Chapter 33
Shrine of Water
Backing up quickly, she tossed me another sword.
I turned and snatched the weapon out of the air. “Where did you find these?” I asked, admiring the gunmetal-gray sword, polished and sharp.
Ana shrugged. “Borrowed them from a warlord.”
I gave an exasperated grunt. “Did you go off and do something without me again?”
With a wolfish grin, she said, “Beat me and I’ll tell you.”
She leapt forward; her sword came down with enough force to cleave my head from my body. I spun and my sword met hers in a shower of sparks. I threw her back, but she kicked out her toned legs and twirled with a catlike grace, then managed to slice open my arm. Blood trickled down my elbow. Looking down, I frowned as I watched the wound heal itself. “Why are you doing this, Ana?”
Pacing back and forth, waiting for me to attack, she replied, “Why do you ask so many questions?”
“Maybe it’s because you never tell me what’s going on with you.”
“How about I just show you instead?”
She whipped the sword back and forth, cutting and darting, in perfect symmetry. Her hair flung out in an arc behind her, and if I could have just sat back and watched her in action, that would have been my preference. Ana was better than Kadam. She was better than me.
As a young boy, I’d watched her spar with my mother, the woman Kadam had said was unbeatable. I didn’t appreciate Ana’s skill fully then, but I certainly did now. Ana was good enough to beat my mother. As she danced around me, her deadly weapon hummed. The metallic clang of swords was like a sweet song, but it was a dangerous one, a song as enticing as the woman herself.
Ana slammed my wrist against the ground, the hilt of my sword hitting it with such power a stone shattered. I leapt, spinning over her in the air, and kicked off the wall. Speeding toward her, I angled the sword, aiming it right at her belly, but she deftly twisted as I knew she would, and I sailed past, rolling into a ready position once more. On and on we fought. The wax effigy lost arms and then a head. I clucked my tongue and teased her about disrespecting the goddess.
“If anyone disrespects a goddess, it’s you,” she panted, wiping a trickle of blood from her mouth with the back of her hand.
How am I disrespecting her? She’s the one who wanted to fight. I took advantage of her distraction and brought the hilt of my sword down on the back of her wrist. She dropped the weapon and it slid away. I was about to grab her when she twisted away in a backflip, kicking my chin in the process. When she stood again, the sword was back in her hand. “That is so typical of you,” she said. “Biting the hand that feeds you.”
“You’re getting me confused with a dog,” I said. “I’m perfectly capable of feeding myself.”
“Ah, yes. I forget how you do not need me for anything.”
Ana pressed forward again with deliberation, haranguing me with unwavering focus. I blocked her with sword and arm and legs, not really trying to win but at least endeavoring to prevent her from thrusting her sword into my heart, which she seemed alarmingly committed to achieving.
I was hoping that whatever was driving her would wind down eventually, but her strength didn’t ebb; in fact, it only seemed to intensify. If I didn’t put a stop to the fight, one or both of us might be seriously injured. After she nicked both of my heels, sliced open my cheek, and stabbed my shoulder, I growled. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“If I wanted you dead, you already would be.”
“Haven’t I taught you by now that badgering a tiger is a foolish thing to do?”
Mockingly, she replied, “What are you going to do, ebony one? Try to pull your claws on me? Please. I know every trick you have.” She sniffed and swiped at her nose, leaving behind an appealing smear of dirt.
“Not every trick,” I muttered tightly.
“At least he would be a worthier opponent,” she continued, ignoring what I said. “But then I’d have to give you credit for trying. Which, I assure you, is something I am unused to doing.” Pacing back and forth with narrowed eyes, her sword at the ready, she spat, “Go ahead. Do it.” Waving her arms wildly, she urged, “Take tiger form and we’ll see how you fare against me then. Not that you will. No. You are far too timid for something like that. You have been chasing after mortals for too long.”
We circled each other. Something was very wrong, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what it was. “Lest you forget, you were also mortal once,” I said.
“So I was. But I was never weak.”
I raised an eyebrow and she snarled and struck viciously, probably assuming I was implying something about her childhood. Doesn’t she know I would never use her past against her like that? The very idea of it disgusted me.
Dodging and parrying, I defended myself against her onslaught, but it was all I could do to maintain my ground. She kept egging me on, encouraging me to fight back, but I didn’t want to hurt her, and we were both tiring, getting sloppy. She could heal with the kamandal but what if I accidentally dealt a killing blow? I’d never forgive myself.
Ana became frustrated with my hesitancy. Derisively, she pushed, “Have I mentioned lately that I think you’re getting old? The younger version of you was chiseled and broad-shouldered. I’m afraid you’ve allowed yourself to become soft. Your tiger form is rangy. You now have a distinctive double chin and your muscles are as yielding as plumped dough before baking. Also, I think your hair is thinning,” she goaded. “Perhaps it is the lack of red meat in your diet.”
I froze for a moment, stunned at her verbal ambush. Is she kidding me? Almost without thinking, I ran a hand over the top of my head and then growled when she snorted. Ana spun then, lifting her sword. She was trying to distract me by bruising my ego, and to my great consternation, it had worked.
Pressing the tip of her sword against my chest, she added, “You see? You’re no longer a match for me. I could have killed you several times already in just the last minute alone. And I didn’t even have to use my powers. That is how impotent you are.”
