time since someone called me young.”
Peering at him in the way I guessed an all-too-fake wise man would, I said, “I perceive you are aged past your years and are, as yet, young in the ways of this world.”
“I suppose I am,” Kadam said. “I’ve been traveling a long way.”
“Travel far. Ah, yes. Phet see. You are”—I paused, trying to channel Phet—“you are most welcome. Drink for you?” I asked.
“Please and thank you,” he answered as he took a seat.
I turned to the non-kitchen and wrung my hands for a moment but then felt something pressed into them. Anamika had made a steaming mug of tea. I patted her invisible hand and headed to the table, plopping the mug down in front of Kadam.
“There,” I said as he sipped. “Drink all as good for you. Now tell Phet of your travels.”
“Yes, well, I am in the jungle searching for a shaman.”
“Shaman?” I cocked my head. “What is shaman?”
“A man who knows answers.”
I laughed. “All mans knows some answers. Are all mans shamans?”
“No.” Kadam smiled. “I’m seeking a man who knows a specific answer. You see, there is a tiger, a pair of them actually—”
“Ah!” I said. “You wish break the tiger’s curse. You pursue remedy.”
He set down his mug abruptly. “You know of it?” he asked, hope lighting his expression.
I felt a ghostly hand on my shoulder and warmth reverberated through my frame, filling me.
“Beautiful warrior goddess, Durga, is strong. She speak to my ear. Very soft are her words, but smart mans listen women. Particularly goddess.”
Ana’s invisible hair fell over my shoulder as she blew softly in my ear. I cleared my throat noisily, rubbing my extra-long lobe with my fingers, and continued. “She partial to tigers but only one special girl can help. Girl is favored of goddess. Girl love tiger. Alleviate his pains and sufferings.”
“How do I find this girl?” Kadam asked. He’d pulled out a pad of paper and was jotting down notes very quickly.
“Phet dream tigers. One pale like moon. One black as resembling night. Girl is devoted, exceptional. She will find her tiger. Free him. Then you know.” My voice had softened as I remembered Kelsey. “Girl is alone, no family. She cares for tiger. Her hair is brown like bark of tree, her eyes dark and soft. Bring such special girl to me. I will guide more.”
I realized then that Anamika had drifted away. Turning my head, I tried to catch her scent but she was hiding from me. I continued. “When she come, you stay back. Only girl and tiger can enter jungle.” Frowning, I ended with, “This is the one favored by Durga, who breaks tiger’s curse.”
At the mention of the goddess, I reached out mental fingers, trying to connect to her, but she had cut herself off from me. “Yes,” Kadam said. “I will bring her. Thank you. Thank you so much!” With that, he leapt from his chair, inclined his head respectfully, shouldered his pack, and left.
When he was gone, ghostly hands grabbed on to my thin robe and shoved me against the wall.