Holding up my hands, I narrowed my eyes and said, “You push too hard, Ana. I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours right now. I wish I did. But since you don’t seem to trust me, I think it’s best not to fight with you right now.”
“Of course you do not wish to fight,” she spat. “You want nothing to do with me. You’re a soft man who only wants to battle with fluffy words that mean nothing. You keep me close when it suits your purposes and then toss me aside when you want to be alone. I do not understand you. You sparred with Kelsey. Long enough that she became a decent fighter. Why will you not do the same for me? You owe me at least that much.”
Huffing out a frustrated breath, I said, “First of all, Kelsey wasn’t trying to kill me when we sparred. Secondly, you don’t need me to train you. You’re already better than I am. Is that what you want me to admit? That you’re more powerful? It’s a given. You’re a goddess.”
“Yes,” she yelled. “I am the almighty, untouchable goddess Durga. Too good for you to make any effort whatsoever. Where I am the ocean, other women are as trickling streams. But I ask you, where do men go to drink, the salty sea or to the fresh, nubile waters of oases that have more to offer?”
When I stared at her mutely, confounded by the turn in the conversation, she wrinkled her nose and sneered.
“I think we both know what you prefer,” she said. Looking me up and down, her green eyes glittering and raw, she finished with, “You are a coward, Kishan.”
Setting my jaw, I raised a finger, stabbing the air with it. “Don’t call me Kishan. You want to fight, Ana? Fine. Then toss aside your weapon. Let’s spar the way I did with Kells.”
“I do not wish to hear anything about what you did with Kells.” Ana hissed the last word but snapped her fingers and the swords vanished.
“Just remember,” I said, holding out my hands and circling her, “You wanted this.”
“Why take pains to give me what I want now? You never have before.”
I was about to call her impossible when she attacked. Before I knew what happened, I was flat on my back with her on top of me smacking my head down against the stone floor. Grabbing her shoulders, I spun, tossing her aside, but she quickly kicked up, and just as I stood, her foot met my gut. With a whoosh, the air left my body and I doubled over. Her knee slammed into my chin and she wrenched one of my arms behind my back.
Her hot breath tickled my ear as she said, “I told you you were getting soft.”
Something primal shifted in me and I snarled. I stamped hard on her foot and then barreled backward until she hit the stone wall. The unmistakable sound of pebbles dropping to the floor meant we’d broken more of the temple. The move knocked the breath out of her and she dropped my arm.
Spinning quickly, I wedged one of my legs between hers and swept her feet out from under her. She came down hard on the solid floor and I had a moment of weakness. Moving closer, I asked if she was hurt, but she opened her eyes, smiled, and kicked me in the kidneys for my effort.
All bets were off then. We dove and twisted. Caught each other in headlocks. Tossed each other across the room until we were battered, bruised, and surely had a broken bone or two or twenty, and neither of us was inclined to stop. The fight had turned desperate, almost cruel.
Both of us were trying to prove something to the other, but neither of us had any idea of how to achieve it. I had no awareness of how much time passed, but when I looked up, the breath heaving in my lungs, I saw that the light in the temple had traveled across the floor and up to the ceiling. We were both exhausted. I feigned to the left and caught her off guard. Pressing her against the wall, I pushed my heavy arm across her throat and said, “Still think I’m soft?”
She tilted her head, birdlike, uncaring that I could cut off her breath at any moment. “Not soft perhaps, but still a coward.”
Ana’s beautiful dress was ripped, flapping jaggedly in several places. A torn sleeve had slipped precariously off one honey-kissed shoulder. The hair that had once been so perfectly arranged hung down around her in an unruly jumble, offering me teasing glimpses of the generous curves that her gown now barely covered.
Even though she was trapped, she heaved her body and struggled against me, trying to kick me between the legs or stomp on my instep. “Now, now. None of that, my lady fair.” I moved closer. My body shoved tightly against hers so there was absolutely no way for her to move.
She gasped and my eyes were drawn to her lush mouth. I felt a tremble go through her and knew what it was. Fear. Not fear of defeat or fear of death, but fear of a man and the things a man could do to a vulnerable woman. It tore me up inside. “Do you concede?” I asked softly.
“Never,” she answered, lifting her chin defiantly. Her cheeks were rose-tinged from our fight. Her hair was damp with perspiration and her eyes were hard as gemstone. There was a streak of dirt on her cheek and across her forehead. It didn’t matter. She was beautiful. She was mesmerizing.
Despite the cold I felt at knowing what a man who’d hungered after Ana had done to her as a child, I couldn’t stop myself from wanting her. Closing my eyes, I tried to temper my desire. The tiger in me had caught his prey and he wasn’t about to let her escape. He wanted to dig in his claws and claim what was rightfully his. But I wasn’t a beast. At least, not always.
Not trusting my voice, I spoke to her mind instead, and said, I know why you quake, Ana. Trust me when I say it will be easier for you to leave than for me to walk away. Use your magic to escape, I entreated.
You think I wish to flee? she countered.
Confused, I slowly moved my arm away from her throat. If you could read my thoughts, you would.
“I am not afraid of your thoughts,” she said out loud.
“Then tell me what it is you want from me.” I replied, my voice low and menacing. As my eyes fixed on the pulse at her throat, I lowered my head, swallowed heavily, and said, “What do you want, Ana?”
Her dark brows lifted and she wet her lips. Then, her voice catching, our hot breaths mingling together, she said, “I want…I want…”
Before she could finish, I slammed my mouth against hers. I expected her to push me away or disappear, but the exact opposite happened. She whimpered and cupped the back of my head, pulling me closer. When her lips opened, it was my turn to groan. Threading my fingers through hers, I slapped her hands onto the stone. Her entire body was wriggling and straining as her lips danced with mine with as much roughness as she’d shown during the fight.
Though I was aware of nothing at first except her mouth and her body, soon I recognized the telltale tingle of power that signified our bond. It was muted and stifled at first, but the longer the kiss went on, the more it invigorated our connection. I was intoxicated by it. By her.
A part of my mind knew there would be a consequence. That this bond would become permanent between us if I allowed it to fully develop. I growled in the back of my throat, knowing she deserved to choose. It was all I could do to stem the tide and ask if it was what she wanted.
Ana? My body thrummed but I locked thoughts with her, sending her a vague image of what was happening.
Yes, was her only reply.
It was like pouring gas on a fire. There was no more doubt. No more hesitancy. No more asking. Only taking. And the pressing need to forge into unbreakable steel the sizzling chains that connected us. Soon my limbs crackled with a silvery energy. The humming of our bond brightened and intensified, matching the crash of passion as we tormented one another, stoking the fires of desire.
She escaped my grip and yanked on my hair while I wrapped an arm around her waist and picked her up, slipping my other hand into her wild tresses and angling her head so the kiss could deepen. When one of her legs slid up my thigh, I was seriously close to losing the feeble grasp on control I had.
The unending kiss was bruising and brutal, dangerous and fiery. Very different from the one in the forest, but no less powerful and no less life-changing. It was both punishing and promising. And it whispered of things neither of us was quite ready for. So I pushed her back against the wall to pin her body and calm her feverish response. It didn’t do much to cool my heated blood, but it did work on her.
Breaking the kiss, I touched my forehead to hers. Both of us were panting. And I feared that whatever I said next could ruin everything and take us right back to where we were when she’d thrown me the sword. Before I could speak, she warned, “If you try to apologize, I will banish you to the darkest abyss I can find.”
“Good to know,” I said, a sort of relief washing through me. Raising my head, I found she wouldn’t meet my eyes. I lifted the hair that fell across her damp cheek and pushed it over her shoulder, then gently ran a hand over her shoulder and down her arm, relishing in the familiar tingles.
“Our bond is back,” I said, lifting the corner of my mouth. A bond seemed like such a tiny word for something so intimate, so indefinably powerful.
“It would seem to be,” she said. Ana’s expression did not give me any indication that she was as affected by our kiss as I was. Her muscles were tense and her skin was hot. She was a coil ready to spring.
I leaned back but was unwilling to remove my hands from her skin. “Why won’t you open your mind to me?” I asked quietly, reveling in the thrum of our connection as it shot warm tingles into my palm where I touched her. My body was sore, my muscles tired, but my nerves were invigorated just by being close to her. “I need to understand what’s happening here. I want to know what you’re thinking,” I said. “Share your thoughts with me, Ana. Please.”
Pushing away from me, she turned and walked out of the temple. Every inch she put between us felt like a mile. I wanted her back in my arms with an intensity that shocked me. I’d never in my long life felt as possessive of a woman as I did with her. In that moment, I realized I never wanted to part with her. With Yesubai and Kelsey I’d felt attraction and tenderness. Both girls were sweet and loving. I returned their affections and thought I might have been happy with either one of them.
But with Ana there was an aching. It was raw and painful. She had the power to make me so angry that my vision went red and all I wanted to do was…was push her against a wall and kiss her until she stopped talking. When she was sad, I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her until all her sorrow leached into me instead, sharing her pain as she had done when I suffered. The very thought of making her happy was a wish that haunted me.
She was the woman in my dream. I knew the curve of her cheek, the feel of her hair, and the taste of her kiss. I had absolutely no doubt of it now. And I would do anything to make that sweet vision come true.
My emotions were out of control with Ana in a way they had never been with the other two girls. Loving them had felt easy. But with Ana, it was complicated. Difficult. Even as a young boy, I’d cried when she left me. It seemed she’d always been able to wrest emotional responses from me. As I watched her leave, I was acutely aware of the staccato tempo of my pulse.
She was all I could see. All I could think of. I didn’t know what to label my feelings. Love felt not quite right. Not quite enough. I needed Ana’s help to define us. What we were, what we could be, was too big, too significant a thing to attempt to identify it on my own.
When I joined her outside, I was astonished to see the thick snow and ice all around the temple had melted. It had happened before. I remembered it now, but at the time I’d thought it was due to the fire or the power of the goddess. Now I knew it had been caused by something else. Steam shot up from the ground and the land blossomed with new life. Like with the tree in Shangri-La, the change in the landscape was the direct result of our kiss.
As I was marveling at the effect of our passionate embrace, she said, “There is a darkness that eats away at me in my weaker moments. I will not have you see it, Sohan.”
Frowning and wishing she could trust me, I said, “There is nothing you can show me that I would find ugly, Ana.”
I stepped closer, wanting to be near her. She’d wrapped her arms around her middle as if protecting herself. The fire and the wrath and the passion were spent, and what was left was something woeful and desperate and fragile. Hesitantly, I cupped my hands around her arms, pulling her back into my chest and giving her plenty of room to escape should she choose to leave.
Ana leaned her head against me and I slowly ran my lips down the side of her creamy neck. My hands slid down her arms and encircled hers. A bright warmth, languid and peaceful, hummed along my skin. I tried to turn her toward me, wanting to show her a different side, not a man lost to appetite but one who could be considerate and doting. Her body stiffened and she raised her head. Immediately, I let go. I noticed the slump in her shoulders. Talk to me, I begged her. If she heard me, she didn’t respond.
The atmosphere of the area surrounding the temple became hushed, and I realized how cold it was in the air. It wouldn’t be long before the area was once again covered by snow and ice. My breath fogged and I saw the telltale cloud of her own puffing around her head as she exhaled. Still, she didn’t look at me. “Since I technically beat you, I think you should tell me where you got those swords.” I winced as I said it, knowing it was the wrong thing to say, but trying to lighten the mood.
“I lied,” she answered quietly. “Well, not really. They were given to me by a warlord when I defeated him in battle. They are part of my collection.”
“So, you zapped home while I was waiting for you?”
“I do not know zapped, but if you are asking if I left, the answer is no. I summoned them.”
“You can do that without disappearing?” I asked.
“I did the same thing when I produced a shard of the truth stone to put in the Grove of Dreams. My powers have grown,” she answered sadly, almost as if she despaired to think of it. “It’s like using my abilities without the gifts being nearby. Even when you separate yourself from me by centuries and a distance that would take months to cross on horseback, I can still access and use the Damon Amulet.”
Not knowing what to say about that, I asked a different question. “Why did you call me Kishan before? Of all the insulting things you said to me, I think that one was the worst. And while I’m on the subject, why were you shamelessly throwing yourself at the old me?”
She turned to look at me, a wry smile tickling the edges of her mouth, and sighed. “I only call you Kishan when you anger me. As for your other self, the old you sees only me. True, he is likely infatuated with the goddess, but he doesn’t know the vile things that lie in my past. He simply sees a woman he’s attracted to. You, on the other hand, know everything. It is…easier to say the things I wish to say to him.”
I twisted my mouth. “So…you’re saying you wanted to flirt with me?”
“What does flirt mean?”
“It means to seduce with words. To tease in a romantic way.”
“It is not a natural thing for me to speak with men in such a way. You are the exception. The old you, I mean.”
Grinning lopsidedly, I said, “I wouldn’t mind if you practiced your flirting on this version of me.” I held out my hand and she placed hers in it. Drawing her closer, I said, “I was jealous of him, you know.”
Cocking her head, she scoffed. “Jealous of yourself?”
“I didn’t like you showering him with attention.”
Cupping her chin, I was about to lower my head for a kiss when she touched her hands to my mouth to stop me. In that moment, she looked small, which was quite a feat for the statuesque goddess. “I am afraid, Sohan,” she murmured.
“Afraid of me?” I asked.
“Yes…no, not exactly. I know you do not mean to hurt me.”
“I won’t hurt you, Ana.” As I said it, I took in her swollen lips, bruised from my kisses, and the puffiness on one of her cheeks from our fight. Disgusted with myself, I moved away. “At least it wasn’t my intention.” Who am I kidding? I had already hurt her. Yesubai was dead because of me, and I’d abandoned Kelsey when she asked me to help her in Kishkindha. She could have died, many times over. “Maybe it’s for the best that we keep our relationship simple,” I said.
Her hand on my arm stopped me. “Our relationship will never be simple, Sohan. Nor do I want it to be. It is just that I…I need to come to terms with my past, and I do not wish to step wrongly where you are concerned. There is much to lose should we run headlong into battle.”
“And by battle I’m assuming you mean a romance?” I glanced at her over my shoulder.
She nodded.
“But it is something you want to pursue?”
“I do,” she answered quietly, stepping around me.
I took hold of a strand of her hair and twisted it between my fingers. “Okay,” I said. “Then what do you foresee that might cause us to lose this battle?”
“First, there is me. As you know I am more prone to cuff a man than kiss him. I was not always this way, but it is ingrained in me now. I fear it is a practice that will be difficult for me to overcome.”
I smiled and rubbed my jaw. “Yes, I’d say I’m intimately aware of that tendency. Fortunately, I heal quickly. I think we can work through that problem, providing you are at least somewhat interested in kissing.”
Her gaze lifted to my mouth. “Kissing you is something I’ve pondered often, Sohan. So often, in fact, it takes over my mind at the most inopportune moments.” My pulse leapt at her words. “Like flirting,” she went on, “it is a skill I want to hone. Perhaps, once I am well versed in it, kissing will no longer occupy my thoughts to such a degree.”
For a moment, I forgot to breathe. “Good,” I stammered and swallowed. My neck felt tight and the cold air around the temple suddenly became warm. “Is there anything else on your list of concerns?”
“There is also the fact that tigers do not mate for life,” she said plainly.
“But goddesses do?” I asked.
She nodded, biting her lip.
Much as my younger self did, I took her hand, lifting her fingers to my lips, and kissed them lightly. “Ana, as much as you like to remind me of my animal nature and as much as I relish that aspect of myself, I am also a man. I am not a slave to instinct. That I have resisted your charms as long as I have should be a sign of my fidelity. I was not unfaithful to Kelsey. Nor was I untrue to Yesubai. If we forge ahead in this new…alliance, I will remain steadfast. You would already know this about me if you shared my thoughts openly.”
Ana opened her mouth to explain herself again.
“Like I said,” I stopped her before she could say anything, “there is nothing you could possibly be hiding that would diminish my respect for you. If you’re worried about a physical relationship, then put your mind at ease.”
Reaching up to her face, I traced the shadow of her cheek with my thumb. “As much as I want you, and make no mistake, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything, we have a long, long life ahead of us, Ana. And I am a very patient man. I’ve waited centuries to find the woman of my dreams. I can wait a little longer.”
Anamika gave me a probing look, like she couldn’t believe what I was saying though the truth stone hanging around her neck glowed, validating the things I was promising her. Finally, she nodded. “Very well. We will…practice at romance. I’m certain I can build up a tolerance for it if we proceed very slowly. Agreed?”
“Agreed.” I smiled, thinking of how I’d like to begin courting, no, training Ana in romance. Now I just had to figure out a way to help her build up a tolerance. Ren would have laughed at a woman learning to tolerate me. I shook my head. Only Ana could be practical and alluring and frustrating and innocent all at the same time.
“Do you need to rest?” she asked.
I scrubbed at the bristle on my cheek. “It couldn’t hurt. I’d like to eat, at least.”
She waved her hand and we disappeared, rematerializing not at our mountain home but in the jungle next to a running stream. Kneeling next to the water, she scooped up several mouthfuls. I followed suit and found the water clean and delicious and freezing. If the tiger inside me hadn’t kept me warm, my fingers would have been numb from the water. “Where are we?” I asked.
“Near our home. I did not wish to go there yet. There are too many…”
“Too many people around,” I finished.
“Yes.”
I understood. What had transpired between us felt new and tender. Being around others would diminish it in some way. She used the power of the amulet to heat the area around us and channel the distant Golden Fruit to create a meal. It felt like I hadn’t eaten in ages. I couldn’t help but notice the addition of cotton candy and popcorn. I introduced her to pizza, cheeseburgers, churros, and root beer floats.
Ana liked the ice cream but not the root beer. After tasting them all, she created her preferred meal, roast venison with vegetables and hot, thick bread slathered with butter, preserves, and honey. Her choices filled the belly in a much more substantial way than the fluffy cotton and sugary treats from Kelsey’s time. We both ate and drank heartily and then our exhaustion pulled at us.
When the remainder of our dinner disappeared into the ether, she fussed around a bit, looking for a spot comfortable enough to sleep in, and created thick bedrolls. Camping with multiple soldiers and even me was something she was very used to, but I could tell she was nervous this time.
While she was at the stream, I fingered the leather collar Kelsey had given me so long ago. I smiled fondly at the memory. Slowly, I ran my thumb over the buckle and then undid the clasp. For a long minute, I sat there holding it and looking at it, thinking about what it represented. Just as Ana returned, I slipped it into our bag, finally closing a chapter of my old life.
Ana kept glancing at me as she shifted around, getting comfortable, probably wondering why I was smiling like a cat who’d gotten into the cream. I’d been serious when I said we could go slow, at a pace she controlled. I had absolutely no expectations of her. Being close to Ana was enough.
The air around us was warm, enough so that we didn’t need a fire or more than a thin blanket. I lay near her but not next to her with my arms beneath my head, but neither of us could settle into sleep. After too many minutes of strained tension between us, I took tiger form. Chuffing softly, the night air ruffling my fur, I ambled over to her.
After pressing my nose to her arm, I slumped down behind her back on my side and stretched out my legs in the opposite direction. A moment later, I felt her shift and she wrapped her arms around my body, stroking my side. Her scent surrounded me and after she whispered good night, I fell into a deep relaxing sleep, not even realizing that I’d begun purring.
The next morning, she was up before me and poked my tiger back with her boot. Languidly, I rose and stretched each one of my legs and yawned toothily. She looked fresh and clean, as if she’d just bathed and made new clothes. I headed over to her and rubbed my side against her long legs. She trailed a hand along my back, and I turned and headed back the other way, relishing the feel of her legs until she yanked on my tail. Ana laughed and I liked the sound enough to ignore the insult.
I switched to a man, wrapped my arms around her waist, and said, “You look well rested.”
“I am.” Squinting in the bright sun, she lifted her hand and stroked my cheek. “I think I preferred the scruff,” she said.
“Did you?” I said, grinning. “I thought you would rather my cheeks be jowly.
“No, not at all,” she said, her thin eyebrows raised. “I actually like my men to be pockmarked with dry, scaly skin and drooping, saggy chests, with skin as pale as sour milk. It’s very unfortunate for me that you appear to be robustly brawny, with bronze skin covering taut muscles.” She pinched my arm and sighed. “Couldn’t you at least have an overbite or perhaps a receding chin?”
“I’m afraid not,” I laughed. “I do have a few scars I could show you though.”
“That would make me feel better.”
“See? You didn’t even need a lesson in flirting. It came naturally to you.”
Ana blinked. “That was flirting?”
“Yes.”
She smiled. “You mean I can mock you and you enjoy it?”
“It depends on how you do it, but yes.”
Seemingly pleased that she’d passed her first lesson in romance, she asked if we could visit Kadam. Both of us were worried that we’d messed up the list by going out of order. “Did you bathe?” I asked as we prepared to leave. “The water is freezing.”
“Not exactly. It is something new I can do. I’ll have to show you later.”
I snapped my fingers. “I think I already know. You did something to us in the third temple, the one made of gold. It was like getting dry cleaned.”
“Dry cleaned.” She said each word slowly. “Yes, I supposed such a definition would work. Are you ready to go?”
“Yes. Take us back to our home in the future,” I said. “It must be during the time before we met him at the temple where we fought. Just after that, he’s—”
“He is dead,” Ana says softly. “He told me of it once when I was very young. I thought it was a story of another man, but it was about himself.”
I put my arm around her and she leaned into me. When we disappeared, she phased us out of time so that we couldn’t be seen. The scents and sounds of the house were familiar. Nilima was cooking something, and Ana and I snuck pastries, glistening pieces of tropical fruit, and I snatched a jar of peanut butter from the cupboard along with two spoons.
When my old self came in and kissed Nilima on the cheek, Ana took my arm and drew me away, whispering a warning not to come into contact with myself. I was already way ahead of her. We sat in the dining room, where we could see everything but weren’t likely to be bothered, and ate our stolen breakfast. Ana’s eyes widened when she tasted peanut butter for the first time. Kelsey came in and filled a plate, followed by Ren.
“Is he around this morning?” Ren asked. Everyone knew who he was talking about.
“He had another late night,” Nilima said. “He’s sleeping in.”
“It’s not like him to distance himself so much,” a worried Kelsey added.
My old self shrugged. “Maybe he’s just getting older.”
How callous I’d been. Kadam had literally made it possible for us to not only survive but to have an inheritance. It smacked of ingratitude. He would be dead and gone in a matter of weeks. He’d been through terrible things. Why hadn’t I ever taken the opportunity to tell him I appreciated him? That I loved him?
Immediately, I rose to do just that, taking our half-empty jar of peanut butter with us. Ana followed me as we ghosted through the house. When no one was looking, we opened Kadam’s door and quickly closed it behind us. His old clock ticked rhythmically and it made me think of how time was so very important. He wasn’t in his bed, and the stack of notes on his dresser was about the prophecy they were working on. But underneath it, I pulled out a last will and testament.
“What is it?” Ana asked.
“A paper that lists his final wishes upon the event of his death.”
“I see.”
Such a thing was not unheard of in armies such as Ana’s, but last letters were usually a farewell to loved ones more than distribution of property. There was a disturbance in the air behind us and Kadam materialized as Phet. He was phased out of time as we were and we both found it interesting that he could see us.
“Kishan, Anamika,” he said. “What brings you here?” He glanced nervously at the door and checked to make sure it was locked. Using the scarf, he changed back to his usual form.
“Teacher,” Ana said, “in my temper, I have done something wrong.”
Kadam raised an eyebrow. “I well remember your temper, my dear. Tell me what has happened.”
Ana launched into an explanation of summoning the Lords of the Flame and of creating Bodha before she created the world of the dragons. Her hands twisted and she hung her head. I knew she felt guilty and, more than anything else, wanted to please the man who’d taught her for so many years. I reached out and took hold of her hand. She stepped closer to me and continued.
Kadam noticed our clasped hands and glanced up at me briefly. A small smile played on his lips. When she was finished, he stood and cupped her shoulder. “Do not worry over this slight change. I knew it was one of the possibilities. As a result, you met Eventide, instead of Brightbill, but Eventide liked you, and he has smoothed over the rough patches in time. If you now proceed in the proper order with the rest of the list, you should be fine.”
“Thank you, teacher,” she said demurely.
There was a knock on the door. “Mr. Kadam? I’ve brought you some breakfast.”
“Thank you, Miss Kelsey,” he said through the door. “I think I’ll just have some tea. Will you join me in the library for tea in an hour?”
“Yes, of course,” she answered. I knew that tone. She was disappointed. Kelsey probably sensed something was wrong though she didn’t know what it was.
After she left, I said, “You should have spent more time with them. They’re heartbroken when you…” I couldn’t make myself say it.
“When I die?”
I nodded. “We were all heartbroken. You closed yourself off at the end. Nilima thought you were ill. You never gave us a chance to say good-bye. To figure out another way.”
“Ah, son,” he said, sitting down wearily. “There was no other way. I didn’t stay away because I wanted to. There was much to be done. There still is, in fact.”
“But could you not rest before you returned to your time?” Ana asked.
“Traveling in such a way is difficult for me. It’s different for you. The amulet is a part of you now, isn’t it?”
Ana nodded, wide-eyed.
“It’s a part of both of you. It will not damage you as it has done to me.”
“Damage?” I said, startled.
“Yes. Something happened to me when I was absorbed into my…my corpse. It was unnatural. Though you pulled me out, I was changed. I’ve felt the life draining from me ever since. Each leap I make in time leeches a little bit more. I fear that death would have found me soon regardless.”
He saw the bitterness in my face and said, “I know what you are thinking, Kishan. But you cannot blame yourself. Even if I had not had that very memorable experience, the amulet would have eventually caused my demise. It was never meant to be mine, you see? Lokesh went mad because of it. He carried too many pieces of it for too long. Now it is where it should be.”
Kneeling next to him, I peered into his normally clear eyes that were now dull and said, “Even so, wouldn’t it comfort you to be with your family at a time such as this?”
He clasped my arm in a familiar grip. “I am with my family,” he said. Moistening his dry lips, he added, “You have been the joy of my life. Both of you.” He cupped Ana’s face. “It is heartening to me to have had this extra time with you. I couldn’t have asked for a greater gift than to have been a part of your lives.”
A delicate tear rolled down Ana’s cheek. “Don’t cry for me, my dear. At least, not yet. There is still more to come and the two of you have many things to do.”
We stood and Ana waved her hand over his table. The scent of hot peppermint tea filled the room. “Thank you, dear one,” he said.
Before we left, I said, “I just want you to know—”
“There’s still time, son,” he said softly. “Hold your words close for now. I have much to say to you in the future as well.”
I looked into his rheumy eyes and nodded. “We’ll see you again.”
With that, we vanished and rematerialized in the golden temple in Mangalore.
We stared up at the statue of Durga seated on a golden throne. Ana assessed it from one side and the other. “Not a very flattering likeness,” she said.
“Nothing compares to the real thing,” I said with a smile.
“Is that flirting?” she asked.
“Maybe.”
“Hmm.” Turning back to the statue, she said, “I don’t like the hat. What warrior ever wears such a thing? Why do they always give me foolish caps instead of a helmet and armor?”
“I suppose they don’t remember you that way.” Outside we heard a car pull up. “I think it’s time,” I said.
Ana nodded and we quickly placed our hands on the wall, creating a handprint for Kelsey, then she disappeared while I phased out.
Noisily, the group entered the temple. Kelsey said, “Things could get a little bumpy, so be forewarned.”
They placed the offerings and each of them took a turn speaking. I took note of Kadam in particular as he asked, “Help me come to the aid of my princes and bring an end to their suffering.”
Poor, loyal Kadam. He’d gotten his wish, though it had cost him. I made a wish for him, in that moment. A wish that he’d be around till the end. It was foolish. I knew what had happened was already done and there was no changing it. But all the same, he was a father to me, a friend, as beloved as my brother and my parents. If I could do something for him half as meaningful as what he’d done for me, then it would be just a small step in repaying a great man.
Kelsey told Ren and my other self to transform, and they did, but the goddess didn’t show her power. When Ren held Kelsey’s hand, things began to happen. I wondered why Ana didn’t act before. Surely nothing held her back. Not with the might of the amulet at her disposal.
When the winds and water came, I rooted my legs to the floor, and when the flood poured over my head, I was wrapped in a protective bubble of air. A light wind circled around me and I breathed easily even as the others struggled. I felt bad, knowing they were scared and straining, but at the same time, I knew they’d be fine.
After the water was drained away and the floor was covered with mud and debris, my old self approached the statue, holding a glow stick up to cast light in the dark temple. Kelsey touched her hand to the wall and a soft rain fell over the whole place. The goddess was revealed in all her splendor and my heart melted at her appearance. She gave me a beautiful smile. The hat she wore slipped slightly, and only I caught the slight irritation in her expression as she pushed it off her head altogether.
Other than the arms, she looked more like herself than she ever had in one of the temples. The green dress was not unlike her hunting attire. It suited her. And her preference, other than her comfortable boots, was being barefoot anyway. Even on her throne back at home, she often drew up her legs, tucking her bare feet beneath her skirts as she entertained guests.
We were all wet from the rain shower, even me, and seeing her squeezing the water from her hair, her sodden dress clinging to her curves, made my breath feel tight in my chest. Ana gave me a tiny wink and I glanced down at my own sopping clothes and raised my eyebrows. She laughed, her voice lilting and happy.
Looking down at Kelsey, she said, “Ah, Kelsey. Your offerings are accepted.” Her eyes fell on each of them and then, more pointedly, on me. She clucked her tongue. “Oh, but you are all uncomfortable. Let me help.”
She did the dry-clean thing that I remembered. And as her rainbow wrapped around my body, cleaning, drying, and dressing me in the span of a few seconds, I felt the brush of the goddess’s fingers in my hair and trailing down my bare neck. She crooked her finger, and it was all I could do not to shove the others aside and go to her myself, especially when I saw how beautiful she looked in her sparkling dress. I wanted to stroke those alabaster arms and whisper scandalous things in her ear.
Ana had a brief reunion with Fanindra and then she found Nilima’s offering of silk. I remembered how she had met with Nilima before and promised her that not only would she help Kelsey find happiness but she would help Nilima too. I was glad that Nilima and Sunil had found each other. Perhaps destiny was met in more ways than one.
Ana asked to meet Kadam next. Speaking of sacrifice, she said the things to him that both of us longed to say. He was as important to her as he was to me. I listened carefully to her words again. They held more meaning for me now than they did when I’d heard them the first time.
“If only there were more men, more fathers such as you,” she said. “I sense your great pride and joy in them. This is the greatest blessing and fulfillment a father can have: to spend your years developing and nurturing your children and then to see the glorious results—strong, noble sons who remember your lessons and who will pass them on to their own. This is what all good fathers wish for. Your name will be remembered with much respect and love.”
I made a vow along with her in that moment that I would indeed remember him and all he’d done for us. How appropriate that Kelsey had wanted to name her first son Anik after him.
Next, she called, “My ebony one, come closer.”
My attention centered on my old self. I shifted closer, narrowing my eyes and giving her a silent warning. But other than offering her hand for a kiss and giving me a saucy look, Ana was a good girl. She gave them the kamandal and the trident, explaining how they would work, and even demonstrated the weapon.
After that she wanted to speak to Kelsey alone. When everyone else left, she asked, “Why are you still so sad, dear one? Did I not keep my promise to watch over your tiger?”
“You did. He’s back and safe, but he doesn’t remember me. He’s blocked me out, and he says we aren’t meant to be together.”
Ana considered what to say and glanced at me. Finally, she said, “What is meant to be is meant to be. All things in this universe are known, and yet mortals must still seek to discover their own purpose, their own destiny, and they must make choices that take them on a path of their own choosing. Yes. Your white tiger has made the decision to remove you from his memory.”
“But why?”
“Because he loves you.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Things often don’t when you have your nose pressed against them. Take a step back and try to see the whole picture.” Invisible to Kells, I walked up the dais and took hold of one of Ana’s hands. She squeezed it gently.
“Much sacrifice has been made on your behalf,” Ana continued. “Many maidens come to this shrine seeking my blessing. They wish for a virtuous husband, and they want to have a good life. Is that what you seek also, Kelsey? Do you wish for an honest, noble young man to be your life’s companion?” Ana’s eyes flitted to mine briefly. Was that what Ana was looking for too?
“I . . . I haven’t really been thinking of marriage, to be honest with you. But yes, I would like my life’s companion to be honest and noble and my friend.”
Ana twitched at that statement.
“I want to love him without regrets,” Kelsey finished.
Sighing softly, Ana counseled, “To have regret is to be disappointed with yourself and your choices. Those who are wise see their lives like stepping stones across a great river. Everyone misses a stone from time to time. No one can cross the river without getting wet. Success is measured by your arrival on the other side, not on how muddy your shoes are. Regrets are felt by those who do not understand life’s purpose. They become so disillusioned that they stand still in the river and do not take the next leap.”
Kelsey didn’t notice how Ana swallowed. I knew the advice she was giving Kelsey was something she’d been thinking of herself. You can leap too, I thought to her. I’ll be here to catch you.
“Do not fear,” Ana added, running a hand down Kelsey’s hair. I’d never seen her act so warm and tender with Kelsey before. Anamika was changing in a way I didn’t think she was capable of. “He will be your friend, your mate in every way. And you will love him more fiercely than you have loved before. You will love him as much as he loves you. You will be happy,” Ana said fiercely and gripped my hand with an equally passionate determination. Kelsey didn’t notice how white Ana’s fingers were where they clenched the arms of the throne.
“But which brother is it?” Kelsey asked.
Ana smiled secretively and said, “I will also consider your sister Nilima. A woman of such devotion needs love too, I should think. Take this.” She handed Kelsey a lei of lotus flowers. “It has no special power except that the blooms will not fade, but it will serve a purpose on your voyage.”
Frowning, I wondered how Ana knew about the flowers. I hadn’t told her anything about the lotus flowers or the mermaid but she seemed to already know. Could she see into the future? Had Kadam told her? Or maybe it was a simple gift. The flowers that had hung around the statue stayed with her. I peered at the garland and noticed for the first time how they’d brightened and become revitalized just by touching her skin. It wasn’t surprising. It was how I felt when I touched her too.
“I want you to learn the lesson of the lotus,” she said to Kelsey. Ana loved all flowers, and the lotus was no exception. That she knew how they grew didn’t surprise me.
“This flower springs forth from muddy waters,” she said. “It raises its delicate petals to the sun and perfumes the world while, at the same time, its roots cling to the elemental muck, the very essence of the mortal experience. Without that soil, the flower would wither and die. Dig down and grow strong roots, my daughter, for you will stretch forth, break out of the waters, and find peace on the calm surface at last. You will discover that if you hadn’t stretched, you would have drowned in the deep, never to blossom or share your gifts with others.”
Unseen to Kelsey, I bent down and touched my lips to Ana’s forehead. An arm wrapped around my waist and another one stroked my hair.
“It’s time to leave me, precious one,” she said to Kelsey. “Take Fanindra. When you get to the City of the Seven Pagodas, seek out the Shore Temple. A woman waits there for you. She will give you guidance on your voyage.”
“Thank you. For everything,” Kelsey said.
The gold flowed over Ana and covered her. When the others left, Ana appeared before me, still wearing the flowing green dress, her feet bare. In her hand, she held Nilima’s swatch of silk. I touched my fingertip to the tip of her chin and nudged her face up to look at me. “You did well,” I said. “But why didn’t you appear until Kelsey held Ren’s hand?”
She shrugged. “They seemed unhappy. I wanted to help them bridge the distance.”
“You’re a generous goddess,” I said, smiling, but then my expression became serious when I saw her concern.
“Sohan?” she said.
“Yes, my lady fair?”
“I don’t want to drown in the depths.”
“I wouldn’t think so.”
“Will you…” She sighed softly, the puff of air lifting a strand of her dark hair. I slid it away from her face with my thumb.
“Will I what, Ana?”
“Will you kiss me?”